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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Self-Helpless Against Stupidity

    | Middletown, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Awesome Customers, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (One of the local supermarkets recently ‘upgraded’ their self-checkout systems. While nominally faster, the new systems are more complicated and far more prone to bugs. The first time I hit the ‘use a coupon’ button the whole screen is covered with a ‘please wait for attendant’ warning. One of the workers comes over.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry; I don’t know what happened.”

    Attendant: “Let me guess. You needed to use a coupon?”

    Me: “Um… yeah?”

    Attendant: “No problem. One second.”

    (She swipes her ID card, types in a code, swipes the coupon, hits ‘done,’ and puts it in the slot.)

    Attendant: “There you go.”

    Me: “I guess there’s a problem with the coupon part?”

    Attendant: “Yeah, we had a rash of people having issues with the sensor when putting the coupons in the slot who were just about ripping the machine apart instead of asking for any help at all.”

    Me: “There’s no way they’d be that—”

    (As if scripted, there’s suddenly a loud banging just behind us at the other machine; another shopper’s receipt jams in the printer because they tried to yank it out before it was done printing, and she is now PUNCHING the printer to try to get it to work.)

    Me: “…okay, thank you for the help. Have a nice day and God’s speed, brave warrior!”

    Attendant: “Once more into the breach!”

    Reached Rock-Bottom Dollar

    | NC, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Math & Science, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m finishing up a transaction with a customer when she hands me two coupons. I scan the $5 off coupon first, and then the 10% off coupon.)

    Me:“Your total comes to [total].”

    Customer #1: “YOU JUST CHEATED ME OUT OF A DOLLAR!”

    Me: *taken aback* “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer #1: “You scanned the $5 one first, which then lowered the price so the 10 % off comes out to less!”

    Me:“Oh, I’m sorry it looks that way. It’s actually just the way our system works. The $5 coupon is seen as a coupon, and not a form of tender. You haven’t actually paid $5, so if I had scanned the 10% one first, once I scanned the $5 one, it would have lowered your discount to the same.”

    Customer #1: “No, it wouldn’t have. You’re just making that up. You did that on purpose!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I promise you it would have. That’s actually why I did the $5 one first, because I’ve seen it happen, and customers get upset when they see the discount get smaller.”

    Customer #1: “Look, I know it’s only $1, but what you’re saying makes no sense. You have no idea what you’re talking about!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I’ve been here three years. I can promise you that is what would have happened, However, if you would like, I can call the manager up here to void the transaction and I will do it your way so you can see.”

    Customer #1: “No, I don’t have time for that! It’s only $1, but you cheated me. I don’t have time for this!”

    (This goes on for a full three minutes of her yelling at me for cheating her out of $1 and me offering to have the transaction voided and her insisting that she doesn’t have time. Finally, a customer at the tag engraving machine decides that he’s had enough.)

    Customer #2: “Lady! You keep insisting that it is no big deal and that you don’t have time, but you’ve wasted her time and mine by arguing even though she has offered numerous times to do it your way. I will give you the d*** dollar if it means you will shut the h*** up and just leave!”

    Customer #1: *grunts, glares at me and him, RIPS her bags out of my hands, and storms off*

    Customer #2: *sighs* “You couldn’t pay me enough to work even one shift for you.”

    Triply Unappetizing

    | USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at as a hostess in a popular chain restaurant. We have an appetizer that lets you pick and choose three appetizers. The customer would get a smaller sample size of each. In this situation I’m taking a to-go order, in person.)

    Customer: “I’d like to get your triple appetizer. I want to get the buffalo wings, but honey flavor.”

    Me: “Sure thing! What other two appetizers would you like?”

    Customer: *stares* “I want the honey wings.”

    Me: “Okay. Just to be clear, you’re saying you would like the triple with your three choices as the honey wings, right?”

    Customer: *annoyed* “I don’t think you’re listening to me at all, so I’m going to repeat myself. I want a triple with honey wings.”

    Me: “Yes, I understand that. But in a triple you can choose any three of these appetizers.” *points to list*

    Customer: *angry now, condescendingly* “You obviously aren’t listening to me, still. I’m going to repeat myself one last time, slowly so you can understand me, okay? I want you to listen to what I’m saying to you. I WANT A TRIPLE, WITH HONEY WINGS.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. I know that you want the honey wings in a triple, but I need to know which other two choices you want. If you don’t want any other choice, you can get an order of the wings by themselves.”

    (The man glares at me, and is visibly more angry. The man’s son, who I didn’t even see behind him, stands next to his father and speaks up.)

    Customer’s Son: “Dad, I think she’s trying to say that you get to pick three of these things when you get a triple.”

    Customer: *grumbles* “I’ll just get it how it’s pictured, but with honey wings. That’s all for me.”

    Me: “All right, your total is [Total] and it should be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

    (About fifteen minutes later, I give the man his food. He takes the box out of the bag to inspect it.)

    Customer: “Why are the food portions so much smaller than a regular appetizer? And why aren’t these egg rolls cut like in the picture? And what sauce is this?!”

    Me: “The portions are smaller because its a sampler. It might not look like much, but it really is a good amount of food! The egg rolls aren’t cut because they stay warmer when you don’t cut them. That sauce is extra honey sauce for your wings.”

    (The customer looked at his son, shook his head, sighed audibly, and left.)

    Dishing Out The Cold Truth

    | UT, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (It’s been snowing steadily all day. Still, customers come to shop for electronics and ask stupid questions.)

    Customer: “I bought [Satellite TV Service] here, but I’m having trouble with it. Can you help?”

    Me: “I usually handle computer questions, not TV questions, but I can try. What’s going on?”

    Customer: “The channels just aren’t coming through right. They’re all pixelated, and they keep cutting out, and sometimes there’s nothing to see or hear at all.”

    Me: “That’s not good. When did it start?”

    Customer: “This morning.”

    Me: “I haven’t heard of any problems from [Satellite TV Provider]. I’m guessing that it has something to do with the snowstorm. The snow could be interfering with your signal, especially if some has accumulated in the dish of your receiver.”

    Customer: “Can you check?”

    Me: “Can I check what?”

    Customer: “Can you get on your computer and check to see if I have snow on my dish?”

    Me: “…no, I can’t do that.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “The store computers don’t have access to information about whether a person’s satellite dish has snow in it. I’m sorry.”

    Customer: “Well, how can I find out?”

    Me: “You could try going home and looking at it…”

    Acting Bittersweet About The Sweets

    | Serbia | Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I was working as a promoter for a [Popular Brand] inside a supermarket telling people that they can buy certain items within the brand for a certain amount of money and then receive a gift at the front. I explain this to one woman.)

    Customer: “Do dark chocolates count?”

    Me: “Yes, they certainly do.”

    Customer: “But they didn’t count last week.”

    Me: “I wasn’t aware of that; I worked in a different store last week, but I assure you, you will receive your gift if you buy the dark chocolates.”

    (The woman was still suspicious, so I showed her the list of products that I had in my hand.)

    Customer: “What about the one for cooking?”

    Me: “Yes, that one counts as well.”

    Customer: “But they didn’t count last week!”"

    Me: “Again, I know nothing about that.”

    (I show her my list again.)

    Customer: “How much is it?”

    Me: “I’m not sure. It’s around [price], but if you look over there, just a couple of meters away, you’ll see the exact price.”

    Customer: “How do you not know the price? You work here.”

    Me: “Actually, I don’t work in the supermarket. I don’t even work for [Popular Brand]. I work for a marketing agency that was hired by the brand. I work in different stores every week and the prices vary.”

    Customer: “You know, I’m older and, therefore, wiser, so I’ll forgive you this time, but there are all sorts of idiots out there that are going to make a fuss about something as trivial as this. I would advise you to try and do your job a little better next time. But it’s okay.”

    (She kissed me on the cheek, smiled a fake smile, and walked away without the chocolates.)

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