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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Closing Time Is Half Open Kinda Caller

    | Surrey, BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month, Time

    (I receive a phone call about half an hour to close.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. This is [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “What time are you open ’til?”

    Me: “We close in 30 minutes, sir.”

    Caller: “No! I don’t want to know when you close! I want to know how long you’ll be open!”

    Me: “We’re open for another 30 minutes.”

    Caller: “Thanks!” *hangs up*

    (I’ve worked here too long.)

    Odds Of Finding A Seat Are Not In Their Favor

    | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV

    (It is the day before Thanksgiving at the movie theater where I work and ‘The Hunger Games’ has just premiered. Obviously, we are completely swamped. All four open tills have had an unending line of customers for the past hour. Despite this, my coworkers and I are all in sync and nothing has gone wrong the whole night. Suddenly, a family I don’t recognize walks up to me.)

    Mother: “Excuse me. You need to do something about this right away.”

    Me: “What is the problem, ma’am?”

    Father: “You oversold this theater! There’re more people in there then there are seats! People are sitting in the aisles!”

    (Our computer system that alerts us when a theater is about to sell out has malfunctioned, so we stopped selling tickets to “The Hunger Games” when there were only five seats remaining, as opposed to the fifteen we would normally. My guess is that they can’t find seats together.)

    Me: “I’m very sorry that the theater is crowded. I’ve called my manager down to see what he wants us to do. In any case you will definitely get a full refund.”

    Father: “We don’t want a refund. We want to see the movie! WE can’t do that because YOU sold us tickets to a movie with no seats.”

    Me: “You see, there must be at least five open seats in the theater because we can’t sell more tickets than there are seats.”

    (I tilt my register forward so they can see it and try to sell the last five tickets, showing them that it physically won’t let me.)

    Mother: “Well you DID sell more!”

    (At this point my manager arrives. They yell at him, and he instructs me to refund the total of their tickets and concessions purchases.)

    Daughter: “Thanks for nothing. We’ll go to a theater that knows what they’re doing.”

    Me: *to my manager* “Says the people who came ten minutes late to the most popular movie of the year and expected to find three seats together.”

    (My manager later went into the theater to find nobody ‘sitting in the aisles,’ and a total of five unoccupied seats. Not together, of course.)

    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 5

    | AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Language & Words, Technology

    Customer: *storms into the store, tosses his phone at me* “D*** thing doesn’t work!”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, sir.” *picks phone up* “What seems to be wrong with it?”

    Customer: “It’s broken. Doesn’t work.”

    Me: “Well, I understand that, sir, but what is or isn’t it doing?”

    Customer: “It won’t let me log into my email. It’s broken. Fix it or get me another one.”

    Me: “Well, sir… Is it possible you just put in the wrong password?”

    Customer: “No. No, that ISN’T possible. I put in the password the way I always do.”

    Me: “Well, let’s do this then, sir.” *I pull out my own phone* “I know my phone works. I’ll log out of my email on here, and you can try logging into it on mine.”

    (The customer tries to log in on my phone, and it doesn’t work.)

    Me: *smiles* “Now then, sir, either you just broke my phone, in which case I’ll need you to replace it, or you just forgot your email, and I can help you reset your password.”

    Customer: *grumbling* “Let’s reset the d*** password, then.”

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 4
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 3

    Deal With Them On A Case By Case Basis

    | Germany | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer calls tech support, telling me he had bought a new computer at one of my company’s stores, and that it isn’t turning on.)

    Me: “Okay, I understand the problem.”

    (Thinking it’s going to be the standard power-supply-switch/cable not connected issue, I ask him if he has plugged it in and switched it on at the back.)

    Caller: “Well, there’s the problem. There is nowhere to plug in a cable.”

    Me: “That’s unusual. Sir, are you sure you have the right cable and are looking at the right side of the computer?”

    Caller: “Yes. I am looking at the back side, and there is nowhere to plug in a cable or anything.”

    Me: “Okay, could you please describe to me what you see.”

    Caller: “Well, I can tell you that there is a big hole in the back of the computer through which I can stick my entire arm.”

    Me: *trying not to laugh* “Okay, sir, I think that might be the problem. I think you have bought a bare-bone casing for a computer, rather than a working PC. May I ask what the computer cost?”

    Caller: “€90.”

    Me: “Okay, sir,.I would advise you to take that casing back to the store and tell the guys there the issue. I am sure the will take it back and provide you with an actual computer rather than a case.”

    Caller: “Er, um, okay. I guess I’ll do that then…” *click*

    Can’t Imagine Why You Can’t Use Imaginary Coupons

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (I greet a table of ten. In the middle of introducing myself this happens:)

    Customer: “I have a coupon.”

    Me: “Okay, hang on to it. It is applied at the end.”

    Customer: “Hang onto it? I don’t have it with me. Is that a problem?”

    Me: “So, you want to use a coupon that you don’t have with you?”

    Customer: “I don’t understand why you have coupons if you won’t accept them.”

    Me: “…”

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