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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    H2-D’oh! Part 2

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (At my store, cashiers shout to the barista which drinks have been ordered. The exceptions to this are water and soda; customers get cups for that and are directed to the soda fountain.)

    Cashier: “Can you make my customer a caramel latte?”

    Me: “You got it!”

    (I make the drink, and a woman walks up to the counter.)

    Customer: “Is this mine?”

    Me: “A caramel latte?”

    Customer: “Thanks!”

    (She takes it and leaves. Ten minutes later, she comes back to the counter.)

    Customer: “I don’t think this is what I ordered.”

    Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry. I’ll remake yours. What did you order?”

    Customer: “Oh, I ordered water.”

    Me: *speechless*

    (Another customer walks up to the counter.)

    Other Customer: “I don’t mean to bother, but I ordered a caramel latte a long time ago. Is it ready yet?”

    Me: *internally screaming*

    Related:
    H2-D’oh!

    The Sauce Of Confusion

    | Vallejo, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (As always with restaurants, you get the guest who wants to specialize their entire meal because they have a strict diet. I approach a table with a lady who is eating lunch alone.)

    Me: “Good afternoon. Are you ready to order, or would you like a couple of minutes?”

    Customer: “No, I’m ready. First of all, I’m a vegetarian, so I’d like to start off with the minestrone soup, and then for my entree, I’d like wheat pasta with the meat sauce on the side.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, did you just say you’d like the MEAT sauce?”

    Customer: “On the side.”

    Me: “The MEAT sauce?”

    Customer: “On. The. Side.”

    Me: “I understand ‘on the side’, but you are aware that the meat sauce has ground beef and ground sausage in it?”

    Customer: “Yes, and I’d like it very much if the sauce was on the side.”

    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 5

    | Dallas, TX, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this story, standing next in line while the person ahead is being attended to.)

    Cashier: “Okay, sir. Your total is [amount].”

    Customer: “Fine.”

    (The customer pauses and doesn’t move to get his wallet.)

    Cashier: “Sir. Cash or credit?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Cashier: “I’m sorry. Are you paying with cash, check, or credit card today?”

    Customer: “What do you mean?”

    Cashier: “For your groceries, how would you like to pay for them?”

    Customer: “I don’t get it. I only have a debit card.”

    Cashier: “That’s fine. We accept debit as well. Just slide it through the machine here.”

    Customer: “But it’s asking for a credit card. I don’t carry credit cards. People steal those all the time.”

    Cashier: “Sir, the machine will take both credit and debit. I you just follow the prompts…”

    Customer: “I don’t know. It’s asking for a credit card. I refuse to use one.”

    Cashier: “I can 100% guarantee you, sir, that the machine will read your debit card. After you swipe your card, select ‘debit’ and you’ll be done.”

    Customer: *motions to his groceries* “I can’t pay for these with a debit card. What kind of a business is this that doesn’t accept debit?”

    Me: “Sir, I don’t mean to interrupt, but I shop here weekly. They do accept debit cards. Open your eyes and read the machine prompt. It clearly has a DEBIT option.”

    Customer: “It says credit. I don’t have credit!”

    Me: “It’s that green button on the right labeled DEBIT. If you can’t see it, then I don’t think anyone here can help you.”

    (At this point the customer walks out and leaves eight full bags of groceries behind, muttering how confused he was that the store didn’t accept debit cards. The cashier has to load the bags into a cart and wait on another associate before ringing me up.)

    Me: “That probably happens way more often than it really should.”

    Cashier: “We have a pool going to see how high we can hit in a week. So far I’m at five and it’s only Wednesday.”

    Related:
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 4
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 3
    To Give Credit Where Debit Is Due, Part 2

    I-Scream For Someone To Listen

    , | Dublin, Ireland | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Food & Drink, Theme Of The Month

    (I am a customer in this story. I’m queuing for ice cream at a mini fast-food stand in a well-known flat-pack furniture shop. Ahead of me is a father and mother with two children, an older girl around 10 years old and a younger boy. The system is that you buy tokens and cones from a cashier, and then put the tokens in an ice cream machine to make your own soft-serve in the cones.)

    Cashier: “These cones are smaller than our usual ones. You have to wrap a napkin around them so the machine registers them. Okay?”

    Father: “Yeah, yeah.” *hands the stuff to his wife and she takes the kids to the ice-cream machine while he gets their furniture*

    Me: “One ice cream, please.”

    Cashier: “Sure.”

    (The cashier hands me my change, my token, and the cone, and repeats the information about the small cones and to be sure to use the napkin.)

    Me: “Okay, thank you!”

    (I follow the mother and children to the ice cream machine.)

    Mother: *repeatedly trying to use the machine* “What is wrong with this stupid machine?”

    Little Girl: “You have to wrap the napkin around the cone, mammy.”

    Mother: *ignoring child* “[Father], the machine isn’t working!”

    Father: *coming over* “Let me try.”

    Little Girl: “You put the napkin around the cone, daddy.”

    Father: *also ignoring child* “Piece of crap machine.”

    Little Girl: “Daddy, you have to put the napkin around the cone!”

    Father: *raising his voice, sarcastic* “I heard you the first time! Thank you for your input!”

    Mother: “Forget it.”

    (The father takes the tokens and cones back to get a refund, while the kids’ faces fall. The mother turns to me.)

    Mother: “The machine is broken. Don’t bother.”

    Me: “Are you sure? The–”

    Mother: “You’re seeing me walk away, aren’t you?”

    (The mother grabs the disappointed kids and stalks off to wait for the father. I step up, wrap the napkin around the cone, pop the token in the machine, and voila! Ice cream! I take the ice cream and go look for my own parents, and immediately walk past the waiting mother and children.)

    Little Boy: “Look, mammy. Why did hers work?”

    (Feeling bad for the kids, I walk off quickly so they don’t have to watch me eat my ice cream. I find my own parents, and we go to our car with our new furniture. As we’re walking, another car screeches out in front of us rudely and dangerously, and drives past: it’s the same family, and the smart, ignored little girl and the disappointed little boy both look out the window to see me still eating the delicious ice cream. Wherever you are, little girl, I hope your parents’ total lack of listening skills aren’t getting you down. You were right!)

    When The Cat’s Away The Pranks Come Out To Play

    | Columbus, OH, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Pets & Animals

    (It’s a very slow day so I decide to take one of our cats out of her cage and hold her. She’s slung herself over my shoulder when a guy walks in.)

    Me: “Hello. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

    Customer: *staring at the cat* “Holy s***! Is that thing real?”

    Me: *sarcastically* “Nope. It’s a new animatronic model from Google. We’re testing them in stores to eventually give people an option for a pet without the mess!”

    Customer: “That’s so awesome!! I have to tell my friends!”

    (He ran out the store before I could tell him I was joking.)

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