July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Good Thing Stupid Isn’t Contagious

| CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Theme Of The Month

(I work in an ObGyn office in lab follow up. I have the unfortunate job of calling patients for positive STD results.)

Me: “Hello, may I speak to [Patient]?”

Patient: “This is her.”

Me: “I’m from Dr. [Name]’s office . Before we proceed, I need to verify I am speaking with the patient. Can you verify this information?”

(The patient proceeds to answer all verifying personal info.)

Me: “I am calling about your test results. Your results for [STD] have come back positive. It is a common infection that can easily be treated by this antibiotic. Is there a pharmacy you would prefer it be called into?”

Patient: “WTF?! YOUR TEST LIES! I know for a fact I can’t have this infection! You guys gave me birth control pills!”

Me: “I understand that this can be a very hard news to hear, but you have tested positive and we need to treat you. When we give you birth control, we make it a point to let you know it will not protect you from STDs.”

Patient: “Oh, I guess I missed that part. Does this mean he gave me diabetes, too?”

Me: “No, diabetes is not sexually transmitted.”

Patient: “I’m going to go see my regular doctor and get tested for it just in case.”

Common Sense Isn’t In The Cards

| USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

(I work at a grocery store that has a club card for ‘extra’ savings. Two customers come up with a six-case of wine. I ring them up.)

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a club card?”

Customer #1: “What is this?! You are charging me too much! Fix it!”

Me: “If you just swipe your club card, the price will drop. Do you have one?”

Customer #1: “You are overcharging me! Give me my money!”

Me: *calmly* “Do you have a club card?”

Customer #1: “I said give me the correct price NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, you need to put in your club card number for the discount. Do you have—”

Customer #2: “Listen, girl, just give us the correct price!” *begins screaming in unison with friend*

Me: *being interrupted every other word* “I cannot give it to you without a club card. Would you like to sign up for one?”

(Eventually, I beckon my manager over and end up using one of our spare cards to show them the discount. He smoothes things over, but not before one of them tells him that I should be more polite. He pulls me aside to ask what happened.)

Me: “They wouldn’t let me even explain that they needed a club card for their discount.”

Boss: “Well, next time, just swipe it. And remember, just because you and I have common sense doesn’t mean they do.”

Just Grit Your Teeth And Smile

| MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

Customer: *looking over a menu* “Anything on your menu can be made vegan, right?”

Me: “Well, most of it. Actually if it can be there will be a capital V next to the name.”

Customer: “So the grits are vegan?”

Me: “No, but they can be made vegetarian.”

Customer: “I’ll have the grits.”

Me: “They’re vegetarian, not vegan.”

Customer: “You’ve had the grits for awhile?”

Me: “Yes and they’re not vegan.”

Customer: “I’d like the grits.”

Me: *sighs*

Their Intelligence Is Capped

| USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

Customer: “Your password isn’t working on this computer!”

Me: “Really? That’s weird. Everyone else seems to have logged in just fine.”

Customer: “Well, it’s not working for me and I need you to fix it.”

Me: “All right. I’ll see what I can do.”

(I walk over to my computer and double check to make sure I have the password right when it comes to me what the problem is.)

Customer: “Well?”

(I glance at his keyboard and sure enough, caps lock has been turned on. I press the caps lock key and start walking back to my desk.)

Customer: “Oh…”

Should Go Back To Primary Level

| Liverpool, England, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in a small art and bookshop. We get a lot of students coming in to get supplies.)

Customer: “Hi. I’m starting an art course at the college and I need some brushes.”

Me: “Okay. We have lots to choose from over there.”

(I point to huge rack of brushes to my right full of oil, acrylic, and watercolour brushes.)

Customer: “Oh, I’m not quite…”

Me: “I can help you if you like? What sort of brush are you looking for?”

Customer: “Well, what sort of brushes are the other students buying?”

Me: “It’s up to you really. It’s sort of a personal preference. What do you like to paint with?”

Customer: “Primary colours.”

Me: “…”

(Something told me she probably won’t excel at art college!)

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