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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Some Customers Scare The Help Out Of Us

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Politics

    (I serve people their orders when they’re ready. If they’re old, a child, or otherwise seemingly unable to carry their tray, I’m required to offer assistance. On this day, an elderly man orders his food.)

    Me: “Do you need any help carrying that?”

    Elderly Customer: “Do I LOOK like I need help?!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I’m required to offer help to people.”

    Elderly Customer: “Is this something that Obama is making you do?! D*** socialist!”

    Me: “N-no, sir… it’s the policy here.”

    Elderly Customer: “Well, I don’t need no d*** assistance!” *storms off with food*

    Grandma Won’t Be Outmatched

    | Illinois, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I’m a customer and am standing in line at the checkout behind a very sweet-looking little old lady. She’s a stereotypical, blue-haired, tiny woman dressed in a very nice yellow and pink pantsuit. The cashier is a nice-looking young man in his late teens or early twenties.)

    Little Old Lady: *to the cashier* “You know, you’re a very handsome young man, and you can hold down a job. That’s a good thing.”

    Cashier: “Thank you, ma’am.”

    (The lady then proceeds to chat in a very friendly manner to the cashier. While talking, she’s very slowly and carefully placing one item at a time on the conveyor.)

    Little Old Lady: “So, I think my granddaughter would be perfect for you. She’s just turned nineteen, she has a nice job of her own, and she’s pretty. You boys like redheads, right?”

    Cashier: *dazed look*

    Little Old Lady: “You really should meet her. I just know you two would be perfect for each other! I know these things!”

    Cashier: “Um, ma’am—”

    Little Old Lady: “So, what do you say? Would you like to meet my Linda?”

    Cashier: “Ma’am, I’m gay.”

    (At this, the sweet-faced little old lady just blinks and smiles.)

    Little Old Lady: “Okay, so you need to meet my grandson instead!”

    To Hole And Back

    | Montana, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    Customer: “Why do you have that swimsuit?”

    Me: “My coworker found a rip in the seam of this one. I have to fill out a sheet so we can send it back.”

    (The customer grabs the swimsuit from my hands.)

    Customer: “This is my size! Don’t you dare send it back! I need it!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, this one has a hole in it. I’m sure we have more swimsuits in your size—”

    Customer: “Not this color! You just don’t want me to have it!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but there is a fairly large hole here…”

    (I show her by putting my fingers through the hole. It’s large enough to fit 3 fingers.)

    Customer: “I don’t care about a stupid hole. I’m buying this!”

    (The customer buys the suit despite my explanation. The next day, the she comes back while I am working the return counter.)

    Customer: “I want my money back! This stupid swimsuit you sold me has a giant hole in it!”

    Me: *speechless*

    Sometimes, The Gas Is Half Full

    | Wisconsin, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Transportation

    (It is about 10:30 at night and my shift is done in 30 minutes. I am alone as my coworker has gone home sick an hour ago. Everything is going fine until a young guy, about 19, shows up. He comes in and prepays $50 of diesel and goes out to pump gas. I notice he has starts the wrong pump and has already gotten $8 worth of unpaid for gas when I go out.)

    Me: “Excuse me,sir, but you accidentally grabbed the wrong pump.”

    Customer: “Well, the other one wouldn’t work.”

    Me: “Okay, I will void out the $50 then and just add the remainder to the $8 so you can continue on the same pump.”

    (Note: I have anxiety very bad, so if I get nervous I freeze up and forget how to do simple tasks. The customer, who has been fairly nice up to this point, suddenly becomes very agitated.)

    Customer: “Well, hurry the f*** up! I want to get out of here!”

    (I go inside and he follows, all the while yelling and getting angrier as I try to void out the prepay. However, my anxiety has kicked in and I can’t remember how to do the transaction.)

    Customer: “What the f*** is taking you so long?! I want to get home. Hurry up and do your job!”

    (My anxiety keeps getting worse, so I call in my coworker to come help. Meanwhile, the customer keeps yelling.)

    Customer: “You’re a worthless employee! I’m going to call your manager and get you fired!”

    (He keeps going on until my coworker gets there and fixes everything. The customer hasn’t stopped yelling or hurling insults the whole time. I start having an anxiety attack and begin crying.)

    Customer: “Finally, someone who knows how to do their job! I’ll make sure you get fired, you dumb b****!”

    (He walks out, when a few minutes later another guy, Customer #2, comes in. Apparently, Customer #2 was riding in the same car as the first customer. He grabs a small thing of gum and leans in against the counter, setting it down along with some money.)

    Customer #2: “Hey, I’m really sorry about him. I know it isn’t much, but here’s a little bit of money. I’m just grabbing the gum so he doesn’t know what I’m doing.”

    (I am dumbfounded as Customer #2 walks out. Oh, and the money? I had a completely empty tank and was stressing out all day about it. My car lasted just enough time on the money he gave me!)

    Whoever Said Easter Isn’t Egg-citing Is Hopping Mad

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Holidays, Top

    (This happens around Easter. A man in an Easter Bunny suit comes riding a unicycle into the parking lot and enters the shop.)

    Me: “Hey there, Easter Bunny!”

    Easter Bunny: “Donuts? Sick! I’ll have three strawberry, three cherry, and three blueberry, glazed, and with frosting and sprinkles!”

    Me: *hands him the bag* “Anything else?”

    Easter Bunny: “Nah! Donuts! Sick!”

    (The Easter Bunny suddenly SLAMS his head on the counter, which would have been quite painful if not for the headpiece on his costume. An egg rolls out seemingly from nowhere and onto the counter. He walks out without another word, hops onto his unicycle and rides off. The egg contained exact change—plus a labeled five dollar tip!)


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