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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not-So-Smartphone, Part 12

    | Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The phone rings and the pre-recorded “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thanks for calling,. What can I do for you?’ goes off.)

    Caller: “I WANT A FREE [Extremely Popular 4G Smartphone] IN EXCHANGE FOR MY [Not So Popular Slide-Out Phone] BECAUSE IT’S A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT’S FROZEN AND IT WON’T TURN OFF!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating! Let’s see if we can get it fixed for you today.”

    Caller: “I doubt you can fix it! This phone is stupid! I want a [4G Smartphone] instead!”

    Me: “Well, if I could do that for you I certainly would, but our system actually won’t let us process exchanges like that in the first place. And definitely not before troubleshooting! So, let’s go ahead and get it fixed up for you instead. Would you take the battery out for me, please?”

    Caller: “NO. Didn’t you understand me?! I SAID, it’s FROZEN!”

    Me: “I did understand, but you don’t have to turn the phone off first to remove the battery.”

    Caller: “…oh. IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WANT A F****** [4G Smartphone]!”

    Me: “I’m sure this will help your phone, ma’am, but like I said, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t physically process the [4G Smartphone] for you. Our system will not allow it.”

    (The phone reboots, and everything is just fine and her phone works.)

    Me: “Okay! I’m so glad your phone is working great for you now. Can I help you with anything else?”

    Caller: “Hmph… NO. AND THE NEXT TIME THIS PHONE BREAKS, I’M JUST GOING TO SMASH IT!”

    Me: *laughing* “Well, you certainly—”

    Caller: *click*

    (She totally hung up on me, but I was going to tell her she could definitely smash the phone if she wanted, and we still couldn’t replace it with a 4G model! I had to get off the phones to laugh for a minute after that.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9

    Broken Eastern Promises

    | Hay, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (There is a smaller highway that ends in the city, and another one that starts. I work at a gas station between the two so we get a lot of people driving through.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but how do I get back on Highway #3?”

    Me: *gives directions*

    Customer: “No. I mean the other way. We just came from [City Two Hours Away].*

    Me: “No, that’s the only way. Highway #3 ends here. Did you want Highway #41?”

    Customer: “I don’t think so. I’m headed to [Destination].”

    (My dad has just walked in to pick me up from work.)

    Me: “And you said you came from [City Two Hours Away]?”

    Customer: “Yes. Why, what’s wrong?”

    (I’m speechless at this point, but my dad helps her, and the owner confirms what he says.)

    Dad: “You turned the wrong way. You have to head back; you just lost about seven hours driving time…”

    (What should have been two hours turned into more than seven hours driving and an overnight stay. Guess they didn’t know when the sun is setting BEHIND you, you aren’t traveling west…)

    Been Reading To Him Since Way Before He Was Born

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

    Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

    Customer: “Three.”

    Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

    Me: “Um, he’s three?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said.”

    Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

    Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

    Me: “How old was he?”

    Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

    Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

    If Only She Could Hear Herself

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology

    (I am totally deaf in my left ear and partially deaf in my right. I wear a regular hearing aid in my right ear and have a cochlear implant in my left. I’m now 19, and working in a very posh restaurant. I’m serving a party of 10. There is a couple who comes in quite regularly who are the ‘hosts’ of this group. The husband is okay but the wife is really snobby and has caused us problems before.)

    Me: “Good evening. Is everyone ready to order?”

    Wife: “Could you get the manager for me? Now!”

    Me: “Of course, madam. Is there anything I can do for you?”

    Wife: “No! Just get him.”

    (I go and get my boss but have no explanation why he is needed.)

    Boss: “Good evening, madam. How may I help you tonight?”

    Wife: “How dare you let your staff wear headphones? We spend a lot of money in here and we expect a certain type of service. This is most distressing.”

    (Most of the other guests look really uncomfortable as they realise she’s talking about me and it’s obvious that I have hearing aids.)

    Boss: “Madam, I can assure you we do not allow that. If you could point out the server who is wearing them I’ll happily sort this out for you.”

    Wife: “For God’s sake! It’s the girl!” *she points to me as I’m still standing at the table* “We are in here all the time and I have never known such disregard for the customer.”

    Boss: “I’m really sorry. There’s no way you deserve to be treated this way.”

    Wife: “I should think so. I just—”

    Boss: “Not you. I was talking to my employee and friend. You—” *referring to the wife “—on the other hand are a despicable human being. How dare you come in here and talk to a member of my staff like that? It is massively, plainly obvious that she is wearing hearing aids. Everyone else at your table can see that. Now you have not only embarrassed yourself and the rest of your table but also my staff member. I’m very sorry but I have to ask you to leave, madam. The rest of your table may stay if they so wish but I simply cannot have my staff treated that way. Please leave. Now.”

    Wife: “Well! I think you’ll find you’ve just made a very big mistake talking to me like that. You have lost a lot of business from us. My husband here is a solicitor and he will—”

    Husband: “That’s enough. I’m really sorry. We’ve been served by your waitress before and know she wears hearing aids, and I’m not a solicitor.” *to his wife* “I think you need to go home. I’m hungry; I would like to order, please.”

    (The wife looks about the table as the rest of the guests sit there in silence. She then gets up and flounces out. I take everyone’s order and the rest of the evening goes very smoothly. When the guests ask for the bill the husband calls me over.)

    Husband: “I’m really sorry about my wife. Do you know, I don’t work and neither does she. I won the money on the lottery. Before we were rich I was an accountant and she worked in a shoe shop. I really have no idea why she’s like that. I promise I’ll never bring her in here again.”

    (The meal itself cost over £400 and I made a massive tip as everyone at the table felt really badly. The husband still comes in with friends but never brings his wife. He asks for me to serve him and always tips really well but I share the tips now!)

    Sadly That Is The Uniform Response

    | The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I work for a company that supplies company clothes. I need something from a hardware store so I go there after work wearing my company’s clothes. The employees there are naturally wearing work clothes of this particular DIY store, of a different style and color to the work clothes I was wearing. Some customer there walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Do you still have [item] in store? It doesn’t seem to be on the shelves.”

    Me: “I really couldn’t tell.”

    Customer: *immediately interrupting me* “Always the same. You people are really unhelpful. Never know anything and I guess you’re not even going to check, right?”

    Me: *pointing at the logo on my shirt of a totally different company* “I don’t work here. I just happen to need something here.”

    Customer: *slowly realising my clothes in no way resemble the clothes of the store employees* “Well! How am I supposed to know that you don’t work here?!”

    Me: “Perhaps by seeing that my clothes are completely different from the employees here?”

    Customer: “It’s your fault! I can’t be bothered with such things.”

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