Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Go Easy On The Brain

| AZ, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am delivering to a customer who placed their order online. When I get to the door I begin reading off the ticket to make sure everything is correct and accounted for, as is standard procedure, when the customer interrupts me.)

Customer: “And what kind of cheese did you put on it?”

Me: “I believe we use mozzarella and parmesan.”

Customer: “NO! That is NOT what I ordered! You were supposed to make it with Ezon cheese!” *pronouncing ‘ezon’ with a pretentious French accent*

Me: “Um… Sorry, but I’ve never heard of this cheese, and as far as I know we don’t use it.”

Customer: *in a condescending tone* “Well, of course you haven’t heard of it. Maybe if you weren’t so ignorant you’d have a real job instead of delivering pizzas. And apparently even that’s too hard for you because you don’t even know what kind of cheese you use. You’ll probably end up making a career out of getting pregnant for welfare checks.”

Me: “Actually sir, I’m just doing this for extra cash while I’m in University. And since I also do inventory and prep work, I’m certain we don’t carry this type of cheese.”

Customer: “Well, I clicked the button for it on your website! That’s what I asked for and that’s what I was supposed to get!”

(Snatching the receipt out of my hands, then shoving it right up in my face.)

Customer: “GOD, it’s right there on the receipt! SEE?! Eeeeee-zonnn cheeeeeese!”

Me: *suddenly understanding and laughing* “No.”

Customer: “No?! What do you mean NO?!”

Me: “You clicked the button for ‘easy on the cheese.'”

(The customer goes silent and looks at the receipt again, where it says ‘EZon cheese.’ Then without a word he hurriedly tosses some money at me, rips the pizza bag out of my hands and slams the door in my face. I pick up the money off the ground and quickly count it to find it is short. I ring the doorbell a few times before he throws it open, looking livid.)

Customer: “NOW what do you want?!”

Me: *holding up the wadded bills* “I can count properly too, and you still owe $2.37. I’m also going to need the bag back.”

(The customer makes a very dramatic show of stomping his feet as he goes back to the kitchen, and shoves three more dollar bills at me. As I am turning to leave, he explodes again.)

Customer: “What the h*** are you doing?!”

Me: “Leaving.”

Customer: “What about my change?! You think you’re getting a tip after what you put me through?! You still owe me fifty-seven cents!”

Me: “No, a dollar minus thirty-seven is sixty-three. And we don’t carry anything smaller than a dollar bill. Have a nice day.”

Customer: “I am NEVER giving you people my business EVER AGAIN! You can kiss my money goodbye!!!”

Me: “Don’t worry, sir; you were going to be placed on the no-delivery list anyway.”

Only Generating Contempt

| UK | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for an IT company that provides 24 hour support for several big buildings. As you can imagine it gets very quiet at night with a lot of down time. The only problem is that the calls come from customers who, putting it kindly, don’t have social skills. I received a call around three am.)

Me: “Welcome to [Company] support desk. You are speaking to [My Name]. How can I help you this morning?”

Customer: “Hi, this is [Location]. None of our computers are working, our servers are all down, and our phone lines. Everything is down and we need it back up and running in the next ten minutes or I will be forced to have you fired.”

Me: *concerned and shocked* “How many computers are affected and how many phones are affected?”

Customer: “ALL OF THEM. About fifty computers and the same amount of phones are not working. You have nine and a half minutes to get it working.”

Me: *now disinterested* “How many people are working in the building right now?”

Customer: “There is me, two security guards, and a couple of men replacing the generators. That’s nine minutes.”

Me: “Sir, silly question but I have to ask this but has the power been turned off to the building by the engineers working on site?”

(The customer started breathing heavily down the phone, leaving the building and walking outside. I could hear the customer start shouting to the engineer to turn on the power while using a curse word every chance he could. I could hear in the distance the workmen stop what they were doing, obvious not liking being called offensive names, and start chasing after the man down the street. The man while out of breath asked for me to call the cops as his life was in danger. I hung up and went back to sleep.)

Your Connection Is Totally Forked

| Norway | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Technology

(I work at a call center for an Internet provider. This winter we have particularly bad weather. There has just been a huge thunderstorm over the west side of the country, frying both slams and modems all over. The call center is overloaded due to all the calls, and every time I get a new call I know the caller will spend the first 10 minutes complaining about the wait… which only makes the wait for other customers longer.)

Me: “Welcome to [Internet Provider]. Thank you for calling. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you today?”

Caller: *eerily cheery* “Oh, you sound nice! I’m so glad you decided to talk to me!”

Me: *not sure if this person is being sarcastic or not* “Um… Thanks? What can I do for you?”

Caller: *all of a sudden sounds very normal* “Oh, yeah. I kinda have a problem. You see, there is something wrong with my line. You know, into the house. And I’ve kinda fixed it myself, but now with all these storms, I’m not sure it will be good enough. So if there is any chance you could get a tech out and fix it before the next storm hits, that would be very much appreciated.”

Me: *happy this has turned into such a normal and nice call* “Sure! I’ll put in an order for a tech right now! But, just for the record, please note that we do not encourage people to fix their own lines… It could be quite a fire hazard.”

(I go ahead and get the usual info. Address, when the person is available, type of line etc. Everything seems normal.)

Me: “Okay, so just one more question. Do you know what caused damage to the line?”

Caller: “Well, it happened in another storm. In 1645!”

Me: “Excuse me?!”

Caller: “Yes! The big storm of 1645! It came loose from the connection point in my house because of the wind! And lightning! But I fixed it! With a fork!”

Me: “You… fixed it. With… a fork.”

Caller: *excited* “YES! But the fork is rusty now. It would be nice if you fixed it!”

Me: *defeated* “Sure. Why not.”

(I make a note of the whole stupid story in the tech’s order, send it on it’s way, and think no more of it. Two days later, a tech calls in and asks to talk to me. I get the call transferred.)

Me: “Hi, this is [My Name]. You wanted to talk to me?”

Tech: *super excited* “THERE REALLY WAS A FORK!”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 34

| OR, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(I’m next in line at a chain arts and crafts store. Everyone who shops here complains about how long the lines always are, and how there are never any employees around, but I think it’s more because there is ALWAYS a difficult customer at the front of the line.)

Customer: “I’d like to do an even exchange, this ribbon for this yarn. I don’t have a receipt for the ribbon.”

Cashier: “Well, we don’t do exchanges without a receipt, but I can do a return on the ribbon and then we can use the money you’ll get back toward the yarn.”

Customer: *death glare at the cashier* “Fine.”

Cashier: “It looks like you’ll get $2.61 back for the ribbon. I’ll just put that toward the yarn if that’s okay?

Customer: “Yes.”

Cashier: “Okay, and the yarn comes out to $2.51. So you’ll actually get a dime back!”

Customer: “WHAT?! I TOLD YOU I WANTED AN EVEN EXCHANGE! WHY ARE YOU SO STUPID?!”

Cashier: “Ma’am, this is just the price of the yarn. I have nothing to do with it. It’s in your favor. You’re getting money back.”

Customer: “WHY WOULD I WANT MONEY BACK?! I HATE THIS STORE! EVERYONE HERE IS SO INCOMPETENT!”

(Everyone in line stares in confusion as she storms out of the store with the yarn and not the dime. As I’m next in line, the cashier looks at me.)

Cashier: “Well, then. Looks like you get a 10-cent discount on your purchase, miss! I hope that’s okay; I know money’s so darn inconvenient these days!”

Related:
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 33
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 32
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 31

Saved His Bacon

| SC, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I’m taking the food to an eight-top table, and everyone gets their food. One customer has ordered a breakfast sandwich on a bagel. The way that we make the sandwiches is by wrapping the meat and cheese in the eggs. It’s basically a folded omelet placed on a bagel. I can tell that the man is a little confused looking at his food, so I wait for him to ask the question.)

Customer: “I ordered bacon. Where is the bacon?”

Me: “The bacon is wrapped up in the eggs, and you will find it as soon as you bite into it.”

(I then go on to ask if there is anything else I can do for the table. For the most part, everyone is fine, and I only have to get a couple of drink refills. However, before I am able to turn around to leave, he asks again:)

Customer: “Where is my bacon? I ordered bacon on my sandwich?!”

Me: *looking at him in the eye* “Sir, it is wrapped up inside the eggs. I promise it is there.”

(I make a quick exit to get the refills and then come back. When I return, I notice that he still has not touched his food, and I am beginning to feel a little annoyed. Unsurprisingly, the first thing he says when I walk in the room is:)

Customer: “I ordered bacon on my sandwich, and there is no bacon on my sandwich.”

(Once again I let him know that the bacon is in fact on the sandwich, and that he can’t see it because it is wrapped up in the eggs. Other people at the table begin to ask me random questions about the restaurant and the area, but in the background, all I can hear is him asking for his bacon. I finally turn to the man, and in a rather harsh voice say:)

Me: “Sir, the bacon is wrapped up in the eggs. Could you please either take a bite of your sandwich or cut it in half to verify that the bacon is there before I leave?”

(The table was completely quiet and was staring at me. He took a bite of the sandwich, and found that there was, in fact, bacon in the eggs!)

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