November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

Funny Money

, | LA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Food & Drink, Money

(I am working in the drive thru lane. A car with two women in it pulls up. Both look strung out, like they are on drugs.)

Me: “That’ll be [total].”

(The driver doesn’t say anything to me but pulls a bill out of her wallet, smells it carefully, then nods to herself.)

Customer: “Okay. This one’s good.”

(She hands me the money and I try not to be too obvious that I’m very gingerly handling it. I washed my hands after they left, just in case!)

How To Re-Tire Bad Customers

| WI, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Transportation, Wild & Unruly

(It’s Black Friday and I have a noon shift. I have been berated and belittled by most of the customers since most of the doorbusters have been sold out.)

Rude Customer: “WHY even advertise this if you don’t keep it in stock!? That’s stupid! If you run out you shouldn’t advertise it!”

(There are two younger customers behind them, a guy and a girl.)

Girl: “You know… sometimes I just wanna make people suffer ya know? Like mentally. Like I wanna slash the tires of some real ignorant a** so they can’t go on and abuse another cashier.”

Guy: “I have that hunting knife in my car still. Wanna do it once we’re out of here?”

Girl: “We could. I have one target it picked out.”

(The rude customer shuts up and pays quietly and quickly runs out the door. I eye up the couple not sure if I should report the threat or not. The girl grins at me.)

Girl: “Got her to shut up.”

Me: “Wait. You weren’t serious?”

Girl: “Please. I could never do that.”

Guy: “I could…”

I Am More Than The Sum

| UK | At The Checkout, Math & Science, School

(I’m working a register during the busy Christmas season. I’m coming towards the end of a 12-hour shift when a man comes to my till.)

Me: “Okay, sir. That will be [price].”

Customer: “Can I pay part with cash and the rest on my card?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine. I’ll have to process the card first, so how much do you have in cash?”

Customer: “[Amount].”

Me: “Okay. That’ll be…”

(I try to work out how much remains after subtracting his cash from the price, but my brain is just fried and I can’t think.)

Me: “That’ll be… erm…”

Customer: *sighs angrily* “It’ll be [other amount] on my card!”

Me: “Right you are, sir. Sorry about that. It’s been a long day.”

Customer: *mumbles about me being an idiot*

(Once the customer has paid, he goes to leave. Suddenly, he turns back to me.)

Customer: “You know, you are useless. Can’t even do simple calculations without needing a calculator. No wonder you’re working in a shop!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I’m coming to the end of a long shift of overtime, due to the busy season. Plus I’m a little tired after being up all night studying for my post grad molecular and microbiology final tomorrow. I hope you’ll understand.”

(The customer went red and shut his mouth quickly. He ran off without so much as an apology!)

Driving Down Route 66(6)

| VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Holidays, Religion, Top

(It is late evening, a few days before Halloween. My coworker at the register has been dealing with an irate woman for several minutes. She is ranting about the cheap decorations hanging on our door. As a result a line is forming behind her.)

Customer: “I’ll never shop here again! Everything in here is cursed! You’ll be attracting the demon spawns of the devil!”

(I come up to the second register to deal with the line forming behind the customer. Most of the other customers shift over to me, but one younger woman is watching the first customer rant. Suddenly, the younger woman turns and runs out of the store. And a second later, she comes back in wearing the most amazing, and yet disgusting, full-head mask I’ve ever seen. It looks like a rotting deer, complete with antlers, shaggy fur, and wide dead white eyes. The younger woman walks up to the ranting customer and clears her throat loudly.)

Younger Woman: *to my coworker* “Dude, I need $20 on pump four for my ‘Hell-mobile.'” *turns to the first customer* “And what’s your problem with us demons, anyway? Even the devil needs a place to buy gas and beer.”

(The first customer turns and stares at the younger woman for a long moment. Then the first customer actually screams and runs out of the store, leaving all of her items behind.)

Younger Woman: “I hope that lady wasn’t buying gas. I don’t think she’s coming back.”

Needs To Seriously Self Check Out Of Campus

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, School

(Customer #1 is in line ahead of Customer #2, and is buying a large amount of instant coffee, instant noodles, and candy.)

Customer #1: “D***! This stupid credit card thing can’t read my card.”

Clerk: “Try it again, sir, and move the card slowly and evenly.”

Customer #1: “Nope! This f****** thing is broken.”

Customer #2: “How’s studying for finals going?”

Customer #1: “Uh… Not well. Why?”

Customer #2: “Because you’re trying to pay with your student ID.”

(Customer #1 stares at the card for a long time.)

Customer #1: “I haven’t left campus in way too long.”