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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    We Know Her Type

    | Finland | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer had spilled beer on her old laptop and wants a cost-effective way of making it usable again. The spare keyboard is too expensive. We end up disconnecting the internal keyboard because its stuck keys prevent the machine from booting. She was fine with the idea of using an external keyboard from now on. The customer returned the next day, slamming the laptop on the counter.)

    Customer: “The keyboard doesn’t work! I was here just yesterday and you said you fixed it!”

    Me: “Yes. We ‘fixed’ it by disconnecting the keyboard, because you didn’t want to order a new one.”

    Customer: “But it doesn’t work!”

    Me: “It does not work because you agreed to disconnecting it. You specifically asked if anything could be done instead of ordering a new spare keyboard, which is more expensive than the machine’s current worth.”

    Customer: “You didn’t repair it!”

    Me: “You didn’t want the new keyboard. The old one was beyond repair. There’s nothing else I could do about it.”

    Customer: “But I paid money for it!”

    Me: “You paid us for opening the laptop and disconnecting the cable. Many budget laptops, such as this one, are really time-consuming to disassemble because they use plastic clips instead of screws. We charged you for 30 minutes of service time.”

    Customer: “But the keys no longer do anything!”

    Me: “…”

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work at a call center for a major department store’s credit card – a card you can only use in that specific store. You could also make your monthly payment for the card in person at the store. On a rare occasion this can cause a small bit of confusion to some customers.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store Name] credit. This is [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

    Customer: “I just received a bill from you for something I’ve already paid for! You need to fix this right now!”

    Me: “I’m very sorry for the confusion. Let me look at your account so we can get this straightened out. It says you purchased [quite expensive item] on [date]. Do you remember purchasing this item?”

    Customer: “I already told you I did, but I’ve already paid for this!”

    Me: “Did you pay cash in the store, but the clerk charged your card accidentally when they entered your personal information for your warranty?”

    Customer: “No! I didn’t pay cash! I put it on my card! I shouldn’t be getting a bill from you!”

    Me: “So, it was charged to a different credit card, not your [Store] credit card?”

    Customer: “Are you stupid? I used my [Store] credit card, but I’ve already paid for this. I’m not paying for it again!”

    Me: “I apologize for asking so many questions. I just want to make sure I understand you correctly so I can solve your problem. You used your [Store] credit card to make the purchase. Did you also make a payment to your card in the store?”

    Customer: “Why would I do that? I already paid for it WITH my card! Why would I give you any more money?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you do understand that when you pay for an item with your credit card, you’re signing an agreement to pay for your purchase later? A credit card is sort of like a loan so you can make the purchase you want today, and then make small payments on it over time.”

    Customer: “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard! What’s the point of having a credit card if I still have to pay for what I’m buying?!”

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    Slow To Register, Part 2

    | OH, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

    (We have a self checkout section. Sometimes one of the units won’t take money and will only accept cards. When it happens we put up a bright lime neon green sign stating that. A customer comes up to one of these units, then rips the sign off because it was blocking the slot to put his money in.)

    Me: “Sir, the unit doesn’t take money.”

    Customer: “Where does it say that?”

    Me: “On the sign you just ripped down.”

    Customer: “I didn’t read it.”

    Me: “Clearly.”

    (I have to take the cash and use the register at the podium because the customer has no other way of paying. I put the bright lime neon green sign back up and then put another over the main screen saying ‘Beep Boop Beep Beep Is Robot For “Does Not Take Cash.”’)

    Related:
    Slow To Register

    Taxing Faxing, Part 11

    | OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer calls into my place of employment asking a question about her laser printer.)

    Customer: “Hello. I need to know what my fax number is.”

    Me: “Fax numbers are issued by your phone company. You would need to contact them to find out the number.”

    Customer: “What? You mean they don’t come through the air?”

    Me: “No, ma’am. They do not come through the air.”

    Related:
    Taxing Faxing, Part 10
    Taxing Faxing, Part 9
    Taxing Faxing, Part 8
    Taxing Faxing, Part 7
    Taxing Faxing, Part 6
    Taxing Faxing, Part 5
    Taxing Faxing, Part 4
    Taxing Faxing, Part 3
    Taxing Faxing, Part 2
    Taxing Faxing

    The Nation’s Reading Is A Blockbuster Problem

    | Tampa, FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Theme Of The Month

    (I am working the register at our store and getting ready to ring up a customer’s rentals. When I pull up her account I notice she has some late fees from her previous rentals.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. It looks like you have a balance of $8.54 from your previous rentals that we need to take care of.”

    Customer: “That’s not possible. I brought ALL of my movies back on time!”

    Me: “All right. Give me a moment to look at you account history to see what happened.”

    (This takes just a couple of seconds, but the customer has already started to complain about me wasting her time.)

    Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ve found the problem. You checked out three movies that had a five-day term, and two new releases that were one-day rentals. You kept the one-day rentals out an extra day which is where the late fee came from.”

    Customer: “Well, somebody should have explained that to me when I rented them! How was I supposed to know they were one-day rentals?!”

    Me: “While I concede that it is possible that one our staff forgot to mention it to you, ma’am, the rental terms are clearly marked on the price sticker on the movie, on the receipt, and on signs everywhere throughout the store.”

    Customer: “You actually expect your customers to read!? No wonder you’ve had to close so many stores!”


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