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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Not-So-Smart-Phone, Part 9

    | Chicago, IL, USA | At The Checkout, Money, Technology

    (I’m at a coffee shop that has a clear ‘We do not accept $50s or $100s” on the cash register. Customer #1 is in line with Customer #2, a teenager, behind him.)

    Cashier: “I’m sorry, sir; we can’t accept $100s.”

    Customer #1: “You have to! You’re breaking the law!”

    (The customer starts ranting about it for a while. Meanwhile, the teenage customer behind him fiddles with her phone for a few moments before speaking up.)

    Customer #2: “Excuse me? But, no, that simply isn’t true. There is no law requiring businesses accept payment in $100 bills.”

    Customer #1: “What do you know about it? You’re just a kid!”

    Customer #2: “Well, for one, I can use Google. Here’s what the Treasury says…”

    (Customer #2 starts reading out the webpage on her phone which confirms what she says. Customer #1 shuts up and pays with normal bills.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 8
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 7
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 6
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4

    Smeagol, Medium Or Large

    , | UT, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers

    (I’m working a double shift. It is 5:30 pm, and I’ve been here since 8 am. I am the manager on duty.)

    Customer: “Yes, I’d like a large blizzard, m&m and cookie dough.”

    (I make the blizzard and place it in front of him. Large blizzards are in a 21 oz. cup.)

    Customer: “No, this isn’t a large and I ordered a large.”

    Coworker: “That is a large, sir.”

    Customer: “No, it’s not. They usually make them in this size cup.” *motions to the 32 oz. cup*

    Coworker: “No, those are shakes. They don’t have m&ms or cookie dough in them.”

    Customer: “They do it on the day shift all the time! I want what they give me!”

    (I decide to step in, because my coworker is starting to stumble and get uncomfortable.)

    Me: “Actually, sir, I’ve worked the day shift for three years now, and I’ve never seen you before in my life. Now, the large is in a 21 oz. cup.”

    Customer: “Get your manager.”

    Me: “You mean me?”

    Customer: “Not you, your manager.”

    Me: “Alright, one moment.”

    (I walk in the back, and talk to myself.)

    Me: “Yeah there’s guy out there that wants to talk to the manager on duty. Oh, ok… Well, I’ll go talk to him. Yes, sir? I’m the manager on duty; what is the problem?”

    Customer: *takes the blizzard and storms out*

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi, how can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I need a $500 money order.”

    Me: “Okay. It’s $501.20.”

    Customer: *hands over $7 cash*

    Me: “You’re still $494.20 short.”

    Customer: “What? What do you mean?”

    Me: “We need $500, plus $1.20 for processing the money order.”

    Customer: “This isn’t enough?”

    Me: “Sorry, a $500 money order costs $500.”

    Customer: “Oh. I didn’t know that.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    A Nasty Mood Swing

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests

    (I am a cashier at a home improvement store. A customer comes to my register pushing a cart with several heavy items in it.)

    Me: “Hi there, how are you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, just fine, thank you!”

    (We make small talk as I ring the customer up. She has been perfectly nice so far.)

    Me: “Do you want a hand loading your stuff?”

    Customer: “Yes, thank you. It was hard to get these in the cart!”

    Me: “Sure thing! I’ll page for one of the loaders. He’ll be right over.”

    (As I finish running the customer’s credit card through and hand her the receipt, she says something, but she mumbles and I don’t quite hear her.)

    Me: “Sorry, say again?”

    (The customer’s demeanor instantly changes from pleasant to furious.)

    Customer: “I SAID, Should I wait for the loading man HERE? Or I should I go and wait by the DOOR?”

    (I’m baffled by the mood swing, but I smile and put on my best cheerful voice.)

    Me: “Oh, it doesn’t matter! He’ll be here in just a minute and there’s no line, so you can wait right here if you don’t want to push the cart over to the door.”

    Customer: “Did I do something to you? Have I insulted you or your family?”

    Me: “Not… that I’m aware of…?”

    Customer: “I just asked a question and you’re being so NASTY to me! I don’t know why you had to be so rude just to answer my question!”

    Me: “I’m not being rude. I’m being matter-of-fact. It doesn’t matter if you wait right here or if you wait by the—”

    Customer: “You are so NASTY!”

    (The loading guy appears.)

    Loading Guy: “Can I help you, ma’am?”

    Customer: “Yes! You can take my things to my car and get me AWAY from this girl! She is so NASTY, I don’t know how you stand her!”

    (The loading guy shoots me a bewildered look, and walks out with the customer, who is still shouting about how nasty I am. He comes back in a couple minutes later.)

    Loading Guy: “What the f*** was that?”

    Me: “H*** if I know. I’m so glad I’m off tomorrow.”

    Drinking Responsibly

    | Pittsburgh, PA, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Underaged

    (While perusing the selection of beer at my local grocery store, I cannot help but notice the enormous, brightly-colored signs posted on every available surface which proclaim: “WE CARD EVERYONE”. After choosing what I want, I head for the checkout, being sure to get my ID out along with my credit card.)

    Me: “Just this, thanks.”

    (The employee looks at me nervously. I’m 29, but look a good bit younger.)

    Employee: “Now because this is alcoholic, ma’am, I am going to need to see your ID.”

    Me: “Of course, got it right here.”

    (The employee blinks in surprise, then smiles enormously and happily rings up my six-pack of hard cider.)

    Me: “Do people really give you that hard a time about this? You have huge red and yellow signs EVERYWHERE. Not to mention it’s kind of, you know, the law?”

    Employee: “Honey, you have no idea. Thank you for being smart. Here’s your receipt, and I hope you really enjoy that!”


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