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  • Go Easy On The Brain
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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 5

    | New York, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I’m working in the express lane, when a couple approaches the counter. Their son is about seven years old, and they have him sitting in the child seat of the cart.)

    Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

    Wife: “Good. Okay honey, help mommy and daddy put the things on the counter.”

    Boy: “Okay!”

    (The little boy promptly twists around in his seat, and begins to snatch things from the cart. He throws them onto the counter, and across the scanner. I have to chase a package of juice boxes that fly past me, onto the floor.)

    Me: “Okay sweetie, try putting them up here gently, okay? We don’t want the groceries to break, right?”

    Boy: “Nope!”

    (The husband is looking at the candy, and the wife is watching her son and her phone. The little boy then grabs a huge can of yams and throws it at me. It ends up hitting me in the cheek, knocking my glasses off and causing the can to fall to the floor. It makes a noise loud enough to draw the attention of the other customers and cashiers.)

    Cashier In The Other Line: “Oh, my God! Are you okay?!”

    Me: “Um, well…”

    Wife: “Oh! Isn’t he cute?! He wants to play baseball!”

    (After picking up my glasses, I can only stare at the woman like she is crazy. Thankfully, a supervisor sees what just happened, and takes over for me so I that I can put some ice on my face. Thankfully nothing is broken, but my cheek was black and blue for weeks!)

    Related:
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 4
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 3
    On The Need For Hazard Pay, Part 2
    On The Need For Hazard Pay

    More Than You Bargained For, Part 5

    | IN, USA | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money

    Customer: “Just this DVD please.”

    Me: “Okay, that will be $5.35.”

    Customer: “No, I found this in the $3 DVD bin; it’s $3!”

    (There are two DVD bins, one for $5 DVDs, and one for $3 ones. All DVDs have a sticker clearly showing their price.)

    Me: “Well, sir, it could have been placed their by another customer, but it is still $5.”

    Customer: “That is bull-s***! I don’t care what another customer did! I found it in the $3 bin, and I want it for $3!”

    Me: “Sir, if you found a $3 DVD in that $5 bin, would you pay $5 for it?”

    Customer: “F*** no! That’s stupid! Why would you—” *light bulb goes on* “—well, this is still bull-s***!”

    Related:
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 4
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 3
    More Than You Bargained For, Part 2
    More Than You Bargained For

    Jeepers Creepers

    | RetailOklahoma City, OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A customer approaches my register. I begin her transaction, as well as make small talk.)

    Customer: “Can I ask you a question?”

    Me: “Absolutely!”

    Customer: “Do you have prosthetic eyes? My husband makes them and, yours just look so real!”

    Me: “No, ma’am. My eyes are real.”

    Customer: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yep, my eyes are really real.”

    (She turns deep red, but tries to laugh it off. We finish her transaction, and she leaves very quickly.)

    Silent Running

    | Hampshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Bizarre

    (A regular comes in every day for cigarettes. I am always a polite and friendly cashier, who asks how the customers are.)

    Me: “Hello, sir! How are you today?”

    Customer: “How are you today? How am I today? How am I today? Every day you ask this, and you really don’t care how I am, so in future don’t ask; just give me my cigarettes!”

    Me: “Oh, err… okay…”

    Customer: “That’s better. You remember that now!”

    Me: “I will…”

    (From that day on, every day when he comes and buys his cigarettes, everything is done in total silence.)

    Discrimi(nation), Part 2

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Top

    (The store I work for is run by a Vietnamese family. I am the only Caucasian working there, and the only other non-Vietnamese employee is often mistaken for being Vietnamese because of the color of his skin. We usually work together. A drunk customer comes in. Since law prohibits us from selling to people who are intoxicated, my coworker heads him off.)

    Coworker: “Sorry, sir, you’ve had enough for tonight. We can’t serve you any more.”

    Customer: “F*** you, c****! Get out of my way!”

    Coworker: “Listen, man, there’s no need to get angry here; just go home go to bed. You can start again tomorrow.”

    (The customer stumbles up to me at the till.)

    Customer: “F****** c****, tryin’ ta tell me he won’t serve me.”

    Me: “Sir, we won’t be serving you anymore tonight, or ever again. That word you keep using derogatorily refers to a Chinese person. The owners of this store are from Vietnam.”

    Customer: “Whatever, they should all go back where they come from, starting with that fat f***!”

    (I am trying not to laugh.)

    Customer: “What’s so funny?”

    Me: “The person you just said should go back where he comes from is pure Cree First Nations. His people have been here long before ours. Now I believe I told you we won’t be serving you anymore; get out now.”

    Related:
    Discrimi(nation)

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