Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Hot On The Cent

| Rio Grande, NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

(We sell candy 10 for 1$, which equals 10 cents each. A lady walks up with her husband and child. I start ringing them up and the customer tosses a bag of candy onto my register.)

Customer: “I do not know how many is in there.”

Me: “Okay, I will finish ringing your items and count these last.”

Customer: “Good.”

(I am just about done when I dump out the bag of candy and start counting.)

Me: “Okay, you have 34 pieces of candy which will be 3 dollars and 40 cents for the candy.”

Customer: “Wait, it said 10 for a dollar. Should i go get more?”

Me: “That is entirely up to you as they are still 10 cents for a piece of candy.”

Customer: “But it says 10 for a dollar. I WANT THAT PRICE!”

Me: “Ma’am, you are getting that price. It’s 10 cents for a piece of candy.”

Customer: “BUT I WANT 10 FOR A DOLLAR!”

Me: “Ma’am, what is 100 divided my 10?”

Customer: “10, you stupid girl.”

Me: “Okay. Well a dollar is 100 pennies and its ten pieces of candy for one dollar. Each piece of candy will be 10 cents. Therefore, you are getting the sale price.”

(She then started screaming at me for making her seem like an idiot in front of her family. She then threw her credit card at me and stormed out of the store. Her husband stayed behind to apologize and say thank you for putting up with her.)

Muddling Through

| USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(Our company helps as an outsource development company, building games with other companies that don’t have enough manpower to complete them. These particular clients have never made a game before, have no art or gaming experience, and therefore have been incredibly difficult to work with. We have been revising a single icon for the interface for two days now, and both sides are becoming frustrated.)

Client: “It’s still MUDDY. The concept wasn’t muddy! Why do you have so much brown in there?! I can’t read any of it.”

Me: “The concept was clearer because it’s in black and white. You asked us to incorporate every color we’ve used in this so far. I don’t feel it’s muddy. We’ve reduced the only browns, the shields, down by almost 50%. I don’t understand what is reading as ‘muddy’ to you.”

Client: “The brown of everything! The brown clothes and brown hair and brown skin and brown shield—”

Me: “Wait. Are you telling me the hair and clothes read as brown to you?”

Client: “YES. I don’t understand why this is so difficult!”

Me: “The hair is bright red and the clothes are dark green. They are nowhere near brown. They are the exact colors as used by the character in the game.”

Client: “Ugh, whatever. I can’t see that! I’m COLORBLIND.”

Me: “So… let me get this straight. You are complaining about overuse of brown, when you can’t see colors properly?”

Client: “Right. Look. Just make it read better. Make the swords bigger.”

Me: “… I need a drink.”

Wifitis

| Overland Park, KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Liars & Scammers, Spouses & Partners, Technology

(I work at a busy computer and electronics store. A customer approaches me in the printer section.)

Customer: “I’d like to buy a wifi disabled printer.”

Me: “Ah, do you mean a wifi enabled printer?”

Customer: “No. I want to buy a printer but it can’t have wifi.”

(I acquiesce and spend some time showing her a few different lines, explaining what each can do. None of them are satisfactory, since any modern consumer-level printer with decent features has built in wifi. Sensing her frustration, I show her a newer model. She’s pretty much sold but I tell her wifi is built in but that she can disable it if she’s worried about security.)

Customer: “No no. It’s not about security. It doesn’t matter if it can be disabled. We can’t risk having wifi in the printer at all.”

Me: “Not to pry, but why is it so important that the printer doesn’t have built-in wifi?”

Customer: “My husband is very sensitive to wireless electronic signals. He gets extreme headaches when exposed to them even for a short period of time. That’s why he’s standing over there.” *points to a smiling man standing about twenty feet away*

Me: *sarcastically* “Oh, no!”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “You might want to inform your husband that he’s been standing under the store’s main wireless access point for the past 20 minutes, being blasted with wifi signals 50 times stronger than any of these printers.”

(She ran to her husband, said something, and pointed up to the access point on the ceiling. I tried not to have a smug look on my face as the man suddenly feigned illness and they left abruptly.)

Not A Green Machine

| Aurora, CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

(At my store our pin-pad works a bit differently if you want credit instead of debit. You slide your card and then are prompted to enter your PIN. If you want credit you hit the green button – labeled CREDIT – as the red button cancels the transaction.)

Customer: *slides card and hits cancel* “Oh, I’m sorry I think I canceled it.”

Me: “That’s okay. Just slide your card again and hit the green button for credit.”

Customer: “Okay, thanks.” *does so*

(I finish the transaction and hand her the receipt, then start ringing out her boyfriend who was in line behind her and watching the whole thing.)

Customer’s Boyfriend: *slides card* “I want credit.”

Me: “Okay, sir, just hit the green button.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: *hits the red button*

Me: “Sorry sir, you canceled it. Slide it one more time and hit the green button for me.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: *slides again and hits the red button again* “I want to do it as credit!”

Me: “Yes, sir, just slide your card again and press the green button.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “… But I want credit.”

Me: “Yes, sir, the green button for credit.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “To run it as credit? I don’t want to use my PIN.”

Me: “Yes sir, just hit the green button for credit.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “But I want to run it as credit! I don’t want to enter my PIN!”

Me: “I understand that, sir. Just slide your card for me and then press the green button for credit.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: *narrows eyes and hits the red button again* “I WANT TO DO IT AS CREDIT!”

(The first customer sighs and does it for him.)

Customer’s Boyfriend: “But I wanted credit!”

Me: *smiles* “It ran as credit, sir. See it shows it here on your receipt. Thank you and have a nice day.”

Next Customer: *slides card and hits the red button*

Me: *sighs*

Got It White The First Time

| New Orleans, LA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I wait tables at a coffee shop that specializes in cafe au lait. We mix the coffee and milk before serving it to the customer. An elderly couple comes in about four times a week.)

Customer: “Now I want my coffee a little on the light side. A LITTLE light, understand?”

(She always says this.)

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I fix the coffee with just a little extra milk.)

Customer: “I said a LITTLE light. This is all milk. Fix me another one.”

(I fix a second cup, a little darker, and bring it to her table.)

Customer: “Now this is way too dark. Try to get it right, would you?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

(I fix a third cup, medium colored.)

Customer: “I don’t understand what’s the matter with you people. I want my coffee a LITTLE light. Bring this back. A little light, you understand?”

Me: “You got it.”

(With a big silly smile on my face, I bring her coffee for the fourth time.)

Customer: “Now THIS is what I wanted! Why can’t you get it right the first time?”

Me: “Sorry about that, ma’am. I’ll try next time.”

Customer: “Yes, you do that.”

(After she had sent back her first coffee, I put the cup on the warmer. I served her that same coffee on attempt number four. The entire wait staff has been doing this for years now.)

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