November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: At The Checkout

The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

This Customer Is Not Worth A Dime

| FL, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

(I currently have a line at my register of a few people when two customers walk up to the side to ask a question. I’ve just finished with one person so I decided to quickly answer them before starting the next.)

Customer #1: “So, what is the price of this hat?”

(I flip the hat over and read the price printed on it.)

Me: “And just so you know, that’s actually part of the buy one get one half off, if you want to grab another hat.”

Customer #1: “Oh, okay!” *begins talking to her friend*

Me: *to the next person in line* “Hey, you ready to check out?”

Customer #2: “Oh, yeah, thanks.”

Customer #1: “Um, excuse me, you just cut in front of me in line, JUST SO YOU KNOW!” *storms off*

Customer #2: “Um… I’m sorry?”

Me: “Don’t worry about it; you were here first. I just answered a question for her really quick. Technically she skipped you.”

(About 10-15 minutes pass by and I get everyone else in line all dealt with when the girl comes back with two hats. I go through the process of asking for her email with she rolls her eyes at, then ring up her items and tell her the price.)

Customer #1: “Why is it that much?”

Me: “Well, it took [amount] off of this hat.”

Customer #1: “So the cheaper one was half off?”

Me: “…Yeah.”

Customer #1: “Why, that’s stupid. It should be the more expensive one. That’s LOGIC.”

(At this point, I’m annoyed. I’ve had a long day of frustrating customers and this girl has been rude from the start, so I couldn’t be bothered with being all smiles.)

Me: “Well, it’s a business and we’ve gotta make money.”

Customer #1: “Well, your business is stupid.”

Me: “…Okay. Do you still want to get both hats?”

Customer #1: “UGH. I guess.”

(I take her money and hand her her change, then SHE drops a dime on the floor trying to put it in her wallet.)

Customer #1: “Hey, open your register and give me a new dime!”

Me: “Uh… I can’t do that.”

Customer #1: “You have to. You can’t steal money from me!”

Me: “I can’t just take money out of the register. That would leave me short at the end of the night.”

Customer #1: “So? You need to give me another dime or you’re stealing from me.”

Me: “I can’t. I don’t owe you any more change. You dropped the dime.”

Customer #1: “I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN! THIS BUSINESS SUCKS!” *storms out of the store*

Manager: *who’s seen the whole thing* “We can only hope…”

Because… Math

| Toronto, ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Math & Science, Money

(The prices of the items are posted in huge numbers on the front of the display counter, impossible to miss. Our boneless chicken breasts are usually quite large, a fact which I always point out to people who are not regular customers.)

Customer: “Can I have some boneless breasts?”

Me: “Sure thing! They’re quite large, about a pound each. How many would you like?”

(The breasts are $5.99/lb, I’m trying to prevent sticker shock.)

Customer: “I’ll take six.”

Me: *bags and weighs six chicken breasts* “Okay, it comes to $36.”

Customer: “What?! Why is it so much?”

Me: “Because six times six is thirty-six.”

Wish You Could Chicken Out

USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’ll have a chicken sandwich.”

Me: “What kind of chicken?”

Customer: “Chicken.”

Me: “What kind of chicken?”

Customer: “Chicken!”

Me: “We have multiple kinds – the chicken breast, the chicken bacon ranch, the sriracha chicken melt, the chicken teriyaki, the buffalo chicken, and the cordon bleu. What kind?”

Customer: “The kind you always give me.”

Me: “Sir, I don’t know what your regular is.”

Customer: “Chicken Teriyaki.”

Me: “Thank you. Provolone, pepperjack, white American cheese?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: *looks for the nearest wall to bang his head into*

E(B)T Phone Home

| USA | At The Checkout, Money

(We have a department that handles people on the Lifeline program, which gives a free phone and minutes to low-income people. Normally I handle the paid customers, but on occasion the free phone people end up in my queue. Shenanigans invariably ensue.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I want to know if my [Store] Food Card can be used to pay for minutes?”

Me: “Pardon me, your what kind of card?”

Customer: “My [Store] FOOD Card. You know, you get it from the government to pay for food.”

Me: “Oh. Do you mean an EBT card?”

Customer: “Yeah!  My EBT card! I just scan it at [Store] and it pays for my food. Can I get a plan with it?”

Me: “Um, no, sir.”

Customer: “Well, WHY NOT?! It’s a government phone. It’s a government card. Now, you let me pay for my plan!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t. The EBT program is only for food and other edible products, not for telephone plans.”

Customer: “Well, just run it through and see. I bet it takes it.”

Me: “No sir, I can’t do that. Do you have an airtime card, a credit, or debit card? I can use those.”

Customer: “Well, this EBT is a card! Take it!”

Make Me One With Everything

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

(I’m the weird customer in this one. I AM visiting a friend in New York and still pretty groggy from travel. We stop for lunch.)

Cashier: “What would you like on your hot dog? Sauerkraut? Cheese?”

(I am sleepy, but at this point I should clarify I’m from Chicago, where hot dogs are a bit different.)

Me: “Oh, everything.”

Cashier: *looking a little… concerned* “Uh, really?”

Me: *finally realizing what nacho cheese and pickled cabbage would taste like* “Oh, uh, no, guess that would be… silly.”

(At least the cashier was pretty amused. My friend still teases me.)