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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Suffering From A Vowel Movement

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography, Language & Words

    (The grocery store I work in has a week every summer in which we put Hawaiian-esque foods on sale, such as tuna, pineapples, spam, pork, coconuts, etc. Neighborhood luaus are very popular in our area during the summer. We have signs proclaiming this all over the store.)

    Customer: “I need to speak to your manager right away!”

    Me: “I’m the manager. What can I help you with, ma’am?”

    Customer: “I’m an English teacher, and I’m appalled by your signs!”

    Me: “What’s wrong with them?”

    Customer: “Whoever made then doesn’t know how to spell! Don’t you people know that you can’t put four consonants in a row?”

    Me: “You mean vowels? And that is how you spell ‘Hawaiian,’ ma’am.”

    Customer: *exasperated* “God, all of you are such f****** idiots! I’m looking it up on my phone right now!”

    (She did just that, and my coworkers and I watched as she suddenly paled, ditched her cart, and left the store. We haven’t seen her back since, even though she was a regular.)

    Not Quite Free For The Taking

    | SD, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (At the store where I work, you almost always have to buy two of an item to get the sale price. Sometimes we can make an exception if we don’t have two of the sale item in the store, but it’s not very common. A customer comes to my register and sets two things on the counter.)

    Customer: “Can I only buy ONE of these to get the sale price? I only need one!”

    Me: “Well, you’ll probably have to buy both… What’s the sale on them?”

    Customer: “Buy one, get one free.”

    Doesn’t Quite Get The Message

    | Portland, OR, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid

    (I am a receptionist and all incoming calls come to me, I also have two coworkers with the same first name.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, [Company].”

    Customer: “I missed a call from this number.”

    Me: “I am sorry. All incoming calls come through my desk and I have no way of knowing who placed an outgoing call to your number. What company are you with? I might be able to look up who your project manager is.”

    Customer: “[Other Company].”

    Me: “I am sorry, but I don’t seem to have your company in my system. Did the person that called happen to leave a message?”

    Customer: “Yes, but I don’t listen to my messages.”

    Me: “I apologize, but the best way for us to know who called you is for you to listen to the message.”

    Customer: “Fine!” *click*

    (Phone rings, it is the same customer.)

    Customer: “Can I talk to [Coworker First Name]?”

    Me: “May I ask, is that [Coworker First and Last Name #1] or [Coworker First and Last Name #2]?

    Customer: “How am I supposed to know? They only said [First Name].

    Me: “All right, did they tell you the nature of this call in the message?”

    Customer: “I don’t know; I didn’t listen that far. Just let me talk to [First Name].”

    Me: “Okay, sir, please hold while I determine which one of them called you. May I please get your name and company again?”

    Customer: “No!” *click*

    (He didn’t call back after that so I don’t know if he ever figured it out.)

    Smooth Out The Allergy Situation

    | KS, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Health & Body

    Me: “Hiya! What can I do for you?”

    Customer: “Yeah, I’d like to exchange this peanut butter.”

    (She hands me the peanut butter and the receipt.)

    Me: “Oh, okay. Any reason? Is it bad?”

    Customer: “Oh, no, it’s not bad. It’s just that it’s the chunky kind, and I need creamy.”

    Me: “Oh! Well, if you want to go grab the one you want, I’ll get you fixed up and on your way!”

    (She goes and gets the creamy peanut butter and comes back. I check the prices and hand her the right one.)

    Me: “All righty, you’re all set! Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Thank you!” *laughs* “I can’t believe I picked this up. I can’t have the one with the chunks in it. I’m allergic to peanuts!”

    (She walked off and my manager and I exchanged very confused glances.)

    If It Ain’t Broke, Book It!

    | New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

    (This conversation takes place over the messaging system on my website.)

    Customer: “Hi. Are you available to come out to [Place approx 50 minutes from where I am located] to take some photos of my car club’s meet up?”

    Me: “Hi, there. What date are you having the meet up?”

    Customer: “The 18th of this month. How much will it cost?”

    Me: “Yes, I am free then. Cost will depend on how many hours you require me to be there, All your photos are included in the price and will be edited and placed on either USB or disk for you.”

    Customer: “Um, I don’t know. A couple of hours or so.”

    Me: “Okay, well, the best deal I can give you is $[total] for the first hour and $[other amount] for every half hour after that. The travel costs are included in the first hour.”

    Customer: “Oh, I can’t afford that; I’m a bit broke at the moment.”

    Me: That’s fine. Unfortunately, I cannot lower the price anymore. However, if you do change your mind let me know and I would be happy to schedule you in.

    Customer: “Bummer, Do you have a camera I could just borrow for the day? I won’t wreck it or anything.”

    Me: “I am sorry, but I cannot lend my equipment out.”

    Customer: “I will be real careful; I could even give you a $20 bond.”

    Me: “No, sorry. I am unable to do that, maybe you could ask a friend to borrow their camera.”

    Customer: “Nah, they are broke, too.”

    Me: “Okay, then. If you change your mind about scheduling in with me let me know. Have a nice day.” *bangs head on desk*

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