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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Self-Expression Lane

    | New Braunfels, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Top

    (At my store, we try to send out baggers with customers who have the electric carts so they can bring them back inside and keep them charged. We don’t keep baggers on our express ’10-items-or-less’ lanes, so I call down to another register to have a bagger help out the customer I’ve just checked out.)

    Me: “Alright, ma’am, someone will be down in just a moment to help you outside. Have a good rest of your day!”

    Customer: “Thank you!”

    (The customer scoots up a little bit, but not completely out of the line. I begin ringing up customer behind her while the bagger makes her way over to my end of checkout. A customer in my line starts yelling.)

    Yelling Customer: “Lady, you need to move!”

    Customer: “Excuse me?”

    Yelling Customer: “Get out of the way; you’re holding everyone up! You’re not the only person in this store you know!”

    (The bagger arrives about this time, and she and the elderly customer proceed outside. I continue checking out people and eventually reach the man who was yelling at the woman. He proceeds to unload his cart and clearly has way more than 10 items.)

    Yelling Customer: “Wow, some people are just so inconsiderate. They act like they’re the only people on Earth. They just don’t care!”

    Me: “You’re very right. I find there are many folks who are unable to count to 10 as well.”

    Yelling Customer: *shuts up*

    Being Extra Extra Extra Polite

    , | Palmerston North, New Zealand | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

    (I’m working the drive thru.)

    Me: “Hi there, please place your order when you’re ready, thanks.”

    Customer: “Hi, could I get a [popular burger combo] with extra extra extra mayo, please?”

    Me: “Sure, that was [burger] with add mayo?”

    Customer: “Can you add more than that?”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Sure, I’ll add extra extra mayo. That’s [total], drive on up.”

    (When the customer gets to the window, I pack up her order, and laugh. They’d written ‘+mayo +mayo +mayo’ all over the burger wrap.)

    Me: “Here you go, miss, with extra extra extra mayo.”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *opens up the bag, and laughs* “Or, should I say, thank you, thank you, thank you?”

    Don’t Know What Game He Is Trying To Play

    | Seattle, WA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Health & Body

    (A short line forms at my checkout counter, and the first customer in line is a confused-looking man. He’s pretty out of it, but he seems friendly enough. He sets down a few items, and while I add up the purchases he browses the cigarettes, lotto, and scratch-off tickets kept behind the counter.)

    Customer: “What are the cheapest cigarettes you have?”

    Me: “That would be [brand]. What flavor would you like?”

    Customer: “What are the flavors?”

    (I list the flavors and he chooses one. Thinking he’s finished, I ring up the cigarettes too, and give him his total. He pauses in thought.)

    Customer: “Actually, can I get the menthol instead?”

    Me: “Uh, sure. No problem.”

    (I switch the cigarettes. Luckily they are the same price.)

    Me: “Will there be anything else?”

    Customer: “One lottery please.”

    Me: “Okay, what game do you want to play?”

    Customer: “What games are there?”

    (I list the games and how much they cost.)

    Customer: “One [game].”

    (I print the ticket and ring it up. He takes a long pause.)

    Customer: “And a [different game].”

    (I print ticket and ring it up. Pause.)

    Customer: “And [third game].”

    (The line behind him has grown by a couple people. By this point I’m a little irked by his random impulsive decisions and sluggish pace, but I follow his requests with a smile. He then notices the scratch-off ticket display.)

    Customer: “What games are these?”

    Me: *sighs*

    (I go over the games and costs and he proceeds to pick them one at a time, despite my asking if there’s multiple things I can get him at once. The whole transaction has gone on for longer than five minutes now. Once he’s done, he drops a wad of crumpled up cash and loose change on my counter. I count out what he owes while he stares blankly. As I finish counting his change, I’m about to finally cash out the transaction.)

    Customer: “Can I have another [scratch-off game]?”

    Me: “Will that be it, sir? Is there anything else you want right now?”

    Customer: “No.”

    (I silently fume, but add the ticket and take the additional money for it. He stares at the change left in front of him.)

    Customer: “Do I need more money?”

    Me: “NO! You are all paid for! You are good to go. All set.”

    (He gathers his pile of goods, tickets and change and leaves. Finally, the clearly annoyed customers still in line move forward.)

    Next Customer: “Well, that must have been frustrating.”

    Me: “Tell me about it.”

    (I ring up the next customer quickly and easily and he leaves. Five seconds later, he comes back in.)

    Next Customer: “He’s pissing on your sidewalk.”

    Me: “WHAT?!”

    (Lo and behold, only about 20 feet outside the door, the first customer has his fly open and is urinating on the side of the sidewalk, in broad daylight.)

    Me: “HEY YOU, STOP IT!”

    (The customer looks up, stops and zips up his fly. He then begins to walk back towards me and the store.)

    Customer: “I’m so sorry; I didn’t know you couldn’t. I didn’t know.”

    (As a gesture of peace, he offers me his hand that had been previously occupied only few seconds before.)

    Me: “JUST GO!”

    Piercing Judgments

    | Medford, MA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Health & Body, Top

    (I have a purple/reddish birthmark about the size of a quarter above my eyebrow. I generally forget it exists. A self-important looking customer in his 60s comes to my register.)

    Customer: “Serves you right.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “What happened, did it get infected?” *huffs* “That’s what you get for piercing your face.”

    (Note: I have several small studs in each ear, but no other piercings.)

    Me: “I don’t know what you mean.”

    Customer: *smugly points to my eyebrow without saying a word*

    Me: “That’s actually a birthmark, but thanks for being so judgmental!”

    (The customer turns red, grabs his coffee, and quickly walks away without saying a word. He nearly spills his coffee on someone else in the process!)

    He’s Got The Bear Necessities

    | MN, USA | At The Checkout, Family & Kids, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (A little boy, around five or six, comes into my work with his parents. He has a scab below his eye.)

    Me: “Hey, buddy! What happened to your eye?”

    Boy: *looking down, embarrassed* “I fell off a chair.”

    (I lean down, and whisper to him just loud enough for his parents to hear.)

    Me: “Just tell people you got in a fight with a bear, and WON!”

    Boy: *lights up* “Yeah! Dad, can I say that?”

    Dad: “Well, that’s what happened, right? You got in a fight with a bear and WON!”

    Boy: “YEAH!”

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