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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    They Are Calorie Counting On Each Other

    , | Eugene, OR, USA | At The Checkout, Bigotry, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (I am a customer. There’s a woman in line ahead of me, already at the register and ordering for herself and three kids, and a guy behind me. Another customer comes in. He looks to be in a rush, muttering under his breath about people not ordering until they know what they want. The young woman working the register has a slight but obvious German accent, but not thick enough to present any difficulty communicating at all. I get to the counter.)

    Me: “Hi! I’d like a regular meal, but can I substitute the drink with a shake?”

    (The cashier repeats it back to me, as one would logically do to make sure. The impatient customer barks at her.)

    Impatient Customer: “If you spoke English right, you’d know that’s what he said the first time!”

    Me: “I’ll bet her English is a h*** of a lot better than your German, dude.”

    Impatient Customer: “I don’t have to know that s***, because we’re in America!”

    Me: “And I can take my time giving her my order… because we’re in America.”

    (I turn to the cashier.)

    Me: “Do you still have any of the strawberry pies tonight?”

    Cashier: “Yes, sir. Would you like one?”

    Me: “I don’t know. Is the calorie amount listed for them on the menu right?”

    (The cashier smiles as she catches on.)

    Cashier: “I believe so, sir. If you’ll wait just a moment, I’ll bring the official list from the office to make sure.”

    (As she starts to turn toward the office, a second cashier comes from the back and tells her that she’ll go get it for her. The impatient customer has had enough. He starts moaning to the customer in line behind me.)

    Impatient Customer: “This is bull-s***!”

    Customer Behind Me: “Those pies sound good. I want to know more about them.”

    (The impatient customer turns to the cashier.)

    Impatient Customer: “Get your manager!”

    (The second cashier is just putting a key in the office door. She turns toward the impatient customer and smiles.)

    Second Cashier: “I’m the manager, sir. I’ll be happy to help you as soon as I get the nutritional information for the gentleman who is being served right now. You’ll be served when your turn comes, or I can ring you up myself as soon as I get the list. I’m not sure where it is in there, though, so I may be a while.”

    (The impatient customer is now red-faced, and turns to each of us as he enunciates each word, looking at me first.)

    Impatient Customer: “F***. ALL. OF. YOU! I’m going to [other fast food chain]!”

    (He storms out and we all start laughing. I look at my watch.)

    Me: “[Other fast food chain] closed three minutes ago.”

    A Garden Needs A Good Offence

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Home Improvement

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have a ques—oh.”

    (She folds her arms, and eyes me critically.)

    Me: “Yes?”

    Customer: “Well, I doubt you would know. You look awfully young.”

    (I am 21, but look younger.)

    Me: “I’m older than I look. What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “No, I really don’t think you would know. You look like a d*** little kid!”

    (I raise my eyebrows and stare at her.)

    Customer: “I guess that was a little rude, huh.”

    Me: “More than a little. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Like I said, I doubt it. I like that pink plant over there, but I don’t know anything about it.”

    (I rattle off the plant’s name, sun preference, average height and width, and how often to water and fertilize it.)

    Customer: “Huh! You did know all about it! I just seem to keep offending people today; every time I open my mouth!”

    Me: “Maybe try keeping it shut.”

    Pumped Up About Not Pumping Up

    | TN, USA | At The Checkout, Money

    (A customer is yelling and swearing at the new cashier, insisting that the amount of gas he put in his car wasn’t the amount he was charged. The cashier is getting a little frazzled.)

    Me: “Hey, what’s wrong?”

    Customer: “This d*** store gave me less gas than I paid for! The pump is wrong!”

    Me: “So, wait. You mean that you bought a pre-set amount of gas, pumped it, and you think the pump gave you the wrong amount?”

    Customer: “Yes! My tank should be full, and it’s not!”

    Me: “Sir, those gas pumps are federally regulated. I happen to know—for a fact—that you actually get slightly more than you pay for, just so this sort of thing doesn’t happen.”

    Customer: “That’s stupid; this is none of your business, b****!”

    (He turns to the cashier.)

    Customer: “I want to speak to your manager!”

    Cashier: “Sir, he’s in Puerto Rico.”

    Customer: “Well, I need to talk to him now!”

    Cashier: “From Puerto Rico?”

    Customer: “Yes, you d*** b****!”

    Me: “[Cashier], don’t call him.”

    Customer: “What the h*** do you think you’re doing? I said call him!”

    Me: “Well, sir, she could call him. But I really doubt he’d be willing to help you after you cussed out his employee and his daughter.”

    (The customer storms out and returns a few minutes later. I’m about to threaten to call the police, when he passes the cashier a $20 bill.)

    Customer: “I, uh, forgot to pump it, sorry.”

    Currently, They Cannot See Currency, Part 2

    | Brisbane, QLD, Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    (One of our self-serve machines is currently unable to accept or dispense any cash. There are four signs on the machine stating this. We have four other machines that are working fine and can accept cash. A customer walks straight up to the machine with signs on it, ignoring the four other vacant machines.)

    Me: “Excuse me, ma’am; I am just letting you know that these machines are EFT only. They can’t accept cash.”

    (The customer brushes me off.)

    Customer: “Yes, yes, whatever.”

    (At the end of her transaction, she yells at me to attend to her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, what seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Where do you put the coins?”

    Me: “This machine is EFT only. It is unable to accept cash.”

    Customer: “Yes, but where do I put the coins?”

    (I talk a little bit slower.)

    Me: “This machine can not accept cash.”

    Customer: “So where do I put the coins?”

    Me: “Would you like me to move you to another machine, as this one will not take any cash?”

    Customer: “No, it’s fine. I’ll pay with my card. You really should put signs up, or tell people they can’t pay with cash, though.”

    (I looks at the four signs individually, and then back to the customer.)

    Me: “You’re right. Signs on the machine might help. Or I should start telling customers when they walk up to the machine.”

    Customer: “Yes, you should! It would have saved me a lot of time and hassle!”

    Related:
    Currently, They Cannot See Currency

    Making A Spectacle Of Himself

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Liars & Scammers

    (I am a manager at a small sunglasses store in a mall. I am not currently in the store.)

    Customer: “Yo, clean these for me.”

    (He throws the glasses at the clerk.)

    Clerk: “Oh, okay. Here let me get a cloth and the cleaning spray.”

    (The glasses land on the ground because they were thrown.)

    Clerk: “Let me get those, and get them clean for y—”

    Customer: “B****, you wrecked my glasses! The icon’s missing; you owe me a brand new pair!”

    (Icons fit on the side of the glasses to jazz them up.)

    Clerk: “Sir, you threw your glasses at me. I didn’t even see if you had the icons. Let’s look and see if there’s one on the floor here.”

    (The clerk very patiently starts searching, even going so far as to get a broom and try and sweep under displays, just in case.)

    Customer: “You wrecked my glasses; give me a new pair now!”

    Clerk: “Sir, I can’t do that. Your glasses are right here; they’re fine. You know what? I’ll find you another pair of icons, on me, for the trouble.”

    (Icons cost $15 a pair. My staff know that we’d authorize them to take a loss on such a small item to make a customer’s day.)

    Customer: “B****, these were special order. I’m not leaving until you give me two pairs of these sunglasses to make up for you f****** up.”

    Clerk: “I’m not giving you any sunglasses. I offered you a free pair of icons. Don’t swear at me again, or I will call security and have you escorted out.”

    Customer: “Get your manager now, b****!”

    (I live across the street from the mall. My staff knows I’ll come over for any reason. My clerk calls me, and I can hear she’s almost crying. I tell her I’ll be there in 10 minutes. The clerk hangs up with me and tells the customer.)

    Customer: “I ain’t got 10 minutes to wait for some other b**** to get here. Give me two pairs of glasses to make up for this s***, NOW!”

    Clerk: “Look, I’m not giving you anything. I’ll tell you now, my manager’s not going to give you anything either. If you can’t wait for her, leave me your name and number, and I’ll have her call you.”

    Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** to call me, and I’ll get my free glasses.”

    Clerk: “Alright, can I have your name and number?”

    Customer: “No, you can’t have my personal info. Who the f*** do you think you are?”

    Clerk: “I need your name and number if you want the manager to call you.”

    Customer: “Alright, you tell that b**** my name is Mutha-f**** Jones.”

    (The customer stomps out. I arrive a couple minutes later to an empty store, save for a shaken clerk.)

    Me: “Where’s the guy who’s freaking out?”

    Clerk: “He said he couldn’t wait, but you can call him to discuss it. Here’s his info.”

    (She hands me a card with his name on it.)

    Me: “Seriously?”

    Clerk: “Yep. Maybe you can call 411 and get them to look up Mr Jones for you.”

    Me: “I’ll get right on that.”

    (I look at the security footage, and am pretty sure he doesn’t have the icons to begin with. The crazy dude actually comes back. I call security and give him h*** for trying to scam my clerk.)


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