(I’m working at the self-checkout area. I watch over the customers, and help them if they seem lost. One customer has a bunch of green onions, and is looking for them in the ‘No Barcode’ area, under ‘G’. This is a common mistake, so I go to help.)

Me: “‘O’, ma’am.”

Customer: “Oh, what?”

Me: “No, ‘O’. It’s under ‘O’.”

Customer: “It’s under oh what? What’s it under?”

Me: “‘O’.”

Customer: “Oh, what? What’s it under?”

(I walk over to her and tap the ‘O’ button.)

Me: “No, it’s under ‘O’. ‘O’ for onion.”

Customer: “Oh. Oh, ‘O’!”

Me: “Yeah, ‘O’.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

(A customer comes up with two packages of[energy drink].)

Customer: “Is this sugar free?”

Me: “Nope, afraid not. The sugar free usually has a lighter coloring on the box.”

(The customer repeats his question twice more, and I repeat my answer twice more. Finally, he decides to buy the two packages of normal [energy drink].)

Me: “All right, here’s your receipt!”

Customer: “Wait here. I’ll go get the sugar free…”

(Puzzled, I keep an eye on his groceries. When he returns, he takes the normal [energy drink] out of the bag, putting the new packages in the bag.)

Me: “Sir, didn’t you want to purchase those, too?”

Customer: “No! I told you, I was going to get sugar free! You rang me up for them!”

Me: “Sir, I told you three times that you were buying the regular kind. If you want those instead, you’re going to have to do an exchange.”

Customer: “No! I told you! I wanted sugar free! I have no time for this!”

(I call over my supervisor.)

Supervisor: “What’s up?”

(I explain the situation, calling it a slight problem in communication.)

Customer: “I told her; I’m very busy! I have no time for this!”

Supervisor: “Sir, in the time it took me to walk over here, you could’ve had this done and been on your way. I’ll take care of this on another register.”

(Without a word further, my supervisor takes the customer’s groceries and brings them to another register. A regular customer is behind the other customer, and has witnessed the whole thing.)

Regular Customer: “Geez! People sure are awful, huh?”

(We just opened for service. Our first customer of the day comes in.)

Customer: “Hi, do you guys take [credit card name]?”

Coworker: “No, sorry, sir.”

(The customer leaves, but he comes back about an hour later.)

Customer: “Hi! Do you guys take [credit card name]?”

Coworker: “Nope, sorry. But we take checks!”

Customer: “Nope, that doesn’t work. Thanks anyway.”

(An hour later, he comes back.)

Customer: “Still not taking [credit card name]?”

Coworker: “Nope, sorry!”

Customer: “Okay…”

(He leaves, again. An hour later..)

Customer: “NOW do you take [credit card name]?”

Me: “Sorry, sir, we do not.”

Customer: “Jeez, I’m never coming back here! You guys never take [credit card name]!”

(He storms out. At the end of the day…)

Customer: “So, how about now?”

Me: “Hi, how are you today?”

Old man: “MEAN!”

Me: “Oh no, that’s no good.”

Old man: “Yeah, it scares off all the pretty ladies.”

Me: “Well, you don’t want to scare them off; that’s no good.”

Old man: “I’m 80; I can’t do anything else with them. I might as well scare them away; makes it easier for me that way!”

(I am cashing out a couple who is buying a laptop and some anti-virus software. We have a deal; if you purchase a computer, your anti-virus will be free for six months or $20 for one year. One of the store managers is coaching me.)

Me: “So, would you like six months of free anti-virus or one year for $20?”

Customer: “The guy back there told us it was $17!”

Manager: “No, it is actually $20.”

Customer: “SO HE LIED?!”

Manager: “Seems like he did.”

Customer: “I’M GOING TO GO BACK THERE AND KICK HIS A**!”

Manager: “Go ahead.”

(The customer, her husband, and I are all taken aback.)

Customer: “…Really?”

Manager: “Actually, let me go get him.”

(My manager leaves my register, and heads to our computer department. The customer’s wife is now laughing while the husband starts to sweat.)

Customer: “Is he coming back? I was just joking! I still want the one year. I’m sorry! I was just joking!”

(The couple quickly pays and leaves before the manager comes back to my register.)