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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 3

    | Twin Cities, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Politics

    (I am a cashier at a dollar store. Lately, we’ve been collecting school supplies for a charity that donates them to military families. As such, we have to ask customers if they would like to purchase an item for this charity.)

    Me: “Would you also be interested in purchasing an item for [Charity] today?”

    Man: “What is that? Some sort of communist youth organization?”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Uhm, no, sir. It donates school supplies to military families with children.”

    Man: “Well, same thing right?”

    (I stand there for a few seconds, just silently blinking and staring at him.)

    Me: “…no, sir. Not even close.”

    Related:
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills, Part 2
    Needs To Work On His Socialist Skills

    Gives New Meaning To ‘Phone Bill’

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (A customer calls up asking to order reprints over the phone. She is very pleasant and the order is completed smoothly. She indicates that she would like to pay over the phone, which is fine. I go to the front phone and register to take her information and ring her out.)

    Me: “Okay. Your total comes to [total] with tax.”

    Caller: “I have four $20 bills.”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I don’t think I heard you correctly. How would you like to pay?”

    Caller: “With cash. That way I can’t overspend. I have four $20 bills to use.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I cannot take cash over the phone. We take all major credit cards, or you can pay by cash when you pick up your order.”

    Caller: “No. This is ridiculous. You’ll be busy when I pick it up. I just want to pay now and get it out of the way.”

    Me: “I understand. We accept all major credit cards. I am ready whenever you are to complete the sale.”

    Caller: “I’m not giving you that! You’re just trying to steal my credit card! I want to pay cash!”

    Me: “If you would like to pay cash, you can come in and pay when you pick up the order. I cannot take cash over the phone.”

    Caller: “But I have cash! My husband can tell you I have it right here!”

    Me: “I believe you, but there is no way for me to accept your cash unless you come to the store in person. You are welcome to do that. Pre-paying is an option, not a requirement.”

    Caller: “I want to pay now!”

    (This continues for several minutes, until she finally decides to speak to my manager. Ultimately, she cancels the order, demanding that our company becomes more willing to accommodate multiple methods of payment in the future!)

    The Sausages Of Society

    | New York, NY, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work in an Italian deli in Brooklyn that sells high quality cured meats. Because of its location, we have recently seen an upsurge in customers from Williamsburg’s gentrified neighborhoods. Two customers walk in.)

    Customer #1: “Yes. I wanted to know if you stocked any vegan sausages.”

    Me: *thinking they’re joking* “Sir, this is [deli]. Our specialty is aged and cured meats. We don’t sell vegan food.”

    Customer #2: *to his friend* “What did you expect from this place? Their vibes are totally off. It’s obvious this isn’t the right deli for us, man.” *turns to me* “Listen, you see?m like a pretty smart guy. You shouldn’t buy into the corporate lies they feed you. You know the sausages you sell are just pumped full of water and corn syrup right?”

    (I decide to have some fun with this.)

    Me: “Yeah. Right on, man. That must mean those giant storage lockers in the back where we hang the freshly grounded and mixed meat is just an illusion created by the corporate industrialists in order to fool the proletariat.”

    (Amazingly, they actually nod in agreement for a few second before realizing I’m making fun of them. Scowling, they finally leave.)

    Customer #2: “I’m going to tell my friends about all of the ‘negative vibes’ your deli gives off!”

    (To this day I’m not sure if they were serious or trying to prank us.)

    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol. 2

    | Charleston, SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a large car rental company, booking rentals and providing customer service. I’ve been told my voice is very robotic.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to book a rental.”

    Me: “When and where would you like to pick up your rental?”

    Caller #1: “I’d like to speak to a person.”

    Me: “Sir, I am a person.”

    Caller #1: “No, you’re the answering machine. Connect me to a person.”

    Me: “No, sir. I am a real person. My name is [First Name].”

    Caller #1: “STOP LYING TO ME, ROBOT!”

    (The caller hangs up. Five minutes pass and my next call comes in.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Business] Car Rentals. My name is [First Name]. How may I help you?”

    Caller #2: “Speak to an agent.”

    Me: “I am an agent, sir. Would you like to schedule a booking?”

    Customer #2: “Oh, wow! You sound exactly like the voice on the menus!”

    Related:
    Why Skynet Annihilated Mankind, Vol 1

    Tree-ting The Request With Respect

    | OR, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Two customers come in for lunch and want to eat outside on the deck. I take their order, bring it to them, and periodically check on them to make sure everything is going well. I come back again at the end of their meal.)

    Me: “So, how was everything? Would you like dessert, or would this be all for you ladies today?”

    Customer #1: “Everything was great, thank you.”

    Customer #2: “It was great, and I don’t want to sound rude, but I’m going to criticize.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer #2: “You’re on the river. You should be a fine dining establishment. You shouldn’t have the trees dropping pine cones and other stuff on the deck. And you should get rid of the spider webs.”

    (Customer #1 is looking at Customer #2 indicating that she would like her to shut up.)

    Me: “We clean the deck off a few times a week, but the wind has been picking up lately, and stuff keeps falling from the trees. Would you like me to ask the spiders if they would kindly stop building their webs on the deck every night also?”

    Customer #2: “If you would do that, that would be great!”

    Customer #1: “And I suppose you want her to ask the trees to stop dropping things on the deck too?”

    Customer #2: “Yes! Please do it!”

    (Fortunatel, Customer #1 apologized to me as soon as they were walking out the door.)

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