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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Few Cards Short Of A Deck

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid

    (I work for an alcoholic beverage company that has a staff shop at head office. The shop has recently started a scheme whereby all the retired employees on the pension scheme have been sent cards with their pension number on them and in invitation to buy at the store. Many of them have been calling the store to have the scheme explained and I am dealing with one such customer’s enquiry over the phone, and am rather eager to get the call finished as it has already dragged on a bit.)

    Customer: “So, when I come down to head office do I need anything to prove that I’m a pensioner?”

    Me: “Yes. All you need to do is bring along your [Company] card that you ought to have been sent.”

    Customer: “Oh, I don’t have one of those…”

    Me: “That is strange. Mayb—”

    Customer: “Do you think I should call head office and ask them to send me a card?”

    Me: “Well, yes, I suppose that would be your best option.”

    Customer: “…though I do have this card that came with the newsletter with my pension number printed on the [Company] card…”

    Me: “Ah! In that case that’ll be the one you need. A white card, yes?”

    Customer: “Oh… no, no it’s not white.”

    Me: “Hmm, well…”

    Customer: “It really is more of a cream colour.”

    Me: “…”

    Not In His Salad Days Anymore

    , | WA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Military

    (I am a civilian contractor at a military installation’s dining hall. Unlike some of the comfort facilities at the installation, we don’t have restrictions on who can dine here; as long as they can access the installation, they can eat. It is my turn to tear down the salad bar at the end of dinner. I have taken out all of the utensils and begun to pull the dishes, when an older man in civilian clothing comes up behind me.)

    Customer: “What are you doing with the salad bar?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. Did you order a salad?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.” *gestures at the fruit mix at the end of the bar*

    Me: “So, you did order a salad bar?”

    Customer: “No, I just wanted to get a few of these.”

    Me: “Sir?”

    Customer: “Oh, you mean I have to order a salad bar to get things from the salad bar?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Oh.”

    Artificial Unintelligence, Part 2

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Welcome to the support team. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “Check claim status.”

    (I realise he thinks I’m a recording.)

    Me: “Not a problem, sir. Can I ask which service your claim was for?”

    Caller: “Skip questions.”

    Me: “Um… sir, I do need to know the details of your claim so I can track it?”

    Caller: “Eugh! Stupid machine… SKIP questions!”

    Me: “Um.. I’m sorry, sir, but I’m not a machine. I need to know—”

    Caller: “Main menu!”

    Me: “Sir, I’m not a recording. I can help with your enquiry, but I have to ask a few questions first.”

    Caller: “Oh, thank god. A person!”

    Related:
    Artificial Unintelligence

    The Collapse Of Human Decency

    , | MI, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Top

    (I work in the fuel kiosk at a popular chain grocery store. There is only one person in the kiosk at a time, unless cash office people are counting the safe money. I have not been feeling well, but come into work anyways.)

    Cash Office Worker: “Could you shut the safe for me?”

    Me: “Sure.” *notice a customer at the window and stand* “Hi, how can I—”

    (Suddenly I get very dizzy and pass out, hitting my head on the concrete floor. When I come to, my coworker is standing over me.)

    Cash Office Worker: “The manager is on his way, and an ambulance. Don’t try to sit up yet. Are you cold? Do you hurt anywhere?”

    Customer: “ISN’T ANYONE GOING TO F****** HELP ME?!”

    Cash Office Worker: “He’s been yelling for about two minutes now, even though he saw you pass out.”

    (The manager comes running into the kiosk.)

    Manager: “Is she okay? The ambulance is almost here. I heard the sirens.”

    Me: “I’m okay but I think my head is bleeding.”

    Customer: “ARE YOU THE MANAGER? GET YOUR LAZY-A** EMPLOYEES TO DO THEIR F****** JOBS!”

    Manager: “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

    (The customer not only stood there and yelled the entire time, but later filed a complaint against me!)

    The Price Of Not Listening

    | Yorkshire, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I am working in a busy photo booth on a Saturday. A lady waves me over because she is struggling to use the photo machines.)

    Customer: “Hey, help me. This machine is saying that you can’t print out my photos for me.”

    (I check the machine. The limit for our one-hour printing service is 200 prints. If customers need more than 200, they have to choose the 24 hour service. However, I decide to be helpful.)

    Me: “Okay, the reason it won’t work for the one hour service is that you’re asking for 212 prints. That isn’t usually allowed, but since there’s no other pictures for me to print, I’ll put the order through. However, it will cost a lot more to get them all printed within the hour. Are you sure you don’t want to come back tomorrow?”

    Customer: “Yes, yes, I need them today.”

    Me: “That’s fine, but it will be almost twice the price—”

    Customer: “YES, that’s fine. I need them today!”

    (I process the order and she leaves. An hour later she returns for her pictures.)

    Me: “Here are your prints. Your total is [total].”

    Customer: “What? No it isn’t! That’s far more than I expected! It’s double the price! Why is it so expensive?”

    Me: *sighing inwardly* “The prints cost more if you select the one hour service.”

    Customer: “Well, nobody told me that. You should have told me it would cost more! This is ridiculous. I’m NEVER coming here AGAIN!”

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