Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

A Minefield Of Stupidity

, | Pákozd, Hungary | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, History

(There is an exhibit on the conscription in the memorial park, and in that unit we also have a part attributed to the demolition experts, with panels about mine clearing, explosives, and projectiles. Since Hungary was a war zone under both World Wars, and the neighbouring countries also have/had local wars, there are plenty of these mines, projectiles, and bombs scattered around, still dangerous; most of the time, they are found in public places, even at schoolyards and nurseries, fields, rivers, etc. Because of this, we are obligated to give a small but thorough speech about the most common dangers. Be advised that generally people receive similar warnings at school, preschool, and even in the media. As it seems, it is not effective:)

Me: *finishing my spiel about what to do* “…so, if you find any of these, you just leave it in peace, and call an adult.”

Mother: *cupping her daughter’s ears, so she cannot hear me* “Don’t worry, honey, this isn’t true anymore…”

Me: *speechless*

Father: “Oh, I think I have one or two of these at home!” *points at one of the smaller bombs* “But they are intact… I mean, they are whole, not distorted like these…”

Me: *hoping he bought a replica* “Oh? Where did you get them?”

Father: “Well, I was ploughing, and they just sort of came out of the ground.”

Me: *alarmed* “And where did you put them?”

Father: “In the garage, I think…”

Seven-Year-Old Son: “Yes, they are there. I usually play with them!”

Me: *agitated* “Please, sir, as soon as you get home, don’t enter the garage and call the police!”

Father: “Why?”

Enough To Make You Almost Pop Your Corn

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work at a movie theater. We are offering a special promotional coupon where customers can buy a large popcorn and drink combo, and get a second large drink for free. I am approached by an elderly couple.)

Husband: *handing me a coupon for the promotional deal* “I want two!”

Me: “All right, sir. Just to double-check, did you mean you wanted two combos, or the single combo with two drinks?”

Husband: *scoffs* “Do I stutter, kid? We want two of these combos!”

Me: “…Okay. What would you like for your four drinks?”

Wife: “Four drinks?! We only want one, you idiot!”

Me: “I apologize; I thought you wanted two of the combos.”

Husband: “We do!”

Me: “Two combos would mean you’d end up with four drinks… Each combo comes with one large popcorn and two large drinks.”

Wife: “But we only want one!”

Me: “Okay.”

Husband: “Yeah… two combos!”

Me: “I’m really not understanding… How many combos do you want?”

Husband: “Two combos!”

Me: “So, what would you like for the four drinks that come with the two combos?”

Wife: “Where are you getting four drinks from?! Just the two combos! What are you, dense?!”

Husband: “Stop wasting my time, you stupid idiot!”

Wife: “We want one!”

Me: “…So, you just want the one combo with the two drinks?”

Husband: “TWO COMBOS!”

Wife: “With the one!”

Husband: “Exactly, two combos!”

Me: *by this point, I’m just assuming they mean they want one combo with two drinks* “Okay… what would you like to drink?”

Wife: “I want one Coke!”

Me: “And what else?”

(Neither one answer for almost a full 30 seconds.)

Me: “Sir, what other soda would you like?”

(Neither answers for another 10 seconds.)

Husband: *suddenly* “Why aren’t you getting our two combos?!”

Me: “Sir, I need to know what else you’d like to drink.”

Husband: “MY WIFE WANTS COKE!”

Me: “Okay.”

(I get a large popcorn and large coke and bring them to the couple.)

Husband: “Where’s our second soda combo?!”

Me: “Sir, you only told me one drink.”

Husband: “But we got two combos!”

Me: “SIR. I. Need. To. Know. What. You. Want. Before. I. Can. Get. It. For. You. You only told me one soda.”

Husband: “Two f****** combos!”

(This back and forth continues for another 30 seconds, before I just decide to get them another large Coke to get it over with.)

Me: “That will be $14.”

Husband: “Is this two combos?”

Me: *lying to get the transaction done* “…Sure.”

Husband: “Fine. Took you long enough. Now, where’s our free soda?”

Me: “It’s right here, sir. I just gave it to you.”

Husband: “Oh.”

Me: “So, that’ll be $14.”

Husband: “But this is supposed to be special coupon! Why does it cost so much?”

Me: “Our popcorn and soda combo is $14. We gave you the second soda for free, as per the coupon. Without the coupon, the order would’ve been $19.”

Husband: “…Well, that’s too much. This only should cost me a few dollars!”

Me: “I don’t know what to tell you, sir. We need to have prices that high for the theater to make any money. We don’t get to keep much, if any, of ticket sales.”

Husband: *throws his credit card at me* “Fine!”

(I complete the transaction and they finally leave. Immediately after, a 20-something approaches me.)

New Customer: “…You know, I looked up how much it costs theaters to make popcorn. Popcorn should really only cost customers—”

Me: *interrupting* “Trust me… Today is NOT the day to complain to me about prices. Did you see that exchange that just happened with the couple who was just here?”

New Customer: “Yeah?”

Me: “That’s unfortunately not the first time something that prolonged and stupid that has happened to me today… not even the first time this hour. In fact, not even the first time in the past 10 minutes.”

New Customer: “…Oh.”

Me: “So if you’re only here to complain and not to buy something… please leave my line.”

(He left after seeing just how serious I was.)

You’re Not Allowed To Get Sick On Sundays

| Athens, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

(I work as a telephone operator at a small hospital in a college town. I have received this call numerous amounts of times while working there.)

Me: “Hello! Thank you for calling [Hospital]. How may I direct your call?”

Caller: “Hi, what time do ya’ll close?”

Me: “Umm, ma’am/sir, the hospital never closes.”

(Most people don’t realize that yes, there are people at the hospital all the time, and some even called to ask when the ER closed!)

Getting Tired Of Your Hangups

| Germany | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Technology

(The international call code for Germany is 0049. My own personal area code starts with 049. A lot of businesses that have international customers will call me.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Yes, I’m calling about a problem with my order of [Product]. Can I—”

Me: “—Sorry to interrupt, but you have the wrong number. This is a private household.”

Caller: *hangs up*

(A few minutes later, the phone rings again. I see the same number flash in the display.)

Me: “[My Name].”

Caller: “Yeah, I’m calling about my order—”

Me: “You have the wrong number. This isn’t [Retail Place].”

Caller: *hangs up before I can tell him how to reach the right place*

(Moments later, my phone rings again. Same number.)

Me: *sighing* “[My Name].”

Caller: *hangs up*

(This continues three more times. Then the phone rings again.)

Me: “DON’T HANG UP THE D*** PHONE AGAIN!”

Caller: “Uh… what?”

Me: “You’re trying to reach [Retail Place], but you keep getting me, right? Didn’t it occur to you that this is obviously the wrong number? And if it’s obviously not working, why do you keep calling and then hanging up before giving me a chance to say anything?”

Caller: “Well, uh. This is the number on the website and—”

Me: “No, it’s not.”

Caller: “Yes, it is.”

Me: “Read it out to me.”

Caller: “+49 [rest of number].”

Me: “Look, the 49 is the code for Germany. For people calling from other countries. You need to leave it out when you dial or your phone will convert it to a regular phone number and you end up back here. Again.”

Caller: “But this is the number on the website.”

Me: “Look, we could play this game all afternoon, but I have better things to do and I’m sure you want your order sorted out at some point today. So how about this: you dial WITHOUT the 49 and if you still end up calling me again, I will personally drive the 500 km to [Retail Store] and make sure they fix your order.”

Caller: *does not sound convinced* “Well. I suppose…” *hangs up*

(Lo and behold, it must have worked because my afternoon was a lot calmer after that. It’s a family joke by now that we should bill [Retail Store] for dealing with their customers all the time.)

Can’t Use That Trick In The Book

| KS, USA | Books & Reading, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I am working at my town’s library over the summer when the phone rings. I don’t normally answer the phone because they often need something done on the computer, which as a part-timer I don’t use, but since my superior isn’t around, I answer it.)

Me: “[Town]’s Public Library, how can I help you?”

Caller: “Hello. I would like to return a book.”

Me: “Okay, then, there’s two ways you can do that: you can bring it in while we’re open and we can check it in then or you can come and put it in the drop-box bin which we will check it in as soon as we clear it.”

Caller: “Can’t I just tell you the name and you could check it in now?”

Me: “No, ma’am. We have to have the book to check it in.”

Caller: “That’s ridiculous! I have the book right here so you can check it in!”

Me: “No, ma’am. The book has to be back here at the library for me to be able to check it in.”

Caller: “You lazy workers, making me bring the book there when you could just check it in from here!” *click*

(At this time my supervisor comes back.)

Supervisor: “Were you just on the phone?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, and I’m am never answering that thing again!”

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