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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Trying To Lend Color To The Argument

    | ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology, Theme Of The Month

    (A customer comes to the counter with two sheets of black and white images she has printed from her computer.)

    Customer: “Can you scan these and get someone to put all the pictures together so they go with the writing I have?”

    Me: “Sure we can. Do you have these pages saved digitally?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Me: “Do you have them saved on a computer somewhere? Or on a USB drive?”

    Customer: “Yeah, on my computer at home.”

    Me: “Did you want to save them to a USB drive first and use the digital files? It would be a much better quality.”

    Customer: “I don’t know what a USB drive is.”

    Me: “It’s just a way of saving files so that you can transfer them to a different computer.”

    Customer: “No. Just use my print out.”

    Me: “Okay.”

    Customer: “But can you scan them in colour?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “Why not?”

    Me: “Because those are black and white.”

    Customer: “So?”

    Me: “We can’t scan them in colour if there is no colour to scan.”

    Customer: “But they were in colour on my computer. So there’s colour in them.”

    Me: “Yes, there was colour on your computer, but you printed them in black and white. So when we scan the black and white print out, it’s going to be in black and white.”

    Customer: “But I want them in colour! I don’t understand why you can’t just change your scanner to the colour setting.”

    Me: “I could change it to the colour setting, but there is no colour on this page to scan. It’s all in greyscale, so it’s only going to scan it in greyscale.”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Me: “Because a scanner just scans what it sees. It can’t pick up something that isn’t there.”

    Customer: “But you have colour scanners!”

    Me: “Yes, that is used to scan colour pictures.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you can’t just scan it in colour!”

    Me: “Because it’s not a colour picture.”

    Customer: “Yes, it is! It was in colour before I printed it!”

    Deeply Fried And Deeply Mistaken

    | Onley, VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    (I work in a department store. I am helping stock shelves in the grocery department.)

    Customer: “Excuse me. Could you help me find Sugar-Free Oreos?”

    Me: “Sure!”

    (I’m not too familiar with the grocery department and it takes us a while to find them.)

    Me: “Oh! Here they are!”

    Customer: “Oh! Thank you! I’m so happy you found them!”

    Me: “No problem. Have a great day!”

    Customer: “Well, my daughter bought them here last week. I’ve been looking for them ever since.”

    Me: “I’m glad I could help—”

    Customer: “You see, my grandkids love it when I make deep-fried Oreos, and I wanted to get the sugar-free kind because they’re healthier to deep-fry than the regular kind.”

    Thinks He’s So Grape

    , | Norway | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work as a wine waiter in a business hotel, where we often have repeat guests. One such guest, who always has a problem with something, is tasting a bottle of wine I’ve just opened.)

    Guest: “This wine is bad. It’s corked, or oxidised, or something.”

    Me: “May I test it?”

    (I take the glass and smell the wine, knowing straight away that there’s no problem.)

    Me: “I don’t notice anything wrong here. If you insist, I can open a fresh bottle.”

    Guest: “Well, you obviously don’t know anything about wine or service. Of COURSE I want a fresh bottle.”

    Me: “Very well, sir.”

    (I take the bottle away, re-cork it, and wait a few seconds before returning to the table with a new glass. I open the bottle again as I arrive and I pour a little for him to taste.)

    Guest: “MUCH better. Can’t believe you thought there was nothing wrong with the last bottle. You obviously don’t deserve to be in charge of wine here.”

    Where There Are Smokers, There Is Fire

    | IL, USA | Criminal/Illegal, Extra Stupid

    (I am the manager of a store that sells hookahs, among many other things. Since there are very strict laws in the area I tend to cut people off before incriminating themselves too much. The phone rings and I answer.)

    Me: “[Store Name]. This is [Name]. How can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi. You guys sell hookahs? I want to know how these things work. I need to know what order to put things in. I’ve got the coal ready. I put that in the bowl on top, then the tobacco and weed right?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t sell hookahs for anything illegal. Just tobacco.”

    Caller: “Oh right… Where do I put the tobacco then?”

    Me: *sighs* “The tobacco goes in the bowl, then either a screen or tin foil with some holes on top of the bowl, and the lit coal on top.”

    Caller: “Oh… I would have burned my house down again! Thanks!” *hangs up*

    Me: “Again?”

    Understanding In All But Name

    | IN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “Hi! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “I need to cash my check.”

    Me: “Sure! I’ll need to see your ID please.”

    Customer: “Why? It’s MY check!”

    Me: “I understand, but I’ve never waited on you before. I need to verify that it is your check.”

    Customer: “But it’s MY check!”

    Me: “But I don’t know that. I don’t know you.”

    Customer: “It has my NAME on it!”

    Me: “But I don’t know your name. I’ve never waited on you before. I have to make sure that the right person gets their money.”

    Customer: “My name is on the check!”

    Me: “Ma’am, what if you dropped the check outside and someone else brought it in to cash? Would you want me to cash it for them?”

    Customer: “No, because they aren’t me!”

    Me: “How would I know that?”

    Customer: “Because MY name is on the check!”

    Me: *sighs*

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