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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Carpal Cola, Please

    , | Parkersburg, WV, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the register at a college cafeteria when a girl about my age walks up. She has a cast wrapped around her hand and wrist.)

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I broke my hand. Can I get a free bottle of pop?”

    Me: “Um, I can ask my manager.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (I go to the back office and tell my manager what just happened. He’s a really nice guy, but in this situation he just looks at me in disbelief and says no. I go back out to the register.)

    Me: “Sorry, my manager says no.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *laughs* “It was worth a try!”

    You Got The Wrong(est) Audition

    , | California, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I’m working a register as a odd looking man approaches me.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, sexy, I have a complaint.”

    (I just ignore the “sexy” part and move on.)

    Me: “What’s the problem, sir?”

    Customer: “That’s not your line! Do you want me in this f***ing porno or what?!”

    Me: “Excuse me?!”

    Customer: “You aren’t the girl, are you?”

    Me: “Um…I’m afraid not.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, then! Have a good day, miss! God bless you!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 5
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 4
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 3
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number, Part 2
    You Got The Wrong(est) Number

    The Devil’s Logic

    | Pune, India | At The Checkout

    (I am a customer checking out at a famous Indian supermarket. To make things faster, I am putting the stuff from my cart onto the conveyor belt. Among my purchases is a pack of condoms.)

    Customer behind me: “I can’t believe you are buying condoms! Don’t you know that sex is evil? Only the devil does it!”

    (I am kind of taken aback, but I reply with an evil twinkle in my eye.)

    Me: “Well, if sex is only for the devil and I don’t use condoms, then you’ll be seeing the devil’s kid next year!”

    Customer behind me: *crosses himself and stares at me until I leave the store*

    Less Is More Dumb

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | At The Checkout, Technology

    (A manufacturer is running a promotion for the first batch of their smartphones, so some come with an 8GB SD card instead of a 2GB one. The box still says “Comes with 2GB SD Card”, but actually contains an 8GB SD card.)

    Me: “So, here is your new phone, and here is the box. Inside you’ll find the USB Cable, wall adaptor, and an SD Card.”

    Customer: *inspecting box contents* “Um, there is a mistake. I got an 8GB SD card when it should have been a 2GB card.”

    Me: “Oh! Well that’s excellent! That saves you some money!”

    Customer: “No, it doesn’t! I’m being ripped off! [Company] thinks that we customers are so stupid and we don’t check to make sure we are getting everything that’s supposed to be included. Well, I’m not stupid. I always check the box to make sure they aren’t trying to trick me!”

    Me: “Would you like me to give you a 2GB SD card instead of the 8GB card?”

    Customer: “Obviously! Fool me once!”

    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished, Part 2

    | Utah, USA | At The Checkout

    Boss: “Hey, I need to talk to you for a second.”

    Me: “Is there a problem?”

    Boss: “I received a complaint about you from a customer. By our rules we have to pull you aside and tell you.”

    Me: “Okay, what’s the complaint?”

    Boss: “Um, you were too nice.”

    Me: “Come again?”

    Boss: “Apparently, you were trying too hard to be nice and doing your job bagging for her. She got offended by it, so….be more careful, I guess.”

    Me: “Wait, I’m in trouble because I was being too nice?”

    Boss: “Yeah.”

    Me: “This is a new one.”

    Related:
    No Good Deed Goes Unpunished


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