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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Has A Plain Brain

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, School

    (My younger sister is in high school, and I often pick her up. I overhear a conversation when I am waiting.)

    Student #1: “I’m gonna go get a burger… wanna come?”

    Student #2: “Over at [fast food] place? Nah, they always mess up my order when I go.”

    Student #1: “What do they do?”

    Student #2: “I always order it plain but then they put nothing on it.”

    Student #1: “You dumba***, that’s what plain means!”

    Student #2: “No, it isn’t! Plain means a plain burger! You know, how they’re supposed to make it. No changes.”

    Student #1: “I can’t believe I’m friends with you.”

    Screaming For Ice Cream For Other Reasons

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Top

    (It is Dickens Faire this weekend, so we have a constant line for ice cream for a good 6 hours straight on Saturday. By Sunday, we only have 4 flavors left; the unavailable ones are covered with lids. A middle-aged couple comes in and looks at the ice cream.

    Me: “Hi! The only ice cream we have left are the open ones.”

    Husband: “Oh, okay. So just the ones that aren’t covered?”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We had a huge rush of people yesterday and sold out of all but those 4 flavors.”

    Husband: “Hmmm… I’d like Buttered Pecan on a cone, please.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. We don’t have any left. We only have the ones that don’t have the lids on them.”

    Husband: “Oh… well, how about Coffee?”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. We sold out of coffee as well. The only four flavors we have left are Strawberry, Caramel, Strawberry Cheesecake, and Vanilla.”

    Husband: “Hmmm… well, I’ll take Mint Chocolate Chip then. In a cone.”

    Me: “We don’t have any of that left.”

    Husband: “Well what do you have left then?!”

    Wife: “She’s told you at least three times already. Only the ones that you can actually see the ice cream in are the ones they have.”

    Husband: “But I wanted Buttered Pecan.”

    Wife: “Well, too bad. Pick something else!” *to me* “I’ll have the Strawberry Cheesecake in a cup please dear.”

    Husband: “I want… Cookies and Cream in a cone.”

    Wife: “That’s it. No ice cream for you!”

    More Clueless Than Keyless, Part 2

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am working by myself at the lower level circulation desk of our library. A patron with two small children comes to check out a pile of books and hands me her key-ring with her library card on it. I scan it, hand it back, and check out her books.)

    Patron: “Where are my keys? [Son], did you take my keys?”

    Son: “No.”

    Patron: *to me* “Did you give me my keys back?”

    Me: “Yes, I did.”

    (She continues looking, can’t find her keys, and begins to yell at me and at her children.)

    Patron: “We are not leaving until I find my keys!”

    Me: “You went to get your daughter a crayon. Might the keys be on the coloring table?”

    Patron: “No! I didn’t go anywhere! They have to be here!”

    (I go to check the coloring table, but I don’t see the keys. I go back and check the circulation desk again, even though I know I gave the keys back to her.)

    Patron: “WHERE ARE MY KEYS?!”

    (At this point, I have to help some other patrons.)

    Patron: *to other patrons* “I’m sure that girl didn’t give my keys back.”

    Me: “Ma’am, I don’t have them. They aren’t at the desk.”

    Patron: “WHERE ARE THEY?”

    Me: “I don’t know.”

    Patron: “This is ridiculous! This always happens down here! It’s a d*** good thing I didn’t lock the house. How would I get in without my keys!?” *to her children* “WE’RE LEAVING!”

    (She drags her children upstairs to the main circulation desk. While there, she tells them that I’ve taken her keys and won’t give them back. However, while complaining, she finds her keys in her bag. Not surprisingly, she did not come back to apologize.)

    Related:
    More Clueless Than Keyless

    Airheaded Dimwits

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (I overhear a couple of customers shopping for Christmas lights.)

    Customer #1: “Ooh, these are LEDs, so that means no electricity!”

    Customer #2: “And that means no cords, right?”

    Customer #1: “Well, I’m sure there are SOME cords…”

    Customer #2: “Obviously something has to hold them together, but I mean no cords to stretch across the driveway and lawn!”

    Customer #1: “Oh! Right!”

    The Dividing Line

    | Albany, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Holidays, Themed Giveaway

    (I am a customer in line at a major lingerie store in a mall at midnight on Black Friday. As expected, the line is well over 10 times longer than normal due to a free gift bag they offer if you spend $65 or more. Two customers come up to me.)

    Customer #1: “Is this where the line starts?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The two customers line up behind me and instantly start to rant.)

    Customer #2: “Oh my God! This line is too long!”

    Customer #1: “They should have every register open!”

    Customer #2: “They do have every register open. They need to have this store on two floors!”

    Customer #1: ” Yeah! They should have two floors!”

    Customer #2: “I mean, look at all of these people in here! How can they have this may people in here and not see that they need two floors!”

    (Normally any other day of the year, this store is plenty big enough for its typical haul of customers.)

    Customer #1: “If they run out of gift bags by the time it’s my turn, I’m going to scream and call their corporate offices! It’s ridiculous how many people are in here!”

    Customer #2: “All of these people are gonna make me late for work!”

    Customer #1: “What time do you have to be in again?”

    Customer #2: “In a half hour!”

    (Based on where we are in line, and how fast the line is moving, also the amount of people cutting in line, it could take at least another hour and a half to reach the registers that we can’t even see.)

    Customer #1: “They shouldn’t have slow cashiers working either! The rest of us have things to do!”

    Customer #2: “I know what you mean! I can’t stand when they hire slow people!”

    Customer #1: “When I get up there, I’m gonna give them a piece of my mind! They need to have 2 floors!”

    (I wanted nothing more to tell these two women that it was Black Friday. It was going to be busy no matter what store you went to. However, I decide that with their tensions high, it would be in my best interest not to provoke these ladies by telling them off.)

    Customer #2: “Ugh! I can’t stand this anymore! I’m going to be late! This line hasn’t moved! I have to leave!”

    Customer #1: “I wish you weren’t out of sick days! I’m not staying here alone with all of these people! I have things to do!”

    (Thankfully they left at that point. Hallelujah!)


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