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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    And The Children Shall Lead

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I am cleaning off my register, when I hear two customers arguing in my line.)

    Customer #1: “I was here first!”

    Customer #2: “No, I was!”

    Customer #1: “I WAS! I was here literally five seconds before you, b****! It’s my turn!”

    (Customer #2 rams her cart into Customer #1′s and gets ahead.)

    Customer #2: “I win!”

    (Customer #1 flips her off and goes to the next lane. I’m not really sure what to do, so I just start ringing up her groceries.)

    Me: “And how are you today?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, just fine! Can you believe the childish things people will do just to get ahead in line? I mean really!”

    A Real Woman Versus Half A Man

    | Waterbury, CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Books & Reading, Health & Body, Top

    (I am in line to purchase books. The cashier is a teenage girl who has somewhat obvious dark upper-lip hair. The customer she is currently serving speaks up.)

    Customer: “Is there anyone else who can scan my books?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir, but the only cashiers we have today are my colleague and myself.”

    Customer: “Your manager, then.”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry; she’s covering in the café right now. They’re very busy as you can see.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not having some hairy bimbo with a moustache touching my books!”

    (The cashier looks like she’s about to cry. Having heard his last comment, I look up from reading the back of one of my books.)

    Me: “Sir, there’s no need to be rude. She’s just doing her job, and you berating her isn’t helping.”

    Customer: “No one asked you!”

    Me: “No, but you just happened to have p***** off the wrong person. Do you have a smart phone?”

    Customer: “Pssh, who doesn’t?”

    Me: “Do me a favor and google ‘polycystic ovarian syndrome.’”

    Customer: “That isn’t real.”

    Me: “Google it.”

    (The male customer takes out his phone and starts searching the internet. By this point, nearly everyone is watching the exchange, and a few people have run for the manager.)

    Customer: “It’s some woman thing.”

    Me: “It’s a disease caused by an imbalance between the estrogen and testosterone in a woman’s body. It messes with her whole reproductive system, and the increased testosterone can cause excess oil production, a slightly deeper voice, increased body hair and the possibility of a visible Adam’s Apple. Oh yeah, and in extreme cases, it can cause a woman’s body to be more boyishly shaped.”

    Customer: “The h***! How would you know?! This s*** makes girls look like Bigfoot!”

    (I point to the surplus of blonde hair on my arms, my somewhat broad shoulders, the marks of waxing on my neck, and the very slight Adam’s Apple.)

    Me: “You happen to be talking to someone who has known she’s had the disease for the last 10 years. My case is on the line of moderate to severe. It’s treatable, but the only options out there have already nearly killed me once, so I just wax and the rest of me is what it is. Regardless of whether this poor girl has it or not, you shouldn’t just judge people because of a little hair.”

    Customer: “So, you’re really a man.”

    Me: “No, I’m all woman, but a woman willing to kick your a** if you don’t apologize to this girl.”

    (The customer turns around and sees that not only is the cashier crying, but the manager and security have appeared.)

    Me: “Miss, if it makes you feel any better, I’ve been in your shoes. I got made fun of all through high school.”

    (Security takes the guy and disappears. I walk up to the counter and put my books down.)

    Me: “I know it was presumptuous of me to throw ‘PCOS’ out there, but the look on your face when he made his comment looked all too familiar. My apologies.”

    Cashier: “I was just diagnosed with it a few weeks ago; it hasn’t sunk in yet. I got my first paycheck from here today and was going to get my lip waxed after work. How did you know?”

    Me: “Pretty much the comment he made about your lip. You know, aside from that, I can’t tell at all.”

    Cashier: “Really?”

    Me: “Really. You are a very lovely girl. There are support groups and such online where you can talk to other women and girls. You’re not alone.”

    (The cashier starts crying again, so the manager sends her on her break, and gives me an extra discount on top of my member card to thank me!)

    Political (Weather) Front

    | The Netherlands | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Politics

    (A customer has just bought a paper, and since it’s a quiet day, I make some small talk with him. It is currently very bad weather for the time of the year. It’s cold and very windy.)

    Me: “So, did you make it through the storm?”

    Customer: “Well, I survived, but it’s so cold!”

    Me: “Yeah, I—”

    Customer: “I think it’s a conspiracy from the European Union.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, how?”

    Customer: “The EU is making the weather extra cold, so we use more gas for the heater, and we have higher gas bills.”

    Me: “Well, I’m sure the EU doesn’t have the technology to control the weather.”

    Customer: “You never know with the EU!”

    Me: “But controlling the weather—”

    Customer: “You know how they are! For example, now with all the fuss about Cyprus. All they did was spend the same amount of money as Germany, but Germany is fine, and Cyprus is in a crisis!”

    Me: “But Germany is a lot bigger than Cyprus.”

    Customer: “Yeah, they sure are!”

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    If They Were Good At Math They Wouldn’t Gamble

    | ME, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (I work as a cashier for the only supermarket in town. A couple comes in and buys cigarettes, alcohol, sandwiches and lottery tickets.)

    Man: “I would like to cash this lottery ticket in.”

    Me: “Okay, no problem.”

    (I bring the ticket to the scanner, and it rings in as a $50.00 winner.)

    Me: “Would you like me to deduct the winnings from your purchase, or have the cash?”

    Woman: “Just deduct it from the purchase.”

    (I deduct the $50.00, and ring in the rest of the groceries. After the deduction, the order comes up to about $35.00, and they give me a $50.00 bill.)

    Me: “Here’s your change, $15.00. Thank you, have a great day!”

    Woman: “Hey! You didn’t give us all our change back! Where’s our $50.00?!”

    Me: “Your order came up to $35.00, in which I gave you $15.00 in change, because the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning.”

    Man: “But our order didn’t f****** come up to that much!”

    Me: “Well, you have $30.00 worth of scratch tickets, alcohol, groceries, sandwiches, and cigarettes. The whole order would’ve come up to about $85.00 altogether.”

    Man: “But where’s our f****** $50.00?!”

    Me: “Sir, if I had given you the $50.00 cash, and the whole order came up to $85.00, in which you would’ve given me two $50.00 dollar bills, and I would’ve given you $15.00 in change still.”

    Woman: “What the h*** are you talking about? We still didn’t buy that much! You must’ve overcharged us! I demand your manager!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the manager is not present at the moment. I will ring your purchase, and your receipt will show that I have not overcharged you.”

    (I print the receipt, and show them that the $50.00 was deducted in the beginning at their request, and the rest of the groceries were expensive still.)

    Man: “You know what? You don’t know how to do your simple f****** job! No wonder you’re just a cashier and not in college!”

    Me: “Sir, if you’d wish, you can leave your name and number with me, and I will give you a refund if we find my drawer is any money over tomorrow.)

    Woman: “Forget it, you stupid b****!”

    Man: “Just keep it, you greedy a**-hole!”

    (They both storm out with their groceries. I ask the next day and the drawer did not come up over. When they came in next, they were given a lecture on how they spoke to me.)

    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward, Part 2

    | Jersey City, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I’m about to ring a customer up. I’m supposed to ask if they have our rewards card, and if they say no, I offer them to sign up for it, as it’s free of charge and relatively quick to do.)

    Me: “Good evening, ma’am. Do you have a rewards card?”

    Customer: “No. What’s the benefit of it?”

    Me: “The rewards card allows you to get the sale prices of whatever’s on sale for the week, and with certain sale items and over the counter medications. You build up rewards points, which you can use to save money later on.”

    Customer: “Okay. Do I need anything for it?”

    Me: “All we need is some basic info, just for identification purposes. Would you like to sign up? It’s free of charge.”

    Customer: *says nothing, fumbles around her purse*

    Me: “Ma’am? Would you like to sign up for the card?”

    (The customer takes out her credit card and swipes it, paying for the purchase.)

    Me: “Okay.”

    (I hand her the receipt and her bags.)

    Me: “Have a good night.”

    Customer: “So, do I get the rewards now?”

    Me: *screaming internally*

    Related:
    Stupidity Is Its Own Reward

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