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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not Interstate Of Mind

    | MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Hello, [store name].”

    Customer: “Are you open today?”

    Me: “Yes, we’re open until 6 pm.”

    Customer: “Can you tell me how to get there?”

    Me: “Oh sure, it’s fairly easy. Take I-495 to [exit], go left at the end of the exit ramp, go left at the first light, and we’re just up the hill; you’ll see the sign.”

    Customer: “What? I don’t understand.”

    Me: “Okay, start out on I-495, and—”

    Customer: “What’s that?”

    Me: “The… highway? Interstate 495?”

    Customer: “How do I get to that?”

    Me: “Where are you now?”

    Customer: “That doesn’t matter; how do I get to that highway?”

    Me: “Well, it depends where you are. What town are you in?”

    Customer: “No, just tell me how to get to that highway!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t unless I know where you’re starting from!”

    Customer: “Never mind, you’re no help! I may or may not come in later!”

    Stupid To The Nines

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I call customers to let them know when there are problems with their alarms.)

    Me: “I was just calling to let you know that I received a—”

    Customer: “Yeah, my alarm’s beeping and I don’t know why.”

    Me: “Has the power been out in the last 24 hours?”

    Customer: “Yeah, it just came back on.”

    Me: “Alright, well, it’s letting you know that it didn’t have power. If you press and hold the nine key, that should clear it right out.”

    (I hear sounds as the customer appears to fumble with the phone and something in the background.)

    Customer: “I don’t see it. Which one is the nine key?”

    (I pause awkwardly, trying to think of a way to answer without being a smart-a**.)

    Customer: “Oh, it’s the one besides the eight isn’t it? You said to press and hold it? That worked, thanks!”

    Putting The Dire Into Directions, Part 2

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Transportation

    (I’m boarding passengers at a stop.)

    Passenger: “Excuse me, do you go to [street]?”

    Me: “No, ma’am, I’m going in the other direction.”

    Passenger: “Ugh! I was told that bus [number] goes to [street], but you’re the third one I’ve asked, and they all say they’re going in the opposite direction!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, because all of the traffic on this side of the street goes in that direction. You need to board on the other side of the street to catch buses going in that direction.”

    Passenger: “But you’re bus [number]! You should be going that direction!”

    Me: “The bus routes go both directions, ma’am. You need bus [number] eastbound, on the other side of the street. Actually, I can see it just a few blocks down right now. If you just cross here to that stop right across the street, you can catch it in just a moment.”

    Passenger: “Oh, no, no, I don’t want to go all the way to the other side. I guess I’ll just have to keep on waiting. But if the right bus doesn’t come soon, I’m going to be very annoyed!”

    Related:
    Putting The Dire Into Directions

    To Be, Or Not To Jollibee

    , | Quezon City, Philippines | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I’m in line at a very well-known chicken fast food place. It’s lunch hour, so the place is fairly packed.)

    Cashier: “Hi, what can I get you today?”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t know. Do I want a one-piece or two-piece meal?”

    Cashier: “Well, people usually order the two-piece at this time, since it’s supposed to hold them for a few more hours.”

    Customer: “Okay, a two-piece meal then.”

    Cashier: “Would you like that ‘Original Recipe’ or ‘Hot and Crispy?’”

    Customer: “I don’t know. What’s the difference?”

    Cashier: “Um, the ‘Original Recipe’ tends to have softer skin and a tangy flavor, while the ‘Hot and Crispy’ is spicy and crunchy.”

    Customer: “Oh, I’m not sure which one of those I want. The ‘Hot and Crispy’ might be too spicy for me.”

    Cashier: “Don’t worry, our ‘Hot and Crispy’ isn’t really that spicy. It’s just enough for a kick in the taste buds, no more.”

    Customer: “Maybe, but I might want extra mashed potatoes with it.”

    Cashier: “If you order the full meal, you get a large side dish with your food.”

    Customer: “What if a large is too big? I don’t want to eat all that much.”

    Cashier: “Well, ma’am, the containers are behind me, so you can decide for yourself if large is too big.”

    Customer: “Hmm… wait, what if I don’t want chicken for lunch?”

    Customer Somewhere In The Back: “WELL YOU’RE IN THE WRONG F****** RESTAURANT, AREN’T YOU?! STOP HOLDING UP THE LINE!”

    Too Much Gravy For The Brain, Part 2

    | Scotland, UK | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Customer: “Could I get the whisky gravy without whisky please?”

    Me: “Of course, I’ll ask the chef to make your dish with plain gravy.”

    Customer: “No! I don’t want plain gravy! I want the whisky gravy without the whisky!”

    Me: “Sir, the whisky gravy without whisky is just plain gravy.”

    (This goes on for a minute or two. The customer’s wife turns and whispers to me.)

    Customer’s Wife: “Just bring him plain gravy; it’ll take him a while to figure it out.”

    Related:
    Too Much Gravy For The Brain


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