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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Can’t Read The Minds Of The Mindless

    | Rockwall, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink

    (I work at a steakhouse where we think and act guest first. There are never customers only guests.)

    Guest: *talking on phone*

    Guest’s Wife: “He’ll take a sweet tea.” *rattles off the rest of the drink order*

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Guest: “Why didn’t you ask me what I wanted to drink?”

    Me: “I didn’t want to interrupt your phone call, sir. Can I go ahead and get your order for you?”

    Guest: *looks at me strangely for a few moments*

    Guest’s Wife: “Did you get all that, sweetheart?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, you didn’t actually say anything. What can I get you?”

    Guest: “Well, you should know. I was thinking it very loudly.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, could you please repeat what you would like to eat?”

    (The guest tells me and as I walk away loudly says to his wife:)

    Guest: “This is the worst customer service I’ve ever had! What kind of waitress can’t just tell what I’m thinking?!”

    Dealing With A Smoking Gun

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I work at a grocery store at the courtesy desk. Our store is relatively new and doesn’t sell cigarettes, unlike most others of the same chain. One day a woman approaches the desk.)

    Me: “Hello. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, can I have a carton of Marlboro Lights?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, ma’am. This [Store] does not sell cigarettes.”

    Customer: *shocked and annoyed* “What? Why not?!”

    Me: “The owner made the decision not to sell them before he opened this store.”

    Customer: “I can’t believe this. That’s just UN-AMERICAN!”

    (Her husband who was nearby hears her and walks up.)

    Customer’s Husband: Hmm? What’s the matter?

    Customer: “This store doesn’t sell cigarettes! Have you ever heard of that before?! It’s just un-American!”

    Me: “I’m sorry for the inconvenience. There is a store in the plaza that sells cigarettes just outside here.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t have to! It’s just un-American to not sell cigarettes!”

    (The customer storms off leaving me and her husband to just stare in confusion.)

    Me: “Have a nice day, sir.”

    Customer’s Husband: “Yeah, not when I’m out shopping with her!”

    That’s One For The Books

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Books & Reading

    (A customer drives up to the store, gets out, comes in, and walks directly up to the counter without looking at a single book or item for sale. Before I can even welcome him…)

    Customer: “You are going to lose your job.”

    Me: *shocked* “I am?”

    Customer: “No one likes books anymore. Your store is going to shut down and you’ll be out of a job.”

    (He turned around, walked out without looking at a single item, jumped in his car, and left.)

    A Creepily Patient Patient

    | USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests

    (I work as a tech. I’m going up front to hand a file to the receptionist for a check out. There is a man about 20 years older than me talking to the receptionist.)

    Him: “Hey…” *does that smile that says ‘heeeyyyy’*

    Me: “Hi. I hope you haven’t been waiting too long. Do you need anything or are you waiting for the doctor?”

    Him: “No, I am juuuuusst fine.” *creepily looking me up and down*

    (I leave, do some things in the back and come back out to get the next patient which isn’t him. He is still standing there. The receptionist pulls me aside and hands me a note that has his name and number on it.)

    Me: “What is this?”

    Receptionist: “He is into you. He wants to know how old you are and if you are single.”

    Me: “He is way too old for me. I’m not interested.”

    (I hope he’ll just leave me alone if I don’t talk to him unless necessary. He waits around for a good hour. Because of the layout of the hospital, I have to cross the lobby a number of times. Each time, he stands in the doorway so I have to walk past him.)

    Him: “Give me your number.”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m sorry.”

    (I keep walking. I’m not very good at telling people straight out that I’m not interested. A few days later… he has come back once on my day off and left when he finds out I am not working.)

    Receptionist: “I’m glad you didn’t give him your number. This guy is crazy!”

    Me: “What happened?”

    Receptionist: “He sat and waited in the parking lot to see if you would come out. When I did, he got my husband’s number off the truck.” *he sold diet products from home and had an advertisement on her truck*

    Receptionist: “He called me every day for three days asking if you were going to give him your number!”

    Me: “I’ll take care of it. I’m so sorry!”

    (I called him from the work phone, so he wouldn’t have my number, and told him to leave us both alone. We never heard from him again.)

    Dude Needs Some Sleep

    | Big Rapids, MI, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre

    (I’m working on register at about eight am when a middle-aged woman walks in. She is quite intoxicated.)

    Customer: “I slept in the woods last night.”

    Me: “Okay? How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I had to put this flower in my hair because they said I looked like a dude. I’m not a dude. Do you think I look like a dude?”

    Me: “No… What can I help you with?”

    Customer: “I need cigarettes. But they made me sleep outside in the woods. I don’t know where. But they kept calling me a dude!”

    (I ring up her cigarettes hoping she leaves soon.)

    Customer: “It’s like that song. Dude looks like a lady. Except the opposite. Lady looks like a dude. I’M NOT A DUDE!”

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