(I work at a high end retail store that sells frogs in little tanks.)

Customer: “Do the frogs come out of rocks?”

Me: “What?”

Customer: “The frogs? Do they come out of rocks?”

Me: “No. Frogs come from eggs.”

Customer: “Oh…”

(I’m a waiter in a very authentic, very small Japanese restaurant. I’m filling drinks at a table of four people in their mid-twenties—two guys and two girls.)

Customer: “Um, yeah…so, I have a question.”

Me: “Sure. What would you like to know?”

Customer: “Yeah…so, like…um…Japanese…uh…Asians…do Asian people like dessert?”

Me: “Well, of course they enjoy dessert. Doesn’t everyone?”

Customer: “So, like…what do they eat, then?”

Me: “Sweet things. Cake, ice cream, candy, and all kinds of sweets.”

Customer: “Oh. So just like us?”

Me: “Yes… just like us.”

(She stares at me, unable to understand why I’m grinning in disbelief. No words are exchanged, so I walk away. As I’m walking, I hear her friend say, “Wow, he hates you.” At the end of her meal she asks for a fortune cookie.)

(I am a cashier in a local state-wide grocery store. We have a red logo. A customer comes through my line, and checks through without incident until she hands me her coupons.)

Me: “Ma’am, these coupons are from [other national retailer with a red logo].”

Customer: “But you both have a red logo! Can’t you take those?”

Me: “No, ma’am. I’m not allowed to take coupons from other chains.”

Customer: “But they’re both red! Why can’t you take them?!”

Me: “They aren’t coupons from our store—”

Customer: “IT’S RED!”

(A customer in her mid-30s approaches me. Note that we use the same standard sizing that is commonly found in other clothing stores.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes?”

Customer: “What size am I?”

Me: “Well, what size clothes are you wearing right now?”

Customer: “I don’t know. That’s why I’m asking you.”

Me: “Well, why don’t we get you a size that looks right and you try those on?”

Customer: “And then what?”

Me: “If they’re too big, then you try on the size that’s smaller until you find the right one.”

Customer: “Great idea. Thank you!”

(I’m working the day shift at a hotel. One day, I get a page from the front desk.)

Coworker: “This is going to seem like a weird request.”

Me: “Okay, what’s up?”

Coworker: “Well, the lady in room [#] needs you to show her how to use the ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.”

Me: “You’re kidding, right?”

Coworker: *laughs* “I’m afraid not.”

(I go to the guest’s room and knock on her door. A lady in her 50s comes to the door holding a little cardboard ‘Do Not Disturb’ sign.)

Guest: “How do I work this?”

(I take the sign and put it on the door handle.)

Guest: “Oh, so that’s how that thing works!”