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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Beware Of Customers Bearing Gifts

    | CO, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Love/Romance, Top

    (I am working as a cashier during the holiday rush. One of my jobs is to ask each customer if they would like a gift card or gift receipts with their purchase. I have just finished ringing up a woman and have moved on to her boyfriend, who only has one item: pants, clearly for himself.)

    Me: “How’s it going today, sir?”

    Customer: “Good. You?”

    Me: “Good thanks. Would you like any gift cards or gift re—”

    Customer: “No, man. I’m good. Just ring me up.”

    (I nod and continue the transaction. I tell him the total. He slides his card and I press the button that prints the receipt, also clearing the transaction from on screen.)

    Me: “Here’s your receipt.”

    Customer: “Can I get a gift receipt?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, sir. It’s already too late.”

    Customer: “What?!”

    Me: “Well, sir, since you already confirmed the transaction and it has gone through the system, you would have to return the item and re-buy it to allow me to get to the gift receipt option.”

    Customer: “Are you kidding me? What happens if the pants don’t fit and I need to return them?”

    Me: “We do offer a 30-day return policy. All you need is the original receipt, which I just gave you.”

    Customer: “This is bulls***! What happens if it takes me longer than thirty days to decide if they fit?”

    (Before the customer gets anymore worked up, his girlfriend jumps in.)

    Girlfriend: “Don’t worry about it, honey. He asked you at the beginning of the transaction if you wanted a gift receipt. You said no. Now you have to deal with it. Now let’s go before you gotta walk out of this store single.”

    Making A Moat Point

    | England, UK | Extra Stupid, History, Tourists/Travel

    (I am a tour guide at a medieval castle. The moat to this particular castle was filled by diverting a channel of the river that runs directly past. We’re standing beside a large model of how the entire area looked in 1754 AD.)

    Tourist: “So, ma’am, how did they fill the moat?”

    Me: “Well as you can see here, a channel was dug to divert the water into the man-made moat.”

    Tourist: “So, how did they FILL the moat?”

    Me: “Um… With water from the river, flowing into the ditch. The ground could get pretty waterlogged but that worked as extra defense in times of siege.”

    Tourist: “Yes, but how did they get the water from the river INTO the moat?”

    Me: “Er… They used a bucket chain?”

    Tourist: “Ahh, I see. Thanks!”

    It’s All Dutch To Me, Part 2

    , | Amsterdam, The Netherlands | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Money, Tourists/Travel

    (I am traveling with a group from my American university for a conference, back when the Netherlands still used guilders as currency. At the time they were at about two to one dollar.)

    Classmate: “Wow! Beer is so expensive here!”

    Me: “Not really… they’re only three or four dollars each.”

    Classmate: “But it says beer is $6!”

    Me: “No, it’s 6 guilders. That’s the currency here. Remember when we changed our money?”

    Classmate: “No. That must be in dollars.”

    Me: “Why would it be in dollars? We’re in Amsterdam!”

    Classmate: “But stuff was in dollars at the airport. And I don’t get why [American beer] is so expensive and the [Dutch beer] costs less.

    Me: “Because they have to import the [American beer] from America.”

    Classmate: “But it isn’t an import!”

    Me: “We’re in AMSTERDAM now!”

    (By now, the guy behind the bar is doing an increasingly bad job of hiding his laughter.)

    Classmate: “Oh, my god. How will I order? I don’t speak… uh…”

    Me: “—Dutch? I’ll do it. You go sit down.”

    Me: *in English, to the bartender* “Two beers, please.”

    (The bartender gets me the beers, but only charges me for one of them, and winks at me. I tip him well and go back to my classmate.)

    Classmate: “Wow! I didn’t know you spoke the language!”

    Me: “I’m a fast learner.”

    Related:
    It’s All Dutch To Me

    Has Beef With Their Non Beef Menu

    , | Chicago, IL, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I work in a fast food restaurant that only sells chicken sandwiches. People often jokingly ask for burgers, so I usually try to joke back with them.)

    Customer: “So, I know you guys are a chicken place but can I just get a burger?”

    Me: “Haha! Yeah, sure… Now, what can I get for you today?”

    Customer: “A burger.”

    Me: “Sir, we really only have chicken. There is a [Competitor's store] down the street if you want a burger.”

    Customer: “Seriously, though. You don’t have any burgers back there?”

    Me: “I promise. It’s all chicken.”

    Customer: “Fine. Can I get a fish sandwich then?”

    Me: “…”

    One Customer And You’re Already Pooped

    | Australia | Extra Stupid, Health & Body, Pets & Animals

    (I am waiting to pick up my cat at the vet when I witness an exchange between the receptionist and a customer.)

    Receptionist: “She’s doing well. She’s passed some formed feces—”

    Customer: “What does that mean?”

    Receptionist: “Uh… It just means it’s solid—”

    Customer: “But what does that MEAN?”

    Receptionist: “What? Formed feces?”

    Customer: “Yeah, that second one.”

    Receptionist: “Oh… um… It’s her bowel movements.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Receptionist: “Number Two?”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Receptionist: “Her, um, her poo, ma’am.”

    Customer: “Oh. Well, that’s good.”


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