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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Mama Puts A Stammer In Your Swagger

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I’m up working the cash register on a slow day, when a teenage boy comes up. He looks to be about 14. He’s sagging his pants, trying to look tough.)

    Customer: “Hey, baby.”

    Me: “Hi there, sir. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: *leans on the counter* “You can get me your number.”

    (I’m 25, and engaged.)

    Me: “Sorry, but that’s not going to happen. Can I help you with anything else?”

    Customer: “Why the f*** not, you stupid b****?!”

    Me: “One: That would be illegal. Two: I am happily engaged. And three: even if I ignore the first two, it’s against company policy.”

    Customer: “You’re a f***ing b****! You should be happy I want a piece of your a**!”

    (As the customer continues ranting and raving, a woman appears behind him. She reaches out and taps his shoulder twice.)

    Customer: “What the f*** do you want—”

    (He turns around. All the color drains from his face. He manages to squeak out some words.)

    Customer: “Hi, mama.”

    (She smacks him across the face.)

    Customer’s Mom: “I did not raise you to be a self-entitled douche-bag! I did not raise you to think you are better than this poor girl!” *she grabs him by the ear, and shoves him against the counter, facing me* “Now, apologize!”

    Customer: “But mom!”

    Customer’s Mom: “Now!”

    (He looks close to tears. He mumbles out how sorry he is, and how it wasn’t fair of him to treat me like a piece of meat. His mom, by his ear, pushes him towards the door.)

    Customer’s Mom: “Go.”

    (He walks out of the store, ready to cry. She turns to me, gives me a huge smile, apologizes again, and even buys me a gift card. Apparently there are some good parents still out there!)

    A Real Mystery Shopper

    | IL, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body, Rude & Risque

    (I answer a phone call while working the cash register. The voice on the other end is male.)

    Caller: *obviously uncomfortable* “Um… uh… could I ask you to do me a favor?”

    Me: “Certainly. What do you need?”

    Customer: “Can you grab a box of tampons and hold it at the counter for me?” *he specifies the brand and strength* “I’ll be there in about ten minutes.”

    Me: “Uh, sure.”

    Customer: “Thanks.”

    (A little while later, a man comes up in line with several grocery items.)

    Customer: *mutters* “I believe you’re holding an item for me?”

    (I grab the box and, taking care to hold it lower than counter level so others don’t see, I confirm that the item is correct. When he nods, I scan it as stealthily as possible and slip it into his bag.)

    Customer: *looks around nervously* “Thank you so much.”

    (Later, I’m telling my boss about the odd incident.)

    Boss: “Your mission, should you choose to accept it…” *begins to sing the ‘Mission: Impossible’ theme*

    Working Hard: $100; Holiday Spirit: Priceless

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Holidays, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am working in the jewelry department of a big retailer. It is December 23, and my coworker has called in sick, so I am working an 8-hour shift by myself. About 5 hours in, I am ridiculously busy and have yet to take a break. Customers are lined up and getting irate.)

    Customer #1: “Oh, this is lovely. Do you think my son will like it? He’s about your age.”

    Me: “I definitely like it. And since it’s the holiday season, I can print out a gift receipt. He has until January 15 to exchange it if he doesn’t like it.”

    Customer #1: “Lovely. I’ll take this, please.”

    (I ring her up as quickly as I can, by this point I’m starving, thirsty and really have to use the bathroom. Unfortunately the line is not letting up and customers are starting to yell at me. I call upstairs and request some help from anyone. 10 or 15 minutes go by and no one shows up. By this point I’m desperate.)

    Customer #1: “About time! Hurry up and get me that pair of earrings for my wife!”

    Me: “No problem, sir. I’m so sorry for the wait, my coworker called in sick and it’s just me today. Now just so you know the earrings are non refundable for hygienic reasons.”

    Customer #1: “Fine, fine, just hurry up.”

    Customer #2: “Hey! Hurry up!”

    Me: “I’ll be right there, sir. Just a moment!”

    (I call up again for some help and again no one comes. I’m in serious pain by this point and feel very light headed. I help a few more customers when this little old lady asks for help.)

    Little old lady: “Hello, dear. It’s quite busy in here today, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Yes, it is! But, then again, that’s the holidays for you!”

    (I help this customer, who is quite pleasant and doesn’t seem to mind when customers yell across the counter at me. She even lets me go cash out the simple ones while continuing to help her. This alleviates the line quite a bit. I finish helping this customer and just as she’s about to leave a man comes to my counter visibly upset and slams his fist down on the glass counter angrily.)

    Customer #1: “YOU! HELP ME NOW!”

    (I am shaken by him slamming his hand on the desk.)

    Little old lady: “Hey! Leave her alone. She’s all by herself and trying her best! Have some holiday spirit!”

    Customer #1: “Well, I’ve been waiting a while and she’s not trying hard enough! She’s wasting time talking to people instead of helping them!”

    Me: *tearing up* “I’m really sorry, sir. I’m trying my best but I’m all alone today and I’ve yet to have a break. I keep calling for help but no one comes,.I’ll be happy to help you now though.”

    Little old lady: “I’ll be right back, dear.”

    Me: *confused* “Okay, ma’am.”

    (I help the angry customer, and he leaves a little less angry than when he got in. I’ve moved on to other customers and have forgotten about the sweet old lady. Suddenly, she comes back with the store manager!)

    Little old lady: *to the store manager* “There! Look at her! Look how hard she’s working all by herself! She’s called for help but no one shows up! Now, I think you should take over while this young lady gets a break for all her hard work!”

    Manager: “Yes ma’am, of course. I had no idea this was happening.” *to me* “Go take an hour to have your lunch. By the time you come back, I’ll have two other people with you.”

    Me: *starts to cry out of relief* “I can’t. I’m the only one who knows where everything is. And you have other things to do.”

    Little old lady: “Sweetheart, don’t worry. Go take your break!”

    Manager: “Go, I’ll be fine. We can manage an hour without you.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Little old lady: *gives me a big hug as I’m leaving* “You have a good rest of your shift!”

    Me: “Thank you!”

    (I have my hour and come back feeling much better. The store manager is still there with two other workers, one from electronics and another from the general cash.)

    Manager: “Ah, you’re back! How was your break?”

    Me: “Great!”

    Manager: “Come to my office at the end of your shift.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (At the end of my shift, I go up to his office and he tells me what I great job I did today. He says he was sorry that I had to go through what I did but he rewards me with a 100$ store gift card. The little old lady came back a few weeks later to give me a thank you card for the great job I did that day. Goes to show that not all holiday shoppers are mean during the holiday season!)

    No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened, Part 2

    | Durham, NC, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I work for a cosmetics store. We’re collecting donations for a popular women’s charity. However, as I am not well off, and cannot donate more than a dollar or two here or there myself, I mention it very casually and do not think badly of those who do not donate, or donate small amounts.)

    Me: “Okay, so your total is $x.xx. Would you like to round up your purchase for the charity we are supporting today? No obligation!”

    Customer #1: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “Oh, we’re supporting [Charity] for this month, so I’m just asking everyone if they would like to contribute any amount, even a few cents. No obligation, like I said, I have to ask each customer. I was asking if you wanted to contribute a few cents to round up your purchase to the nearest dollar today.”

    Customer #1: “So, I look like some kind of sucker to you, I guess? I look like I have a goldmine just flowing out of my pockets? No, I will not be donating today. Thank you for the guilt trip!”

    Me: “Alrighty, no problem. Your total is [total].”

    Customer #1: “No. You tacked on a donation. I want the exact itemization of my purchase!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am.”

    (I proceed to go over each item and add it up on a calculator, plus sales tax. Eventually, Customer #1 is satisfied. She’s still standing around, but I move on to the next customer, Customer #2.)

    Me: *to Customer #2* “How are you, today?”

    Customer #2: “Fine, dear. Also, I’d like to donate 10 dollars towards [Charity] today.”

    Me: “Thank you, Ma’am! And please take this gift as a thank you for your contribution!”

    Customer #1: “Hey! Why does she get something for free and I didn’t?”

    Me: “Ma’am, she made a donation towards [Charity], and we have free gifts for those who contribute certain dollar amounts. It’s on the signs in front of the register.”

    Customer #1: *throws a penny at me* “I donated. Now give me the [ten dollar donation gift]!”

    Me: “I am sorry, but that is for customers who contribute $10.00 or more towards [Charity]. I can’t give you this item for a penny contribution, although we do appreciate the donation.”

    Customer #1: “Well, I donate several thousands of dollars to [Charity] every year! Give me the free gift!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I am sorry, but donations that will earn you this gift must be made at this store. I apologize, but you can’t have this gift without a donation for the requisite dollar amount.”

    Customer #1: “Give it to me!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this item is only for customers who make this certain donation amount. It’s a gift we give as a thanks for the donation towards [Charity].”

    Customer #1: “You know what? That’s fine! Jesus will punish you! He will send you to Hell for being so greedy!” *walks away singing ‘Amazing Grace’*

    Related:
    No Good Deed Goes Unthreatened

    Cash-Back It Forward

    | West Palm Beach, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Top

    Customer: “Looks like I’ll need cash back today.”

    (The customer opens his wallet. It’s empty.)

    Me: *laughs* “Oh, I know how that is.” *joking* “But I never even have the cash to get back.”

    (The customer gets $40 in cash back. I hand him two twenties.)

    Me: “Twenty and forty, have a good day, sir!”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (He walks off a moment, then turns around and tosses one of the twenties I handed him onto the register.)

    Customer: “A little cash back for you.” *smiles*

    (Before I can protest, he leaves. I wound up using that $20 to fill my gas tank. Thank you, sir!)

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