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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Disk Driving The Credit Crunch

    | Elk Grove, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (I am a brand new phone tech support agent for a well known computer company that prides itself in ‘ease of use’. This is my first call. As such, I have a trainer double jacked with me to listen and help.)

    Me: “Hello and thank you for calling Tech Support. My name is—”

    Customer: “You a**-holes! Gimme back my credit card now!”

    Me: “Excuse me? I’m sorry, ma’am. I don’t understand what you mean.”

    Customer: “You know exactly what I mean! You took my credit card and I want it back right f****** now!”

    Me: “I do apologize, but I’m still not exactly sure what you mean. How did we steal your credit card?”

    Customer: “Your stupid f****** computer asked for my credit card and now it won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Once again I do apologize, but I’m still not sure exactly how we took your credit card. What were you doing when we took it?”

    Customer: “I was setting up the internet and you f****** took it!?”

    Me: “Was someone helping you at the store and they took it while setting up the internet?”

    Customer: “No, you god-d*** moron! I was setting it up at home and when it asked for my credit card info I put it into the credit card slot on the computer. Now this piece of s*** won’t give it back!”

    Me: “Ma’am, our computers don’t come with credit card readers.”

    Customer: “Of course it does! It has a slot right on the front for it.”

    (At this point I realize the customer has put her card in the disk drive. After walking her through several steps I have to refer her to a service center to get the card removed.)

    Me: “So, once again, I do apologize for the inconvenience this has caused. You will need to take your computer to one of our service centers so that one of our techs may remove your card.”

    Customer: “I can’t f****** believe this! I’m reporting you and I’ll have you run out of business!”

    (The customer hangs up. I turn to my trainer.)

    Me: “Are all my calls gonna be that crazy?”

    Trainer: “Only if you’re lucky.”

    Tray And Tray Again

    | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (The bagel and sandwich shop I work at switches from disposable paper plates to re-washable plastic trays for our ‘for here’ orders. We haven’t been supplied with an exceedingly large amount of the trays. Many of our customers end up dumping them in the trash when they’re finished.)

    Boss: “[Me]! Grab some plastic bags and gloves, and follow me outside.”

    Me: “Okay, what are we doing?”

    Boss: “Trash diving.”

    Me: “…”

    (He’s not kidding. We triple bag our shoes and jump in the dumpster to cut through our trash and fish out as many trays as we can. We manage to find nearly three dozen in among eight trash bags.)

    Me: “[Boss], I want a raise.”

    Boss: “I’ll think about it.”

    (Later, fed up with more trays disappearing, the Boss brings in a role of caution tape. He uses it to tape a tray onto the push-door of each of our trash cans. Then he secures another tray to the area where trays are supposed to be left. The end result is a VERY obvious visual giving the message of, “Don’t throw away these trays, place them HERE!”)

    Boss: “OKAY! So, how long do you think it’s going to be before another customer throws a tray away?”

    Me: “People are pretty stupid. I wouldn’t be surprised if the first one does.”

    Boss: “Seriously, right?”

    (Sure enough, a few minutes later a customer gets up to leave. She goes to toss her trash and gets caught up as she sees the taped tray to the door. We watch as she slowly looks at the trash can, then up to the tray-receptacle, then back down to the trash can. Then she dumps it all, tray included, into the trash can. My boss throws a silent fit until the customer leaves. We all crack up at him as he rushes out front to dig the tray out of the trash.)

    Boss: “I GIVE UP ON PEOPLE!”

    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 8

    | Halifax, NS, Canada | Canada, Extra Stupid, Geography

    (I work in a call center dealing with Americans and insurance claims. A caller calls from Washington state.)

    Caller: “Where am I calling to?”

    Me: “That would be Halifax, Nova Scotia, sir.”

    Caller: “Where’s that?”

    Me: “That’s in Canada, sir.”

    Caller: “Whoa… so that’s like a foreign country?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, we’re located above the US.”

    Caller: “Really? You learn something new every day!”

    (After the call ends…)

    Supervisor: “You should have told him Nova Scotia and Canada were suburbs of New York.”

    Related:
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 7
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 6
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 5
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 4
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 3
    Canada: America’s Hat, Part 2
    Canada: America’s Hat

    The Customer Is Always Right-Click

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A user leaves me a couple of long, painful, voicemail messages about her computer not working at all.)

    User: “I can’t close windows, I can’t click anything, and I can’t respond to important emails!”

    (I remotely connect to her computer, check everything out, and everything looks good. I assume that she had restarted her computer, found everything okay, and just forgot to tell me. I receive another call from her.)

    User: “My computer is in utter chaos!”

    (Again, I remotely connect into her computer, and everything looks okay. I go to see her computer in person, and luckily, she is there.)

    Me: “Can you show me the problem?”

    User: “Of course, look!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can see the immediate problem.”

    User: “What is it!?”

    Me: “You’re right-clicking on everything.”

    Tip Top Service

    , | Scotland, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (Our card readers are set up to offer an option to add a tip to the total. This isn’t typical for card readers in our location, and it gives some customers a lot of problems, especially if they need reading glasses or don’t look at the screen.)

    Me: “Okay, sir, I just need to you to follow the instructions on the card reader now while it asks a few questions. The green button is yes, and the yellow button is no.”

    Customer: “Fine, fine, okay.”

    Me: “So, first it just asks if that’s the correct total, then it’ll give an option to add a tip if you’d like. Just press the yellow button if you’d prefer to skip it.”

    (I don’t usually spell it out quite this much, but I have the feeling that this man isn’t really listening.)

    Customer: “Yeah, fine, fine.”

    (The customer presses the buttons worryingly fast, then swears.)

    Customer: “Hey, why is it asking for my PIN again? I just entered that! Stupid machine.”

    Me: “Oh dear, I’m sorry but I think you may have entered your PIN as a tip. I’d better cancel the transaction to make sure it—”

    Customer: “No, no, it’s fine. I didn’t put in a tip.”

    Me: “Are you sure you definitely pressed ‘no’? The only way it’d ask for your PIN again is if the first time was the tip prompt, not the PIN prompt. It’s easily done. It’s happened before—”

    Customer: “Are you calling me stupid? Are you trying to suggest I can’t follow simple instructions? I’m a high-level manager at [Department Store Chain]. Do you think I can’t work a simple machine?”

    Me: “Really sir, I think it would be safer if I redo the transaction just in case.”

    (The customer sighs theatrically.)

    Customer: “Fine, then, just to prove to you that I’m not a moron.”

    (I cancel the transaction and the receipts print out. I see a tip had been added, and I only have to glance at the first digit to see that it could not have been intentional. I quickly hand the receipt over to protect the customer’s PIN privacy, without looking at the full number.)

    Me: “Here’s the cancellation receipts, sir, and I’m giving you both copies so that you can keep your PIN private.”

    (The customer takes the receipts and his eyes go wide. He seems to swell up, and for a moment I think he’s going to start screaming at me, before he suddenly deflates.)

    Customer: “Oh god, I’m so sorry. Thank you, you just saved me from a serious talking-to by accounts.”

    Me: “I’m sure your credit card company wouldn’t have authorised it anyway, sir, so it would’ve been fine. As I said, don’t worry. It’s happened before.”

    Customer: “No, you don’t understand. This company card has a £15,000 credit limit.”

    (I’m still not sure if the credit card would have authorised that size of transaction, but we still joke about the ’1000 per cent tip.’ Just for comparison, that first digit was a 6…)

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