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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Maybe They Already Hit Their Head

    | CA, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (It’s roughly an hour before closing time, which is when things start to wind down. However, in pops one middle-aged and very confused-looking customer holding a helmet.)

    Me: “Howdy, ma’am! Do you need any help?”

    Customer: “Um… well I’m very confused. My sister—she lives in Hawaii, you know—she bought me this helmet, and, I don’t know why this is, but it’s too small.”

    Me: “I’m sorry to hear that ma’am! Would you like to look at some of our helme—”

    Customer: “I just don’t understand! Why would my sister buy me a helmet that’s too small? It doesn’t make sense! It should fit me no matter what!”

    (This dialogue continues for several minutes, each time with me explaining something partially before the customer returns to going on about how she’s confused. Eventually I do manage to bring her over to the helmet displays.)

    Me: “The helmets start at $35, and we do have a model that’s the same as what your sister gave you, but it comes in diff—”

    Customer: “There’s so many! Why are there so many different helmets? This is very confusing to me!”

    (I take the time to quickly and simply explain differences—or so I think.)

    Customer: “That doesn’t make any sense. I’m so confused! Let me try on this one! Is this one going to fit me?”

    Me: “I don’t know, ma’am. It should fit. Why don’t you try it on?”

    (She does eventually try on the helmet, after much deliberation and stating that she’s confused. This continues for another half hour. Eventually, she’s decided on a helmet, and I think I”m finally out of this ordeal.)

    Me: “You made a good choice, ma’am! Now let me just go ahead get this back in the box and ring you up!”

    (The customer stares blankly into space for a few moments.)

    Customer: “I’m… I don’t know what to think. I’ll have to go home and think about this more. I’m very confused.” *leaves*

    (My coworker, who has witnessed the entire lengthy exchange, speaks up.)

    Coworker: “Dude, I’m so, so sorry.”

    Me: *pained, sheepish grin*

    He Has Beef With The Cheese, Part 2

    | NV, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hi, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like a cheeseburger with no cheese, and some fries.”

    Me: “Okay, so you’d like a hamburger combo with fries. That’ll be $7.4—”

    Customer: “No, no, I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger with no cheese.”

    Me: “So… a hamburger.”

    Customer: “NO! I don’t want a hamburger. I want a cheeseburger minus cheese!”

    (Note: cheeseburgers, whether I enter in “no cheese” or not, are always a dollar more than hamburgers.)

    Me: “So, you want to pay a dollar extra for a cheeseburger, but you want no cheese?”

    Customer: “YES! Is that so hard?”

    Me: “No, sir. So, a cheeseburger with no cheese, and fries. Your total is $8.54.”

    Customer: *satisfied, hands me a $10* “Much better!”

    Related:
    He Has Beef With The Cheese

    Best Just To Enable Them

    | Newark, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology, Transportation

    (A customer in her mid-40s comes up to the kiosk.)

    Customer: “Excuse me.”

    Me: “How can I help you?”

    Customer: “I put in my card at the pump, and it tells me ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “…Yes?”

    Customer: “What does ‘Enabled’ mean?”

    Me: “Well, it means that you can work the pump. The transaction is probably going to time out by time you walk back to the pump, but try again. All it means is that the pump is working.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you.”

    (The customer walks off and I continue counting cigarettes. After a few minutes, she comes back.)

    Me: “Oh, welcome back!”

    Customer: “It still says ‘Pump Enabled.’”

    Me: “Go ahead and pump your gas, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thanks.”

    (She walks away, but after a few moments, I see her walking back to the kiosk.)

    Me: “Ma’am, let me help you…”

    Rage Against The Machine

    | Tempe, AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. May I please get the phone number associated with the account you are calling about?”

    Caller: *enters phone number without saying anything*

    Me: “…I’m sorry; I need you to tell me the phone number, please.”

    Caller: *again enters the phone number without saying anything*

    Me: “…Hello. This is a live person, not the automated system. I need you to actually tell me the phone number, not enter it on the phone, please.”

    Caller: *to someone in the background* “It’s not working! Just hang up and we’ll try again.”

    Me: “Hello. I can hear you. I’m a live person, if you—”

    Caller: *click*

    Got Him On Collar ID

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Caller: “Hello, I bought a shirt in your store earlier today and the sign said $12 but I was charged $17. I’d like to return it.”

    Me: “Oh goodness, I’m so sorry that happened to you! You can just come in and I’ll be more than happy to help you return that and make it right.”

    Caller: “I’d like to return it over the phone, though.”

    Me: “I’m afraid I can’t return a shirt without the shirt itself.”

    Caller: “…”

    Me: “…”

    Caller: “Why not?”

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