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    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Will Not Be Moved

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Family & Kids, Geeks Rule

    (I’m working the register at a grocery store when a mother and her 10-year-old son start unloading their cart. As I’m finishing with the customer before them, I hear the boy continually trying to finish his mother’s sentences, occasionally getting them right and prompting her to say, ‘Hey! Stop predicting the future!’ Their turn comes up and we exchange the usual greeting pleasantries. I address the boy.)

    Me: “So you’re trying to tell the future, huh?”

    Boy: *matter-of-factly* “Uh-huh! I’m trying to learn all kinds of stuff, like telepathy and telekinesis.”

    (I happen to be Pagan with some mystic friends who taught me a few tricks. Plus, despite being a humanities major, I spent a good deal of college reading up on quantum theory.)

    Me: “Well, you know the secret to telling the future, right?”

    Boy: “Um…”

    Me: “It’s not about seeing the future, it’s remembering the future.”

    Boy: “Huh?”

    (I explain to him the theory that all time happens at once but the human brain only perceives it as moving in one direction, meaning the future is already here and we just don’t remember it yet.)

    Me: “So what you’ve got to do in the future is bundle up what you’re trying to remember and send it back in time to yourself. I’ve been training myself to do it for years and now I can sort of remember emotions from situations I haven’t experienced yet. It’s a good thing you’re starting so young. Maybe by the time you’re my age you’ll be able to remember words, too!”

    Boy: “… I think I’ll stick to learning telekinesis.”

    Me: “Ah, that’s slightly trickier. What you have to do there is learn how to mentally manipulate the electromagnetic attraction between certain objects.”

    Boy: “… Never mind, then.”

    (As they left, the mother was chuckling to herself and the boy looked both confused and dejected. Hopefully he had better luck with telepathy!)

    Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 2

    | VA, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Family & Kids, Movies & TV

    (We have discount five pm shows during the week, and one pm shows on weekends. People often show up at five pm on weekends wanting a discount, but most are suitably good-natured on finding out that they were using the wrong day’s newspaper to get their information. A customer comes in dropping off his teenage son.)

    Customer: “One, please.”

    Me: “That’ll be [full price amount].”

    Customer: “No, I only want one.”

    Me: “I know. It’s full price.”

    Customer: “No, it isn’t. It’s discounted. The newspaper says so.”

    Me: “Our weekend schedules are different. You’re using a paper from another day. I’m sorry. I know it’s inconvenient and a lot of people make that mistake, but it is full price.”

    Customer: *getting belligerent* “No. It is discounted and I will not pay full price.”

    Me: “I really am sorry, but as I said, a lot of people make this mistake. I can’t give you the discounted price.”

    Customer: “I’m going to go get the newspaper from my car and show you and you’ll have to give me a refund.”

    (The customer pays full price for his son, who scampers inside, as several dozen pairs of eyes wait to see what will happen. Many of them have paid full price and will no doubt want refunds, too, if I give this customer one. Then, about a minute later, he reappears with a paper.)

    Customer: *arrogantly and rudely* “Why don’t you tell me what it says right here?”

    Me: *reading from newspaper* “That says 5:00 at the discounted price.”

    Customer: *beaming*

    Me: “Now why don’t you tell me what it says right here?”

    Customer: *reading from paper* “Showtimes listed are for today… only.”

    (At that point he turned and walked off, without so much as a good bye to his son. I think the son at least enjoyed the movie.)

    Related:
    Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount

    Saying Bi To Singledom Any Way Possible

    | Torrance, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Crazy Requests, Love/Romance

    (I’m female and helping an elderly customer and his 18 year old grandson at the register. As I am ringing him up, he starts up a conversation.)

    Customer: “How would you like to go out with my grandson?”

    Me: *smiling* “I’m sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Aw, come on.” *points to grandson* “He’s good-looking and needs someone.”

    Me: *feeling a little awkward* “I have a boyfriend. Sorry, sir.”

    Customer: “Why are all the cute ones always taken?” *takes bags and leaves the store*

    (30 seconds later, a male coworker notices the customer’s receipt still in the register. He grabs it and runs out of the store to give it to the customer. My coworker walks back into the store a few minutes later.)

    Me: “You know, that customer just tried to hook me up with his grandson.”

    Male Coworker: “…he just tried to do the same thing to me.”

    Life Through An Outrageous Lens

    , | NH, USA | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (At six o’clock in the morning I have just arrived at my job selling cameras for an electronics/appliances store. A woman comes in, wearing either a pink track suit or her pajamas, I am not sure which.)

    Customer: *waving the store flyer at me* “I want to buy this special package! The one with a camera body and two lenses for $500!”

    Me: “Okay. I’ll start getting those things for you.”

    (I went about, gathering the individual items from stock. When I total it all up, the bill is over $650.)

    Customer: “This is too much! This ad says it is $500!”

    Me: *turn to the supervisor* “This bundle isn’t adding up the way the flyer says it should. What’s up?”

    (The supervisor looks at the bill on the computer, then at the flyer, and explains.)

    Supervisor: “This is a special package deal the manufacturer sent us. It has two lower-quality lenses and a camera body in one box. We only got six of those packages and they sold out hours ago.”

    Customer: “This says two lenses and a camera for $500! I want it for this price, not $650!”

    (The supervisor calls the shift manager, who is a woman not easily swayed and not one to be trifled with. She explains the situation to the customer again. The two of them try to talk sense into the customer while I quietly withdraw and look for something else to do, hoping I don’t get drawn back into the fray. Eventually, the customer gets the message, or so I think.)

    Customer: “I don’t care what you say. I want this package at this price. If you won’t sell it to me, I’m leaving and I’m not coming back, ever again!”

    (Then she storms off to another part of the store. I think she is gone for good, so I put the items back on the shelves. I just finish when the woman in the pink pajamas comes back.)

    Customer: “I have decided. I am going to teach this store a lesson! I am going to buy all those things, and then I will go to customer service and return them!”

    Me: “Madam, please don’t involve me in your revenge.”

    (With no other choice I get her order together again and this time, she lets me ring it up. She swipes her credit card while I put all the boxes in a bag. Then, true to her word, she stomps straight to customer service. After she’s gone, I ask the supervisor:)

    Me: “If I have another customer like that, do I have to put up with her, or can I just tell her to get lost?”

    Supervisor: “Just put up with it and ring her up. She’s not ‘hurting’ anyone but herself and her credit rating. Everyone from you to the credit card company will know she’s an idiot.”

    (I had to grin at that and went through the rest of my hectic day with a smile.)

    Completely Taking The Mickey

    | Madrid, Spain | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Food & Drink, Liars & Scammers, Money

    (A customer approaches me in the counter while I finish ringing up another. I’m sure she has come to the bakery a couple of times, but she’s not exactly a regular.)

    Customer: “So nice to see you!”

    Me: “Sure, it has been a while since I last saw you.”

    Customer: “That’s because I was on a trip, to [Theme Park]”

    Me: *smiling politely* “That sounds good.”

    Customer: *looking in her purse* “I actually bought you something.”

    (She takes a Theme Park Character figurine, putting it in the counter. I stare, confused.)

    Me: “Uh, thanks, I guess… So, have you found anything you like around? We just made these new cupcakes.”

    Customer: “Of course I saw them.”

    (Puts three boxes on the counter, and I proceed to ring them up.)

    Me: “Your total is €9.”

    Customer: “Oh, no, just with the [Theme Park Character] is fine.”

    (I stare confused.)

    Customer: “Yes, you see, this thing was €10, so I give you this in exchange. An exchange. That’s fine, right?”

    Me: “Oh, I’m truly grateful you thought of us, but we do not accept exchange here.

    You can either pay with cash or credit card…”

    (She shakes her head, and grabs the figure to slam it in the counter. The thing doesn’t seem €10 in the slightest, since it’s about three inches tall.)

    Customer: “No! I already told you this covers all the total! And even, you owe me €1!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t accept this. You can keep this [Theme Park Character] and pay with cash or credit card, as I said.”

    Customer: “No way!”

    (She grabs the cupcake boxes and starts to leave. My yells to call her back are heard by my coworkers, who help me and stop her from leaving. The woman had to be practically dragged away. The Theme Park Character remained on the counter for several hours, until a family comes up to the counter and the figure catches the attention of the son.)

    Kid: “I’ve got one like this! It came with my meal at [Famous Burger Chain]!”


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