Not Always Right on Facebook Not Always Right on Twitter Not Always Right Unfiltered on Tumblr
Featured Story:
  • Motherly Advice To Mother
    (1,541 thumbs up)
  • September Theme Of The Month: Return Of The Geeks!
    Submit your story today!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Clean Out Of Common Sense

    | WY, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A caller is complaining that there is something wrong with her computer when she tries to access the internet. I run through the usual diagnostics, but nothing seems to help. I have already been put on probation for letting my calls go over seven minutes, and I am eager to get this call completed.)

    Me: “Ma’am, before we proceed, I’m going to need you to defrag your computer and when it’s completed, call us back to finish the procedure.”

    Customer: “What does ‘derag’ mean?”

    Me: It’s a maintenance task that’s basically cleaning up your computer. I can walk you—”

    Customer: “Okay, thanks!” *hangs up*

    (I assume we’ve been disconnected, so I call the customer back to finish the call.)

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, we seemed to have been cut off—”

    Customer: “Oh don’t worry about it! You’ve been most helpful.”

    Me: “I thought I should call you back and walk you through defragging your hard drive.”

    Customer: “That’s very kind of you, but I already started to…” *giggles* “…defrag my computer!”

    Me: “Okay. In that case, when the computer is finished, call us back and we can see if that did the trick. It should take a few hours at least—”

    Customer: “Oh, it won’t take THAT long. The rinse cycle should be done in a half hour.”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “My dishwasher has an efficiency setting. Though I admit, it was difficult getting the computer in there.”

    Me: “You put your computer in the DISHWASHER?”

    Customer: “Well, it was too big to put in the sink.”

    (At this point, I had no idea what to do. I told the customer that I would document the conversation in our logs, and she could call back for further technical support. Then I closed down my station and told my supervisor that I was sick and had to go home. He was doubled over with laughter, having listened to my calls. The call logs made their way around my shift-mates, who hung a ‘Dry Clean Only’ sign on my station. The upside is I was never bothered about my call time again.)

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29

    | Tokyo, Japan | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

    Me: “That will be ¥1260.”

    Customer: *gives a ¥1000 bill*

    Me: “And ¥260 yen more.”

    Customer: “I have only a ¥1000.”

    Me: “Okay. Since you’re short ¥260, shall we put some items away?”

    Customer: “Why?”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    Listening Is Priceless

    , | Sacramento, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Money, Technology

    (A customer comes in to ask about a large printing order. I inform her that printing her order will take a few hours, but that we could have everything copied by the end of the day. She agrees to place an order with us, as she is in a rush and no other copy center in town could get the prints done in less than seven days.)

    Me: “Do you know approximately how many pages you have here?”

    Customer: “No… Why?”

    Me: “Well, it’s just that the color copies are far more expensive than black and white, and I wanted to give you a quote before we begin. The color ones add up fast!”

    Customer: “No, no. Just go ahead. My boss told me he’s being reimbursed anyway, so it doesn’t matter what it costs.”

    (I’m skeptical, but she insists. As it turns out, ALL of her documents are in color. As she’s printing training manuals and reference books for a group of 26 employees, she ends up with over 8,000 printed pages of color documents.)

    Customer: “And could you assemble them and put them all into binders for me?”

    Me: “We sure can! If you hold on just a moment, I can give you a quote for the entire order, including assemb—”

    Customer: “No. I don’t want a quote. Just go ahead and do everything.”

    Me: “Are you sure? Because you have quite a lot of copies here, and assembly adds an additional fee.”

    Customer: “No quote! I’ll be in to pick these up on Monday!”

    Me: “But they’re $0.49 per page to start, and you’ve got—”

    Customer: “Oh, well! My boss just wants everything done in color, and by Monday.”

    (I go along with what the customer wants, but I’m still pretty certain she’s going to flip out when she sees the total, despite my attempts. Sure enough, Monday morning rolls around and the customer arrives…)

    Me: “Okay! Your total for copies, tabs, binders, assembly, and all comes to approximately $2400 after tax.”

    Customer: “What!? $2000!?”

    Me: *sighs*

    Demands Are In The Clouds

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Transportation

    Customer: “I would like to send a pallet on an overnight service.”

    Me: “That’s not a problem, sir; we can pick that up this afternoon.”

    Customer: “I want it to go on the airplane.”

    Me: “Sorry, sir. Due to the size of the item it will be traveling on the truck, but it will still get there for delivery tomorrow.”

    Customer: “No. I want an air service, not road!”

    Me: “Sir, we provide an overnight and off peak service. How it gets there is irrelevant. Your item will still be received tomorrow.”

    Customer: “NO, I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

    Me: “Sir, your item will not physically fit on the small aircraft we use, but it will have no problems getting to its destination overnight by road.”

    Customer: “NO, YOU ARE NOT LISTENING! I NEED IT THERE TOMORROW! IT HAS TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE!”

    Me: “Sir, it WILL get there tomorrow. It will just be traveling by truck. Like I said before, we supply an overnight service. It gets there however it can for next day delivery.”

    Customer: “BUT I WANT IT TO GO ON THE AIRPLANE SO IT GETS DELIVERED TOMORROW!”

    Me: *head desk*

    Can’t Hear You Over Your Colon

    | MI, USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I’m in the waiting room of the endoscopy center, waiting for my grandma to come out from her colonoscopy. A nurse opens the door and reads aloud from a chart.)

    Nurse: “Theodore?”

    Old Man: “Yes?”

    Nurse: “Okay, so you’re Theodore?”

    Old Man: “Yes, ma’am.”

    Nurse: “And you’re here for a colonoscopy today, correct?”

    Old Man: “What?!”

    Nurse: “A… colonoscopy?”

    Old Man: “NO! My WIFE is!”

    Nurse: “Oh. You’re not Theodore?”

    Old Man: “You said PETER, so I answered you!”

    Nurse: “… Okay, then. Is Theodore here?”

    (An old man walks from the back of the waiting room.)

    Theodore: “I’m sorry. I heard him answer, so I assumed another Theodore was ahead of me.”

    Peter: “Well, I know one thing. I am not deaf, and she definitely said Peter first.”

    Theodore: “Well, I am deaf, and she said Theodore. You may need your hearing checked, sir.”

    Page 57/203First...5556575859...Last