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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Brain Not Listed

    | San Diego, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I run tech support for our web hosting system. When a user submits a ticket, the form asks which site they are referring to.)

    Customer: “I am looking to gain admin rights. Please send me an update and a possible timeline of when it will be confirmed.”

    Me: *checking form to see “Site Not Listed” for the site name* “Thank you for the information, but I need to know the site you are referring to before I can confirm with the authorities that you are to be the new admin.”

    Customer: “I need admin rights for our account. The previous admin is no longer here.”

    Me: “Again, I need to know which site you are referring to. What is the name of the site as it appears on our system? You indicated “Site Not Listed” on the form and your message does not state which site you are referring to. I need to know the name of the site in order to assist.”

    Customer: “Why is this so hard? I just need admin rights!”

    Me: “…”

    It’s Going To Be A Long Overnight

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “Yeah I’d like a refund on my shipping ’cause it was late.”

    Me: “I’m sorry about that. Can I get your tracking number, please?”

    (The customer gives me the tracking number and it looks like it arrived on time.)

    Me: “It looks like you selected to two-day delivery on this shipment. This package left had a commitment to be delivered on the third by 12 and it got there at 10:30.”

    Customer: “That’s not two-day shipping. I shipped it out on the first so it should get delivered on the second day, the second. It’s late.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but that would be an overnight shipment not—”

    Customer: “Why would I want to pay an overnight fee to get it delivered on the next day?! I’m not an idiot!”

    (This is where I begin to lose my cherub-like demeanor.)

    Me: “Look, you shipped it on the first with a two transit day delivery option. So the first and the second are the transit days, and the third is the delivery.”

    Customer: “No, that’s wrong. You’re saying three-day shipping! I wanted two! If it ships on the first, it gets delivered on the second!”

    (I’m nearing the end of my talk time so I try something different…appealing to his logical side.)

    Me: “Okay, so if you ship overnight, when will it get there?”

    Customer: “Duh! The next day.”

    Me: “Right! Perfect! Okay, what about two-day? When would that get there if overnight gets there the next day?”

    (Silence for 10 seconds…)

    Customer: “The next! You can’t trick me! I’m not stupid! Gimme my money back!”

    Trying To Shoehorn A Sandal

    | Toronto, ON, Canada | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (A customer walks into the store and starts looking around and picking up shoes.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, this sandal is really cute, but I have one question. If I wear it outside is it going to get dirty?”

    Me: “The sole of the shoe will definitely get dirty, but typically, yes. Sandals can easily get dirt into them as you walk.”

    Customer: “Well, I want a sandal that doesn’t get dirt inside.”

    Me: “So you mean a shoe?”

    Customer: “NO. A sandal that won’t get dirt inside it. Why would I want dirty sandals?”

    Me: “I don’t think we have anything that fits that description.”

    Customer: “What kind of shoe store are you? Selling people sandals that get dirty?!”

    (The customer grabs a shoe of a display.)

    Customer: “See this is what I mean. This is perfect.”

    Me: “That is a shoe.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you are being so difficult.”

    Are You Sitting Uncomfortably?

    | NY, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (Our theater has electric recliner-style chairs. They’re very nice, but they are often broken by guests who mistreat them, and so we’re constantly having to fix them. I’m returning from my lunch break, when I see an elderly couple confronting a petite, teenaged coworker of mine. Despite being in their 70s, the husband is HUGE and looks like he could easily overpower everyone there.)

    Wife: “My husband is usually a peaceful man! But you’ve pushed him, and now he needs closure and needs you to pay!”

    Husband: *fuming* “I’m gonna have someone’s head!”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry… What is the issue?”

    Wife: “You know what it is!”

    Coworker: “I apologize, ma’am. Let me call a manag—”

    Wife: *interrupting* “YOU KNOW WHAT YOU DID!”

    (I rush over and get a manager, who approaches them. I hear the husband and wife screaming on and off for the next five minutes, before they leave, making sure to announce loudly they’re “never” coming back to this theater, and telling every… single… person they can that we’re “cruel” and “worthless” thieves.)

    Manager: *walking up to me* “Well… that was interesting…”

    Me: “What was going on?”

    Manager: “Someone must have broken one of the seats in the screening before those customers, because his seat was stuck permanently reclined, and it hurt his back trying to lay down in it.”

    Me: “Oh, were there no other seats that he could switch to? Why didn’t they just have someone come in to fix the chair?”

    Manager: “That’s the thing. I just checked, and they were the ONLY ones there. There was literally about 100 empty seats around them… He just decided that he wouldn’t switch seats, and then got mad because the one seat he picked happened to be the one broken one.”

    Me: “And that’s our fault, somehow?”

    Manager: “Sadly, that’s not even in the top-five of dumbest thing we’ve been blamed for by angry guests this week…”

    Nothing You Can Do To Get Out Of This Loop

    | NY, USA | Extra Stupid

    (My store has recently started a new ‘Store Pick-Up’ option where customers can order items online and then pick them up at a local location the same day. Corporate is running several different sales that can only be applied to these online orders. This is turning into a problem since many customers are seeing the low prices online and get angry when they come into the store and see a higher price tag. A customer calls me over and starts to complain about this discrepancy. I explain the special sale, but she isn’t having it.)

    Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for me?”

    Me: “There’s actually a lot we can do! We can process your purchase online using the store computer and it can be ready for you, at the sale price, in about 10 to 20 minutes.”

    Customer: “20 minutes?!”

    Me: “Yes, that’s one option. If that doesn’t sound good, remember that this sale will be going on for a few weeks. You’re welcome to go home, purchase as much as you’d like online and then pick it up the next time you’re in town.”

    Customer: “Why can’t you just go up to the register and give me this price today? You’re going to lose a lot of business this way!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but this sale is specifically meant to encourage people to shop online and use the in-store pick up. I’m not allowed to manually adjust any of the prices to this level.”

    Customer: “So there’s nothing you can do for me?”

    Me: “…Ma’am, there are still several ways that we can get you this sale. We can use a store computer and process an online order within about 10 minutes, or you can put in the order at your leisure and pick it up another time. Are you interested in doing either of those?”

    Customer: “Just change the price for me at the register; I want these items right now.”

    Me: “I can’t do that, I’m afraid. These prices are only for people who use the online ordering system.”

    Customer: “…So there’s nothing you can do for me?”

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