November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Very Green With The Green Fingers

| Leeds, England, UK | Extra Stupid

(I work in a garden centre for a major DIY retailer.)

Customer: *in a posh accent* “Excuse me, do you sell reverse osmosis water…”

Me: “N—”

Customer: “Or distilled water?”

Me: “No, sorry, we don’t. What do you want it for?”

Customer: “Well, I have a house plant and I have read that they do not like tap water.”

Me: “That’s right; they prefer rain water. You could just harvest that.”

Customer: “How would I do that?!”

Me: *stifling a face/palm* “Well… we have water butts over there, buckets on aisle [number], or you could even use one of those pots you’re holding in your hand.”

Customer: “Oh, great, can you direct me to the compost for my house plant?”

Me: “Of course, come this way… What kind of house plant do you have?”

Customer: “One with lots of leaves.”

The Strife Of A Housewife

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I’m a customer shopping for fridges. I find one I like and go to find an employee to purchase the fridge. The only employee who handles fridges is talking to another customer.)

Customer: “So, this fridge… keeps things… cold?” *he asks very skeptical*

Employee: “Yes, sir, the general point of all fridges are to keep things cold.”

Customer: “No. My wife and I used to have a fridge that cooks things.”

(Not only is the employee just stunned by this statement, but everyone around who hears this pulls a face.)

Employee: “A fridge… that cooks things?”

Customer: “Yes, you put stuff like vegetables, milk, and chicken in it. And when you take the chicken or vegetables out they’re all cooked.”

Employee: “So they’re all cooked and ready to eat right now?”

Customer: “No! What do you think I’m dumb or something?”

Employee: “No, I’m just trying to find the particular item you’re looking for… So, you put in raw chicken and veggies and it cooks them automatically?”

Customer: “Yes. Put them in raw, and then they come out cooked.” *explains as if the employee is slow*

Employee: “Does it cook the milk as well?”

Customer: “NO! That would be dumb. It would just spoil instantly. It just keeps the drinks cool.”

Employee: “Hmmm, I can’t seem to think of the item you’re looking for. Let me get someone a bit more knowledgeable.”

(Hearing this, I come to realize that apparently there are other employees I could ask for help, but at this point I’m really curious as to what this man is talking about. The employee shortly returns with an older employee.)

Old Employee: “So you put in raw food and it comes out cooked right?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Old Employee: “Okay… and when you put in drinks or milk it keeps them cold right?”

Customer: “Yes.” *looks at younger employee* “See, he clearly knows what I’m talking about.”

Old Employee: “So, out of curiosity, when your wife takes out the cooked food… did you by chance re-heat it?”

Customer: “Well, duh…”

Old Employee: “Duh what, sir?”

Customer: “Of course she had to heat it up. The fridge kept it cold like it was suppose too. DUH!”

(It is at this moment where the customer’s wife has come to re-join her husband after looking at other appliances.)

Customer’s Wife: “So, did you have any luck finding a new fridge, hun?”

Customer: “No… I tried to find one that cooks like our old one but they don’t have it.”

Customer’s Wife: “A fridge that… cooks?”

Customer: “Yeah, just like our old one. You know, you put the chicken in raw and you take it back out later before dinner and it’s all cooked. Just like last night.”

Customer’s Wife: “Hunny… I cooked that chicken and put it back in the fridge. Fridges don’t cook food. They just keep them cold.”

Customer: *turns beet red in embarrassment as he finally realizes just how stupid of a moment he had* “Um, I think it’s time to leave.”

(The husband left in a hurried walk, with his wife in tow saying, ‘But what about the fridge, Hunny? What about the fridge?’)

Jumps Straight To Red Alert

| USA | Extra Stupid, Spouses & Partners, Technology

Woman: *slams a phone on the counter* “You’re going to block her, right now!”

Me: “Uh… Welcome to [Store], ma’am. Can I help you?”

Woman: *very slowly* “You’re… going… to… block… her… noooowww.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, I got that the first time. Who am I blocking and why?”

Woman: “Amber! She keeps calling my husband and I think he’s meeting her on the side! I want her blocked! I’ll pay you double if you trace her.”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t trace people here. I don’t think it’s possible or even legal for us to do so, even if we could. May I see the number?”

(She pulls it up in her history and I feel a part of me die inside.)

Me: “Ma’am… that’s an Amber Alert.”

Woman: “I know! BLOCK HER NOW!”

Me: “Ma’am, an Amber Alert is a nationwide message sent to all phones telling people to be on the lookout for abducted children. You probably have one, too.”

Woman: “Isn’t she just stalking me?”

Me: “No, ma’am. She’s telling you to currently be on the lookout for a missing little girl named [Child’s Name], taken in a white Subaru about a day ago. The Amber Alert is not trying to steal your husband.”

(After much coaxing, the woman left, still skeptical and still eyeing her phone suspiciously. My coworkers still laugh about it.)

No Time Lie The Present

| AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Technology

(Our company gets hit with spam that asks people to go to an external website and enter your username & password. We block the email but the damage is done, so you pull up a log of people who went to the website and cold call all 50 of them as fast as possible. Five minutes in I get this guy:)

Me: “Hey, you apparently clicked the email and entered your—”

Him: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I just need you to change your password; I have a record of you going to the spammy website—”

Him: “No, I didn’t.”

Me: “I literally have a list in front of me. Not only did you put in your username and password, you did it twice when it didn’t work!”

Him: “I didn’t click that—”

Me: “I don’t have time for you to lie to me right now; I’m forcing a password reset and logging you off. Enjoy your week.”

(My boss gave me a slow clap for dealing with this man…)

There Should Be A Sign

, | Watson Lake, YK, Canada | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

(I work at a little retail store beside our town’s main tourist attraction, the Signpost Forest, which has over 75,000 signs to date, right beside the Alaska Highway. A customer walks into the shop.)

Customer: “Where do I go to see the Signpost Forest?”

Me: “See right behind the shop, the hundreds of posts with the countless signs all over them?”

Customer: “Yah?”

Me: “See how they look like a forest?”

Customer: “Yah?”

Me: “That’s it.”

Customer: “…Are you sure?”