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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Should Have Framed It Correctly

    | New Zealand | Extra Stupid, Home Improvement

    (I work in a framing store. I have been at this job only a couple of weeks when this happens – all I knew was basically that we sold frames. I need experience on the phone so I have to start taking calls. A call comes in.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Company]. You’re speaking with [My Name].”

    Caller: “Oh, hi. I made an Internet order with you and you seem to have sent me the wrong size.”

    (We sometimes do Internet orders for pre-made frames. At this point I’m not super familiar with the sizes we can do.)

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry about that; if you pass on the details to me I’ll speak to my manager.”

    Caller: “That’s great. It was the tiger-lily, and you’ve sent me the size eight when I ordered the size ten.”

    Me: “Size eight? Uh… ok, well we may have to look you up in the system to find the details.”

    Caller: ‘Do you have a size ten?”

    Me: *totally confused but in it too deep now and the woman is getting angry* ‘Uh… I’m sure we can fix the problem for you. I’m just going to get my manager to look for your order and give you a call back.”

    (I take her name and details and end the call, thinking my manager can work out what’s happening, because I have no idea. She looks in the system for a customer order with an artwork described as ‘tiger-lily’ but finds nothing. I explain the size issue, but the sizing doesn’t match what we offer. My manager tells me to call the woman back and try to get more information.)

    Caller: “Hello?”

    Me: “Hi there. It’s [My Name] calling back from [Company].”

    Caller: “Oh, hi.”

    (The caller thinks I’m the manager now, having just spoken to me five minutes ago.)

    Caller: “I made an Internet order for the tiger-lily and it’s the wrong size, and I just wanted to return it and get the right one. It’s the tiger-lily.”

    Me: *it’s starting to dawn on me what’s going on* “I’m sorry. Is this for clothing?”

    Caller: *angry now* ‘No! It’s the tiger-lily!! The bikini—”

    Me: “A bikini? We don’t sell those. We sell frames.”

    (Silence.)

    Caller: “Is this phone number [not our phone number]?”

    Me: “No, it’s [our phone number].”

    (Silence.)

    Caller: “I’m sorry I’ve called the wrong number.” *click*

    (Of course, now that I am experienced I would know the error straight away, but I have sadly not received such an entertaining call since that day.)

    How To Package Crazy

    | NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (Due to a mistake on the shipper’s part, I need to go to the local UPS depot to pick up a package sent to me. As this is a depot, not a store-front, they only have a single desk off to the side for customer service, and today there’s an unusually long line for assistance. This happens once the person in front of me gets up.)

    Employee: “Yes, ma’am. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’d like to set up a PO box, please.”

    Employee: “I’m sorry ma’am, this is UPS, not the post office. I—”

    Customer: “Look, I’ve been in line for a half an hour now. You’re going to help me or I’ll get your supervisor!”

    Employee: “Ma’am, I am the supervisor on duty right now, and that doesn’t change the fact that you’re at the wrong location.”

    Customer: “Don’t you tell me I’m in the wrong location! I live a block and a half from here; this is DEFINITELY the right location!”

    Employee: “No, it’s NOT, ma’am. This is the UNITED PARCEL SERVICE. You are looking for the US POSTAL SERVICE. Their office is across the street and down two.”

    Customer: “Oh, you’re just trying to confuse me. This is the same place! This is just the union one and that’s the non-union. Now help me with my box!”

    Guy Behind Me: “LADY! Do you go to a car dealer and demand to see their selection of birthday cards, because ‘car’ and ‘card’ are one letter apart? Because that’s what you’re doing here! Now get out of the line you’ve been in for less than FIVE minutes and stop harassing that poor man!”

    (Somehow this was the employee’s fault, and she took another minute yelling at him about ‘letting that guy talk to me that way.’ Finally she storms off, yelling that she will ‘call President Obama on you all,’ and I step up.)

    Me: “Yes, can I pick up my FedEx package? Oh, and also I’d like some of whatever pills she’s taking!”

    Employee: “I think that’s the problem. She didn’t take her pills today!”

    Your Nameless Days Are Numbered

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (We always ask for the name first for several reasons. We need to give the system time to populate their information and we need to make sure that we’re allowed to speak to the caller before we get in too deep.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’m calling about my claim for date of service [date] with [Doctor] and you guys say I owe [amount].”

    (I head-desk, and pause longer than company standard, as I furiously try to note the information I was given because we get dinged for making callers repeat information.)

    Me: “Okay, I can look at that claim for you. May I have your name, please?”

    Customer: *gives first, middle, and last name, spelling all three*

    Me: “Thank you. And may I have your phone number so I can document that we spoke today?”

    Customer: “What number?”

    Me: *reaches for more headache meds and coffee*

    More Money Than Sense

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (As I am ringing up a customer, I begin asking her the standard questions that I’m required to ask as a cashier. She is buying a tablet.)

    Me: “Would you like to add on a year of coverage to this in case it gets dropped or stops working?”

    Customer: “No, it’s only $100. If it breaks, I’ll just get a new one.”

    A Paltry Understanding Of Poultry

    | Alabaster, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Language & Words

    Customer: “Egg and cheese. That’s poultry, right?”

    Me: “What?”

    Customer: “Poultry. Poultry means vegetarian, right?”

    Me: “Um, sometimes vegetarians eat poultry and animal products. It just depends on the person.”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. People are just changing all of this political correctness and I don’t know what things mean anymore. You’ll ask stupid questions when you’re my age and people change what words mean.”

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