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  • Retract The Tract
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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: At The Checkout

    The customer has seemed normal and maybe even intelligent throughout the shopping purchase. But then they get to the checkout and as soon as human interaction is required it all falls apart. The checkout operators really are our first line of defense against the stupid customer!

    Taking Time To Appreciate Good Customers

    | Tartu, Estonia | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Awesome Workers

    (A nice young woman my age comes into the fast food restaurant and orders a less commonly selected item. I have to go into the back of the store to get the ingredients because whatever coworker had made this item before hadn’t restocked the ingredients on the line.)

    Me: “I’m really sorry about the wait. I’ll try to make your item as fast as possible.”

    Customer: “No worries; it’s actually for my boss.”

    Me: “Oh, okay.”

    Customer: “Actually, the longer you take to make her lunch the less time I have to spend working.”

    Me: “That’s interesting, because you’re a nice customer and the longer I spend making your item the less time I have to deal with rude customers.”

    (Long story short, an item that should have taken me about five minutes took about fifteen minutes.)

    Only Has Half A Brain

    | ON, Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior

    (I work at a store that also sells plants and flowers in the spring and summer. A customer comes to my till and brings me three packages of flowers that are always packaged in packs of twelve. I scan all three of them.)

    Customer: “How much are the yellow ones?”

    Me: “They are $5, ma’am.”

    Customer: “But that’s the regular price for twelve of them. I only need six; that’s why I only brought half the package.”

    Me: “So you broke a package of twelve in half because you only want six? Unfortunately, we only sell them in packages of twelve, so even if you only get half of it, there is only one barcode I can scan… and it comes up to 5.97.”

    Customer: *sighs loudly* “BUT I ONLY NEED SIX! Get your manager out here. He needs to have a barcode you can scan for only half of these flowers. Or give me half off because I’m not buying twelve. I only need six.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m sure they don’t have a barcode for something that is sold as a package of twelve but I’ll get someone to verify that.”

    (I go to another cashier and ask, in front of the customer, if there is anything we can do for her.)

    Other Cashier: “Unfortunately they are sold in packages of twelve. We can’t sell half of them to you and sell it for half price simply because you don’t need the other six.”

    Customer: “This is absolutely ridiculous. I’m forced to pay for something I don’t need. Forget it, I don’t want them at all.”

    Really Needs Their Breakfast

    | Mesa, AZ, USA | At The Checkout, Food & Drink

    Coworker: “Hello, welcome to [Fast Food Place]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I would like two breakfast burritos.”

    Coworker: “Did you want sausage or bacon?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Coworker: “Sausage or bacon?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Coworker: “Did you want your breakfast burritos with bacon or sausage?”

    Customer: “Sausage.”

    Coworker: “Anything else I can get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Coworker: “Okay and what else can I get for you?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Coworker: “Okay… that will be [total] for the breakfast burritos.”

    Don’t Discount The Customer’s Ability To Discount, Part 4

    | New Zealand | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Money

    (My manager is serving a customer who has asked for a discount.)

    Manager: “Sure, I can give you 10% off.”

    Customer: “Hmm, what about 15%?”

    Manager: *feeling generous* “Yeah, I suppose I could give you 15% off.”

    Customer: “What about 20%?”

    Manager: “20% is okay.”

    Customer: “30%?”

    Manager: “15%.”

    Customer: “30%?”

    Manager: “10%.”

    Customer: “What do you mean 10%? You already said I could have 20%.”

    Manager: “Which you asked for and I agreed but you upped it; you can either take the 10% now or my next offer.”

    Customer: “Hmmm, I’ll take the next offer then.”

    Manager: “Zero percent discount it is, then.”

    Customer: “What? You can’t do that!”

    Manager: “I just did.”

    Mugged Of Coffee Common Sense

    | Adelaide, SA, Australia | At The Checkout, Food & Drink, Funny Names

    Me: “Good morning, sir, what can I get for you?”

    Customer: “A mugachino, thanks.”

    (I ring it up as a large cappuccino as we’ve figured out that’s what most customers who order a ‘mugachino’ want. After a few minutes I take the coffee to him.)

    Me: “Here you go, one large cappuccino.”

    Customer: “I didn’t order a cupachino! I ordered a mugachino! Where is my coffee?!”

    Me: “A mugachino refers to a cappuccino in the largest cup available, sir… That is a large cappuccino.”

    Customer: “I want a mugachino. Now go get me my d*** coffee!”

    Me: “Of course, sir, sorry about the mix up. I’ll get that right away.”

    (I walk around the corner to the coffee machine, sprinkle a bit more chocolate on top to make it look different and return with the same coffee.)

    Me: “Here you go, sir. One mugachino. I must have mixed your order up with another customer.”

    Customer: “About time… How hard was that? Gosh, I am never coming back here!”

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