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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Best Just To Enable Them

    | Newark, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer in her mid-40s comes up to the kiosk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I put in my card at the pump, and it tells me ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Customer: “What does ‘Enabled’ mean?”

    Me: “Well, it means that you can work the pump. The transaction is probably going to time out by time you walk back to the pump, but try again. All it means is that the pump is working.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (The customer walks off and I continue counting cigarettes. After a few minutes, she comes back.)

    Me: “Oh, welcome back!”

    Customer: “It still says ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “Go ahead and pump your gas, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

    (She walks away, but after a few moments, I see her walking back to the kiosk.)

    Me: “Ma’am, let me help you…”

    Rage Against The Machine

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. May I please get the phone number associated with the account you are calling about?”

    Caller: *enters phone number without saying anything*

    Me: “…I’m sorry; I need you to tell me the phone number, please.”

    Caller: *again enters the phone number without saying anything*

    Me: “…Hello. This is a live person, not the automated system. I need you to actually tell me the phone number, not enter it on the phone, please.”

    Caller: *to someone in the background* “It’s not working! Just hang up and we’ll try again.”

    Me: “Hello. I can hear you. I’m a live person, if you—”

    Caller: *click*

    Got Him On Collar ID

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Caller: “Hello, I bought a shirt in your store earlier today and the sign said $12 but I was charged $17. I’d like to return it.”

    Me: “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry that happened to you! You can just come in and I’ll be more than happy to help you return that and make it right.”

    Caller: “I’d like to return it over the phone, though.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t return a shirt without the shirt itself.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Caller: “Why not?”

    Now Hold Up A Minute

    | Vernon, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Musical Mayhem

    Me: “Hi, Mike speaking.”

    Caller: “Hellooo?!”

    Me: “Hi, Mike speaking.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank goodness. Please tell your other associate he was incredibly rude and he needs better listening skills.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but who were you speaking with?”

    Caller: “I’m not even sure. I was talking with some lady and she put me on hold. Then next thing I know, some guy picked up and wouldn’t stop talking about the mayor.”

    Me: “…The mayor?”

    Caller: “Yes. I kept telling him that I wasn’t interested and yet he kept talking about the bloody mayor. Then after that he just kept telling about the weather. He was very frustrating.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that was our hold music. You were just listening to the news on the radio station that we use.”

    Caller: *hangs up*

    Needs To Find A New Post

    | UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Language & Words

    Customer: “Excuse me. I’m looking for [brand] aftershave lotion, but you don’t seem to have any!”

    Me: “Did you look in the [brand] section? I think they do a few different ones actually. I’ll show you now.”

    (I walk him to the section and show him a few.)

    Me: “So, you’ve got this one, for sensitive skin, and this one is—”

    Customer: “This isn’t AFTER shave! It says right here: ‘POST Shave Balm!”

    Me: “Erm, actually ‘post’ means ‘after.’”

    Customer: “…What do they pay you here?”

    Me: “Around [salary] per hour.”

    Customer: “Well, you deserve every penny of it! You’re a smart girl!” *mutters as he walks off* “Who knew that ‘post’ meant ‘after’…”

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