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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    When You’ve Been Shawshanked

    | BC, Canada | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I work at a table that is set up at a farmer’s market every Sunday where I sell different deli meats. I also cater events and I am speaking to a couple in their 30s about possibly catering an engagement party. I am a caucasian female in my 20s.)

    Me: “So, I can give you my business card if you’d like to discuss the options for your engagement party.”

    Woman: “Sure, thanks!”

    Man: “You’ve been so helpful!” *looks at name on business card* “Morgan Freeman? Are you seriously Morgan Freeman?”

    Me: “Well, yes. That’s my name.”

    Woman: “Are you the actor?”

    Me: *laughing* “Haha, only on weekdays!”

    Man: “No she’s not. What a liar! This is bulls***. You’re not Morgan Freeman!”

    Woman: “Honey, it says right there on the card. So, are you the one that does all the narration? Like for the penguin movies?”

    Man: “She’s a liar. We’re leaving.”

    Me: “No. I’m not the African American male actor. But anyway, my email and phone number are on there for my catering business.”

    Man: “Sorry, we don’t deal with liars.”

    (He hauls his fiancée away.)

    Woman: *turns around and literally yells* “DO YOU KNOW OPRAH?!”

    This Call Makes Up The Numbers

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid

    (We are a small office. If all of us are on the phone, and calls can take a long time to handle, the phone system encourages callers to leave a phone message so we can get back to them as quickly as possible.)

    Caller: *answers phone message to us* “I am calling to complain! This is absolutely appalling service. You should answer the phone when I am trying to call you. If you’ve got someone on the line, why don’t you hang up on them if I want to call you? My call surely would be more important than theirs! I demand you hang up on whoever you are talking to at the moment and call me back immediately! My number is…”

    (There is a long pause.)

    Caller: “Oh, s***. I can’t remember my own number.”

    Fuming Over The Gas, Part 2

    | Green Bay, WI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

    (We are located in a small strip mall. As I am checking out a customer, I see a police officer walk in and two fire trucks pull up. The officer comes up to me and ask if there is a manager around.)

    Me: *to my manager* “Um…. the police are here. They said they need to talk to a manager.”

    Manager: “I’ll be right there.”

    (When she comes to the front, we find out that the building next to us has a gas leak. We make an announcement to evacuate the store. Outside the store is myself, the front manager, night manager, and two framers.)

    Framer #1: “You know, I get the feeling a customer is going to ask what going on…” *motions to the fire trucks and the orange cones blocking the store’s entrance* “…and when we tell them, they will ask if we’re open.”

    Framer #2: “Don’t be ridiculous!”

    (Just then a female customer walks up to us.)

    Customer: “Oh my, what’s going on here?”

    Me: “A gas leak happened next door. It’s starting to leak into ours.”

    Customer: “Oh… so are you open?”

    Me: *stunned* “Um, no we aren’t. We had to evacuate.”

    (The customer huffs and grumbles about me being lazy. She then goes to the night manager, who tells her the same thing.)

    Customer: “But that’s next door’s problem! Why is it yours!?”

    Manager: “Because the gas is leaking into our store.”

    Customer: “But I need to get something! Can’t you let me in?”

    (This carries on, as both the front manager and the framers both explain to her why she cannot go in. The police officer walks over.)

    Officer: “Ma’am, we cannot let you or anyone in. If you will be patient, the fire department will see what the levels are, and then we could possibly let you in.”

    Customer: *huffs and storms off*

    Framer #1: “I was only kidding when I said that!”

    Framer #2: “You should know by now: when somebody becomes a customer, they lose all common sense.”

    Related:
    Fuming Over The Gas

    Santa Vs Jason

    , | Campbellton, NB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Holidays, Themed Giveaway, Time

    (Our restaurant is promoting several new products for the holidays, and the lobby and seating area are festively decorated. Two young women walk in with bags of Christmas wrap and the like. My manager and I overhear them having a brief conversation.)

    Customer #1: “So, I guess Christmas falls on a Friday this year.”

    Customer #2: “Oh my God. I really hope it’s not on the 13th!”

    Customer #1: “Really, right? That would suck. Let me check the calendar on my phone to make sure.”

    Customer #2: “Good idea! I’m celebrating the night before if it is!”

    Fails To Register

    | Nanuet, NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (My store has three registers. I am stocking a shelf when a customer stops in front of the registers.)

    Customer: “Which register?”

    Me: “I can ring you up on the second register, ma’am.”

    Customer: *points to the third register* “That one?”

    Me: “No, the second one.”

    Customer: *points to the first register* “That one?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, the second register. This one here, with the light on.” *points at the second register*

    Customer: *angry* “Why isn’t this more clearly marked!? You should make it clearer which one is the one you’re on!”

    (Despite what I’ve said, she still walks over to the third register and drops her items on the counter. I walk over to the second register and put in my code.)

    Me: “I’ll take you over here, ma’am.”

    Customer: “You should’ve said that before I put my stuff down!”


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