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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    No Dime Or Reason

    | California, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Money

    (I work at a store where every item is $1 or less. It’s an average Sunday afternoon when a woman wearing a nice dress and heels and her friend approach my register.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you? Did you find everything okay?”

    Customer #1: *eyes bulge as though she has been offended and glares at me.*

    (I shake it off and ring her up for $2.90 worth of merchandise. The woman then pays with a $100 bill. I carefully count out her $97 dollars to her, and hand her the 10 cents. At the last second, her hand overturns and the dime falls somewhere beneath the register. I try to find it, but can’t.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I can’t find your dime. It might have fallen on your side of the register?”

    Customer #1: “You THREW change at me!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I didn’t throw anything. I’ll call up my manager and I can get you another dime from my till.”

    (I intercom my manager, who tells me she won’t come to the front because she’s on her break.)

    Customer #1: *clutches the $97* “I WANT MY MONEY!”

    (The couple behind her in line are watching with their mouths hanging open. The man mouths, “I’m sorry” to me and then speaks up.)

    Customer #2: “Here, ma’am. Here’s a quarter. You are holding up the line, so can you please go?”

    Customer #1: *to Customer #2* “I am SO sorry…” *points at me* “…SHE is horrible!”

    Customer #2: “Well, take my quarter.”

    Customer #1: “NO! I want MY dime!”

    Customer #1′s Friend: *to me* “Yes, miss, you need to apologize to her and give her the money!”

    (Customer #2 once again tries to get Customer #1 to take the quarter and leave. Finally, she storms out, stomping her feet the whole way.)

    Customer #2: “Wow… do you deal with this a lot?”

    Me: “Unfortunately, yes.”

    Customer #2′s Wife: “Hey look, I found a dime!”

    (My manager and I later reviewed the security video. In it, Customer #1 clearly turned over her hand and dropped the dime by her feet!)

    Not Feeling Your Fetishes

    | Mankato, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m ringing a customer up, when suddenly she runs her fingers through my hair as I’m leaning down to write something.)

    Customer: “Sorry! Couldn’t resist. Such soft hair! I have a hair fetish… and a foot fetish. But only if they’re clean. You have clean fingernails! So, you’re good.”

    Me: “Uh, thanks…”

    Price Check Yo Self

    | Oxford, ME, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

    (A man comes up to my register with a cart FULL of different brands and sizes of beer.)

    Customer #1: “Can you tell me the price for each one of these? I’m not sure which ones I want.”

    (Because of how many types of beer he has, I know this will take a long time and will hold up the line, so I try another approach.)

    Me: “The price for each one should have been listed on the shelf in front of them.”

    Customer #1: “Well, they weren’t!”

    Me: “Okay.”

    (The customer hands me them. I scan each one and tell him the price. As I expected, an unhappy line of customers has formed behind him due to how long it’s taking.)

    Me: “Which ones do you want?”

    Customer #1: *counts out a handful of change* “Hmm… do you have any for less than $1.17?”

    Me: “Uh, no. The 6-packs are the cheapest, and they’re all around $5 at least.”

    (The other customers waiting in line are fed up, and one finally speaks up.)

    Customer #2: *to Customer #1* “Wait a second! Let me get this straight! You had her check the price of all of that beer, making us all wait, and you have less than $2?!”

    Customer #1: “Well, not that it’s any of your business but… yes! It’s her job, after all!”

    Customer #2: “Why didn’t you stop her after the 6-packs? Those are obviously going to be cheaper than the larger packs!”

    Customer #1: “Not necessarily!”

    Customer #3: “Will you just get out of the way?”

    Other Customers: *yelling in agreement*

    (Customer #1 walks off. The rest of the customers in line help me load all the beer back into the cart and then return to the line.)

    Me: “I’m sorry that took so long everyone!”

    Customer #2: “Not your fault! You were just trying to provide good customer service! You didn’t know he was a moron!”

    Incredibly Incognito

    | Livingston, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I’ve been called to the registers, where a customer has been causing a scene because our cashier cannot find a book she ordered.)

    Me: “Sorry for the inconvenience, ma’am. Did you receive a phone call that your order was in?”

    Customer: “No! But I ordered it a month ago and the salesperson told me it would only take about five days. I knew that girl was an idiot!”

    Cashier: “I searched all over and I can’t find a book under her name. There isn’t even a record of it in our system.”

    Me: “Is it possible you ordered it at a different store? We wouldn’t—”

    Customer: “NO! Stop asking me stupid questions and find my d***ed book!”

    Me: “What was the title of the book? I can try to find your order that way.”

    Customer: “It was [title of book]. Honestly, I can’t believe how incompetent you people are. No wonder everyone shops online these days. I’d look into it myself, but I never give out my personal information. Anyway, can you believe it’s been A MONTH?! What kind of business are you running, anyway? Frankly, I don’t think I should have to pay for it.”

    Me: “Well, someone did place an order for that book, but the name doesn’t match yours and it was only two days ago.”

    Customer: “That’s it! That’s my order!”

    Me: “But the name isn’t yours, and there’s a completely different home address and phone number.”

    Customer: “Are you deaf?! I just told you I never give my personal information out!”

    Me: “Wait, so if you used a different name and phone number, why didn’t you give us that information instead?”

    Customer: “I made it up! You people are always asking for information. How am I supposed to remember what I told you?!”

    Me: “You also said you ordered it a month ago.”

    Customer: “Oh, am I supposed to keep track of how long it’s been?! You want me to do your WHOLE job for you?! I don’t care! I just want the book!”

    Me: “You also called us incompetent. Repeatedly.”

    Customer: “You shouldn’t live in the past so much. It’ll give you wrinkles!”

    Related:
    Combo Incognito
    Indecisively Incognito
    Rejection Incognito
    Photo Incognito
    Unraveling Incognito
    Complaining Incognito

    It Pays To Be Patient, Part 2

    | Jackson, WY, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer has just bought three books and has asked me to ship them as gifts. I haven’t done any shipping projects yet, and am unsure of what to charge, so I go downstairs and ask my boss about the price before returning to the customer. Note: A coworker has been standing at the register next to me during this exchange.)

    Me: “So, the shipping for those books would be eight dollars for the regular postal service or twelve dollars UPS shipping.”

    Customer: “Oh, I want to send them through the regular postal service, but to three separate addresses.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I misunderstood. Let me check with my boss if the prices would be any different, one moment.”

    (I go downstairs to speak with my boss again, and come back with new prices.)

    Me: “For three separate packages, that would be nine dollars.”

    (The customer hands me one dollar.)

    Me: “Oh… I’m sorry. That’s nine dollars for the shipping.”

    Customer: “But you already took my money!”

    Me: “Well, you already paid for the books, but I didn’t take any money for the shipping.”

    Customer: “You have a very bad memory, young lady! I gave you ten dollars. You went to the register right there and rung in the money!”

    (I look over at the register, which clearly displays the last transaction. It shows his total for the three books he bought.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, but the register shows that the last thing I did on it was ring up your books.”

    Customer: “Well! You just have a TERRIBLE memory! I already paid you!”

    Me: “If you want, I can look on the register and show you the last transactions that were made, but—”

    Customer: “CHECK.”

    (I go through the old receipts, and of course there is no receipt for any shipping. I ask my coworker if she saw me ring it up, since she’s been watching the entire time, and she says no.)

    Me: “Sir, there is no receipt on the register. I promise you I did not take your money for anything but the books.”

    Customer: “Well, you certainly took care of any future plans I had to do business here!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that.”

    (As we finish his transaction, the customer continues muttering under his breath the entire time. Once I put in his order, he suddenly stops muttering.)

    Customer: *grudgingly* “…I’m going to have to apologize for giving you such a hard time, young lady.”

    (I look over and see that he’s picked up the pile of objects he’d placed on the table during the transaction and, lo and behold, discovered the ten dollar bill he’d accused me of taking underneath. He left the store as quickly as possible and hasn’t been back since!)

    Related:
    It Pays To Be Patient


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