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  • Customer Service Is Over(reaction)
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Time Lord Of The Ring

    | Kansas City, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, History, Top

    (We often have contests between stores as to who can sell the most items. This week, it is a specific brand of hat. To promote sales, I am wearing one with Muhammad Ali on it. I am also female.)

    Customer: *scoffs* “Why are you wearing Muhammad Ali?”

    Me: “I like him.”

    Customer: “Oh yeah? What did you think about the fight between him and Cassius Clay?”

    Me: “I was pretty impressed, considering that I wasn’t aware that he could bend space and time to fight himself before be changed his name.”

    Customer: “…whatever.”

    Didn’t Rock Her History Lessons

    | Crowsnest Pass, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, History, Theme Of The Month, Tourists/Travel

    (I am currently serving a couple. We are the first restaurant that tourists heading west come to after passing through the largest rock slide in Canadian history.)

    Man: “That rock slide thing was incredible. Do you know anything about it?”

    Me: “Actually, yes I know quite a bit. The mountain fell one morning in 1903; 82 million tonnes of rock fell on the sleeping mining town below and killed almost 90 people. The town remains buried. There is an interpretive center where you can learn more if you would like.”

    Woman: “That’s okay dear; I do have one question though.”

    Me: “Sure, if I know the answer I would be happy to tell you something about the area.”

    Woman: “How did they make the rocks jump and miss the highway?”

    Me: “Um… well they didn’t. The slide happened in 1903. They put the highway in after, ma’am.”

    Woman: “Well I don’t understand; how did they do that?”

    (Thankfully at this point, I have to go and deal with some other customers. I can still hear her asking her husband as they leave, to explain it one more time.)

    Way Under-Branded

    | Regina, SK, Canada | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

    (My clothing store has just sent out an email announcing ‘Winter Sale Underway!’ )

    Me: “Hello [store], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, I was wondering if you have any ‘Underway?’”

    Me: “Pardon?”

    Caller: “Do you have any ‘Underway?’”

    Me: “Do you mean underwear?”

    Caller: “No! ‘Underway!’ It’s a brand, and it’s supposed to be on sale!”

    Me: “Sorry, ma’am, I’m not familiar with that brand.”

    Caller: “God! You’re useless! Get me someone who knows what ‘Underway’ is!”

    (I hand the phone off to the manager, who goes through the same conversation.)

    Manager: “Ma’am, ‘Winter Sale Underway’ means that a winter sale is coming. ‘Underway’ isn’t a brand.”

    Customer: *hangs up*

    (We still don’t know if the customer came for the sale.)

    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop, Part 2

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Regular Customer: “I’ll have a toffee-hazelnut iced coffee, but can you make it decaf?”

    Me: “Sure, no problem. Switching to ‘D,’ then?”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, my doctor told me I should cut down on sugar, so I’m going with decaf!”

    Me: “Um… there’s no sugar in regular or decaf coffee. But there is sugar in the two syrups I use to make that flavor; are you sure you want them?”

    Regular Customer: “Oh yes, I’m not cutting out every bit of sugar! Just the caffeine sugars.”

    Me: “There are zero calories, zero sugars in plain black coffee, either regular or decaf.”

    Regular Customer: “Yeah, but my sister says she cut out iced coffee and she’s lost 20 pounds! I have to have my coffee, but I figured I could just do decaf instead.”

    Me: “I can use sugar-free flavors for you if you’re trying to—”

    Regular Customer: “No! I hate that fake stuff. Just the decaf iced coffee with toffee and hazelnut. Oh, and extra cream.”

    Related:
    Not Quite The Crema Of The Crop

    Sautéed Transmogrified Beef

    | Vancouver, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    Me: “Hello, [cafe], how can I help you?”

    Caller: “Hi, could you tell me what today’s special is?”

    Me: “Today we have a lamb steak with rice and greek potatoes.”

    Caller: “Is the lamb steak beef?”


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