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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Customer Service Stripped Bare

    | Clifton, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque, Top

    (I have a line of three customers on my register. Customer #1 is a good looking man in his early twenties. Customers #2 and #3 are elderly women.)

    Me: “Your total is $15.87.”

    Customer #1: “Do you take credit card?”

    Me: “Yes, just push the top button and slide your card through.”

    (Customer #1 pushes the button and slides his card, but does it the wrong way. I am bagging his items, so I don’t see this until he has tried three times.)

    Me: “Strip down, facing me.”

    (Customer #1 blushes, and I immediately realize what I’ve just said. I’m about to apologize to the elderly ladies for being risqué when…)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, honey, show us what you’ve got!”

    No One Benefits From The Benefits Card

    | San Diego, California, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (I’m ringing up a customer at the register. The customer hands me a credit card I don’t recognize.)

    Me: “I’m sorry; but I don’t think we accept this kind of card.”

    Customer: “Of course you do; I’ve used it here before!”

    (I try to run it through, and the register won’t accept the card.)

    Me: “Are you sure you’ve used this one here? The register isn’t taking it.”

    Customer: “Get me the manager!”

    (As I’m calling for a manager, something seems to dawn on the customer as she looks at the card.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God! This is my EBT card!”

    (The customer had tried to use her ‘electronic benefit transfer’ card, which is basically the equivalent of food stamps.)

    Customer: “And I can’t believe you actually tried to use it!”

    Age Comes Before Rage

    | Indianapolis, IN, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (My girlfriend and I are waiting in line. Our baby is getting more and more agitated. It’s almost our turn when a middle-aged customer comes running up behind me, and starts glaring at me.)

    Middle-Aged Customer: “Move your stuff! I have less than you; I should go first!”

    Me: “Uh… no.”

    (The cashier reaches for the first of our items.)

    Middle-Aged Customer: “No! Don’t take his stuff! I should go first! I’m older than he is, and I have less stuff!”

    (The cashier is just as flabbergasted as we are. My son starts screaming bloody murder.)

    Middle-Aged Customer: “You should shut your son up! Let me go first!”

    (My girlfriend hands our son to me and steps up to the woman.)

    Girlfriend: “Shut the f*** up!”

    (She turns to the cashier.)

    Girlfriend: “Honey, can you please start ringing up our items?”

    (She turns back to the woman.)

    Girlfriend: “You need to grow up and learn some d*** manners. You’ve got a cart and a half full, and our stuff was already on the belt when you decided to charge up and demand that we move; that’s not how it works in the real f****** world! And how dare you tell me to shut my baby up! He’s teething, and tired, and we would have already been out of here if you hadn’t decided to hold us up. Now tell me what the f*** makes you so much more important than us?!”

    Middle-Aged Customer: “I… I… I’m older than you two brats.”

    Girlfriend: “So, you’ve had more time to learn manners.”

    Middle-Aged Customer: “I have less stuff.”

    (My girlfriend glances back and forth to our stuff, which is almost done being bagged, and only takes up about half our cart, and her two carts.)

    Girlfriend: “Yeah, to a blind man.”

    Middle-Aged Customer: “I’ve got food in the car.”

    Girlfriend: “Then I guess you should have eaten before deciding to come shopping.”

    (The middle-aged customer slinks off to another lane. My girlfriend pays for our groceries, and gives the cashier a huge smile.)

    Girlfriend: “I had to deal with that all the time when I worked cash; sorry you had to see that.”

    (She grabs our son, and walks towards the door. The cashier and I exchange looks.)

    Me: “You should see her when she’s angry.”

    Fancy Titles Are All Just Hot Air

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (A customer comes up to my empty register. I have to put away some keys, so I am delayed slightly.)

    Me: “Sorry about the delay, sir.”

    Customer: “Don’t worry about it. You don’t have to call me sir. Why do people call me sir?”

    Me: “I don’t know. I guess it’s a sign of respect.”

    Customer: “Maybe, but it’s very American.”

    Me: “I suppose so, but what else would I call you?”

    (The customer ponders this for a while.)

    Customer: “What about, ‘old fart’?”

    Me: *laughing* “I don’t think I’d have a job if I called people that!”

    Customer: “I wouldn’t mind!”

    Only Drunk On Victory

    | NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (I’m working an overnight cashier shift at a 24-hour grocery store. Since I’m not used to sleeping during the day, I haven’t gotten the best sleep, but I’m still functional. It’s about 6 am and a well-dressed customer comes to my register with coffee and bakery goods.)

    Me: *stifling a yawn* “Good morning. How are you?”

    Customer: “I’m good, and yourself?”

    Me: “Tired.”

    Customer: “Well why is that? Didn’t you sleep last night?”

    (I think he’s joking.)

    Me: “No, not at all. I’ve been up all night, but—”

    Customer: “And who’s fault is that?”

    Me: “Well, I guess I could blame my boss for scheduling me for this shift—”

    Customer: “No! It’s yours!”

    Me: “Um… what?”

    Customer: “That’s what’s wrong with you kids these days! You party all night, even though you know you have work early in the morning. Now you expect me to have sympathy for you because you have to work right after a party!”

    Me: “No, sir, I think you misunderstood—”

    Customer: “No! You listen to me, missy! I bet you’re still buzzed from that party!”

    Me: “I’ve been here all—”

    Customer: “I will be calling your store manager! I’ll tell them you came in for your shift drunk from that party you attended right before work! What do you have to say for yourself now?!”

    Me: “Well, I was trying to tell you before that I’ve been here all night long, working since 10:30 last night. I don’t do parties. To be honest, I’m not used to sleeping during the day. I am normally a morning person, so with my sleep cycle a little out of whack, coupled with the fact that I’m on the last hour of my eight-hour shift, I feel my tiredness is warranted. Is there anything else I can get for you today?”

    (The man instantly shuts up, and mumbles an apology. He doesn’t make eye contact with me as he cashes out and leaves. As tired as I am, the argument victory makes my last hour go by faster!)

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