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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Outdated And Outsmarted

    | Kent, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m doing a bit of Christmas shopping. I stop at a calendar stand in the middle of the shopping center, and start looking through the stock. I think nothing of two customers appearing next to me until they start talking.)

    Customer #1: “Are these calendars for next year?”

    Customer #2: “I don’t know. Check the date.”

    Customer #1: “I can’t see it.”

    Me: “Are you serious?”

    Customer #1: “Excuse me?”

    Me: “It’s the middle of December. The last month of the year. Why would anybody need to buy a calendar for this year?”

    Customer #2: “You can’t talk to my daughter like that! She’s not stupid!”

    Me: “With all due respect, I’m not the one questioning if calendars being sold in December are for next year.”

    Wait Until She Hears The Truth About Santa

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer walks into the store, explaining ‘Elf on the Shelf’ to her sister. It is a toy resembling one of Santa’s elves, who sits on a shelf in a child’s room.)

    Customer: “You tell the kids he’s watching them. At night, he flies back to the North Pole to tell Santa if they’re being good. Then you put him someplace else, like he moved while they were sleeping.”

    (The customer sees that we have the plush stuffed elf.)

    Customer: “This is the one they can take to bed. You can’t touch the other one or he loses his magic and can’t fly to the North Pole anymore.”

    Customer’s Sister: “How can you move him around if you can’t touch him?”

    Customer: “…he’s not really magic.”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26

    | Belgium | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work a summer job in a bank. An angry customer storms in and slams a card on the counter.)

    Customer: “I tried to get money out of the cash machine but it won’t give me anything!”

    Me: “Well, sir. It seems—”

    Customer: “I’m not poor! There’s money in my account! You can check it!”

    Me: “Well, sir—”

    Customer: “I just want my d*** money! Give it to me!”

    Me: “Sir… That’s a library card.”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 24
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 23
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 22
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 21
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 20
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 19
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 18
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 17
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 16
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 15
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 14
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 13
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 12

    A Bona-Fido Idiot

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I work for an animal charity. I am out in the local community promoting responsible dog ownership.)

    Me: “So is your dog neutered then?”

    Customer: “Sorry?”

    Me: “Sorry, madam. Is your dog neutered?”

    (The customer stares blankly.)

    Colleague: “Madam, has your dog been castrated?”

    (The customer continues to stare blankly.)

    Me: “Has he been ‘done’?”

    Customer: “Oh, yeah. He did have an operation on his ears a few weeks ago…”

    Old TV’s Are Going Down The Tubes

    | Belgrade, Serbia | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (My cable company has been offering to replace outdated external tuners, free of charge, for our customers who possess a newer generation of TVs. Not everyone does, however. They usually get mad because their TVs are not up to standards. This customer has an antiquated CRT TV.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your TV does not support this new technology. I’m sorry.”

    (I bring up my tablet and flag her as ‘incapable of supporting.’)

    Customer: “But you didn’t even look behind the TV. How can you know right from the door?”

    Me: “Because TVs with cathode ray tubes do not have the tuner and the access port I need to insert this module.”

    Customer: “But the TV is new. I bought it six months ago. Your message said that TVs bought three years ago or sooner have this.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It says models no older than three years. It also says that those TVs have to be LCD, plasma or LED. Not CRT. This TV just does not have the hardware.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re a rude young man. I bet that you are just lazy. You want to finish work sooner, and go home and play those horrible video games.”

    (Losing patience, I show her how the module looks.)

    Me: “If I could replace your external tuner with this, I would.”

    (The customer snatches the module out from my hand and goes to the TV.)

    Customer: “I will show you that you can. You’ll see, you rude boy.”

    (She proceeds to try to shove the CA Module into every single hole in her TV casing that it has. She screams in triumph and looks at me.)

    Customer: “There! See, it fits.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a cooling hole…”

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