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  • July Theme Of The Month: Great Timing!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Must Have Just Come From The Dark Side Of The Moon

    | CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in a store known for employees wearing uniforms of tan khakis and red polo shirts. I am shopping for just a birthday card when another customer comes up to me.)

    Customer: “You! CLEARLY you are a manager here. I’m trying to find some printer paper. Can you help me?”

    Me: *looks down at my blue jeans and Pink Floyd t-shirt* “Uh, actually I don’t work here, so I can’t help you.”

    Customer: *gives me a blank stare*

    Me: “I’m just looking for a card for my mother?” *shows him the cards I’m holding in my hand*

    Customer: “Oh! That’s why you don’t have a shopping cart, because you don’t need one for something small like that!”

    Me: “…yeah. Good luck finding what you need.”

    (Don’t know why no shopping cart + rock band shirt = manager in his mind).

    I Quit From This Stupid Situation

    | Canada | Extra Stupid, Geeks Rule, Theme Of The Month

    (I’m shopping in the hardware store, wearing jeans and a green gaming shirt. All the employees of that store wear red shirts. When this happens, I’m pushing my cart while texting a friend about what I should buy.)

    Client: “Excuse me, miss?”

    Me: “…yes?”

    Client: “Where are the rugs?”

    Me: “Eh… I have no clue, sorry.”

    Client: “What kind of employee are you?”

    Me: “An “employee –“” *I make a big emphasis on the word employee while making a quote mark move with my fingers* “— who’s wearing a Dungeons and Dragons shirt while texting on the job?”

    Client: “I’m gonna report you to your manager!”

    Me: “You just have to look for someone with a red shirt to report me; all the employees here are wearing them.”

    Client: “And you’re not even wearing your uniform? How did they not fire you yet? You don’t know where your products are in the store and you don’t respect your work rules! Find me your manager, NOW! I want to complain immediately!”

    Me: “Did it not occur to you that I’m not working here?”

    (At this point, I go around him and start texting again while leaving the aisle. He follows me.)

    Client: “I’m not leaving you until you lead me to a manager.”

    Me: “Okay, then.”

    (I go to the service counter and ask for a manager.)

    Client: “You’re so gonna be fired!”

    Manager: “Hi! How may I help you?”

    Client: “How can you let someone work here dressed like that, and text on the job? I demand she be fired immediately for such bad behavior! On top of that, she refused to help me and was about to get away with it, but I followed her until she accepted to ask for a manager. ”

    Manager: “Uh… she’s obviously not an employee here.”

    Client: “You’re protecting her! I want to see the general manager! It’s not going to end up good, I promise you!”

    Manager: “I assure you, she’s a client like you! Look around. All the employees are wearing red shirts!”

    Client: “Yeah, she’s not wearing her uniform. I WANT TO SEE A HIGHER MANAGER!”

    Me: *a bit pissed off by the situation* “Hey. Let’s get this over with. I quit. I’ve had enough of this low paying job with stupid clients like you. That’s it. I’m done. I’m leaving now. I’ll come in to get my last paycheck next week. It was a pleasure working with you, but I can’t anymore.”

    Client: “Ha! I was right. You do work here! Well, worked. Thank you, sir!”

    (He leaves, leaving both the manager and I with baffled looks on our faces.)

    Manager: “Well, that’s a good way to solve a problem! It was nice being your coworker for… two minutes!”

    This Conversation Has No Cardinal Directions

    | ID, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Hotels & Lodging

    (In college, I worked for a large chain hotel that had several different locations, though each had a different title and some were owned by different companies. A customer calls me up for directions:)

    Customer: “Can you tell me why I’m at the Hotel Safari, not the Hotel Lodge?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, can you repeat that?”

    Customer: “I got off my plane at the airport, and the guy at [Car Rental Company] told me to go here, and it’s not the right hotel!”

    Me: “I apologize that happened to you. Can I give you directions to our hotel?”

    Customer: “I want you to explain how you let this happen.”

    Me: “I don’t… I don’t work for the car rental company. Someone sent you to the wrong hotel. I don’t know why they did that.”

    Customer: “You could have called them to make sure they know where your f****** hotel is!”

    Me: ” Would you like me to give you directions?”

    (After going back and forth for a few minutes, he finally agrees to let me give him directions.)

    Me: “So you’re still at the Hotel Safari, right?”

    Customer: “No, I’m driving around looking for your f****** hotel.”

    Me: “Can you tell me what street you’re on?”

    Customer: “Did you listen to what I’m saying, buddy? I’m not from here. I don’t know the streets.”

    Me: “Can you look at a street sign and tell me what it says?”

    Customer: *tells me the street name*

    Me: “Okay, I need you to go south, that will take you to the freeway on-ramp.”

    Customer: “Buddy, I am not from here! How am I supposed to know which way that is?”

    Me: “South is the same direction no matter what city you’re in.”

    Customer: “That’s not true.”

    (We argue about that, until I finally ask him where the setting sun is, on his right or on his left. We argue about the sun, too, until he tells me that it’s on his right.)

    Me: “So the sun sets in the west. If the setting sun is on your right, that means you’re facing south, and I just need you to drive the same direction you’re on down that street, and get on the freeway.”

    Customer: “Well how will I know where the freeway is?”

    Me: “Uh…” *I pause, not knowing how to phrase this without sounding rude*

    Customer: “Yeah, that’s a problem, isn’t it, buddy?”

    Me: “No, I’m just wondering if you’ve ever seen a freeway before.”

    (He insists that I stay on the phone with him and navigate him all the way to the hotel. Finally, he gets in the door, and is just as snippy as I ask him to fill out the guest information form and sign his name.)

    Customer: “I didn’t mean to be rude with you, but you have to realize I’m not from here.”

    Me: “I apologize. No one ever taught me how to give directions without using street names or cardinal directions.”

    (He started to get angry, and then realized I have a point. He took his keys and went to his room, and I never heard from him again.)

    When Pinot Means No

    | Sonoma, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (Sometimes, the wineries in the Valley join up for a tasting event. People can buy a ticket, get a special wine glass and get to travel to different wineries and get free tastings of specific wines.)

    Me: “Hello, welcome to [Winery]. May I pour you a sample?”

    Guest: “What do you have?”

    Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “Can I have a Pinot Noir?”

    Me: “I have Merlot and Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “You don’t have a Pinot.”

    Me: “No, I do not.”

    Guest: “Do you have a Pinot?”

    Me: “Yes, we do, although, the Pinot is not being offered for this specific tasting. However, if you’d like to taste the Pinot, you are more than welcome to visit the tasting room upstairs and try it out. Unfortunately, it won’t be complementary.”

    Guest: “Oh, never mind… What do you have again?”

    Me: “I have the 2007 Merlot, and the 2010 Chardonnay.”

    Guest: “I’d like to taste the Cabernet.”

    Differing Degrees Of Snobbery

    | Memphis, TN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, School

    (I’m a cashier at a small, high-end grocery store. One day, towards the end of my shift, a middle aged man and a girl, around 11 or 12, walk up. Note that I appear around five years younger than I actually am and took the cashier job out of necessity.)

    Me: “That’ll be $25.62, sir.”

    Customer: *ignoring the other customers waiting behind him* “Are you in school?”

    Me: “I… excuse me?”

    Customer: “Are. You. In. School?”

    Me: “Well, no, I already—”

    Customer: *talking to the girl* “See, this is why you gotta study hard! I don’t want you working some crap job because you didn’t go to college.”

    Me: “Um, sir? That’ll be $25.62.”

    Customer: *slams $30 into my hand*

    (I get his change and hand it to him along with his receipt. As the next person in line starts putting their items onto the counter, he stands in place and starts counting his change.)

    Customer: “You shorted me.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m sorry. How much did I give you?”

    Customer: “This is why you have to work a crap job like this! Because you can’t even count right!”

    Me: “Sir, I need to see how much I gave you so I can give you the right amount.”

    Customer: “You gave me $4.38.”

    Me: “…that’s right. It should be on your receipt.”

    Customer: “No, I need a five.”

    (I print out another copy of his receipt and show him that his change was correct. He stands there and argues with me, so I call over the manager to talk to him. The conversation takes a while, so when my next customers are done, I stroll over.)

    Manager: “I don’t know how else to tell you… that IS the amount you’re owed.”

    Customer: “No, it’s basic math! Can’t anyone here do basic math?”

    Me: “Here.” *I pull out my phone and show him on its calculator* “It all adds up to $30.”

    Customer: “What do you know?! You didn’t even go to school!”

    Manager: “I thought you went to [Well Known Private College]?”

    Me: “I did. I have a bachelor’s from there.”

    Customer: *stunned* “What? How? You’re a kid.”

    Me: “I’m 25, sir.”

    Customer: “Why didn’t you say so! I guess it’s okay, then.”

    (He and the girl finally exit.)

    Manager: “…that’s the kind of man who gives his credit card number to a prince of Nigeria.”

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