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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    No Catches Get Pasteurize

    | WI, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money

    (Our store sells pints of ice cream.)

    Customer: “I’ll take three pints of vanilla.”

    Me: “Well, we currently have a special running, so you can have four pints for the price of three. What would you like for your fourth pint?”

    Customer: “So if I get one more pint it won’t cost me any more money?”

    Me: “Yep!”

    Customer: “Well, I don’t do deals. It’s obvious that if you buy something on sale it’s because the original price is already inflated. So I only buy things at regular price.”

    Me: “Umm, well it would be the same price, so it would be a better value to have four.”

    Customer: “Well, I know there’s some catch somewhere! Only give me three.”

    Me: “Umm, okay, as you wish.”

    Customer: “Good! I won’t have you ripping me off!”

    Periodically Stupid

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science, Technology

    (I work in the kitchen department of a department store.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, I have a complaint about your microwave-safe bowls.”

    Me: “What seems to be the problem?”

    Customer: “Well, I was cooking my lunch, when all of a sudden I see sparks inside the microwave. I quickly stopped it, took it out and the side of my microwave was burnt. This is disgusting; these are meant to be MICROWAVE SAFE. These are a hazard.”

    Me: “Well, sir, many customers have purchased the same microwave-safe bowls as this and have not had any problems. It may have been a problem with the microwave, or maybe you had a bit of metal on the inside which caused the sparks? Did you perhaps accidentally leave a metal spoon or fork in the bowl?”

    Customer: “There was no metal.”

    Me: “Okay, what did you use to cover the food?”

    Customer: “Aluminum foil.”

    Me: “That would be the problem. Like having any other metal in the microwave, aluminum foil can cause sparks and possibly be a fire hazard. You need to use plastic, such as cling wrap.”

    Customer: “But aluminum foil isn’t metal.”

    Me: “Yes it is, Aluminum is metal.”

    Customer: “Don’t be stupid; aluminum foil can’t be metal. It’s soft, so it is a plastic. Metals are hard.”

    They Don’t Know Jack

    | London, England UK | Extra Stupid, History, Movies & TV

    (While working at an artefact exhibit for the RMS Titanic, I am standing by a list of all passengers and crew on board. The list is broken down by class and survived or lost. )

    Customer: “This list is wrong. I can’t seem to find Rose’s or Jack’s name.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “Rose DeWitt-Bukater, and Jack Dawson. I looked everywhere in the list, and they’re not there.”

    Me: “No, they wouldn’t be.”

    Customer: “Well that’s stupid. Rose should be in the first class list, and Jack should be in the third class. This is wrong.”

    Me: “Because they’re not real.”

    Customer: “No, I’m pretty sure they were.”

    Me: “And I’m definitely sure they were not.”

    Customer: “Well in the movie—”

    Me: “In the MOVIE, Rose gives them a fake name and tells them she’s in third class. She would be listed as Rose Dawson if she existed. And Jack won his ticket in the first ten minutes of the movie, so his name would have not been on a record anywhere, which the movie pointed out in the first five minutes. And it’s a movie.”

    Customer: “Next you’re going to tell me the Heart Of The Ocean is fake too!”

    Me: “Yes, I am.”

    Customer: “Then what did I spend £20 on? What a waste of money!”

    In Need Of A Four-Letter Word

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names, Money

    Customer: “I forgot my account number; can you look it up?”

    Me: “Sure. Just tell me how to spell your last name.”

    Customer: *gives me a five-letter name*

    Me: “I’m sorry; it’s not working. Are you sure it’s spelled [spells out loud]?”

    Customer: “Yes, that’s right.”

    Me: “I’m sorry; still nothing’s coming up. Are you certain you have an account here?”

    Customer: “Yes, I just made a deposit yesterday!”

    Me: “I’m sure it’s just something simple; perhaps I’ve spelled your name wrong. Can I see your ID?”

    (The customer hands me their ID, at which point I see that the last name is nine letters long.)

    Me: “You’ve only been giving me the first five letters of your last name.”

    Customer: “What, you need my whole name?”

    Scanning Ahead

    | Helsinki, Finland | Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Wild & Unruly

    (I work at a second-hand store that mainly sells games and consoles, but also some computers and computer accessories. A customer is standing near the scanners, so I go to help him.)

    Me: “Hi there, how can I help you?”

    Customer: “I need a copier.”

    Me: “Unfortunately we don’t carry those.”

    Customer: “What about these?”

    Me: “Those are scanners.”

    Customer: “You can make copies with those?”

    Me: “In a way, yes. You can scan an image, print it and you’ll have a copy. It’s an okay method if you only need a few copies once in a while. For big volumes it’s not really that great unless you have a really good printer.”

    Customer: “I don’t have a printer.”

    Me: “Well a scanner won’t be a good solution as a copier then, unless you buy a printer also. We don’t carry printers unfortunately, since used printers are very unreliable.”

    Customer: “That is just stupid! What is the point of this copy machine if you need other machines with it also?”

    Me: “That is a scanner. Its purpose is to convert documents and images to a form that a computer can—”

    Customer: “Wait! Why are you talking about computers? I don’t have a computer and I don’t want one! I see what you’re doing. You just want to make me buy useless stuff I don’t need!”

    Me: “I can assure you—”

    Customer: “You can assure me of nothing! I’ll take that one.”

    (The customer points to the cheapest scanner, smiling smugly.)

    Me: “You will have absolutely no use for that without a computer. And I must point out that we are not required to give refunds on functioning products. You really should not buy that.”

    Customer: “I’ll take it!”

    (The customer grabs the scanner and walks towards the check out. I follow him, and before the cashier rings him through I stop him for a moment.)

    Me: “Sir, again I advise you not to buy the scanner, and again I’m informing you we will not be taking it back unless it’s broken. It’s a lot of extra work for taking back functioning products. We need to do some paperwork and test the product again before reselling it. So please, for all our sakes, don’t buy it.”

    Customer: “Here’s the money!”

    (The customer pays and leaves. I put a notice in our system not to take the scanner back unless it’s really broken. A few days later, I’m called from the office to the cash registers, and there he is; the same customer.)

    Customer: “This here piece of s*** you sold me doesn’t work! I want my money back.”

    Me: “How is it broken?”

    Customer: “Completely! It doesn’t do anything!”

    Me: “So I won’t be able to scan anything with it?”

    Customer: “No you won’t!”

    (We have a testing computer set up on the buy-in counter. I go through the process of hooking up the scanner while the customer watches. With a pen I write something on a blank paper, scan it and print out the scan. I hand the two papers to the customer. It says “No refund” on both papers.)

    Me: “Seems to be working fine.”

    (The customer grabs the scanner and storms out. We watch him as he throws the scanner to the pavement and shatters it, jumps into his car, and speeds off.)


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