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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    It Is Paranoia If There Is No One After You

    | AB, Canada | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (I work as a cashier in a bed, bath and furniture place. We are required to ask customers for emails and postal codes before they pay. I usually skip the email bit for older customers because they usually won’t have an email, but still ask for postal codes. My next customer is an older man.)

    Me: “Hi, is this everything for you today?”

    (The customer just gives me a blank stare.)

    Me: “That’ll be [price]; can I get your postal code?”

    Customer: “MY POSTAL CODE?! WHY DO YOU NEED MY POSTAL CODE?!”

    Me: “Well—”

    Customer: “I’M SICK OF THE GOVERNMENT SPYING ON ME ALL THE TIME! THE LAST THING I NEED IS STORES AND PEOPLE LIKE YOU SPYING ON ME!”

    Me: “…alrighty then.”

    (I proceed to hit the skip button and finish his transaction.)

    Customer: “I must come off as a paranoid freak, but I assure you I’m not!”

    Philan-stroppy

    | Wales, UK | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Theme Of The Month

    (My manager and I are approached by a regular customer who is notorious for being just downright nasty and mean-spirited. She doesn’t believe in donating to charity and always thinks we’re barmy for wanting to help others.)

    Customer: “I can’t believe you served that man!”

    Manager: “What?”

    Customer: “I gave him money in the car park! He said it was for food or a bus or something, and he bought beer! You do know he’s a homeless alcoholic, don’t you?”

    Me: “Well, what do you want us to do?”

    Customer: “I can’t believe you served him! You shouldn’t have let him buy alcohol! I feel violated!”

    (The manager realizes she may be angling for a refund of the gentleman’s beer money.)

    Manager: “Unfortunately, ma’am, we are not in control of what happens away from our premises. If he asked you for money and you gave it to him, then that is only your fault. Now, if there’s nothing we can help you with, please have a pleasant Halloween.”

    Customer: “I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU LET HIM ABUSE MY MONEY!”

    (The customer storms out. The manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “I don’t believe for a minute that she gave him money; she’s just trying to cause trouble. She’s probably got a problem with us for being in fancy dress for charity, too!”

    He Is Irony Man

    | Lansing, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work third shift at a local gas station, and have just finished ringing a customer up.)

    Me: “Do you have a rewards card with us, sir?”

    Customer: “No, and I don’t want one. That’s just a way for people I don’t know to track the things I’m buying!”

    Me: “That’s fine, sir. Your total today is [total].”

    Customer: “Alright, I’ll be putting it on my credit card.”

    A Long Night Is In The Cards

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body, Money

    (I work night shift at a local chain convenience store, so I see many different people come in. One customer in particular is very drunk.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. How are you doing tonight?”

    (The customer just grunts and puts his items on the counter. I ring them up.)

    Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

    (The customer swipes his card.)

    Me: “Sir, your card was declined.”

    Customer: “Bull-s***! I know I have enough. Try it again!”

    (He proceeds to swipe it again and like before, it is declined.)

    Me: “Sir, it’s still declining.”

    Customer: “F***! Again!”

    (This repeats four more times, meanwhile a line has started to form behind him.)

    Me: “Sir, do you have another form of payment?”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t need it, because I have money on my f****** card!”

    (He goes through his wallet anyway. His face falls and then he starts laughing.)

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “I was using the wrong d*** card! Here ya go.”

    (He hands me the card and I run it through. It’s approved, and his receipt prints.)

    Me: “Okay, sir. Have a good night!”

    (I smile as he grabs his bag and leaves. I turn to the next customer in line.)

    Next Customer: “Long night, huh?”

    Me: “You have no idea.”

    The Register Light Is On But Nobody’s Home

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Top, Wild & Unruly

    (I live in a small town with only two grocery stores. I’m constantly complimented on my friendliness and professionalism. When it’s slow, we assist customers. Today a customer has asked me to return a cart, during which we’re told to put our closed sign up on our lane, but keep the light on. After assisting three more customers, I wander back to my till that has the closed sign up to find a woman unloading her cart at my till.)

    Me: “Oh! Hello, ma’am. Just for future reference, even if the light is on, but the closed sign is up, the till is not open. That way you won’t have to wait next time.”

    Customer: “THE LIGHT WAS ON! YOU’RE OPEN IF IT’S ON!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I do apologize, but the sign was clearly up. I’m just letting you know for next time so you won’t be delayed! I truly apolo—”

    Customer: “IF THE F****** LIGHT IS ON, YOU’RE GODDAMNED OPEN. SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DO YOUR JOB!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I truly am sorry about that—”

    (At this point, the customer has finished slamming her purchases onto the counter and leans over the lane to be about two inches from my face. It should be noted I’m in my mid-twenties.)

    Customer: “I DID NOT COME HERE TO BE LECTURED BY SOME STUPID LITTLE CHILD!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I apologize. I wasn’t trying to lecture you—”

    Customer: “MAYBE NEXT TIME YOU CAN SHUT YOUR MOUTH AND DO YOUR JOB, YOU IDIOT!”

    (At this point I stay quiet throughout the rest of the transaction, process her card, and hand her the receipt to sign. I say nothing.)

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    Me: “…”

    Customer: “I SAID THANK YOU!”

    (As she leaves, she pulls over my supervisor.)

    Customer: “I need to give a formal complaint about the horrible and disrespectful service this employee gave!”

    (The next customer going through the till behind me walks over.)

    Next Customer: “And I have to comment on how polite that employee was, despite you being so rude!”

    (Both customers got into a verbal altercation. Thank you to the random customer who stood up for me!)

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