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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    The Answer To Their Own Question

    | FL, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Workers, Books & Reading, Food & Drink, Top

    (Today all my customers have been placing the exact same order, so I decide to have fun with the next one who comes in.)

    Me: “Hello. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “Hi! Can I have—”

    Me: “A pound of [Brand] oven roasted turkey? Sliced thin?”

    Customer: “Um, yes…”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Coming right up.”

    (I slice the turkey for her and hand it to her.)

    Me: “Would you like anything else today?”

    Customer: “Can I also have—”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. One pound of [Brand] white American cheese, coming up.”

    (Her eyes go wide but she doesn’t say anything. I look through the cold case but don’t find an open package of the cheese.)

    Me: “Oh, looks like I need to open a new package. One moment, please.”

    (I step out from behind the counter and open up the door on the front of the case to get a new package of cheese.)

    Customer: “Wow! I didn’t know—”

    Me: “That’s okay. Most people don’t know the doors open from the front.”

    (Her eyes get even wider. I try not to snicker as I slice her cheese.)

    Me: “Aaaaand there you go. Will that be all for you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “What number am I—”

    Me: “42.”

    (She snatches the cheese and runs out the front door at full speed.)

    Coworker: “How did you know what number she was thinking?”

    Me: “Douglas Adams, dude. 42 is always the answer.”

    Coworker: “You’re sick, man.”

    Me: “I knew you’d say that.”

    Best To Let Sleeping Service Dogs Lie

    | USA | At The Checkout, Health & Body

    (I am disabled and have a service dog that accompanies me everywhere, including my job. I typically run a register, and he will either sit or lay beside me on the rubber mat behind the register. I typically don’t talk about my disabilities with strangers, since some people can be rather mean.)

    Customer: “Oh, a service dog! Are you training it?”

    Me: *ringing up customer’s items* “No. He’s mine.”

    Customer: “But you don’t look disabled.”

    (I just smile and continue their transaction.)

    Customer: “Oh! Do you have seizures?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “Diabetes?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “PTSD?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Customer: “Well! I wasn’t trying to be nosy. Hmph!”

    Me: “Sorry about that. Your total will be [total].”

    (The customer pays and takes his bags, starts heading for the door before turning back to me.)

    Customer: “I’m sorry. That was rude of me, wasn’t it?”

    Me: “Something like that.”

    Not A Bad Penny Among Them

    | Flagstaff, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m working as a cashier. I have a line of three people.)

    Me: “Hi. How are you doing tonight?”

    Customer #1: “Not bad, and you?”

    Me: “Well, to be honest, it’s my first night, and it definitely could be going better! I just had a customer pay for her entire $25 order in dimes and nickels!”

    (Customer #1 and Customer #3 wince and make sympathetic noises as I finish ringing out Customer #1. Meanwhile, Customer #2 goes absolutely white as a sheet.)

    Customer #2: “I’m really, REALLY sorry. You are going to hate me.”

    (Customer #2 places a $40 bottle of whiskey on the counter, and begins emptying his pockets…of pennies.)

    Me: *whimpers*

    (Thankfully, Customer #2 and Customer #3 helped me count!)

    Finally Sees Cents

    | Melbourne, VIC, Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Math & Science, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (The price of the fuel has gone up, from $0.537 cents per litre, to $0.539 cents per litre. We always change the outside signs BEFORE we change the price on the pump. A customer pulls up just as the price is changing. She fills her car with fuel and pays. She turns to leave, then looks at her receipt. She returns to the counter.)

    Customer: “Um, excuse me, but you have ripped me off. You have charged me the wrong price.”

    Me: I’m sorry? Let me take a look at the receipt.

    (I look at the receipt, and it clearly shows the price as being $0.539 cents per litre. She had purchased 25 litres.)

    Customer: “See, it’s the wrong price. You are rip-off merchants. You have stolen my money!”

    Me: “Ma’am, the price is correct, I’m unsure as to what you are referring.”

    Customer: “When I drove in, the pump said 53.7 and then you charge me 53.9 cents a litre! That’s extortion!”

    Me: “Well, actually the signs outside clearly indicate the price, and the pumps had just changed as you pulled up.”

    Customer: “So you admit it! You have ripped me off! I want to see the manager!”

    Me: “I am the manager, ma’am. For the inconvenience, I shall refund you the difference.”

    (I hand her the five cents.)

    Customer: “Seriously? I’m not stupid you know! It’s a lot more than just five cents!”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, you purchased 25 litres yes?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “The price went from 53.7 CENTS a litre to 53.9 CENTS a litre?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

    Me: “So 25 multiplied by .2 of a cent equates to 5 cents.”

    (Red faced and obviously extremely mortified, the customer raced out of the store without so much as a ‘sorry!’)

    Paying The Price Of Stupidity

    | Australia | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money, Theme Of The Month, Top

    Customer: “What is the price of this?”

    Me: *looking at price sticker* “It’s $20.”

    Customer: “I thought things here were discounted?”

    Me: “They are.” *I point to the price tag* “The original price was $100.”

    (The customer points to the sticker with item’s model number printed on it.)

    Customer: “That’s the price there.”

    Me: “No. That’s the model number.”

    Customer: “That’s the price, $3.85.”

    Me: “No. There is no dollar sign in front of the number. It’s not the price, it’s the model number.”

    Customer: “It’s clearly printed and it’s the price. You have to give it to me at that price, just as it’s written.”

    Me: “Okay. You’ve got me. That’ll be $385, please.”

    Customer: “What? Why? You can’t charge me that much!”

    Me: “Well, you wanted the price to be just as it’s written, even though there is no dollar sign and it’s not on our normal price sticker. I need to point out that there is also no decimal point between the 3 and the 8.”

    (The customer paid the $20.)

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