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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Not In His Salad Days Anymore

    , | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military

    (I am a civilian contractor at a military installation’s dining hall. Unlike some of the comfort facilities at the installation, we don’t have restrictions on who can dine here; as long as they can access the installation, they can eat. It is my turn to tear down the salad bar at the end of dinner. I have taken out all of the utensils and begun to pull the dishes, when an older man in civilian clothing comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “What are you doing with the salad bar?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you order a salad?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.” *gestures at the fruit mix at the end of the bar*

    Me: “So, you did order a salad bar?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean I have to order a salad bar to get things from the salad bar?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    One Brick Shy Of A Load

    | USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Criminal/Illegal

    (I work for a firearm retailer. We put out an ad every month stating our monthly sales. It always states ‘while supplies last.’ A ‘brick’ is 500 rounds of ammo. A well dressed older gentleman walks up to counter.)

    Me: “Hello, sir. What can I do for you today?”

    Customer: “I’d like to buy a brick of 22.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We sold out earlier today.”

    (The customer pulls out the ad, slams it on the counter and points to the bricks of 22.)

    Customer: “And then what is this?”

    Me: “It’s an ad for 22, but everything is ‘while supplies last.’”

    Customer: “Do you understand the law of ‘false advertising?’”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “Well, [My Name], you will be hearing from my lawyer!” *smirks and briskly walks away*

    Manager: “Third threat of legal action this month; we’re on a roll.”

    (A lawyer actually called the next day and mentioned me specifically. He stated that he was only calling because his client paid him to ‘look into it.’ Nothing, of course, happened.)

    Showing Signs Of A Recovery

    , | Canberra, ACT, Australia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers

    (I am the customer in this story. I have just had a rant about customers in my store not reading signs to my fiancé while he was buying shoes.)

    Me: “Ah, these are nice.” *to sales clerk* “Excuse me, there is no 50% off sticker on these. Don’t you have a 50% off sale like the sign on the window says?”

    Sales Clerk: “Uh, no. That only applies to certain brands and this brand isn’t on sale.”

    Me: “Oh, no! I’ve turned into that customer that doesn’t read the whole sale sign! I was just ranting about those!”

    (We had a good laugh and talked about horrible customers and how sometimes we accidentally have those moments, so I think I was forgiven.)

    Give Them An Inch And They’ll Take A Vile

    | Duluth, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Rude & Risque

    (I take a phone call for someone in the bedding department:)

    Customer: “I’m looking for a white duvet, but I need it to cover a bedspread that is 96 x 114. I can’t seem to find anything that will fit.”

    Me: “The closest thing I have is only 104″, but I think you could fit an extra 10″ in just fine.”

    Customer: “Oh, believe me, honey. I’ve stuffed 10″ in before!”

    Me: *stunned silence*

    Customer: *laughing* “What did you say your name was? I am definitely going to find you when I come in to the store!”

    Me: “Um, I think I can have it waiting at the checkout for you.”

    Discount Their Math Skills

    | Dayton, OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (My store is having a sale for 20-40% off. A customer comes in with a return, and she wants to purchase some more items as well. I try to run it as an exchange, knowing this will actually save her money.)

    Me: “Okay, after your store credit, you only owe $10.61.”

    Customer: “Wait, what are you doing? I wanted 30% off!”

    Me: “I realize that, ma’am, but actually, if you run this return as an exchange, you will actually pay less money than with the 30% off.”

    Customer: “No! I wanted my 30% off! Just let me return this and get my 30% off!”

    Me: “Okay, I can do that.”

    (I do the return and then ring up her purchases.)

    Customer: “Okay, your total with 30% off is $32.54.”

    Customer: “There! That’s better!”


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