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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Listening Is Priceless

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (A customer comes in to ask about a large printing order. I inform her that printing her order will take a few hours, but that we could have everything copied by the end of the day. She agrees to place an order with us, as she is in a rush and no other copy center in town could get the prints done in less than seven days.)

    Me: “Do you know approximately how many pages you have here?”

    Customer: “No… Why?”

    Me: “Well, it’s just that the color copies are far more expensive than black and white, and I wanted to give you a quote before we begin. The color ones add up fast!”

    Customer: “No, no. Just go ahead. My boss told me he’s being reimbursed anyway, so it doesn’t matter what it costs.”

    (I’m skeptical, but she insists. As it turns out, ALL of her documents are in color. As she’s printing training manuals and reference books for a group of 26 employees, she ends up with over 8,000 printed pages of color documents.)

    Customer: “And could you assemble them and put them all into binders for me?”

    Me: “We sure can! If you hold on just a moment, I can give you a quote for the entire order, including assemb—”

    Customer: “No. I don’t want a quote. Just go ahead and do everything.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Because you have quite a lot of copies here, and assembly adds an additional fee.”

    Customer: “No quote! I’ll be in to pick these up on Monday!”

    Me: “But they’re $0.49 per page to start, and you’ve got—”

    Customer: “Oh, well! My boss just wants everything done in color, and by Monday.”

    (I go along with what the customer wants, but I’m still pretty certain she’s going to flip out when she sees the total, despite my attempts. Sure enough, Monday morning rolls around and the customer arrives…)

    Me: “Okay! Your total for copies, tabs, binders, assembly, and all comes to approximately $2400 after tax.”

    Customer: “What!? $2000!?”

    Me: *sighs*

    Demands Are In The Clouds

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Customer: “I would like to send a pallet on an overnight service.”

    Me: “That’s not a problem, sir; we can pick that up this afternoon.”

    Customer: “I want it to go on the airplane.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. Due to the size of the item it will be traveling on the truck, but it will still get there for delivery tomorrow.”

    Customer: “No. I want an air service, not road!”

    Me: “Sir, we provide an overnight and off peak service. How it gets there is irrelevant. Your item will still be received tomorrow.”

    Customer: “NO, I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

    Me: “Sir, your item will not physically fit on the small aircraft we use, but it will have no problems getting to its destination overnight by road.”

    Customer: “NO, YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

    Me: “Sir, it WILL get there tomorrow. It will just be traveling by truck. Like I said before, we supply an overnight service. It gets there however it can for next day delivery.”

    Customer: “BUT I WANT IT TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE SO IT GETS DELIVERED TOMORROW!”

    Me: *head desk*

    Can’t Hear You Over Your Colon

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I’m in the waiting room of the endoscopy center, waiting for my grandma to come out from her colonoscopy. A nurse opens the door and reads aloud from a chart.)

    Nurse: “Theodore?”

    Old Man: “Yes?”

    Nurse: “Okay, so you’re Theodore?”

    Old Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Nurse: “And you’re here for a colonoscopy today, correct?”

    Old Man: “What?!”

    Nurse: “A… colonoscopy?”

    Old Man: “NO! My WIFE is!”

    Nurse: “Oh. You’re not Theodore?”

    Old Man: “You said PETER, so I answered you!”

    Nurse: “… Okay, then. Is Theodore here?”

    (An old man walks from the back of the waiting room.)

    Theodore: “I’m sorry. I heard him answer, so I assumed another Theodore was ahead of me.”

    Peter: “Well, I know one thing. I am not deaf, and she definitely said Peter first.”

    Theodore: “Well, I am deaf, and she said Theodore. You may need your hearing checked, sir.”

    The Worst Example Of Homosapien

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer came up to me while I am stocking the cooler.)

    Customer: “Where’s the straight milk?”

    Me: “What? What’s straight milk?”

    Customer: “Straight milk!”

    Me: “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

    Customer: “Straight milk, so it doesn’t turn my kids gay.”

    Me: “Milk doesn’t turn anybody gay!”

    Customer: “Sure it does. See right here. It’s HOMO-genized milk. I want the HETERO-genized milk.”

    Me: “…”

    The Great Intelligence Disconnect

    | Austin, TX, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work at a gaming company and provide tech support to all of our customers that call.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I hope you can help me. I have been having connection issues all week with [Game]. I play for about 30 minutes and am disconnected. Can you fix it?”

    Me: “I can try. First let’s open up the website to pull up some info that may help us resolve this.”

    (About 30 seconds pass.)

    Me: “Are you there, sir?”

    Customer: “Sorry, the internet has been having issues all week. It is a bit slow right now…”

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