Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Making A Fare Point

| Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Money, Transportation

(I’m riding a bus watching people get on. One of the passengers walks past the fare box without paying.)

Driver: “Excuse me! Do you have your fare?”

Passenger: “Yeah. Here.” *shows the driver a handful of change*

Driver: “Okay.”

Passenger: “Okay.” *starts walking away again without putting the fare into the box*

Driver: “Excuse me! What about your fare?”

Passenger: *annoyed* “I have it right here!” *shows the handful of change again*

Driver: “The fare goes in the box!”

Passenger: “But I have my fare!”

Driver: “And it goes in the box!”

Passenger: *puts the change into the box, grumbling* “But I have my fare…”

Not What They Claim To Be

| Adelaide, SA, Australia | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

Me: “Welcome to the [Insurance Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

Caller: “Oh, hi. I don’t have my policy number or anything, but I have my name and address and I need to ask some questions.”

(Usually if they need to ask questions it’s for a claim.)

Me: “That’s fine. Is this for a claim?”

Caller: “Oh, no. It’s just a few questions about my policy.”

(I proceed to find her on the system.)

Me: “Okay, so this is for your home insurance policy. What can I help you with?”

Caller: “Okay. Well, a lil’ while ago a few tree limbs and branches fell on my house and I took out a claim and I wanted to know how it’s going?”

Me: “… Let me transfer you to claims.”

A Job Well Done

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “I’ll have the skirt steak.”

Me: “Okay, and how would you like that cooked?”

Customer: “Medium rare, of course! How else are steaks supposed to be cooked?”

(The chefs at the restaurant are well trained, and the steak comes out perfectly medium rare. I bring it to the customer.)

Customer: “Excuse me! This is raw! Don’t they know how to cook a steak back there?”

Me: Sorry, sir. I’ll send it back and refire it.”

(I bring it back well done.)

Customer: “Thank you! Now that is a FINE steak!”

Completely Off His Trolley

| Perth, WA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am opening the supermarket. A customer drags two locked trolleys over to me from the trolley bays.)

Customer: “I’ve got two trolleys, but I only want one.”

Me: “It’s okay. Just take them back to the bays, put the plug back in, and then put your coin in the first trolley, not the second one.”

(I continue to unlock the bollards blocking the front door and as I take it inside I see the customer is still standing there.)

Me: “I can’t help you here. You need to take it back to the trolley bays.” *gesture to where he’d gotten his trolley*

(The customer just stands there, right in front of the door, where I needed to place the mat.)

Me: “Sir, just take the trolleys back to the trolley return and I’ll help you in a sec. I just need to put the mat down.”

(After several seconds, I give up waiting for him to move and guide him and his trolleys back to the bays, carrying the rolled up mat.)

Me: “Now, just pop the plug back in, take your dollar, and put it in the first trolley.”

Customer: “What plug?”

Me: “The one from the next trolley. It’s on the chain in front of you… The red thing… on the chain… The one you pulled out after you put your coin in…”

(I give up completely. Juggling the mat in one hand, I manage to take the plug, insert it back into the trolley with his coin, take his returned dollar coin out, put it in to the first trolley for him, and remove the plug. I turn back to the door and just as I’m about to roll out the mat he comes over with his trolley and stops, RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.)

The Definition Of Cold Is Too Hot To Handle

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(It’s about 15 minutes before closing time, and so we have very little hot food left. We do however, continue to sell cold items for customers to take home and cook for themselves.)

Customer: “Do you have any chicken pies still hot?”

Me: “Sorry, mate. We’ve sold out of the chicken pies. I’ve still got some cold ones in the fridge though.”

Customer: “Cold? Like, how cold?”

Me: “As in refrigerated. They’re not frozen, just cold. Uncooked.”

Customer: “Ah, okay. I’ll grab one of those thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].” *I get the customer his pie*

Customer: “Ugh! So this is really cold! Can you heat this up for me?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t.”

Customer: “Just real quick, in the microwave?”

Me: “Sorry. Like I said, the cold pies are uncooked. It needs to be cooked in an oven.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t want this one, then. When you said ‘cold’ I thought you meant, like, ‘sort of warm.'”

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