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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Sizeable Problem

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a high-end retail store. It is very well known and we carry a lot of high end clothing brands. There are a few different types of sizing. It is incredibly busy and I have a ton of things in my hands. I have an injury so I shouldn’t be carrying this much.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can you help me?”

    Me: “One moment, please. My hands are completely full. I will be back in just one moment, though.”

    (I drop the merchandise in a dressing room and come back out and she blocks my way, speaking just two inches from my face.)

    Customer: “I need to try this on now! You have weird sizes and this is the only one my size!”

    (I look at the size and her and clearly she will not fit in the item.)

    Me: “Oh, this company runs very small. Can I grab another size for you? The four might be a little tight.”

    Customer: “No, I am a four.”

    Me: “If you usually wear a four dress size, you might still want to go up a couple of sizes. This brand runs very small.”

    Customer: “No. A four is extra large and I don’t think they make any bigger!”

    Me: “Oh, no. [Brand] is sized using dress sizes such as two, four, six, eight, ten. A four is the dress size.”

    Customer: “No, it is not.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

    Customer: “No, you are wrong. It is one, two, three, four.  Four is extra large.”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, I know that some companies do use that sizing and others use the dress size and many jeans are actually in inches. The shirt you have is [Brand] and they use dress sizes.”

    Customer: “No, they don’t. You have no idea what you are talking about! You are wrong! You are too young to know anything! You are wrong. A four is XL!”

    (I am 28 but I have been selling this brand since I was 14.)

    Me: “Okay. Go ahead and try the four.”

    (I walked away. The customer tried it on and then told us it is sized wrong.)

    Talking Like Crazy (Horse)

    | SC, USA | Extra Stupid, History

    (I work for a store that specializes in items made by different Native American tribes. A teenage girl comes in and starts looking around. She takes a few moments before turning to her friend and saying:)

    Customer: “I wish all the Native Americans weren’t dead. It’s sad that they’re all gone.”

    (I look over to my coworker, who happens to be Native American. My manager looks at my coworker.)

    Manager: *to my coworker* “Why don’t you go introduce yourself?”

    (The girl looked like she saw a ghost!)

    All That Glitters Is Not Gold

    | Whitehorse, YT, Canada | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    Customer: “Excuse me, what are these earrings?”

    Me: “Those are an amethyst stone set in rose gold.”

    Customer: “Rose gold? What is that, some cheap, fake gold? Gold is expensive!”

    Me: “No, no, it is gold. Gold comes in different hues – like white gold, classic yellow gold, and rose gold.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, it’s too cheap to be pure gold.”

    Me: “Well, gold has to be set as an alloy. It is too soft to be in pure elemental form, so they use another metal to keep it solid.”

    Customer: “What other metal is it? That’s too expensive if it’s not gold.”

    Me: “It’s set over sterling silver.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, never mind then…”

    Knowledge On Fizzy Is Fuzzy

    | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (The store is relatively quiet and empty on this evening. A customer enters and approaches me quickly, seeming angry. She slams an open 12-pack of caffeine-free soft drinks on my counter, which I remember I had sold to her earlier.)

    Customer: “False advertising!”

    Me: “Excuse me?”

    Customer: “You sell products that are advertised falsely!”

    Me: “Um… okay. How? Did you get overcharged?”

    Customer: “These are marked as ‘caffeine free’ but they AREN’T! I demand a refund!”

    Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we have no control over the caffeinating. That would be something to contact the soda company about. May I ask, how do you know it has caffeine in it?”

    Customer: “Watch!”

    (She proceeds to open a can. I hear a ‘tsssshhhhh.’)

    Customer: “THERE! See? You don’t hear that noise unless it isn’t caffeinated! There is caffeine in these!”

    Me: “Oh! That isn’t because of caffeine—”

    Customer: “Don’t try to protect them! I DEMAND A REFUND!”

    Me: “Ma’am, that’s CARBONATION. Not CAFFEINE.”

    Customer: “…”

    Me: “CARBONATION is what makes the drink bubbly; CAFFEINE is a stimulant. Furthermore, like I said, that would be an issue to take up with the soda company. Not us.”

    Customer: “… oh. Oh!” *gathers up her drinks and hurries out, clearly embarrassed*

    Big Brother Is A Big Bother

    | FL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Politics, Technology

    (Our company sells high-tech gadgets for use with RC planes and helicopters, such as GPS locators and infrared sensors.)

    Customer: “Hello. I’m trying to order your GPS unit, but I don’t want to put my credit card number online.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but I don’t have a way to take a credit card order over the phone. The only thing I could do is bring up the website and enter it there myself.”

    Customer: “Well, I’m not putting my credit card number out on the Internet!”

    Me: “Sir, I can assure you that entering your credit card information on our encrypted website is much more secure than reading it off to me over the telephone. But we also take PayPal, if you don’t want to involve your credit card at all.”

    Customer: *grumbling* “Okay.” *hangs up*

    Coworker: *overhearing the conversation* “Did someone have a security issue with the website?”

    Me: “No, he just wants military satellites to be able to track his model airplane’s precise location… but he’s afraid of e-commerce.”

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