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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Lack of Register Does Not Register, Part 2

    | Flemington, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am a cashier at a retail store, keeping an eye on the self-checkout area. I am not supposed to ring up customers on the machines, only assist whenever there’s a problem. A woman comes up to me with a few items.)

    Customer: “Hi, you need to ring me up.”

    Me: “This is the self-checkout. The ladies over there would be happy to take you if you don’t want to use the machines.”

    Customer: “This is self-checkout?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, I hate these self-check things. Can’t you just ring me up at that register there?”

    (She points at a computer monitor, lying on the floor near the garbage cans, with a large crack easily visible across the screen. I think she’s joking but realize she’s serious.)

    Me: “Um. No, I can’t, sorry. If you don’t want to use the self-checkout, the cashiers right behind us can—”

    Customer: “Why can’t you ring me up at that register?!”

    Me: “Well, because that’s not a register, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You don’t call that thing over there a register?”

    Me: “Nope, I call that a broken computer monitor.”

    Customer: “What’s the difference?”

    Related:
    Lack of Register Does Not Register

    In-Sip-Id Conversations

    | Birmingham, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I’ve just made some drinks for a group of older customers. I call out one of the drinks. One of the customers comes over and picks up the cup.)

    Customer: “Is this my drink?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. Did you have the [drink name]?”

    Customer: “I don’t know… I think so.”

    (She walks away with the drink; about a minute passes before she returns.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a dumb question.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I just want to know: how many sips do I have to take before I get to the coffee?”

    Me: “…What?”

    Customer: “Well, I’ve been sipping on this for a little bit and I still haven’t tasted coffee.”

    Me: “Well, there’s whipped cream on top… I can scoop it off for you if you’d like.”

    Customer: “Oh, no. I just wanted to know!”

    Stupid Laws Of Spacetime

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I have been stuck in traffic for two hours due to a crash on the motorway.)

    Customer: “MY ORDER IS OVER AN HOUR LATE!”

    Me: “I am truly sorry; I was stuck in traffic on the motorway.”

    Customer: “And you didn’t call!?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it is illegal to use a phone whilst in control of a motor vehicle.”

    Customer: “I know that! I’m not stupid. Are you? Are you stupid?”

    Me: “I’m sorry again, sir. If you call my supervisor, I’m sure they will reimburse you your delivery charge.”

    Customer: “Are you ignoring my question on purpose? Are you stupid? Or are you just retarded like the rest of your colleagues?!”

    Me: “No, sir, I’m not. I have a basic understanding of quantum physics and molecular biology. What do you have?”

    Customer: “Uh…”

    Me: “Good day, sir.”

    It’s All Downhill From Here

    | Helsinki, Finland | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners

    (I’m a customer buying ski boots at a store, when I over hear a conversation between another customer and a clerk.)

    Customer: “Yes, I bought these ski boots a week ago, but they are faulty!”

    Clerk: “I’m sorry about that, what seems to be the problem with them?”

    Customer: “These locks won’t hold; they keep opening up!”

    Clerk: “Would you let me see the boots, please?”

    (The customer hands to the boots to the clerk, and he fastens the locks and can’t find anything wrong with them.)

    Clerk: “I’m sorry, miss; the locks seem to work all fine. Could you explain more how they won’t hold?”

    Customer: “Well of course they hold when you put them so tight to third position! Put them to first position and you’ll see! They won’t hold locked!”

    Clerk: “But wouldn’t the ski boots be too loose for you to wear then?”

    Customer: “Just put the locks to the first position and you’ll see!”

    (The clerk puts the locks to the first position, and they do ‘fall off’.)

    Customer: “See, these are faulty!”

    Clerk: “But miss, these locks are used to fasten the boot around your foot. They are supposed to be put tight and not left loose.”

    Customer: “But if I want to wear them on the first position, I should be able to do that! Why is there the first position anyway, if I can’t use it, huh? You tell me why? I won’t get full usage for my money if I can’t use all the positions!”

    Clerk: “Every person has a little bit different sized feet and that’s why the locks are adjustable. The point is not to use all the positions of the lock but to adjust the ski boot to match your feet.”

    Customer: “But what if I want to use the first position? Now I can’t; these boots are faulty!”

    Clerk: “I can take these back if you wish, but I have to tell you that you will have the exact same problem with every other ski boot, too. The idea is to find the adjustment good for your feet, not to use all the positions.”

    Customer: “I want to return these, they’re faulty! You should be ashamed of yourselves selling this kind of faulty items!”

    (I can’t help giggling, and the other customer gives me some nasty glances. The customer then takes a call, I presume from her boyfriend/husband.)

    Customer: “They’re taking the boots back, but are you sure this is right? The other customers are laughing at me… Of course hun… Yeah I know, they probably don’t know anything about skiing. I’m glad the fault was found this quickly. I can’t believe they would sell something like this. Okay, I gotta go; the clerk’s coming back.”

    Clerk: “Here’s your money miss. And I’m sorry you weren’t satisfied with the product.”

    Customer: “Well, you should be. But thanks, anyway. I’ll go buy my boots somewhere else!”

    (The customer then turns and leaves. The clerk and I have a laugh at the story. I reserve the boots until next day for myself. They are really good, but I still want to try some other boots, too. I go to another sporting store and I see the same customer in there. She is giving them a hard time about the lock positions. She accuses the clerk of being incompetent, and that her boyfriend knows everything about skiing, and that she should be able to use which ever position she wants on the locks.)

    Doesn’t Have The Math Jeans

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Money

    (A customer is trying to exchange a pair of jeans. My coworker notices he will be getting some money back.)

    Coworker: “Sir, this pair of jeans is less than the pair you bought earlier, so I will give you the cash back.”

    Customer: “That’s it! Give me my d*** pants back! I don’t want to deal with this s*** anymore!”

    (My coworker looks stunned at the guy’s outburst.)

    Coworker: “But sir, you’ll be getting money back!”

    Customer: “I don’t care! Just give me my d*** pants back! Or explain it to me; I don’t understand this!”

    Coworker: “Well sir, this pair—”

    Customer: “Just give me the d*** pants! You guys always do s*** like this; you just lost a good customer!”

    (The customer grabs the pants and storms towards the doors. As he leaves, a second customer stars applauding, and yells after him.)

    Customer #2: “Sure doesn’t sound like it!”

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