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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Why Math Counts

    | Michigan, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    Customer: *hands me two identical coupons*

    Me: “You want to use two 20% off coupons? That takes two dollars off each item. Using a five dollar off one would save you an extra dollar. Would you rather use that one?”

    Customer: “But using these two coupons saves me more.”

    Me: “Actually, you only save four dollars by using those. The five dollar one would save you more.”

    Customer: “But using more coupons saves more money!”

    Me: “That one coupon is worth more savings than those two, though. That coupon would save you a dollar more, and you can use those two 20% ones another day. Five dollars is more than four dollars.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not! I don’t understand how you think that!”

    Some Customers Leave Big Shoes To Fill

    , | Harrisburg, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Rude & Risque

    (While standing in line as a customer, I notice a father and his two children in front of me. The son, about age 8, is sporting a
    Mohawk about as tall is he is. He looks positively adorable and when he turns and smiles at me, I return the smile.)

    Boy: *tugging on his fathers coat* “Daddy, don’t flash all that money in your wallet! That b**** will take it! You always say how b****es are after your money!”

    (The father laughs and agrees until he notices that his son’s free hand is pointing directly at me. The daughter, about age 12, slaps him on the back of the head.)

    Daughter: “Shut up, dumb ***! That b**** don’t want dad’s money!”

    (The father starts to feel uncomfortable with so many people staring. Not wanting to reprimand their behavior but still wanting to make some parental effort, he starts lecturing his son about how his shoes are dirty. Another customer behind me comes to my rescue.)

    Another customer: “If I were you, I’d be more worried about the dirt coming out of the other end of them!”

    (The father falls silent, the children stop calling me a b****, and I get one of my blouses for free.)

    A Poser By Any Other Name, Part 2

    | Newark, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (I’m not working, but I’m shopping. I’m at the register when the man in front of me starts yelling at the cashier at the top of his lungs.)

    Customer: “You can’t do this, d*** it! My coupons are good! Take them!”

    Cashier: “Sir, these coupons are expired. I’m not allowed–”

    Customer: “If you don’t take it, you’re gonna be expired! Take my coupons or I’ll sue! I’m a lawyer! I’ll sue you in court!”

    (I tap him on the shoulder.)

    Customer: “WHAT?!”

    Me: *calmly* “Are you a prosecutor or defense attorney?”

    Customer: “W-what?”

    Me: “Are you with the state, or private firm?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “Where did you go to law school?”

    *pause*

    Me: “Sir, impersonating an agent of the state is a serious offense. Furthermore, there are enough witnesses and evidence to hold you in court for harassment, threatening, disorderly conduct and disturbing the peace. I’m a prosecutor. I’m with the state. My recommendation? You leave, before I make all this official.”

    (The customer runs out of the store, leaving half paid-for groceries behind. The cashier is grinning.)

    Cashier: “You want some free stuff?”

    Related:
    A Poser By Any Other Name

    I Put A Cell On You

    | Auckland, New Zealand | At The Checkout

    (I have just finished helping out this really nice, elderly lady.)

    Customer: “Oh, and do you happen to know the date?”

    Me: “I will just look–”

    (I start to pull out my mobile phone.)

    Customer: *excitedly* “Ooh! You’re pulling out your little magic box!”

    Throwing A Spanner In The Wax

    | Atlanta, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer is trying to combine coupons on one purchase; this is not allowed. One is a coupon that allows her to buy expensive candles for half off and the other is a basic “free item with any purchase” coupon.)

    Me: “Oh, sorry ma’am, we’ll have to do this as two separate purchases. We’ll use your candle coupon first, then, if you just add another item you’ll qualify to use your second coupon and get your free item.”

    Customer: “But I was purchasing the candle to get the free item.”

    Me: “Yes, but you can’t use the coupon on the candle and then use a second coupon on the same purchase. But it’s okay, you can buy one of these cheap $1.00 items to qualify for the second coupon, I’ll just ring these items up separately.”

    Customer: “Or maybe I don’t buy anything at all!”

    (The customer swipes her cheap mailer coupon off the counter and walks away, leaving me holding her exclusive candle coupon.)


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