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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Making A Moat Point

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, History, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a tour guide at a medieval castle. The moat to this particular castle was filled by diverting a channel of the river that runs directly past. We’re standing beside a large model of how the entire area looked in 1754 AD.)

    Tourist: “So, ma’am, how did they fill the moat?”

    Me: “Well as you can see here, a channel was dug to divert the water into the man-made moat.”

    Tourist: “So, how did they FILL the moat?”

    Me: “Um… With water from the river, flowing into the ditch. The ground could get pretty waterlogged but that worked as extra defense in times of siege.”

    Tourist: “Yes, but how did they get the water from the river INTO the moat?”

    Me: “Er… They used a bucket chain?”

    Tourist: “Ahh, I see. Thanks!”

    It’s All Dutch To Me, Part 2

    , | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I am traveling with a group from my American university for a conference, back when the Netherlands still used guilders as currency. At the time they were at about two to one dollar.)

    Classmate: “Wow! Beer is so expensive here!”

    Me: “Not really… they’re only three or four dollars each.”

    Classmate: “But it says beer is $6!”

    Me: “No, it’s 6 guilders. That’s the currency here. Remember when we changed our money?”

    Classmate: “No. That must be in dollars.”

    Me: “Why would it be in dollars? We’re in Amsterdam!”

    Classmate: “But stuff was in dollars at the airport. And I don’t get why [American beer] is so expensive and the [Dutch beer] costs less.

    Me: “Because they have to import the [American beer] from America.”

    Classmate: “But it isn’t an import!”

    Me: “We’re in AMSTERDAM now!”

    (By now, the guy behind the bar is doing an increasingly bad job of hiding his laughter.)

    Classmate: “Oh, my god. How will I order? I don’t speak… uh…”

    Me: “—Dutch? I’ll do it. You go sit down.”

    Me: *in English, to the bartender* “Two beers, please.”

    (The bartender gets me the beers, but only charges me for one of them, and winks at me. I tip him well and go back to my classmate.)

    Classmate: “Wow! I didn’t know you spoke the language!”

    Me: “I’m a fast learner.”

    Related:
    It’s All Dutch To Me

    Has Beef With Their Non Beef Menu

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a fast food restaurant that only sells chicken sandwiches. People often jokingly ask for burgers, so I usually try to joke back with them.)

    Customer: “So, I know you guys are a chicken place but can I just get a burger?”

    Me: “Haha! Yeah, sure… Now, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “A burger.”

    Me: “Sir, we really only have chicken. There is a [Competitor's store] down the street if you want a burger.”

    Customer: “Seriously, though. You don’t have any burgers back there?”

    Me: “I promise. It’s all chicken.”

    Customer: “Fine. Can I get a fish sandwich then?”

    Me: “…”

    One Customer And You’re Already Pooped

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I am waiting to pick up my cat at the vet when I witness an exchange between the receptionist and a customer.)

    Receptionist: “She’s doing well. She’s passed some formed feces—”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Receptionist: “Uh… It just means it’s solid—”

    Customer: “But what does that MEAN?”

    Receptionist: “What? Formed feces?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that second one.”

    Receptionist: “Oh… um… It’s her bowel movements.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Receptionist: “Number Two?”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Receptionist: “Her, um, her poo, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s good.”

    Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms, Part 2

    | St. Louis, MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (I’ve lived in New Jersey all my life, but had moved to Missouri roughly two months ago. I’m managing the fitting rooms in our store when a husband and wife approach me.)

    Husband: “Ma’am, do you think you can help my wife find something?”

    Me: “Oh! Of course! What were you looking for?”

    (The couple stares at me in shock for a few seconds.)

    Husband: “Where are you from? You have a very strange accent.”

    Me: “I just moved out here from Jersey.”

    Wife: “That’s in Europe, right?”

    Me: “Er… no. I mean New Jersey. The state.”

    Husband: “Oh, so you’re from Eastern Europe?”

    Me: “No, sir. The East Coast of the United States.”

    Husband: “Was New Jersey one of those Soviet countries?”

    Wife: “It must have been. You poor dear, living under such oppression. Welcome to America! Your English really is excellent!”

    Me: “Uh… thanks. What was it you were looking for?”

    Wife: “Oh, I’ll get someone else to help me. I really dislike being helped by foreigners.”

    Related:
    Speaking American Is A Country Diction In Terms

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