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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    They Got Owned

    | Greenwich, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Top

    (I work in a very affluent part of town at a very well-known clothing store. The owners are known around town and come into the store very often. We get a lot of wealthy and prominent customers who are used to getting what they want, no matter what. Because of this, we try do everything we can to satisfy them the best we can.)

    Me: “Hello there, can I help you with anything today?”

    Customer: “Yes, I am looking for [item], and I need it in this size.”

    Me: “Okay! Let me go check for you. I’ll be back in a moment.”

    (Meanwhile, one of the owners walks in and starts talking to my manager.)

    Me: “I’m sorry ma’am, we don’t happen to have that item in stock. I can check another store for you if you like, and we can ship it to you free of charge.”

    Customer: *screaming* “THAT IS UNACCEPTABLE! I WANT THIS ITEM NOW! I KNOW YOU HAVE IT SOMEWHERE!”

    Me: “I am very sorry, ma’am, but we do not have that item. We don’t have it in any sizes. We unfortunately sold out. But I can call a few of our other stores and get it shipped to you.”

    Customer: “NOT ACCEPTABLE! I WANT THIS NOW!”

    (She sees another customer who is wearing what she wants. This ‘customer’ just happens to be the owner.)

    Customer: “This is the item I want. GIVE IT TO ME!”

    Other Customer/Owner: *winks at me*

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but you cannot ask this customer to give you his shorts. I can check another store for you though.”

    Customer: “No! I want his shorts!” *turns to the owner* “Give me your shorts! I know the owner personally. He says I can do whatever I want!”

    Other Customer/Owner: “Oh, I had know idea that you knew the owner. What’s his name?”

    Customer: “Um, his name is Paul! Now give me the shorts!”

    (Meanwhile, a few other customers and the manager walk over to see the fuss.)

    Other Customer/Owner: “Huh, that’s weird. My name isn’t Paul. Welcome to my store. Now, get out before I press charges.”

    Customer: *freezes and runs out of the store*

    (I unfortunately didn’t get a raise. I’m only a seasonal employee, but I did end up being able to get a huge discount on clothes for the rest of my life and I even got to pick out a few outfits free of charge!)

    Getting Owned By The Owner

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

    (I work in a privately owned bookshop, and the shop owner/manager has very little patience for rude customers. He’s generally not unkind about it unless you upset other customers, though. He actually owns the property where the shop is located, and rents neighboring spaces to other businesses.)

    Customer #1: *to another customer* “You have a very nice a**!” *tries to grab her*

    Customer #2: *alarmed and backing away* “Don’t touch me!”

    Customer #1: “God, you feminist c***s need to learn to take a d*** complement! Besides you can’t f***ing tell me what to do, I’ll touch you if I godd*** want!” *tries to touch her again*

    Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

    Customer #1: “What’re you going to do about it? You’re only a woman, you have no right to tell me what to do. I have more rights than you! I’m better than you!” *tries to hand me a slip of paper* “Get me that book, slave!”

    Me: *refusing to take it* “You need to leave, sir.”

    Customer #1: “Get me your manager, stupid w****!”

    Manager: *approaching from behind, and speaking firmly to Customer #1* “Get out.” *to Customer #2* “I’m so sorry. Please let me know if there’s anything I can help you with.”

    (Customer #2 starts to tell him what she’s looking for, handing him a reading list, but Customer #1 isn’t done yet.)

    Customer #1: “Hey, who do you think you are, buddy? Do you even know which book this is?” *waving the paper at him*

    Manager: “I’m fairly certain everyone over the age of 12 knows what book that is.” *frowning* “I thought I told you to get out.”

    Customer #1: “Only the property owner can tell me to leave!”

    Manager: “Well even if that were true, I do own this property. So, you have two options. You can say good bye and leave, or you can just leave, which I would prefer.”

    (Customer #1 leaves, embarrassed. However, he remains in the parking lot, so afterwards my boss walks Customer #2 to her car. I ended up having to call the police to get rid of Customer #1.)

    Conan The Contrarian

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Geeks Rule

    Customer: “Today is my anniversary! Love is the best thing in life.”

    Me: “Actually…” *in Conan voice* “To crush your enemies, to see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentations of their women…” *back in regular voice* “…is the best thing in life.”

    Customer: “Ha! You made my day!”

    (She paid for a $6 meal with a $20 bill and told me to keep the change!)

    The Earnestly Being Important

    | MD, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m a manager of a fast casual sandwich shop that is known for having very busy lunches. On this day, it’s the middle of our lunch rush and the line wraps out the door. We pride ourselves on fast service, and even have an employee out reassuring waiting customers. However, a middle-aged man rushes in, bypasses the line and goes straight to where you order your sandwich.)

    Customer: “I’ll have a big turkey sandwich on regular bread, with no cheese.”

    Employee: “Sir, I understand you’re in a hurry, but so is everyone else here. I assure you the line won’t take long and we can even give you the information to call in your order for next time!”

    Customer: “Do you know who I am? I’m too important for this, just make my sandwich.”

    (The customer then goes down to where they get the toppings put on the sandwich, before the sandwich is even out of the oven.)

    Customer: “I’ll have lettuce, mayo and tomato. Cut that into quarters, too.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry, sir, what sandwich did you have today?”

    Customer: “I said I’ll have lettuce, mayo and tomato!”

    Employee: “Oh no, that part is fine, I just want to make sure I know what sandwich is yours.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me?! I just ordered, it’s the next one coming out. Does anyone here even know who I am? I don’t have time for this.”

    (At this point the customer comes down to the cash registers, butts in front of someone who is in the middle of giving their order and continues his little tirade.)

    Customer: “I had a turkey sandwich, a bag of chips and a regular soda.”

    Employee: “Sure, no problem. If you don’t mind though, I’d like to finish ringing up this gentleman in front of you.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? I’m in a hurry here. I can guarantee you that what I do here if far more important than what anyone else does in this line.”

    (At this point my cashier flashes a big smile, and begins to blush.)

    Employee: “Aw, thank you! That just made my day!”

    Customer: “Huh? What are you talking about?”

    Employee: “Well, sir, you just said you were a very important person and that how you spend your time is also more important than everyone else. Despite all this, you still feel it is just as important to spend your time visiting us today to eat our food. If you’re as important as you say, that must make us pretty darn important too!”

    (Several regular customers in line who overheard my employee agree and start clapping for her. Eventually, the whole store gets in on it. Seeing those individuals react the way they did that day made me proud to call them my employees.)

    No ID, No Idea, Part 9

    | Pennsylvania, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working the cash register. I’m supposed to card anyone who looks under 30 when they are buying cigarettes.)

    Me: “Hello, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, good. Can I have a box of [cigarette brand].”

    Me: “Sure! May I see your ID?” *the customer looks around 25 years old*

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “I need to see your ID. The law is becoming very strict about carding people and you look under 30.”

    Customer: “Oh, I see! You just want my ID to see my address so you can know where I live. You’re probably going to sneak into my house in the middle of the night and take these back from me. I’m 39. I shouldn’t be carded, so that’s the only reason I see!”

    Me: “Yep, you got me. That’ll be $6.99.”

    Customer: “I’ll be watching. don’t think I won’t be!”

    Me: “Have a good day, sir.”

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 8
    No ID, No Idea, Part 7
    No ID, No Idea, Part 6
    No ID, No Idea, Part 5
    No ID, No Idea, Part 4
    No ID, No Idea, Part 3
    No ID, No Idea, Part 2
    No ID, No Idea

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