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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Do As I Say, Not As I Don’t Say

    | Edmonton, AB, Canada | At The Checkout

    (I’m cashing when an elderly customer comes to the till.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you?”

    Customer: *mumbles*

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card today?”

    Customer: *waves his hand indicating no*

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for?”

    Customer: “Look, just stop asking questions. That’s what they do at [competitor], not here!”

    (I’m a bit shocked, but I put his groceries through the till in silence.)

    Me: “That’ll be [price].”

    Customer: *says nothing while he uses his debit card*

    Me: “Have a good night.”

    Customer: “It would be better if you weren’t so rude. You need to try and interact more with customers!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Related:
    Do As I Say, Not As I Say

    Minimum Wage Vs. Maximum Rage

    | USA | At The Checkout

    (This takes place at a national retailer who takes pride in its lifetime warranty on hand tools.  One customer came in trying to take up the store on that offer.)

    Customer: “I’d like to exchange these tools.”

    Employee: “Unfortunately, these are planing tools and we no longer carry these in this store.”

    Customer: “These are hand tools, and you have a lifetime guarantee on these. They’re broken, so I want new ones.”

    Employee: “I understand, and you’re absolutely correct, but we can’t give you replacement tools because we don’t carry them here. However, we can give you an address, and if you send the tools there, they will ship you back some replacements.”

    Customer: “Well, I need these tools now! You have a warranty, and I want to fulfill that agreement!”

    Employee: “I’m sorry. I’d like to help you, but it’s just not possible for us to replace your tools at this location.”

    Customer: “I bet you’re sorry. Yeah, I bet you just work here, don’t you? You just work here, so it’s not your fault, is it?!”

    Employee: “Yes, I do work here. Again, I’m sorry we can’t replace your tools, but we don’t have them in stock.”

    Customer: “Yeah, you just ‘work here’. You probably just work here for minimum wage. You’re probably just coming in, getting your $7 an hour and checking out. I’m not going to be coming back again. You can just work for your $7 an hour and not care about your customers!” *begins storming out*

    Employee: “Actually, it’s $6.50, sir!”

    As Stupid As She Is Contagious

    | Columbus, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (It’s late one evening when a customer walks into the store, obviously not feeling well. Our store emails coupons to loyal customers.)

    Customer: “I have coupons but I forgot to print them out. I’m not asking for the discount today, but if I bring them in tomorrow could I still get the discount?”

    Manager: “To get the discount on today’s items, you will have to have the coupons with you when you checkout.”

    Customer: “You’re kidding me! So you want me to come all the way back here tonight when I’m this sick?”

    (She storms to the back of the store, grabs a small bag of dog food, and tosses it roughly onto the counter.)

    Customer: “Who’s your district manager? This is such crappy service! I shouldn’t even be out doing this today! I was just diagnosed with whooping cough!” *leaves*

    (Both my manager and I look at each other, surprised. He takes down her information and gives her the number for the district manager.)

    Me: “Why’d you take her information down?”

    Manager: “So I know who to send my medical bill to if I get sick.”

    Un-bare-ably Competitive

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Rude & Risque

    (It’s the end of the day at the grocery deli. Most of the other customers have left. I am just about to start closing up when a last customer walks up. He is wearing oversized glasses and mismatched clothing, as if he hasn’t done his laundry in a while.)

    Customer: “Hey, you closing up?”

    Me: “I’ve got enough time for ya! What do you need?”

    (He orders and I begin preparing it.)

    Customer: “So, how is that job?”

    Me: “Nothing really to complain about, other than the occasional weird customer—”

    Customer: “You know, I’m pretty weird! You want to see how weird I am?”

    Me: “No, sir, that’s all right, I was just—”

    (The customer proceeds to pull down his pants right in the middle of the store and does a little victory pose. I’m so dumbfounded I almost cut myself on the slicer.)

    Customer: *pulling his pants up* “I bet you haven’t met anyone weirder than that yet, have ya?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I most definitely have not.”

    Revenge Is A Treat Best Served Sweet

    | London, UK | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    (I work in an awkwardly-sized shop where the chocolate counter is at one end of the shop, with the till at the other. This tends to result in customers waiting needlessly at the chocolate counter. This occurs during on a particularly busy time.)

    Me: “Sorry about the wait, sir. Would you just like to follow me to the till and I’ll just put your transaction though?”

    Customer: “I’ve been waiting bloody ages! This happens every year! You shop assistants are useless!”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. It’s just the shop is awkwardly shaped, so it’s difficult to keep track of people waiting—”

    Customer: *hands over his card* “I’m a business man, and it’s not the shop. It’s you! You’re just useless!”

    Me: “Once again, I apologise for the wait. It’s difficult to keep tabs on everyone—”

    Customer: “If you would do your job properly, it wouldn’t happen! Every bloody year, it’s the same!”

    Me: “Sir—”

    Customer: “If you make one more excuse, I’ll leave without buying anything!”

    (Note: I’ve already put his purchase though and I’m just trying to hand him his card and receipts.)

    Me: “Okay, I—”

    Customer: “That’s it! I’ve had enough! I’m leaving!”

    (The customer angrily storms out of shop. Five minutes later, he returns, albeit much calmer.)

    Customer: *sheepish* “I…er…left my card.”

    Me: “Don’t forget your chocolates, sir! Have a lovely day!”

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