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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Afraid To Be Their Guinea Pig

    | Bryan, TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (I am not actually a store associate but I try to help out since I work as a vendor within the store and I have plenty of information from my veterinary college program. So, I was not really getting paid to do this.)

    Customer: “Yes. I would like to know about these gerbils. I want a pet for my daughter. She just turned six.”

    Me: “Well, ma’am, gerbils tend to bite if not handled properly.”

    Customer: *gasps and points to the guinea pigs* “They bite?!”

    Me: “Oh. Those are guinea pigs. And no those don’t usually bite.”

    Customer: “Oh, guinea pigs.”

    Me: “So were you interested in getting one?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    (She starts asking about all the information on guinea pigs, which is on the info card right under the aquarium at eye level. Shrugging it off, I answer her questions.)

    Me: “Anything else?”

    Customer: “Which one is the healthiest?”

    Me: “Uh. All of them.”

    Customer: “Okay. But which one is the healthiest?”

    Me: “Ma’am, they wouldn’t be on display if they weren’t healthy.”

    Customer: “Which is the youngest?”

    Me: “Since they came from a breeding distributor they are all the same age. Most people pick them out by what colored fur they have.”

    Customer: “Okay. But which is the youngest?”

    Me: “You’ll have to ask up front for that information.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. I can leave one of these alone for a week?”

    Me: “… Seven days? No, ma’am. There aren’t any pets aside from some fish you could ever leave alone for that long.”

    Customer: “Oh. What if it’s just a weekend?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. If something happened to their water supply or they got hurt there would be no one there to make sure it was okay.”

    (At this point I don’t want her taking an animal due to her lack of knowledge and the potential danger the pet would be put in.)

    Me: *hands her a book on guinea pigs* “There is also plenty of information online so you can be better prepared.”

    Customer: “Okay.” *turns to her daughter* “We better just get this! It’s a lot more work than we thought for your first pet!”

    Daughter: “Second. We had a fish.”

    Customer: “Oh, yes. Second pet.”

    (I shook my head as I walked back to my store section, thinking that the fish is definitely dead.)

    Universally Speaking

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, School, Technology

    (I work on a sales chat service for a large IT company. Customers come through and ask us questions about products, prices, etc. We offer a discount for students so this is something we get asked on a lot.)

    Customer: “I would like to buy a computer. How much is it with the education discount?”

    Me: “I’d be happy to help with that! If you can let me know where you’re studying and which computer it is you’re looking to purchase then I can certainly check if there is a discount available on that for you.”

    Customer: “[University], [model of computer].”

    Me: “Perfect, thanks! With your discount, that model would cost you £945.60. Are you happy that this is the best computer for your needs?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I’m working in a budget. Is there a cheaper option?”

    Me: “What sort of budget did you have in mind?”

    Customer: “£1000.”

    Me: “Well, the model above does cost less than £1000, so it does come in under your budget.”

    Customer: “Okay. This model will be fine, then.”

    Me: “Are you sure that this model would be suitable for your university work?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What can I not do on this computer that I can do on another?”

    Me: “Well, that’s a very difficult question to answer. If you can tell me what sort or stuff you’ll be using it for, I’d be happy to let you know if it’s suitable.”

    Customer: “Is [lower spec model] better?”

    Me: “Again, it really depends on what you will be using it for.”

    Customer: “University work.”

    Me: “Okay, and what sort of thing would that involve?”

    Customer: “Using software for assignments.”

    Me: “Can you clarify what sort of software you would be using?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. Things for university.”

    (I gave up asking at that point and wished him a nice day.)

    In Desperate Need Of Books

    | UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid

    (A teenager is looking for a book with her mother. The mother approaches me.)

    Customer’s Mum: “Hi, do you have books by Cheryl Cole?”

    Me: “I don’t think she’s released any yet. We do have some biographies about her life, though. Let me show you.”

    Teen Customer: “I’m meant to write some dumb essay for English on a true story written by the person.”

    Me: “Ah, so you’d be looking for an autobiography.”

    (Both customers stare at me blank.)

    Me: “… I’m afraid she hasn’t released an autobiography yet. The only biography we have on her is this unauthorized one.”

    Customer’s Mum: “Oh! See? Unauthorized! That means she wrote it herself, right?”

    Gno Entry

    | Anchorage, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (Our front desk is very large, and in the winter it can get chilly. We recently installed a large piece of glass to help deflect the cold air coming from the entrance. By the end of the first week I was tired of answering the same two questions about the glass.)

    Regular Patron: “This glass is new. When was it put in?”

    Me: “Monday.”

    Regular Patron: “Why did they put it in?”

    Me: “To keep the gnomes out.”

    Regular Patron: *nods slowly and gravely* “Oh, yes, I understand.”

    (The patron walked off perfectly satisfied.)

    Turning Right Is Apparently Wrong

    | Calgary, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Technology

    (I work in a campground that is just outside of the city limits. We are off a highway that has the ‘Welcome to our city’ sign on it, and which is the only way in or out of the city for miles. A customer comes in with a GPS.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get into the city. What should I program into the GPS?”

    Me: “Oh, it’s quite simple, just exit the campground and turn right. The highway leads into the city.”

    Customer: “But what should I program into the GPS?”

    Me: “Are you looking for a particular location?”

    Customer: “No, I just want to get into the city itself. Can you tell my GPS what directions it should give me?”

    Me: “All you have to do is turn right and follow the highway. You won’t need your GPS. Once you pass the ‘Welcome’ sign you should begin to see buildings.”

    Customer: “But how do I get into the city? I need my GPS to tell me what to do!”

    (I give up, and program the GPS with the coordinates of a gas station just past the ‘Welcome’ sign.)

    GPS: “Turn right. In five kilometers, you will reach your destination.”

    Customer: “Hey, the city is just down the road! You could have just told me to turn right!”

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