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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    But We Do Have Some Everlasting Gob-Stoppers

    | Annapolis, MD, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (It’s a snowy winter day on the East Coast. Customers are placing their items on the checkout counter to be rung up by me. I’m wearing jeans and a long-sleeved t-shirt, not a winter coat, no gloves or hat, and I’m three registers away from the open outside door.)

    Customer: “Brrr! It’s so COLD! How can you STAND it in here? You must be FREEZING!”

    Me: “No, I don’t mind it. We keep busy when we are at the register.”

    Customer: *eyeing the previous customer’s frozen ice cream containers being bagged by a coworker* “How can anyone buy ice cream on a freezing day like this?”

    Me: “Ah, well then, you should buy some Willy Wonka’s Hot Ice Cream! It’s perfect for those cold days.”

    Coworker: *stops bagging items and stares at me with open mouth*

    Customer: “Wow! Really? That sounds great! Is it too late to go back and get some?”

    Me: “Sorry, we’re temporarily out of stock.”

    Coworker: *turns away to laugh*

    Customer: “Oh. Too bad.”

    Me: *smiling at the customer’s ignorance of Roald Dahl’s book ‘Charlie and the Chocolate Factory’* “Maybe next time. Have a good day!”

    Trying To Pull A Shady Deal

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (I work at company that sells stone to go on houses. All of the stone is outside, and our location is surrounded by trees.)

    Customer: “All of this is the same rock?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. Everything in this row is the same material.”

    Customer: “Why is this side so much darker?! You said it was the same!”

    Me: “…ma’am, that side is in the shade.”

    Not-So-Smartphone, Part 12

    | Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The phone rings and the pre-recorded “Hi, this is [My Name]. Thanks for calling,. What can I do for you?’ goes off.)

    Caller: “I WANT A FREE [Extremely Popular 4G Smartphone] IN EXCHANGE FOR MY [Not So Popular Slide-Out Phone] BECAUSE IT’S A PIECE OF CRAP AND IT’S FROZEN AND IT WON’T TURN OFF!”

    Me: “Okay, ma’am, I can certainly see how that would be frustrating! Let’s see if we can get it fixed for you today.”

    Caller: “I doubt you can fix it! This phone is stupid! I want a [4G Smartphone] instead!”

    Me: “Well, if I could do that for you I certainly would, but our system actually won’t let us process exchanges like that in the first place. And definitely not before troubleshooting! So, let’s go ahead and get it fixed up for you instead. Would you take the battery out for me, please?”

    Caller: “NO. Didn’t you understand me?! I SAID, it’s FROZEN!”

    Me: “I did understand, but you don’t have to turn the phone off first to remove the battery.”

    Caller: “…oh. IF THIS DOESN’T WORK I WANT A F****** [4G Smartphone]!”

    Me: “I’m sure this will help your phone, ma’am, but like I said, even if I wanted to, I couldn’t physically process the [4G Smartphone] for you. Our system will not allow it.”

    (The phone reboots, and everything is just fine and her phone works.)

    Me: “Okay! I’m so glad your phone is working great for you now. Can I help you with anything else?”

    Caller: “Hmph… NO. AND THE NEXT TIME THIS PHONE BREAKS, I’M JUST GOING TO SMASH IT!”

    Me: *laughing* “Well, you certainly—”

    Caller: *click*

    (She totally hung up on me, but I was going to tell her she could definitely smash the phone if she wanted, and we still couldn’t replace it with a 4G model! I had to get off the phones to laugh for a minute after that.)

    Related:
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 11
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 10
    Not-So-Smart Phone, Part 9

    Broken Eastern Promises

    | Hay, AB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Geography, Tourists/Travel

    (There is a smaller highway that ends in the city, and another one that starts. I work at a gas station between the two so we get a lot of people driving through.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, but how do I get back on Highway #3?”

    Me: *gives directions*

    Customer: “No. I mean the other way. We just came from [City Two Hours Away].*

    Me: “No, that’s the only way. Highway #3 ends here. Did you want Highway #41?”

    Customer: “I don’t think so. I’m headed to [Destination].”

    (My dad has just walked in to pick me up from work.)

    Me: “And you said you came from [City Two Hours Away]?”

    Customer: “Yes. Why, what’s wrong?”

    (I’m speechless at this point, but my dad helps her, and the owner confirms what he says.)

    Dad: “You turned the wrong way. You have to head back; you just lost about seven hours driving time…”

    (What should have been two hours turned into more than seven hours driving and an overnight stay. Guess they didn’t know when the sun is setting BEHIND you, you aren’t traveling west…)

    Been Reading To Him Since Way Before He Was Born

    | Seattle, WA, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    Customer: “Can you recommend a book for my son?”

    Me: “Sure, how old is he?”

    Customer: “Three.”

    Me: “Okay. What’s he into?”

    Customer: “I don’t know. I haven’t seen him in five years.”

    Me: “Um, he’s three?”

    Customer: “That’s what I said.”

    Me: “But… you haven’t seen him in five years?”

    Customer: “Yeah, messy divorce. I just moved back to Seattle. I used to read him bedtime stories.”

    Me: “How old was he?”

    Customer: “You know, like a toddler.”

    Me: “I think you’re missing something. He was three when you left, but it’s five years later. Your son is eight now…”

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