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Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Only Has Egg On Her Face

| Yorkshire, England, UK | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(The husband of a couple has come to collect a menu about an hour before they would like to eat because his wife has difficulty making decisions. Our menu for cooked items is very limited and has only a full English breakfast, a vegetarian English cooked breakfast, smoked haddock, smoked salmon, and kippers available. The couple come in for breakfast, having studied the menu.)

Wife: “Do you do eggs benedict?”

Obama Drama

| Durham, NC, USA | Bigotry, Extra Stupid, Politics

(I work in a high-end stationery boutique, whose clientele is generally upper middle class and upper class white women in their 40s to 60s – the sort of people whose spending habits didn’t really change when the economy nose dived. This customer appeared to be no different, and the address on the check she paid with confirmed as much.)

Customer: “Where’s your clearance section?”

Me: “We actually don’t have clearance sales, outside of our semi-annual sales after Christmas and Father’s Day.”

Customer: “So everything in here is full-priced?”

Me: “Yes, ma’am.”

Customer: *sighs loudly* “Fine, I’ll pay full-price. But I really need to be saving every penny, with that black man as president.”

Wireless, Clueless And Hopeless, Part 15

| Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

(The ISP I work for recently made a drive about their new modem. It is marketed as being the easiest wireless system on the market. Unfortunately, the system isn’t that great and I have received 27 calls that day alone about malfunctioning modems.)

Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I be of service?”

Caller: “The s*** you guys sold to me a while back isn’t working.”

Me: “That is very unfortunate, but thankfully I am here to help you. Name and address, please?

(She tells me her name and address and I check her history.)

Me: “It seems you have had our system for at least a month. Did it stop working just now?”

Caller: “That’s right. I’ve had it for a month, but I only started using it this morning and it doesn’t work at all.”

Me: “Then could you please tell me which lights are shining on the front of your modem?”

(The most common mistake is that the customer hasn’t switched on the wifi on the modem.)

Caller: “None, of course.”

Me: “Not even the power light at the top?”

Caller: “Should it?”

Me: “Yes. Please verify that the power cable is plugged into the modem.”

Caller: “What cable? Isn’t this supposed to be wireless?”

Me: *awkward silence* “Well…”

Caller: “What the f***? Are you telling me that your ads are straight-up lying to me?”

Me: “What is meant by wireless is that you don’t need to connect your computer to the modem. Can you please attach your modem to the wall socket by the cable provided?”

Caller: “Are you a f****** idiot? I threw away all cables! I mean, I thought you sent them by mistake!”

Me: *somewhat taken aback* “And it didn’t occur to you that electronics run on electricity?”

Caller: “I WANT A REFUND! YOU PEOPLE LIED TO ME!”

Me: “You are on a contract that will last for another three years and since more than two weeks has passed since it was bought, you can’t.”

Caller: “YOU F****** LYING PIECE OF GODD*** C***-S***!”

Me: “But since you obviously are quite upset I will transfer you to the cancellation department so you may sort it out with them. Have a nice day.”

(I transfer her call to our cancellation department. The last thing I hear is the queue voice going: ‘You are on place… one-hundred and… eighty… seven. Estimated waiting time is… two-hundred and… fifty… five minutes…’)

Related:
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12

You Have To Question Their Reasons

| MI, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

(I work in a call center taking calls from subscribers to our web-based program.)

Subscriber: “Hi. I was told to call.”

Me: *thinking that he got an email or a voice mail* “Was the message from anyone in particular?”

Subscriber: “It’s on the invoice. It told me to call.”

(I pull up his account but there aren’t any notes from our administration/billing department or any other representatives, so I’m a little confused by this.)

Me: “You received a note on your invoice to call us?”

Subscriber: “Yes. It said to call if I had any questions.”

Me: “And do you have any questions?”

Subscriber: “No.”

Me: “Okay, then… Have a great day!”

Town Isn’t Big Enough For The Both Of Them

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

(I have the same first name as another employee who works in another store in another location. The location names both start with B and end with ‘town.’)

Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

Customer: “I am here to pick up my order. My name is [Customer].”

Me: “Sorry, I don’t have anything to be picked up under that name. When did you order it?”

Customer: “I rang on Thursday and spoke to you.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t working on Thursday.”

Customer: “Yes, you were. You gave me your name.”

Me: “No, I wasn’t here.”

Customer: “WELL, SOMEONE USED YOUR NAME, THEN! I KNOW I SPOKE TO YOU. YOU ARE LYING TO ME!”

Me: *twigging* “Hold on. Just let me make a phone call to see if I can find your order.”

Customer: “About time, too!”

Me: *on phone, loudly* “Hi, this is [My Name] from [B***town] Store. Can I speak to [My Name], please?” *she answers* “Hi, this is [My Name]. By any chance do you have an order put aside for [Customer]? You do? Well she’s here at my store to pick it up.” *to the customer* “You placed your order with [My Name] at [Other B***town] store.”

Customer: “No, I got the number from the catalogue.”

(I show her the catalogue, pointing out the two locations and numbers, right next to each other. There’s no apology, just a demand for it to be sent to us because she needs it today.)

Me: “Sorry, not possible. It can take two weeks to get to us. If you need it you have to go there to pick it up.”

(The customer stomped away.)

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