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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Intelligence Is On Lockdown

    | USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    Customer: “EXCUSE ME! Are you going to check me out or am I going to have to stand around at the register all night waiting on you to finish whatever you are doing?”

    Me: *thinking we had accidentally closed the store on the customer* “Ma’am, we closed 15 minutes ago. My manager has already closed all of the registers. I’m sorry, but I cannot check you out and you will have to come back in the morning.”

    Customer: “Is that why the door was locked?”

    Only One Left

    | Sweden | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (I am an optometrist, selling glasses and contact lenses. A customer calls me up to ask about some contact lenses I sent to him in the mail.)

    Customer: “Hi, I’m just calling to ask you which of the lenses is for which eye!”

    Me: “I’m sorry! I am usually so careful about these things. I can’t believe I forgot to mark them.”

    Customer: “Yeah, it says ‘right’ on one of the boxes, but what about the other one?”

    Me: “Uh, then the other one would be for your left eye.”

    Customer: “Great, thanks!” *hangs up*

    No Helium For The Airhead, Part 2

    | TX, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Math & Science

    (Because of a helium shortage, we currently have a limited amount of tanks to use on balloon orders. We run out in the middle of a day that has a special event going on.)

    Store Owner: “I’m sorry to say we can’t fill any more balloons unless it’s with air. If you want any helium balloons, you will have to go to [other store known for its poor service].”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! I need 20 balloons and you’re telling me I can’t have them now?”

    Store Owner: “I’ve called in for more tanks, but I won’t have them in before tomorrow, so if you need them you’ll have to go elsewhere.”

    Customer: “That’s ridiculous! You should have planned better and ordered more tanks to begin with.”

    Me: “We could try that, but we’re only given four tanks a week. Hospitals have a priority on helium for their machines, so their demands come first.”

    Customer: “If the hospital needs helium so badly, why don’t they make their own?”

    Me: “Helium isn’t man-made. That’s why.”

    Customer: *scoffs* “Yes, it is. How else do you think they put it in those tanks?”

    Store Owner: “They trap it when they mine, but—”

    Customer: “That is the dumbest thing I’ve heard. I can’t believe you idiots believe that shortage crap. I’m going to [other store]. I bet they won’t make up crap to get out of work!” *storms out*

    Store Owner: “I bet he also thinks H2O is an energy drink.”

    Related:
    No Helium For The Airhead

    Filmed Before A Live Stupid Audience

    | AZ, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Movies & TV, Technology

    (As I am walking through the store a customer approaches me from the electronics section holding a DVD of an old classic film.)

    Customer: “Excuse me, young lady. I have a question about this movie?”

    Me: “Yes, sir?”

    Customer: “Is it alive?”

    Me: “I’m… I’m sorry but I don’t understand. The DVD you’re holding is an inanimate object. It is not alive.”

    Customer: “No, I mean is it live, as in ‘filmed before a studio audience’?”

    Me: “No, sir. I’m fairly certain all movies are filmed on closed studio sets.”

    Customer: “Okay, but is it still live? Isn’t ‘live’ better, like organic?”

    Me: “No, that disc you’re holding is a recording.”

    Customer: *blank stare*

    Me: “If it was live then it would mean the actors were performing as you were watching it.”

    Customer: “And they’re not?”

    Me: “No, sir. That movie was made a long time ago. Most of those actors have died of old age by now. They filmed the movie once and moved on with their lives. But they are definitely not performing live.”

    Customer: “But if they’re dead then how can I watch them now?”

    Me: “Because it’s a recording.”

    Customer: “Then who’s doing the movie?”

    Me: “THEY did. They stood in front of a camera and made the movie. Then they took the film, and eventually made it into a DVD, and now here it is.”

    Customer: “I don’t get it.”

    Me: *sigh* “Okay. Do you have pictures from when you were a kid?”

    Customer: “Yeah….”

    Me: “You know how your parents pointed a camera at you and now you can look at them years later, even though you grew up and aren’t reenacting those pictures as your childhood self every time someone looks at them?”

    Customer: *gradually dawning expression*

    Me: “There you go.”

    Quite A Climb To Get To The Answer

    | Boston, MA, USA | Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (I work at a climbing gym. We were closed for a week to do yearly renovations.)

    Customer: *walks up, pulls on locked door*

    Customer: *looks inside, sees climbing walls being painted*

    Customer: *looks at sign on door, which explains reason for closure*

    Customer: *looks inside again*

    Customer: *pulls out cell phone, calls our landline*

    Customer: “Hey, are you guys open?”

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