Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

Doctor’s Disorders

| USA | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Hotels & Lodging

(It is around three in the morning when I take a phone call.)

Me: “Front desk.”

Guest: “Help! My husband is feeling very sick. He needs a doctor!”

Me: “Ma’am, we don’t have any doctors in the hotel. Shall I call him an ambulance?”

Guest: *suspiciously* “And just where is this ‘ambulance’ going to take him?”

Me: “Um, to the hospital…”

Guest: “…”

Me: “…where there are doctors?”

Guest: “Oh. Okay, then.”

Try Not To Vegetate On It For Too Long

| MO, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

(I’m in the kitchen making pizzas when my boss comes back and tells me that an order she just sent back requested that we use a clean knife and cutting board to cut her pizza with because she is vegan and doesn’t want her pizza to come into contact with something against her diet. This is not an unusual request so I give her a thumbs up. A few minutes later I get to the ticket.)

Me: “Hey, [Boss]? It was ticket number 62 that was the vegan ticket, right?”

Boss: “Yeah.”

Me: “Ticket 62… The cheese stuffed pizza with extra cheese?”

Boss: “Yeah…”

Me: “…”

Renamed And Shamed

| UK | At The Checkout, Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Wild & Unruly

(This takes place at our order collection till. The system is down and as such we can’t check whether customers’ orders are in or not. It’s also close to Christmas and we’re full of customers. A woman approaches my till.)

Me: “…and what name—”

Customer: *quotes her order number*

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, our system is down. Can I please have the name it’s under?”

Customer: “[Customer].”

Me: “And how many items is it?”

Customer: *sighs* “Can’t you just check?”

Me: “Sorry, like I said our system is down. How many items are you expecting?”

Customer: “One.”

Me: “Okay, ma’am. I’ll go get it for you.”

(I go into the stockroom and search under the initial of her last name. I can’t find any under her name. So I go back to the customer.)

Me: “Hi, sorry. I can’t seem to find your parcel. Can you just write down the full name it’s under?”

(Customer writes it down, sighing the whole time. I go back and still can’t find the parcel.)

Me: “Is it possible it could be under another name?”

Customer: “No! I think I know my own name! What kind of stupid question is that?!”

Me: “I understand. It’s just, sometimes—”

Customer: “Just go back and check! You know this is supposed to be a faster option! I’ve been waiting in this line for half an hour.”

Me: “I apologise, ma’am.”

(I go to the stockroom for the third time. This time asking for the delivery team to help me find it. They tell me to leave and cover other customers. while they continue searching. I go to the customer and tell her the delivery team are looking.)

Customer: “You know, I’m getting sick of waiting!”

(She continues ranting at me and ‘terrible service at this store’ until her phone rings.)

Customer: *on the phone* “I’ve been waiting for ages! They’re all useless! It can’t be that hard to find a parcel for [Customer]. It’s not exactly a common name.”

(Suddenly the customers face goes white and she looks away from me.)

Customer: *hangs up phone* “It… er… it may be under [Different Name].”

(Lo and behold it was under Different Name. And, surprise, surprise – I didn’t get an apology.)

Not Very Closed Minded, Part 3

| Minneapolis, MN, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(It’s just about closing time. I am preparing the paperwork and getting the tills counted. A customer walks in and heads back to look at the drinks. He’s still shopping when closing time hits, and we turn out the lights. I’m going to lock the doors, when a new customer starts walking up to the door I’m about to lock.)

Customer: “Oh! You’re closing. I’ll go elsewhere.” *turns to leave*

Me: “No, it’s fine. Come on in.”

Customer: “Nah, it’s all right. I’ve worked retail; I know how much it sucks to get kept after close.”

Me: “No, really. There’s already a guy in here. You won’t be slowing us down.”

Customer: “Ah, okay, thanks.”

(He comes in, heads straight to what he wants, and brings it to the counter. Elapsed time, 20 seconds. He sees I have the drawer open and am counting cash when he walks up.)

Customer: “Are you counting out the drawer?”

Me: “Yeah, just hoping to get a head start on getting out of here.”

Customer: “Okay, I’ll use credit then. Thanks for staying open for me.”

Me: “It’s no problem. Thank you for doing that!”

(He swipes his card and heads out. After he leaves, the original customer comes up to the counter. He throws down a hundred dollar bill for his under-$10 purchase, then looks around at the darkened store.)

Customer #2: “Are you guys closing?”

Should Have Been A Piece Of Cake

| QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work in a cafe that also serves gelato. We also make ice cream cakes which are entirely made of ice cream. We just put layers of different flavors in a pan, freeze it and unmold it. To prevent any sort of misunderstanding, we also put a big sticker on each box saying ‘keep frozen.’ Even then, the concept seems to be hard to get for some customers. A customer that bought a cake four hours ago rushes into the shop looking really angry.)

Customer: “I want to have a refund! The cake you sold me did not work!”

Me: “What do you mean, it did not work?”

Customer: “Your cake melted before I could serve it to my guests! I want a refund!”

Me: “Did you leave the cake on the counter for a little while before serving it to your guests?”

Customer: “Of course not! I’m not an idiot! When I put it out of the fridge it was already melted!”

Me: “Wait… what? You left the cake in the fridge?”

Customer: “Yes, I did!”

Me: “But, sir, it needs to be kept in the freezer. It’s ice cream!”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “Ice cream needs to be kept frozen if you don’t want it to melt!”

Customer: “You really think I am stupid? I know ice cream melt! We are talking about a cake!”

Me: “Yes, a cake made of ice cream.”

Customer: “And?”

Me: “Like ice cream it needs to be kept in a freezer.”

Customer: “But it’s a cake!”

Me: A cake made of ice cream!”

Customer: *pause*

Me: (pause)

Customer: “But it’s a cake!”

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