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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Rage Against The Machine, Part 3

    | USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I have finished ringing up a customer’s purchase when he is paying with a debit card at the card reader. My computer tells me the customer clicked the ‘cancel’ button on the machine.)

    Me: “Sir, please re-slide your card and press the green button for credit.”

    Customer: *to his wife* “They should make these things all work the same way.”

    Customer’s Wife: “Honey, it says right there to press the green button for credit.”

    Customer: “I shouldn’t be expected to read that.”

    Related:
    Rage Against The Machine, Part 2
    Rage Against The Machine

    Honesty Unplugged

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Technology

    Caller: “Hello, my— Oh, s***, wait. Never mind, I forgot to plug it in. I swear I’m getting dumber every year.” *click*

    Me: “… Well, all right, then.”

    (Wrong numbers notwithstanding, that was the shortest call of my career.)

    Pull The Plug On The Appointment

    | WA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in a fireplace store. I take a call from a customer.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How can I help you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, the fan on my stove isn’t working.”

    Me: “Oh, no. That’s not good!”

    Customer: “Yeah. So what’s wrong with it?”

    Me: “Well, hard to say over the phone. It could be a number of things. If you’d like I can set up a service appointment and have one of our techs check it out. Please be aware that we are booked out about two weeks.”

    Customer: “Seriously!? What the h***! I’m cold!”

    Me: “Well, you have to option to bring the fan into our shop; it’s cheaper and you can do that pretty much anytime.”

    Customer: “No, I’m not really comfortable working on this thing.”

    Me: “Is your stove working?”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “So just your fan isn’t operating? ”

    Customer: “Yeah.”

    Me: “Does it make any noises or grinding sounds?”

    Customer: “It’s not doing anything at all. I just got this fan two years ago, I’ll be very unhappy with you if it’s broken already.”

    Me: “I hate to ask it, but just to make sure, have you checked to make sure that it’s plugged in?”

    (The customer completely goes off on me, calling me all kinds of names. I have permission from my boss to hang up on people who are rude to me without cause but at this point I’m not sure what to do. I let him finish his rant and just change the subject.)

    Me: “Do you want to schedule for [date two weeks from now]?”

    Customer: “I guess. How much is a service call?”

    Me: “$150.”

    Customer: “That’s outrageous!”

    Me: “Sir, we’re the cheapest around here and we’re booked out because when you’re good, you’re busy.”

    Customer: “Fine. I’ll take it but this is ridiculous. You guys are con men, ripping off old people like me.”

    (We hang up and less than an hour later, I get another call from him.)

    Customer: “Hi. Um, not sure if I talked to you earlier, but um this is… and I, um, checked with my wife and it looks like she unplugged the fan to plug in the Christmas tree lights. So, uh, I’d like to cancel my appointment. Um, thank you.” *click*

    Not As Easy As ABC, 123

    | Crystal Lake, IL, USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Patient: “I’m picking up some meds. My name is [Name].”

    Me: “I have three prescriptions here for you today. Is that correct?”

    Patient: “I think so. Can you show them to me?”

    Me: “Sure”

    (I pull out three bottles from the bag and show all three to the patient.)

    Patient: “Okay, where’s the third one?”

    Me: “I just showed you all three. What are you talking about?”

    (I hold each one up and count as I go along. I get to three and he still looks confused.)

    Patient: “I thought you said I had three… I don’t see the third one!”

    Me: “I just showed you three bottles! What are you talking about?! Do you know how to count?!”

    Patient: “Oh… okay. I’ll take your word for it but I still don’t think there’s three here”

    Not Even Remotely Close, Part 3

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work for a large cable company, and we leave our personal number after an install so customers can call us with questions. I get a call from a customer while on a lunch break.)

    Me: “Hello. This is [Name] with [Company].”

    Customer: “Yes! You installed my cable a few weeks ago, and something is going on! Your box is broken, and it broke my TV!”

    Me: “Okay… So, what exactly is happening?”

    Customer: “I push the power button on the remote, and nothing turns on!”

    (This is a common problem that’s easily fixed by simply pushing a different button on the remote.)

    Me: “Oh! All you have to do is push [cable] button and then hit your power button, and it should turn back on. You might have dropped your remote and un-programmed it. It’s an easy fix!”

    Customer: “I tried that. It’s not working!”

    (I am thinking I’ll have to drive out and help this customer push a different button on the remote, when suddenly, it hits me.)

    Me: “Ma’am… when you hit the buttons on your remote, do they light up at all?”

    Customer: “No! They don’t do anything! I push and push and nothing happens!”

    Me: “Ma’am, your remote just needs new batteries.”

    Customer: “Well, how was I supposed to know that? Don’t you just mail me a new one?”

    Me: “Sorry, no. Enjoy your day, and thanks for choosing [Company].”

    (Later, I found out she called my manager, and he had some poor soul run her out a new remote.)

    Related:
    Not Even Remotely Close, Part 2
    Not Even Remotely Close

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