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  • Bigotry Comes In All Shapes And Sizes
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    In Some Cultures, The Conch Is Blown For Good Luck

    | Winter Park, FL, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (A lady comes through my checkout line with some frozen conch chowder.)

    Me: “I’ve never tried this chowder before. Is it any good?”

    Customer: *loudly* “Oh, yes! I just love cock! That’s how you say it, right? Cock?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think its pronounced conch…”

    Plan A And Plan B

    | Yorktown, VA, USA | At The Checkout

    (I’m a cashier working the night shift. It’s about 9:30 pm when a couple comes to my register.)

    Me: “Hey, how are you guys tonight?”

    Woman: “We’re just fine, thanks.”

    (I start ringing up their things.)

    Man: “We’re also gonna need–”

    Man and woman: *glance at each other* “A pregnancy test.”

    Man: “Also, the two pack deal on [cigarettes].”

    (Thinking I’ve misheard the last part, I go get the test, ring it through, and finish ringing up their groceries.)

    Woman: “Oh, you forgot the [cigarettes].”

    Me: “Right. The cigarettes. Well, here you go.”

    Don’t Take Declined For An Answer

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I work at a large retail store. The store has its own credit card that customers can apply for.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I applied for a credit card yesterday, but I don’t have it yet. Can I still use it?”

    Me: “Sure, as long as you have the temporary credit slip that you were given when you applied. Do you have that?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Oh. Did you leave it at home?”

    Customer: “No. I don’t have one.”

    Me: “Didn’t you get one when you applied?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Well, were you approved for the credit card?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: *speechless*

    Customer: “So, I can’t use it?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, you can’t use a credit card that you weren’t approved for.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s stupid!”

    Faster And Furiouser

    | Thomson, GA, USA | At The Checkout

    (My register has gone down and I am in the process of getting someone to come and fix it. In the meantime, a man marches up to me with three things in his arms.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. My register is down.”

    Customer: “What is this crap? You’re the only speedy checkout open! I want to get out of here in a hurry!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m waiting for someone to fix my register.”

    Customer: “Why don’t YOU fix your register!?”

    (I stay silent as he continues to rant.)

    Customer: “I need to get the h*** out of this place!”

    Me: “Sir, why don’t you go to the register next to me? She is open.”

    (The customer looks over at the register, which isn’t a speedy checkout, and snaps at me again.)

    Customer: “Why would I go there?! It isn’t even a speedy checkout!”

    (I look over again. There is no one in line.)

    Me: “Sir, she doesn’t have anyone in line–”

    Customer: “Forget it! You can put that s*** back!”

    (He throws the stuff onto my register and storms out.)

    Weight Control Not Included

    | Brandon, FL, USA | At The Checkout

    (A customer comes up to the register with a bag of items to return.)

    Me: “Hi, what can I help you with today? Do have a return?”

    Customer: “No, not a return. I want to exchange these items.”

    Me: “What was wrong with the items?”

    Customer: “I bought these at a different location eight months ago and they don’t fit anymore.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, miss, but I can’t exchange these as the items have been worn and you have had them for quite a while. What is wrong that’s made you want to exchange them now?”

    Customer: “Either they shrunk or I got bigger, so they don’t fit anymore. I want to exchange them for a different size now.”

    Me: “I’m really sorry miss, but I can’t do an exchange for you. I will be more than happy to give a fitting and tell you what your new size is.”

    Customer: “Ugh! You are useless!” *storms off*


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