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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Number Of Problems With That Question

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work as a receptionist for a financial management firm, where I am in charge of answering phones and transferring the callers to the right person.)

    Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [firm name]; how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Is this 1-800-Flowers?”

    Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this number isn’t even 1-800.”

    Caller: “Oh, Do you have the number for 1-800-Flowers?”

    A Thin Gap Between Thick Customers

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I notice a customer getting frustrated with his computer while a regular in the booth next to his is struggling valiantly to keep a straight face. Eventually the frustrated customer comes up to the desk.)

    Customer: “Your computer ate my skydiving DVD!”

    Me: “Are you saying it won’t eject?”

    Customer: “No, when I push the button, a tray comes out but it’s empty.”

    Me: “The disc drives are all closed units; there’s nowhere it could have gone. I’ll come over and have a look.”

    (The disc tray is indeed empty. My regular is staring wide-eyed at his computer monitor while snorting behind his hand. I notice something shining in the gap between the top of the disc tray and the computer case.)

    Me: “Sir, did you open the tray before putting your DVD into the computer?”

    Customer: “Of course I did! I know how to use a d*** computer!”

    (At this my regular is squeezing his eyes shut and going red in the face. I take off the side of the case.)

    Me: “Sir, is that your DVD sitting on top of the disc drive?”

    Customer: “Yes! Your computers are so cheap and crappy! If it’s damaged my disc, you have to pay for a new one!”

    Me: “You must have pushed it into the gap yourself. I’m not buying you a replacement if it’s scratched.”

    Customer: “No. I. Didn’t. I told you I’m not a f****** moron. I know how to use a computer!”

    (I show the customer that the disc drive is a completely closed unit and not much bigger than a regular CD case.)

    Me: “So my computer’s disc drive somehow teleported your DVD outside of itself?”

    (At this point my regular completely loses control and laughs so hard I start to wonder if I’m going to need to call an ambulance. The customer snatches at his DVD, missing it and knocking it to the floor while he almost loses his balance and ends up standing on it before storming out. My regular finally manages to calm down enough to breathe properly.)

    Regular: “I saw him push it in there. I was waiting for that for 45 d*** minutes.”

    Never Put The Ball In The Customer’s Court

    | St. Petersburg, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work retail for a sports store.)

    Customer: “Do you have a New York Yankees football?”

    Me: “A football? Do you mean a baseball?”

    Customer: “No, I meant a football. Do you not have any?”

    Me: “No, because the Yankees play baseball, not football.”

    Customer: “Well you are missing out on a lot of market not selling that stuff.”

    Seen One, You’ve Seen A Mall

    | Washington, DC, USA | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History, Theme Of The Month

    (I live near DC, so I am used to hearing tourists and tour groups ask very stupid questions. A group of out-of-state high-school kids are walking near me between two museums.)

    Teenage Girl: “So… where are we right now, anyway?”

    Teenage Boy: “In DC.”

    Teenage Girl: “No, I mean, like, where in DC are we?”

    Teenage Boy: “Oh, we’re on the National Mall.”

    Teenage Girl: “Nuh-uh!”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeah we are. Look at your map, right here.”

    Teenage Girl: “No way! Are you SERIOUS?”

    Teenage Boy: “Yeeeah…”

    Teenage Girl: “That doesn’t make ANY sense!”

    Teenage Boy: *silence*

    Teenage Girl: “So, wait… you mean the National Mall isn’t, like, you know… an actual MALL?”

    Teenage Boy: “Nope, but all the grass is 20% off!”

    The Key To All Their Problems

    | Phoenix, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    (A customer drops his car off to do a trade-in, and will be meeting me later to finalize the paperwork. I go to his car to check the mileage, and find that it’s locked. I go back inside to get the keys.)

    Me: “The guy’s car is locked. Did he happen to leave his keys with any of you?”

    Coworker: “No, why don’t you try calling him?”

    (I call the customer.)

    Customer: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi, sir, we have your car here. I was trying to get in and it’s locked. Where did you put your keys?”

    Customer: *optimistically* “Oh! They’re in the car.”

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