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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Late Bill For The Late Resident

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I am an accountant for a retirement community. Some of our residents and their families can be easily confused by the volume of bills related to twilight years of life. As a result, I receive the following call way too often to count.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling the accounting department at [Business]. How can I help you today?”

    Caller: “I received a bill for [Resident], but he died six months ago, and we paid off the balance! Why are you billing us?”

    Me: “One moment, please, while I check his account.”

    (I bring up the late resident’s file on my computer, and indeed, it shows no balance due. I check the most recent months’ invoices, and confirm that we did not send them an invoice anytime in the past few months. I relay this information to the caller.)

    Caller: “But it’s for services on [date when the deceased was a resident]! It has to be from you. What is this for?”

    Me: “At the top of the invoice, does it say [Business]?”

    Caller: “No…”

    Me: “Is there a different company name?”

    Caller: “Yes! It says it’s from [Medical Insurance Company]. Why are they sending me a bill?”

    Me: “Is there a phone number on the bill?”

    Caller: “Yes…”

    Me: “I would suggest that you call that number, and ask their accounting department. I’m afraid I don’t have access to their system.”

    Caller: “Oh… Can you transfer me?”

    Me: “…”

    The Final Word On Passwords

    | OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in an internal technical support where we have just recently change password systems that have strict requirements for new passwords. A customer is having trouble with creating a new password. It should be noted that this customer speaks perfect English.)

    Customer: “It won’t accept any of the new passwords I make up.”

    Me: “Well. keep in mind that the passwords have to be at least eight characters long, and have letters and numbers.”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Me: “It means that you have to have letters and number and all of the letters and numbers add up to eight. Like four letters and four numbers. Or six letters and two numbers. It can be more than eight characters too, so anything that adds up to eight or more.”

    Customer: “No one can come up with that many letters… This is too hard.”

    Me: “Um… Some people like to pick a word and then put some numbers at the end of the word. So long as you don’t use the word ‘password’ it will accept it.”

    Customer: “A word? Like what? What words? Can’t you just make one up for me?”

    Me: *feeling very uncomfortable and frustrated now but still wanting to help* “Well, what’s your favorite color?”

    Customer: “Green! I love green.”

    Me: “Okay… So, make your password ‘green’ and then add the year you were born to the end.”

    Customer: “But… green isn’t a word.”

    Me: “Wait… What?”

    Customer: “You said pick a word.”

    Me: “… Just type in ‘greenXXXX.”

    Customer: “Oh that worked! Thank you! But you should be more clear with your directions next time.”

    Me: “Yes, I’ll do that. I’m sorry for the confusion.”

    Of Percents And No Sense

    | Canada | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Money

    (Our customer service areas double as our cashes, so it’s common to ring in one customer only to walk with the next customer to go pick out jeans or other items. One day an older woman comes to my station and looks disappointed.)

    Me: *holding her items* “Hello there, ma’am. Did you find everything you were looking for today?”

    Customer: “No. I wanted to find a coat for my husband but none of the styles here are right for him. He wants a fall jacket not a winter one.”

    Me: “Oh, I see. You’re right, all the jackets that we have out now are made more for winter since it’s October and everyone is looking for winter clothes. But if you’d like, before I ring these in, you can look over at [New Clothing Brand] and see if they have anything? They feature more high-end looks and I’m pretty sure there are some lighter jackets mixed in there.”

    Customer: “Hmm…”

    Me: “Most of the items of that brand are on sale for 30% off right now. I’m not sure if the jackets are on sale but if you want you can see if there’s one you like and I can see if there are any discounts on it?”

    Customer: “Oh, okay. Thank you! I’ll go have a look, thank you.”

    (The customer goes over to the section I mention and looks around; a few moments later she comes back with a light jacket.)

    Me: “Oh, it looks like you found one.”

    Customer: “I did. It’s almost exactly what he wants. Thank you for mentioning it.”

    (I take the coat to scan the barcode and notice the sticker on the tag. The sticker is our way of showing clearance items which have been marked down 40%.)

    Me: “It looks like you found one of the clearance jackets, because it’s already been reduced 40%, I can’t take 30% off of it, but 40% is still better than 30%.”

    Customer: “But you said everything was 30% off?”

    Me: “I’m sorry. I mentioned that most things were 30% off, but your jacket is already 40% off, so it’s a better deal.”

    Customer: “Well, now, that’s not what you told me. You said it would be 30% off!”

    (The customer continues to argue this back and forth for a while, with me offering to look for one that wasn’t clearance (but more expensive), but the customer refuses and leaves the coat behind. I go on my break soon after, feeling bummed that I wasn’t able to find the woman a gift for her husband. When I come back my coworker pulls me aside.)

    Coworker: “Your lady came back.”

    Me: “The one who wanted the coat? Why?”

    Coworker: “She came and demanded that she get the discount. She said that the signs said 30% off so she was getting it discounted.”

    Me: “But it says ‘unless already reduced…’ and it was already 40% off.”

    Coworker: “I know, but she put up such a fuss that the manager gave it to her. Then she said the manager was a big baby!”

    Me: “So she got a high-end coat for 70% off?”

    Coworker: “Yup.”

    Me: “… Only six more hours to go.”

    Knowledge Of Cows Is A Bit Green

    | Madison, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (A customer is looking around.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can I help you look for something?”

    Customer: “Yes. I’m looking for a green leather couch.”

    Me: “At this time, we have sold all of our green leather couches, but we can order one for you.”

    Customer: “I’m not stupid you know. The leather comes in green!”

    Me: “Ma’am, rawhide color of leather is a tanned beige color. It has to be dyed a specific color then it is processed and installed on a frame.”

    Customer: “Are you saying I’m stupid?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. You’re just not gonna find a green cow anywhere!”

    Suffering From Organic Failure

    | ME, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a photo lab as well as sales. We often get students from the local college picking up their film and photo paper from us since we give specialty bulk deals to students and teachers. One afternoon, I am working the lab on my own when I spot a customer wandering through the paper aisle. She looks confused and slightly annoyed, so I decide to try and help, as the other salespeople are busy.)

    Me: “Hi, there! Is there anything I can help you with?”

    Customer: “Where do you keep your organic black and white photo paper?”

    Me: “… I’m sorry, organic photo paper?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “As in… black and white darkroom photo paper that is not chemically treated?”

    (I’m confused by this, as photo paper is always chemically treated. Photos are developed in darkrooms through a chemical reaction process.)

    Customer: “Yes. I would like to find some for my Photo 101 class I’m taking this fall. Should be a hoot! I’m vegan, which is why I ask.”

    Me: *dumbfounded* “Right.”

    Customer: “Also, where do you keep…” *checks list* “… darkroom developer and fixer?”

    Me: “On your right, the big brown bottles. They’ll be labeled.”

    (She walks over and finds them. When she reads the labels, she frowns.)

    Customer: “Wait… These have chemicals. I asked for organic ones!”

    Me: “You want organic photo developer and fixer?”

    Customer: “Yes! Why is that so hard to understand?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, I think you’re a bit ahead of the curve on that front. But if you can be the first to develop it, I’ll be the first in line to buy.”

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