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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Less Scam Artists, More Scam Finger-Painters

    | CT, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a small specialty retail shop. It is the beginning of the day, so we only have $70 in each of the two cash registers, mostly change with a handful of $5 and $1 bills. Two customers come in and browse around, getting only a few small items each. They are the first customers of the day on my register. The first one gives me a $20 bill for a $4.79 purchase. I put the bill on top of the drawer, and count the change back to her.)

    Customer: “You’re giving me the wrong change. I gave you a $50 bill.”

    (I haven’t closed the register, and am just putting the $20 in its slot, so I show the customer the bill.)

    Me: “No, you gave me a $20 bill, right here.”

    Customer: “No, I know I gave you a $50 bill.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but it was a $20 bill. You’re my first customer, and this is the only $20 bill, and there are no $50 bills at all.”

    Customer: “You must have put it into the safe slot.”

    Me: “We don’t have one of those. Here, have a look.”

    (I pull the drawer out, and show the customer the contents and the space underneath it.)

    Me: “There’s no $50 bill anywhere. And no other bills over $5.”

    (The customer’s friend decides to intervene.)

    Customer’s Friend: “Don’t worry; it’s okay.”

    (They exchange looks, and the first customer rolls her eyes.)

    Customer: “Okay then, well, no point in making a scene about it.”

    Me: “Thank you.”

    (I check out the friend’s small purchase, who gives me a $50 bill. I give her the change and they both turn to leave. On the way out, the friend whispers to the first customer…)

    Customer’s Friend: “You were supposed to let me check out first!”

    Spelling Bee Bee Cee

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    (The customer has issues with accessing the internet and getting the standard ‘Internet Explorer cannot display this webpage’ error message. After doing various checks it turns out to just be a simple reset that is needed. We normally check it by asking the customer to try going to various web pages.)

    Me: “So we’ve got Google up on the screen. That’s great. Okay, I want you to try going to BBC’s webpage now.”

    Customer: “What website?”

    Me: “Er, the address is www.bbc.co.uk.”

    Customer: “How do you spell that?”

    Me: “Which part? ‘co?’”

    Customer: “BBC.”

    All Buttoned Up And Going Nowhere

    | Madison, WI, USA | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Technology

    (A guest calls from the elevator to the front desk.)

    Guest: “Um yeah. Your elevator is not working.”

    Me: “What seems to be wrong, ma’am?”

    Guest: “It won’t move anywhere.”

    Me: “Okay, I will be right down to check it out.”

    (I go to the elevator. The guest is on the first floor, hitting the ’1′ button.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you are on the first floor hitting the first floor button.”

    (She was quite embarrassed. I can’t say I blame her!)

    Directionless Call, Part 3

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    Me: “Hi there, [Company Name], [My Name] speaking; how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need some information about my GPS; can you transfer me?”

    Me: “Well what kind of information are you looking for?”

    Customer: “Oh, can you help me? It’s a little embarrassing.”

    Me: “That’s okay; I’ll do my best.”

    Customer: “Okay, you know when you turn it on and it loads up and there’s a map?”

    Me: “Yeah.”

    Customer: “Well, there’s this little arrow that’s pointing, and I don’t know where it’s pointing to. It’s not pointing north; it’s just all over the place.”

    Me: “Is it pointing the direction you’re facing?”

    Customer: “What? No. I mean it’s just pointing. I’ve looked up tutorials online and everything. No one seems to have this issue.”

    Me: “Is it pointing off the edge of the screen? Have you entered a destination?”

    Customer: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, does the arrow spin when you turn around?”

    Customer: “Yes! I don’t understand!”

    Me: “Well then, it’s telling you what direction you’re facing.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Let’s see. How can I explain this? If you were at a crossroad—”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand! I’m in my living room and it’s pointing due east!”

    Me: “Are you facing due east?”

    Customer: “Oh, why yes I am! Thank you so much! You have a nice day now.”

    Related:
    Directionless Call, Part 2
    Directionless Call

    This Just Took A Downward Slide

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (A customer walks up to my register and tries sliding his card.)

    Me: “Oh, actually, your card won’t work until the very end of the transaction.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    Me: “Do you have a [store loyalty card] with us?”

    Customer: “Yes. Under my phone number.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “It’s [number].”

    (I type in the phone number.)

    Me: “Under [Name]?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Okay, so then just hit ‘correct’ over there for me.”

    (I gesture to the screen. The customer slides his card again.)

    Me: “Oh no, first you’ll need to hit ‘correct’ for me.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer slides his card again.)

    Me: “No, hit correct first.”

    Customer: “Okay.”

    (The customer slides his card AGAIN.)

    Me: “Hit the button.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    (The customer slides his card again. I give up and just hit the ‘total’ button.)

    Me: “Okay, you can slide your card now.”

    Customer: “I thought I slid it already.”

    Me: “You did, but I wasn’t ready for you yet.”

    Customer: “Oh, slide now?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    (The customer slides his card. The PIN number prompt comes up. The customer just sits there, staring at nothing in particular.)

    Me: “It’s asking you to put in your PIN number.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay.”

    (The customer types in his PIN, and then stares off into space again.)

    Me: “Now it’s asking you to approve the total.”

    (The customer hits the ‘no’ button.)

    Me: “Is something wrong?”

    Customer: “No, why?”

    Me: “Well, you hit the ‘no’ button.”

    Customer: “Oh, I thought it was asking me if I wanted cash back.”

    Me: “No. We don’t offer cash back. It was asking you to approve the total. No worries, I can re-run it and it’ll just ask you to put in your PIN again.”

    Customer: “I have to put in my PIN AGAIN?”

    Me: “Yes, you do.”

    Customer: “Ugh. This is so FRUSTRATING!”

    Me: “Okay, so now just hit ‘yes.’”

    (The customer finally hits ‘yes,’ and we are able to go on our merry way!)

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