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  • Always Time For A Rhyme
    (2,226 thumbs up)
  • Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Has Not Registered The Lack Of Pockets

    | UK | At The Checkout, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (A customer brings some items to my register and I ring them up. The total is £5.50, and she hands me a £10 note. I’ve come across this scam many times, so rather than putting the customer’s money straight into the register, I always place it on top until the transaction is complete, and put it in the drawer at the last moment. It is summer, and I am wearing a light summer dress with no pockets.)

    Me: “Thanks, your change is £4.50, and here’s your receipt.”

    Customer: *staring at the money but not taking it* “I gave you a £20 note.”

    Me: “No, sorry, you paid with a £10 note. Your change is £4.50.”

    Customer: “No! I gave you a £20 note! You’re trying to short-change me!”

    Me: *smiling* “You gave me £10. This £10.” *I point at the note sitting on the register* “Your change is £4.50.”

    Customer: *red-faced and irate* “Get your manager!”

    (My manager is at a desk right behind me, and has heard everything.)

    Manager: “Can I help?”

    Customer: “She’s trying to steal my money! I gave her a £20, but she’s only giving me change for a £10!”

    Manager: *peering into my cash drawer* “Well, the drawer has two £5 notes, and about three £10 notes in it, but no £20 notes. Where exactly is the £20 note you paid with?”

    Customer: “Um… she must have pocketed it!”

    (The manager steps back, and makes a point of slowly looking up and down at my clearly pocketless outfit.)

    Manager: “Right… and where exactly would she have put it?”

    Customer: “Er…”

    Manager: “Right.” *to me* “Give her the change from the £10.”

    Me: “Here you go, £4.50!”

    Customer: “F*** you!”

    Manager: *to me* “I’ll make you a cup of tea. I think you need it.”

    Cold Customers To Calculating Staff

    | Ashford, Kent, UK | At The Checkout, Math & Science

    (Working on the till can sometimes get a bit boring and repetitive, especially when having to ask the same questions over and over again. To keep my brain busy, when a customer pays with cash I sometimes work out the change in my head before the till tells me what it is.)

    Me: “Your change today will be [amount].”

    (I enter the amount of money given into the till. Sure enough, I am correct with the change.)

    Customer: “You knew it beforehand? How did you know?”

    Me: “Um, mental arithmetic?”

    Customer: “No, no! You work in a shop! You shouldn’t know math! Honestly, what next?!”

    Coffee Cookie Kindness

    , | USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers, Food & Drink, Top

    (It is a busy Sunday morning, and I accidentally turn my register off. It takes about five minutes for the system to completely reboot and get back up and running. In that time a customer has pulled into my drive-thru lane.)

    Me: “Sorry, it should be just a minute before I can get your order in.”

    (As I say this, my computer crashes and I have to reboot it again. Since there is a line of customers ahead of them, they can’t pull up to the window to order either.)

    Me: *over the speaker* “I am so sorry about this! As soon as we get the line moving, I can get your order in at the first window.”

    Customer: “Don’t worry about it; we’re not in a hurry. Take your time!”

    (It takes two more minutes before I can get their coffee order in and they get to the first window to pay. They speak to my coworker.)

    Coworker: “Hello folks! Sorry it took so long. Your order has been paid for already, so go ahead and drive up to the next window.”

    Customer: “Paid for? Who paid for our order?”

    Coworker: “Actually, the girl that took your order felt so bad about her computer crashing she paid for your coffees.”

    (They leave a verbal thank you for me and leave. I think this is the end until an hour later the manager is screaming my name.)

    Manager: “What did you DO?!”

    Me: “I don’t know; what happened?”

    (The manager shows me the huge tray of piping hot homemade cookies. Apparently the customer’s wife decided to repay my kindness and made us all cookies! Best day of work ever!)

    If A Tree Falls In A Dollar Store…

    | OK, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I work in a dollar store that has a lot of varying inventory. It’s not uncommon for people to come in and ask me if we have received a particular item in on the truck.)

    Me: “Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “Yes I did. I love coming in here and seeing all the new stuff you get. But I have a question.”

    Me: “Sure, if I can’t answer it I’m sure I can find someone who can.”

    Customer: “If I’m looking for something and I can’t find it, is it free?”

    Me: “I would suppose so. If we don’t have it, I can’t charge you for buying it.”

    Customer: “So if I look around and I do find it?”

    Me: “Then you found it and it’s no longer free.”

    (The customer thinks for a second while I finish ringing him up, pays, and turns back to me as he’s walking out.)

    Customer: “You win this round; can I go home now?”

    Me: “I assume so; I’m not stopping you.”

    (The customer walks out happy as can be.)

    War On Terrible Customers

    | CA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Military

    (My husband and I are waiting in line. There is a customer in front of us that is finishing up her transaction, and a younger customer in the line behind us. The customer cashes out but then tells us it will be just one more minute since she has to ring up some other items in a separate transaction.)

    Younger Customer: “Oh my God, lady! Just hurry up already! People have places to be you know!”

    Customer: *turning to speak to us* “I’m so sorry; I just needed to ring my personal items up separately. You see, I volunteer to send care packages to our troops overseas and need to keep the donated items separate from my personal stuff.”

    My Husband: “Oh, no problem. It’s really awesome of you to do that! Take your time.”

    Customer: “I figure it’s the least I could do in exchange for everything they do for us.”

    (By this point, the younger girl behind us starts groaning again and I turn around and shoot her a dirty look. She turns a little red and looks away.)

    Customer: *after finishing her last transaction* “Oh dear, I forgot to scan these last few items. Oh well, I guess these will just have to be put back. I’m so sorry for the inconvenience!”

    My Husband: “Here, let us pay for those. Just stick them with our stuff.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay, thank you! Here you go. Have a wonderful evening.”

    (We put the items through on our order and just as the last one is scanned, the customer starts to walk away.)

    Me: “Ma’am, wait! Don’t forget about these!”

    Customer: “Oh, you guys are buying them for the care packages? I thought you were just going to keep them for yourself so they wouldn’t have to be put back. Oh my goodness, that is just the nicest thing!” *starts welling up* “You didn’t have to do that. You are such good people. Thank you so much! I know they will be appreciated!”

    (At this point, the customer comes back and gives us a hug before walking off. The younger customer starts unloading her cart full of stuff on the belt, but as soon as our transaction is finished, the checker decides to close the lane, forcing her to go stand in a line with about 10 other people waiting. Serves her right!)

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