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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Acting Like A Has-Bean

    | Yonkers, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Money

    Customer: “Excuse me, how much is one coffee bean?”

    Me: “One bean?”

    Customer: “Yes, just one.”

    Me: “Can I ask why you want a single bean?”

    Customer: “Just tell me the price!”

    Me: “Uh… well, they’re [price] per pound, so you could try to weigh one bean and work it out from there.”

    Customer: “Perfect!”

    (She weighs one bean. The scale comes up ‘0lb, 0oz’.)

    Me: “Well, I guess if you just want one bean you can take it, although you won’t get much coffee from it.”

    Customer: “That won’t be a problem.”

    (She grabs the entire stack of bulk bags, and begins placing a single bean in each one, weighing it, and then printing out a price tag.)

    Me: “Wha… hey! You can’t—”

    (My manager suddenly appears.)

    Manager: “Shush, let her finish.”

    (It takes the customer nearly half an hour to load up as much coffee as she wants. She proceeds to an automatic checkout, but after scanning her second free bean, the machine stops.)

    Automatic Checkout: “If you have combined two of the same item, please combine them.”

    Customer: “D*** it!”

    Manager: “Oh, I’m sorry. These machines can be kind of picky. I’ll get that for you.”

    (He stacks the entire mound of bagged coffee beans onto a scale, weighs it, and then presents her with the now massively inflated price.)

    Customer: “I… hey! I’m not paying that much! Put them back.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, I’m not permitted to return food to the shelves once it’s been handled.”

    (They argue, and finally the shopper gives up and pays for the beans—and the bags. After the customer leaves, my manager returns.)

    Me: “She paid!? We were all expecting her to throw them on the ground and run out!”

    (I was actually correct! When I left the store, I noticed dozens of bulk bags strewn around the parking lot!)

    Bigotry Does Not Check Out

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry

    (A male customer cuts in line at the check-out during Black Friday.)

    Customer: “B****! Get off your lazy a** and bag my items!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You heard me! Or didn’t you? All you woman are as useless as—”

    Next Customer: “Pardon my interruption, but you do realize you wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for you mother… A WOMAN? You call that useless?”

    (The customer leaves quickly, without eye contact.)

    Desperately Needs Change In His Life

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

    (I work at an amusement park. They are very strict about the money, and I am the head cashier. It’s about 100 degrees out, and there’s a long line of about 100 people waiting to place an order. A customer rudely cuts everyone in line, and starts talking to me.)

    Rude Customer: “Hey bud, can you give me four quarters for a dollar?”

    Customer In Line: “Hey, I was in line!”

    Rude Customer: “Relax, I’ll only be a second.”

    (The customer ignores the rest of the customers complaints.)

    Me: “No, sir. I’m sorry; we’re not allowed to open the register.”

    Rude Customer: “Aw, come on man! I just need four quarters.”

    Me: “Well, if you want change, you can go to the customer service desk at the front of the park.”

    Rude Customer: “Are you f****** serious!? It’s 100 f****** degrees outside; I am not going to the other side of the d*** park, you a**-wipe!”

    Customer In Line: “Dude, no need to be a jack-a**. Plus, you cut in line anyways.”

    Rude Customer: “Mind your own business you old lady. Dude, seriously, give me my f****** change for a dollar!”

    (My manager overhears.)

    Manager: “What seems to be the problem here?”

    Rude Customer: “I need change for this f****** dollar, and your stupid-a** cashier won’t do it.”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. We’re not allowed to make change for a dollar. You need to go to the front of the park and go to customer service. They’ll do i—”

    Rude Customer: “I was already f****** told that! And I already said, I am not walking all the f****** way over there!”

    Customer In Line #2: “Dude, shut the f*** up already! We’re waiting in line for food, and clearly you’re not getting your change!”

    Rude Customer: “Mind your own d*** business! I need it ’cause my girlfriend is on her f****** period!”

    Customer In Line #3: “Here’s a stupid quarter you a**-wipe!”

    (Customer In Line #3 proceeds to throw quarters at the customer who cut in line. The customer then proceeds to pick up the quarters. My manager bends over the counter and looks down at the man.)

    Manager: “You have 10 minutes to get your girlfriend her tampon, and out of my park, before I call security!”

    (The customers in line start clapping as he runs away, with no girlfriend in sight!)

    Stink-Eye For The Stinky Guy

    | Salt Lake City, UT, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Bad Behavior

    (I’m standing in line at a large retail store. There are about three people in front of me. There are the only two registers open in the entire store, but because of the amount of people, it’s all converged into one long line. A customer walks forward, and lets out a large ‘HUMPH’ when she sees the length of the line. She then starts to walk in front of everyone in line to the front-most register. She’s blocked at the point of entry into the checkout line by a teenage boy reading a magazine off the display rack.)

    Customer: “Are you standing in both lines?”

    (The question startles the boy. It looks as though he is about to move forward to get out of her way, until he sees at the disgusted look on her face. He changes his mind and smirks.)

    Teenager: “Yup!”

    Customer: “Humph! You’re standing in both lines?”

    (The teenage boy then gets a rather painful look on his face, and rips out a loud fart. He just smiles at the customer. Everyone in line starts to laugh. Both cashiers have actually stopped scanning items in amazement.)

    Customer: “Humph!”

    (The woman leaves her entire cart—which must have taken over an hour to fill—at the checkout and walks out. She gives the stink-eye to the boy, who is still smiling.)

    Acts Of Kindness Do Register

    | Kirksville, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I’m working as a cashier during the Black Friday sale. We’ve just had new registers installed a few months prior. It is extremely busy because of the sale. I’ve finished scanning everything for a customer.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is $1458.97.”

    Customer: “Okay, credit.”

    (She scans her card, and my entire register crashes. My screen is totally black.)

    Me: “Uh… I need to call a supervisor over. My register just crashed.”

    (My supervisor comes over, and I explain the situation.)

    Customer: “Oh, no! Did I break it?”

    Supervisor: “No, it’s possible that all the transactions have just overloaded the system. I’ll take you to the service desk, and we’ll fix this.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (She follows my supervisor. The other supervisors move the rest of my line to the service desk. I go outside to take my break, when another customer approaches me.)

    Customer #2: “Were you the one whose register broke down?”

    Me: “Yeah, that was me.”

    Customer #2: “That must have been a bit nerve wracking.”

    Me: “Yeah, but at least that lady was calm about it. It could have been a lot worse!”

    Customer #2: “Are you guys allowed drinks while you’re working?”

    Me: “Not normally, but they are allowing it tonight because of the sale. I should go back in and get back to work. Have a nice night.”

    (I return, and my register is working properly. About an hour later, Customers #1 and #2 come back though my line. They set one of every drink we sell by the checkout lines on my counter.)

    Customer #1: “Pick one.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer #1: *points to Customer #2* “My husband told me that he talked to you on your break. You were very calm, and didn’t have anything bad to say. So pick a drink; it’s on me!”

    (One of my supervisors comes over and assures me it’s okay.)

    Me: “Okay, thank you. I’ll take this one.”

    (It turns out they were from the corporate office, and they gave my manager a great letter of commendation! I never volunteered for Black Friday after that though!)

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