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  • A Caffeinated Christmas Miracle
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  • Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    All That Glitters Is Not Gold

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are these earrings?”

    Me: “Those are an amethyst stone set in rose gold.”

    Customer: “Rose gold? What is that, some cheap, fake gold? Gold is expensive!”

    Me: “No, no, it is gold. Gold comes in different hues – like white gold, classic yellow gold, and rose gold.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s too cheap to be pure gold.”

    Me: “Well, gold has to be set as an alloy. It is too soft to be in pure elemental form, so they use another metal to keep it solid.”

    Customer: “What other metal is it? That’s too expensive if it’s not gold.”

    Me: “It’s set over sterling silver.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, never mind then…”

    Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (The store is relatively quiet and empty on this evening. A customer enters and approaches me quickly, seeming angry. She slams an open 12-pack of caffeine-free soft drinks on my counter, which I remember I had sold to her earlier.)

    Customer: “False advertising!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You sell products that are advertised falsely!”

    Me: “Um… okay. How? Did you get overcharged?”

    Customer: “These are marked as ‘caffeine free’ but they AREN’T! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have no control over the caffeinating. That would be something to contact the soda company about. May I ask, how do you know it has caffeine in it?”

    Customer: “Watch!”

    (She proceeds to open a can. I hear a ‘tsssshhhhh.’)

    Customer: “THERE! See? You don’t hear that noise unless it isn’t caffeinated! There is caffeine in these!”

    Me: “Oh! That isn’t because of caffeine—”

    Customer: “Don’t try to protect them! I DEMAND A REFUND!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s CARBONATION. Not CAFFEINE.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “CARBONATION is what makes the drink bubbly; CAFFEINE is a stimulant. Furthermore, like I said, that would be an issue to take up with the soda company. Not us.”

    Customer: “… oh. Oh!” *gathers up her drinks and hurries out, clearly embarrassed*

    Big Brother Is A Big Bother

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Politics, Technology

    (Our company sells high-tech gadgets for use with RC planes and helicopters, such as GPS locators and infrared sensors.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to order your GPS unit, but I don’t want to put my credit card number online.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have a way to take a credit card order over the phone. The only thing I could do is bring up the website and enter it there myself.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not putting my credit card number out on the Internet!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that entering your credit card information on our encrypted website is much more secure than reading it off to me over the telephone. But we also take PayPal, if you don’t want to involve your credit card at all.”

    Customer: *grumbling* “Okay.” *hangs up*

    Coworker: *overhearing the conversation* “Did someone have a security issue with the website?”

    Me: “No, he just wants military satellites to be able to track his model airplane’s precise location… but he’s afraid of e-commerce.”

    Not What They Pictured

    | FL, USA | Extra Stupid, Funny Names

    (I’ve been showing my paintings at outdoor art shows for five years. I sell originals and prints, called giclee prints. Increasingly, as people look at my work and ask if I’m the artist, they seem genuinely surprised. Why, I have no idea. A couple of my neighbors and I were just talking about this when two women started flipping madly through my print rack, clearly marked “Giclee Prints (geeclay)” with the sizes and prices.)

    Customer: “Is this you?”

    Me: “Yes, it is.”

    Customer: “REALLY?”

    Me: “Maybe you ladies can help me with this. We were just talking about how surprised people are that I am the one who painted these. Why is that?”

    Customer: “Well, you have to admit, Giclee DOES sound like a boy’s name.”

    Me: “Actually, giclee is the name of the process to produce the prints. It’s a French word. I am not giclee.”

    Customer: “Well, maybe I want to talk to this Giclee guy. Where is he?”

    Tax Mex

    | NJ, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (I am driving two guests to a convenience store and they are talking about Mexico and taxes.)

    Guest #1: *to Guest #2* “Do they even have taxes in Mexico? Don’t they just pay cash for everything?”

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