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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Old TV’s Are Going Down The Tubes

    | Belgrade, Serbia | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (My cable company has been offering to replace outdated external tuners, free of charge, for our customers who possess a newer generation of TVs. Not everyone does, however. They usually get mad because their TVs are not up to standards. This customer has an antiquated CRT TV.)

    Me: “Ma’am, your TV does not support this new technology. I’m sorry.”

    (I bring up my tablet and flag her as ‘incapable of supporting.’)

    Customer: “But you didn’t even look behind the TV. How can you know right from the door?”

    Me: “Because TVs with cathode ray tubes do not have the tuner and the access port I need to insert this module.”

    Customer: “But the TV is new. I bought it six months ago. Your message said that TVs bought three years ago or sooner have this.”

    Me: “No, ma’am. It says models no older than three years. It also says that those TVs have to be LCD, plasma or LED. Not CRT. This TV just does not have the hardware.”

    Customer: “Well, you’re a rude young man. I bet that you are just lazy. You want to finish work sooner, and go home and play those horrible video games.”

    (Losing patience, I show her how the module looks.)

    Me: “If I could replace your external tuner with this, I would.”

    (The customer snatches the module out from my hand and goes to the TV.)

    Customer: “I will show you that you can. You’ll see, you rude boy.”

    (She proceeds to try to shove the CA Module into every single hole in her TV casing that it has. She screams in triumph and looks at me.)

    Customer: “There! See, it fits.”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s a cooling hole…”

    Check The Holodeck

    | Huntsville, AL, USA | Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (I work at a call center for a satellite TV company.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I’m not getting any picture on my TV.”

    Me: “I apologize for the inconvenience. I would be happy to try to help you resolve this.”

    (After going through some basic troubleshooting for several minutes, I’m finally able to determine that her satellite box isn’t connected to her television.)

    Me: “Ma’am, you’ll need to connect your box to your TV in order to see a picture.”

    Customer: “You’re lying! I’ve had your service for years. I’ve never had to hook up my TV!”

    (This customer had actually only just signed up for service a few days earlier.)

    Me: “Ma’am, I’m afraid this company’s equipment has always needed to be connected to a television in order to display a picture.”

    Customer: “But I thought the box could make a picture above it – like a hologram or something.”

    Me: “Ma’am, if our equipment could do that, we would be charging you a lot more for your programming…”

    Loco Nuts

    | AR, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (A customer sits down at the bar and proceeds to wave her arms at me as if I cannot see her.)

    Customer: “Um, hi! Bartenderrrr! Hi! I need to order a drink!”

    Me: “Okay. Let me finish taking this order and I’ll be right with you.”

    Customer: “Okayyy, but I’m really thirstyyy!”

    (The customer and her friends giggle as if it’s the first time I’ve heard anyone say this. I finish with the order and walk over to her.)

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. What can I get for you?”

    Customer: “I really, really, really want something fun and fruity. How about a Malibu and pineapple? Ooooh, and do you have cherry juice? I love cherry juice!”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. We have grenadine. Give me one moment and I’ll get that for you.”

    (I go to make her drink. It’s one and a quarter ounce of Malibu, which is a coconut rum, three ounces of pineapple juice, and a splash of grenadine. I hand her the drink. She squeals when she sees that I’ve poked the straw through a cherry.)

    Customer: “That’s just adorrrable!”

    (I walk over to aid another customer, but the original customer calls me back.)

    Customer: “Oh, my god! UGH! Bartender! BarrrrrTENDER!”

    Me: “Yes? Is something wrong?”

    Customer: “Oh my GODDDD! I cannot drink this. You put coconut in this! I hate coconut! I didn’t ask for coconut!”

    Me: “Wait. I thought you said Malibu?”

    Customer: “I DID. But you put something with coconut in it. Do you even know what you’re doing?”

    (I try to explain that Malibu is a coconut rum, but the customer isn’t listening.)

    Customer: “I want a new drink… Now! Remake this without the coconut!”

    Me: “If you want, I can make that drink with white rum instead of coconut rum.”

    Customer: “Yes! Just a Malibu and Pineapple with the cherry juice. But no coconut! I hate coconut! Just Malibu, pineapple juice, and cherries! NO COCONUT!”

    (I ignore the fact that she’s talking to me as if I’m five. I make the drink with white rum and hand it to her.)

    Customer: “Oh, my God. This is so much better. You should have just made it like this the first time. I don’t blame you, though. Don’t worry, honey. I can tell you’re new with drinks.”

    (The customer drinks a few, and pays her bill.)

    Customer: “You really should be careful. People could be allergic to things, you know. Imagine if I had a coconut allergy! Oh, you just need to pay ATTENTION. You could save somebody’s life!”

    (I smiled through gritted teeth and watched her walk out the door. When she finally left, the remaining bar guests gave me a round of applause. I bowed.)

    A Sinking Feeling About A Floater

    | Cambridge, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I work in a corporate coffee shop chain. Due to some customers using way too much toilet paper, our toilets often get blocked. A customer blocks one of our toilets so badly that we close off access to it and put a big no entry sign on the door. About two hours later I’m on till when a customer come up. He can’t speak English very well.)

    Customer: “Toilet.” *points to toilet* “It broke.”

    Me: “Yes. That’s why we have the no entry sign and have blocked it off.”

    Customer: “But it broke!”

    Me: “Yes, sir. We kn—”

    (I get a sinking feeling.)

    Me: “You didn’t try and use it, did you?”

    Customer: “Yes! I use and it broke!”

    (At this point the customer comes to the realisation and slinks back to his seat. I go over and find he had torn down the barricade and forced the door open. He had not only flooded the toilet more, but also crapped right on top of the existing blockage. I tell my supervisor. I look over at the customer, who very quickly gets up and leaves, leaving us with his mess.)

    Big Brother Is Watching Itself

    | IL, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I was work as a teller. Our credit union has just gotten ID scanners. I am trying to explain the process to one credit union member after finishing his transaction.)

    Me: “We also have the option of scanning your ID so you don’t have to have it on you when you withdraw money.”

    Member: “You’d have all my information on your computer?”

    Me: “We already have most of it from when you set up your account. This just brings up your ID for transactions.”

    Member: “No, I don’t think I’ll do that. If I do that, then the government will get all the information off my license! I can’t let them have that information!”

    (The member leaves. I turn to my coworker.)

    Me: “So, he doesn’t want the government to see his government-issued license.”

    Coworker: “Apparently.”


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