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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Cougar Town

    | Plattsburg, MO, USA | At The Checkout, Criminal/Illegal, Rude & Risque

    (I work in a small town gas station where you can pump your fuel before you pay. A little old lady—who is probably in her 80s—comes in to pay for fuel.)

    Old Lady: “I guess you want my money, right?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’d hate to call the cops on you.”

    Old Lady: “But it would spice up my day!”

    Coworker: “You should let them pursue you!”

    Old Lady: “Are there any cute ones on duty?”

    Me: “Sherman?”

    Coworker: “Eh. But he looks about 12.”

    Old Lady: “But you find them young to raise them how you want!”

    Counting On Each Other

    | Mt. Juliet, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month

    (I am the customer at one register checking out. There is another customer at the other register, who is accompanied by her four-year-old daughter. The daughter is bouncing all over the place, looking at toys and candy while her mother’s purchases are being bagged.)

    Little Girl: “Mommy! Mommy! Can we get this for the new house?”

    (The little girl holds up a miniature basketball hoop and ball.)

    Mother: “No, sweetie. We don’t need it.”

    Little Girl: “Okay!”

    (The little girl continues rummaging through the nearby racks avidly. The cashier hands the mother her receipt.)

    Mother: “Come on, [name]; time to go!”

    (The little girl half turns to look at her mother, clearly still engrossed in the toys.)

    Little Girl: “I need a count of four.”

    Mother: “One… two…”

    Little Girl: “Okay! Coming!”

    Drugs Can Make You See Things

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Funny Names, Health & Body, Top

    (I am at the pharmacy picking up my prescription. I am standing in line behind a very elderly lady.)

    Pharmacist: “Hello, ma’am. What can I do for you?”

    Elderly Lady: “I am picking up my prescription. It’s under Mrs. [last name].”

    (I overhear the elderly lady, and realize that she has the same last name as I do. This is not a totally uncommon name, but it doesn’t happen too often.)

    Pharmacist: “Okay! Here we go I think it’s… huh…”

    (The pharmacist looks confused as she picks up some pills.)

    Pharmacist: “Can you tell me your first name please? I don’t think I grabbed the right one.”

    Elderly Lady: “Sure, it’s [first name].”

    (By a crazy coincidence, this is my first name too! At this point the pharmacist widens her eyes in shock as she stares at the pill box in her hand. She starts to stammer.)

    Pharmacist: “But… um… I don’t… uhh… how?”

    Me: “Um, I think those might be mine. I have the same first name and last name. Those are my birth control pills.”

    Pharmacist: “Oh thank GOD! I thought I was in the twilight zone!”

    Elderly Lady: “Oh dear! No wonder! No I don’t want THOSE!”

    In Need Of Potty-Mouth Training

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Language & Words

    (I’m a cashier at a large store, and it’s nearly the end of my shift. Its fairly busy, and the customer I’m checking out is putting in her information for the check she’s writing.)

    Me: “Okay, go ahead and press ‘okay,’ and then sign.”

    Customer: “Alright.”

    (A couple comes up behind her with a three-year-old boy in the cart, and starts loading their items on the conveyor belt.)

    Young Boy: “F*** off!”

    Customer: “Excuse me!?”

    Young Boy: “F*** off! F*** off!”

    Customer: “Ma’am, shouldn’t you do something about your son’s mouth?”

    (The mother and father look shocked.)

    Mother: “Oh, h*** no! My son can say whatever he wants to some uppity b****!”

    (The customer looks surprised and hurt, and walks off after I give her the check and receipt. The manager comes over.)

    Manager: “Your son needs to stop yelling that to other customers in line.”

    Mother: “H*** NO!”

    Manager: “Then you can leave.”

    (The mother makes a fuss and leaves, while watching me like I have done something wrong. Afterwards, the manager turns to me.)

    Manager: “You wanna go home early?”

    Me: “Absolutely.”

    Unnatural Attitude

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (This month, we are taking donations for children with a particular disease, and ask our customers if they’d like to donate at the end of the transaction. I ask the current customer if he would like to make a small donation.)

    Customer: “No thanks. I believe in natural selection.”

    (I freeze, and so does everyone standing behind him.)

    Me: “Sir, this is for children with [disease].”

    Customer: “Yeah, I know. Still, natural selection. If I had [disease], I know I wouldn’t want people donating to save me if I was going to die. The money can be better spent on other things.”

    (By this point, half the line is glaring at him, and I’m still stunned.)

    Me: “Even if you were a child, sir?”

    Customer: “Yup.”

    Me: “…here’s your receipt.”

    (The customer leaves, and I begin taking care of the next customer.)

    Next Customer: “Before you get too far, I’d like to donate $2 to make up for that guy. ‘Natural selection!’ What a monster!”

    (After this customer, everyone in line who has seen our exchange made a sizable donation for the cause! Certainly made up for ‘natural selection’ guy!)

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