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  • Had It Up To Their Neck With Bad Customers
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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Networking Notworking

    | Stockholm, Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I am working as a shift leader in tech support for a global Swedish telephone company. I usually take phone calls from the agents where the customer is rather upset. I get called to an agent, where the customer is furious and yelling at him. I take over the phone.)

    Me: “Hi, this is the managing shift leader; I hear you have a complaint. May I ask what this is about?”

    Customer: “Yes! I called you guys yesterday about not getting network connection in my office, and nothing has happened yet! Do you have any idea how much money I am costing the company, unable to work?”

    Me: “Okay, I understand; just give me a minute to check the logged issue.”

    (I read the ticket and get suspicious immediately, because information about basic troubleshooting is missing.)

    Me: “Sir? When you reported this, did the agent ask you to try another outlet?”

    Customer: “Yes! It wasn’t working with that one either! Send me an onsite technician right NOW!”

    Me: “I’m sorry to say, but I believe there has been a misunderstanding here of the real root cause. May I please ask of you to just troubleshoot one more thing before I can escalate?”

    Customer: “H*** no! I spent over 30 minutes on the phone last time and that didn’t do s***! Do you have any idea how much money I make? I could have 20 of your so-called onsite techs following me constantly and it wouldn’t even show on my salary! I demand a priority top issue on this matter, right now!”

    Me: “Well sir, I am sorry to say that it is not allowed for a single user issue, no matter how much money you make. I am fairly certain the issue does not lie with the outlet, but in fact with your network card. So sending someone to ‘fix’ the outlet isn’t going to solve the issue. If you on the other hand, let me verify my suspicions, then this can be sorted out in a matter of minutes instead of days.”

    Customer: “D*** it! You are all worthless pieces of s***! Fine, what do you want me to do?”

    Me: “Just press the start button. In the run field you enter ‘cmd.’ Is there a black screen there now? Good. Please type ‘ping 127.0.0.1.’ What does it say?”

    Customer: “‘Request timed out.’ What does that mean?”

    Me: “It’s as I suspected. Your network card is broken. So instead of waiting for an onsite technician, how about I refer this ticket to your walk-in-center, and you just give them the ticket number and get a loaner PC while they fix your network card? That way you can start working again.”

    Customer: “Erm… well, yes. That would work. Er, thanks.”

    Me: “You’re welcome!”

    Moments You Wish You Had A Camera For

    , | Sacramento, CA, USARetail, Office Supply Store | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (My store sells desks and other office furniture. A customer who recently purchased a desk comes marching into the store, looking angry.)

    Customer: “YOUR COMPANY IS SPYING ON ITS CUSTOMERS!”

    Coworker: “What?”

    Customer: “You’re spying on your customers!”

    Coworker: “How do you figure?”

    Customer: “I just bought a desk from you guys, and on the instructions it says there’s a ‘hidden cam’ I’m supposed to install!”

    Coworker: “Sir, a cam-screw is just a type of screw. This one’s called a hidden cam because after you build everything, you won’t be able to see the screw any more.”

    Customer: “No, it’s a camera! You’re trying to steal information about people, and sell it to the government!”

    Coworker: “Sir, why would my company waste hundreds of thousands of dollars sneaking cameras into desks, cameras that are covered up by other pieces of the furniture and pointed at the floor?”

    Customer: “Well they could be listening in on my conversations!”

    Me: “Wouldn’t it be called a ‘hidden mic,’ then?”

    Coworker: “And why would we go so far as to clearly label the hidden cam as a hidden cam?”

    Customer: *leaves, defeated*

    Their Brain Is French-Fried

    | BC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Language & Words

    Customer: “Where are you from?”

    Me: “From Quebec.”

    Customer: “Quebec? Is that the province that speaks French?”

    Me: “Yes.”

    Customer: “But how come you can speak in English?”

    Me: *looking at him in disbelief*

    Customer: “And when you started to speak in English, did you choose to have a French accent?”

    Their Reasoning Has A Hole In The Middle

    | Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Themed Giveaway

    (I work in the in-store bakery at my supermarket. Our shelving-display signs warn that all of our products either contain nuts, or are prepared in the same food areas as products containing nuts. Two young girls aged about eight approach the shelving, and read aloud the notice.)

    Girl #1: “The sign says that some of the food contains nuts. I wonder which things have them in.”

    Girl #2: “Well duh, obviously all of the doughnuts have nuts. The clue is in the name. DOUGH. NUTS.”

    A Number Of Problems With That Question

    | MD, USA | Extra Stupid

    (I work as a receptionist for a financial management firm, where I am in charge of answering phones and transferring the callers to the right person.)

    Me: “Good morning, you’re through to [firm name]; how may I help you?”

    Caller: “Is this 1-800-Flowers?”

    Me: “I’m afraid you have the wrong number.”

    Caller: “Are you sure?”

    Me: “I’m sorry; this number isn’t even 1-800.”

    Caller: “Oh, Do you have the number for 1-800-Flowers?”


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