(A man bursts through the doors in a panic.)

Man: “Did you need me to call the police?”

(I am very confused.)

Me: “What?”

Man: “That must have been terrifying! How much did he take?”

Me: “Sir, I’m not sure what you’re talking about. Slow down.”

Man: “I was walking down the street when I saw a guy walk out of here carrying a gun!”

(I stare at him for several seconds.)

Me: “Sir, have you looked around? Did you see our sign on the way in?”

Man: “No, why?”

Me: “Sir, this is a gun store. He bought it here.”

(I’m at the cash register; a lady walks up and plunks six different paperbacks on the counter.)

Customer: “Which one is the best? I only want to buy one today.”

Me: “Well, that depends on your tastes. Is there a particular genre that you’re interested in?”

Customer: “No, I mean which one did you like the best?”

Me: “Well, I haven’t read these particular books, but I can tell you which one is most popular right now…”

Customer: “Of course you’ve read them all. You work here, right? You have to know what you’re selling!”

Me: “Ma’am, we sell thousands of different books; there’s just no way I can read them all.”

Customer: “You’re not doing your job! You have to know! Now tell me which book was the best!”

Me: *points randomly* “…that one.”

Customer: “Thanks!”

(A customer is standing in front of the sake in a corner of our store. My coworker approaches her.)

Coworker: “Can I help you with anything?”

Customer: “Do you think this sake is, you know, safe to drink?”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, safe to drink? I assume it’s gone through the proper processing procedures.”

Customer: “I mean… was this sake affected by the tsunami that hit Japan?”

(My coworker realizes she’s alluding to the power plants that were hit by the tsunami, and the possibility that the sake is radioactive.)

Coworker: *jokingly* “Well, if you take it home, and it starts to glow in the dark, I’d suggest you don’t drink it.”

Customer: “Oh, okay!”

(My coworker walks away. After a couple of minutes, my manager and I glance over to see the lady cupping the bottle in her hands. She is trying to make it dark enough to see if it will glow in the dark!)

(I am ordering ice-cream for my family and me.)

Cashier: “What can I get for you?”

Me: “I’ll have a scoop of strawberry, please.”

Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan today.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry! Chocolate, then.”

Cashier: “Alright, anything else?”

Dad: “I’ll have a strawberry shake.”

Cashier: “Sorry, we only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

Dad: “Oh right, a chocolate shake then.”

Sister: “I want a strawberry sundae!”

Cashier: “We only have chocolate, vanilla, and butter pecan.”

Sister: “Okay, vanilla.”

Me: “Does that happen a lot?”

Cashier: “Often enough that I look forward to the days we actually have strawberry.”

(I work as a receptionist at my local dealership answering the phones.)

Caller: “I need to have my car towed to your dealership. Do you have a service for that, or one that you can recommend?”

Me: “We do, but it’s expensive. Can you tell me more about the problem so we can try and help you before resorting to that?”

Caller: “Oh, sure! Well, I think my key remote is dead, so I can’t unlock my car. Because I can’t unlock it, I can’t get anywhere! This is my only car, and I rely on it. I need to get it unlocked as soon as possible.”

Me: “Ma’am, have you tried putting the key into the keyhole on the door?”

Caller: “What? Cars still have that? I don’t think mine does, but I’ll go check.”

(About a minute passes…)

Caller: “Oh, my God! You’re my hero! It totally worked! Thank you so much!”