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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Couldn’t String It Together

    | TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (A customer is returning a pyjama set that has a drawstring on the pants.)

    Customer: “I need to return these pyjamas. They’re way too small! They must be the smallest size large ever made!”

    Me: “Not a problem, ma’am; did you have a receipt?”

    Customer: “Yes, somewhere in here.”

    (The customer holds up the pyjama bottoms and stretches the waistband as far as it will go, which is not very far since the drawstring is still tied.)

    Customer: “I mean, really! Does this look like a size large to you?”

    Me: “Well, you can untie the string and it should stretch more.”

    (I untie it. She stares, mouth agape, as she stretches the pants to twice their size.)

    Customer: “Oh, wow! Well, I guess that’s all I needed!”

    The Machine Runs On Punch-Lines Of Code

    | PA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am working the self-scans, bagging a customer’s groceries. The customer puts two small plastic containers filled with olives on the belt. The self-scan is programmed not only to mention the price of an item, but also to weigh some items, and let people know if their item should be placed on the belt or not.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts both containers on the belt instead of taking it to the bagging area, and watches as the belt doesn’t move.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please take your item to the bagging area.”

    (The customer puts her hand on both containers and instead of picking them up and giving them to me, she pushes them down the belt causing the self-scan to freeze.)

    Self-Scan Machine: “Please stand by. Help is on the way.”

    (The customer turns to me.)

    Customer: “Why do you need to help me?”

    Me: “Because you pushed your olives down the belt. You never have to put these on the belt. Just bring them to me so I can bag them.”

    Customer: “Oh! When the machine told me to bring these items straight down, I actually had to do it? I didn’t have to put them on the belt at all?”

    Me: “No, ma’am.”

    Customer: “I thought this machine was just joking with me.”

    Life Needs An Undo Button

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at an online backup company. Our pricing is based on what storage amounts are used. You can get a free small account and upgrade to a paid account with more space later.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [name of business], this is [my name] speaking. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Yeah, hi, I needed to wipe my hard drive. I got a free account, but it wasn’t enough space. I paid to upgrade and then wiped my drive. Where is all my backed up stuff?!”

    Me: “When you upgraded the account, did you try to back up again so it would upload whatever didn’t fit before?”

    Caller: “No, it didn’t say I needed to do that! I just paid for the extra space this morning! You mean I lost all of my stuff?”

    Me: “Well, if you ran out of space, and then paid for more space, but didn’t back anything up, then all we’d have is what you backed up before.”

    Caller: “So, you’re basically saying I’m an idiot, then?”

    Me: “Uh…”

    Getting In A Puff About The Pastry

    | Bethesda, Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Language & Words

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “That’s an almond croissant.”

    Customer: “What about that one?”

    Me: “A chocolate croissant.”

    Customer: “And that one?”

    Me: “Plain croissant.”

    Customer: “Nah. What’s that?”

    Me: “Pain au chocolat.”

    Customer: “What the f*** does that mean?”

    Me: “It’s a pastry with chocolate in it.”

    Customer: “So, it’s like nutty, yeah?”

    Me: “Well, we can’t guarantee it’s nut free, but the pastry just contains a roll of chocolate paste.”

    Customer: “So what does ‘pain’ mean?”

    Me: “It’s the French word for ‘bread’.”

    Customer: “Oooh! Posh! So what’s ‘chocolat’ mean, peanuts?”

    Me: “Nope, ‘chocolat’ is French for ‘chocolate’.”

    Customer: “I don’t like France; too artsy-fartsy. I’ll just have one of them chocolate croissants, then.”

    Her Shipping Method Is Full Of Holes

    | Jacksonville, FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Customer: “Hi, I’d like to ship this textbook.”

    Me: “I can help you with that, ma’am. I would suggest, however, purchasing a mailer or box to ship it in. This box is not made for shipments.”

    Customer: “What! Why can’t I use this?!”

    Me: “Because it’s a Krispy Kreme donut box.”


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