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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    A Solemn Resignation

    | Missouri, USA | At The Checkout

    (An old male customer walks up to my register.)

    Me: “How are you today?”

    Customer: “I’m old and ugly!”

    Me: “Well, thats not a very nice thing to say about yourself.”

    Customer: “You, on the other hand, might get old, but never ugly.”

    Me: “Aww, thanks.”

    DNR, Aisle 3

    | Portland, OR, USA | At The Checkout

    (An elderly gentleman approaches my register, unloads a few groceries onto the belt, and waits while I begin ringing his items up.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you doing today?”

    Customer: *very angrily* “FINE!”

    Me: “Did you happen to find everything okay today?”

    Customer: “NO!”

    Me: “I am so sorry, sir. Is there anything that I can help you with today?”

    Customer: *very loudly exclaiming* “I’m alive, aren’t I?!”

    Related:
    With Each (Not) Passing Day

    So Much For Spit & Run

    , | Copenhagen, Denmark | At The Checkout, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (In our store, all cash registers have a button that’ll ring a bell in out lunchroom and back room if a cashier is in danger. I hear the bell ring, and run out to find my boss, who has also run out to check on the cashier.)

    Boss: “What happened?”

    Cashier: “A customer threatened to beat me over short change, even though I gave him the correct change. He just left a second ago!”

    (My boss and I walk out the store and quickly spot the customer in question. He’s not hard to miss, as he’s now cursing at his wife.)

    Me: “Did you threaten my coworker?”

    Customer: “Yeah. So?!”

    Boss: “I’m gonna have to ask you to come back in with us so we can sort this out.”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    (The customer runs across the road, so my boss and I run after him as quickly as possibly. We finally catch up with him on the park lawn on the other side of the road.)

    Boss: “[My name], grab his bags.”

    (Before I can react, my boss has tackled him from behind using an American football tackle and hammerlocked him before picking him up from the ground.)

    Customer: “When we get to the back room, I’m gonna punch your lights out!”

    Boss: “You’re welcome to try.”

    Customer: *shuts up*

    (We call the cops, and after a few minutes they get here. We explain everything as his wife pleads with the cops.)

    Cop: “We’re gonna let you off with a 300 kroner ticket if you apologize to every—”

    Customer: *spits on cop* “Screw you!”

    Cop: “…and now, you’re going to jail!”

    Satisfaction Is Surely Assured

    | Lancaster, PA, USA | At The Checkout

    (At the supermarket where I work, we have a store rewards card we can scan if the customer forgets theirs or doesn’t have one.)

    Me: “Do you have your bonus card?”

    Customer: “No. Could I use the store card, please?”

    Me: “Surely.”

    Customer: “Don’t call me Shirley!” *laughs* “I’ve waited for years to make that joke!”

    Me: “I’m glad I could help you live out that fantasy!”

    Always Right, Everywhere

    | London, UK | At The Checkout

    (I am ringing up a customer’s order at a very busy store.)

    Customer: “Those jeans are coming up as £79.99 when they should be £39.99.”

    Me: “Okay, in that case, I will just change them for you. It’s the first day of our sale and it sometimes takes our computers a while to adjust all the prices.”

    Customer: “You should apologize to me. In my country, we would apologize for a mistake like that.”

    Me: “Well, as I said, it is not really an error on my part, just a computer issue. But as you can see, I have changed the price for you.”

    Customer: “I know it’s not your fault but you should say sorry to me. Where I come from, we would apologize for that sort of thing!” *grumbling under breath* “Stupid b****.”

    Me: “What was that? I don’t quite think I caught that last part.”

    Customer: “Oh, nothing! Just talking to myself! And I still think you should apologize. This is ridiculous!” *swears more under her breath*

    Me: “Here’s your order! I am glad we avoided an international incident today. Have a fantastic day!”

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