• A Pain In The Nugget
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  • October Theme Of The Month: Halloween!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    A Bad App-raisal Of The Situation

    | Chicago, IL, USA | Books & Reading, Extra Stupid, Technology

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Store]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “Yes, I bought an eBook from your website, but I can’t read it on my tablet.”

    Me: “Okay, let’s see what we can do. What sort of tablet do you have? Is it Apple or Android?”

    Customer: “It’s a [high end Android]. My son bought it for me.”

    Me: “Nice. And when you open up [Our App], does the book appear there?”

    Customer: “No, it’s not in my library.”

    Me: “You say you purchased the eBook from our website. Are you sure the account information you used when you purchased it is the same as your app is registered under?”

    Customer: “Um, yes? I can’t imagine that I would have more than one account with you.”

    Me: “And other books work just fine?”

    Customer: “Yes.”

    Me: “Have you tried syncing your library?”

    Customer: “How do I do that?”

    Me: “Open the app and hit the refresh button. It’s a circular arrow in the bottom left.”

    Customer: “I don’t have that.”

    Me: “That’s weird. What do you see?”

    Customer: *describes a screen which sounds suspiciously like our competitor’s app*

    Me: “Sir, what app do you use to read your eBooks?”

    Customer: “I use my library.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, your books appear in the library screen of the app, but which app do you use? Are you using [Our App] or [Competitor’s App]?”

    Customer: “I use the app on my tablet.”

    Me: “Okay, where do you normally buy your eBooks?”

    Customer: “What?”

    Me: “The eBooks currently in your library which you are able to read. Which website were you on when you bought them? [Our website] or [Competitor’s website]?”

    Customer: “[Competitor’s website]. They have lots of good deals.”

    Me: “All right sir, I’ve figured out the problem. You purchased an [our format] eBook from our website. That book is not compatible with [Competitor’s App]. You’ll have to download [Our App] in order to read it.”

    Customer: “But I already paid for it.”

    Me: “Oh, don’t worry, sir. The book is yours. The app is available as a free download both on our website and from the Play Store. It only takes a minute.”

    Customer: “My books always show up in my library when I buy them. Why doesn’t this one?”

    Me: “I know it’s confusing, sir. [Our Company] sells [Our eBook Readers], and [Competitor] sells [Competitor’s eBook Readers]. EBooks bought from [Our Company] can only be read on [Our eBook Readers] or [Our App], just as [Competitor]’s eBooks can only be read on their products.”

    Customer: “I don’t understand. I paid for this book.”

    Me: “Yes, sir, and it is yours. But the app you are using is made and run by [Competitor]. You bought this book from us. [Competitor] has no way of knowing that you bought this book, so they can’t put it into the app on your tablet.

    Customer: Can you call them and tell them I bought it? Then they’ll know.”

    Me: “I’m afraid it doesn’t work like that, sir. But again, you can download [Our App] for free and read the book you purchased.”

    Customer: “Okay, so you guys have your own books and your own app thing, and [Competitor] has their own books and their own app, and they don’t work together at all?”

    Me: “Yes sir. That’s absolutely correct. A little complicated, I know.”

    Customer: “So how do I get your app so I can read my book?”

    Me: “The same way you got [Competitor’s App]. Open the Play Store, search for [Our App], and download it. Once it installs you’ll have to enter your email address and password. Then your book will appear in your library. We’ll give you a couple additional titles for free.”

    Customer: “My tablet’s library?”

    Me: “No, sorry, the library in [Our App].”

    Customer: “So when I want to read this book I’ll need to open your app, and when I want to read my other books I’ll need to open [Competitor’s App]?”

    Me: “Yes, sir.”

    Customer: “Okay, I suppose I can handle that. When should I expect my app to arrive?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, what?”

    Customer: “The app that you’re sending me in the mail. When will it be here?”

    Me: “The… mail? You know what, sir? I think you should come into our store. Can you drop by tomorrow?”

    (And I made d*** sure I was not around when he came in!)

    Putting The Terror Into Terabytes

    | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (A customer walks in and grabs a 3 GB USB stick from the rack and brings it to the counter.)

    Me: “Afternoon, sir.”

    Customer: “Yes, hello. Can you help me? What can I do with this?”

    Me: “Umm… you can store files on this device using a computer.”

    Customer: “Files?”

    Me: “Yeah, pictures, text, movies, music. Anything.”

    Customer: “And Google-ing?”

    Me: “If you mean the Internet, no. You’ll need a bigger USB stick.”

    (The customer grabs a 32 GB stick.)

    Me: “Eh. Right, that was sarcastic. You’ll need millions and millions of USB sticks for that.”

    Customer: “There are only 20 on the rack.”

    Me: “What I’m trying to say is that it is impossible to copy the Internet to a USB stick.”

    Customer: “Oh. What about a floppy?”

    Me: “Those are outdated and store even less than a USB stick.”

    Customer: “But can I store a ‘Internet’ on it?”

    Me: “No.”

    Customer: “I want the manager.”

    Me: “I am the manager.”

    (The customer stormed off.)

    Has Led A Sugar-Coated Existence

    | Australia | Bizarre, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (For sanitary reasons, we do not add sugar to our customer’s coffee. There are sugar packets and spoons in front of the register for the customers to use.)

    Me: “Here’s your regular latte, sir. Have a good day!”

    Customer: “…are there two sugars in this?”

    Me: “No sir, but there are sugar packets just in front for you.”

    Customer: *looking very confused* “But how is the sugar going to get in my coffee?”

    Me: “You can just put it in…” *customer is still frowning at me like he doesn’t understand*

    Me: “Never mind. I’ll help you with that.”

    (I take two sugar packets from right in front of this man, tear them open and pour in the sugar. Then I stir it in and slide it back across the counter to him.)

    Me: “Just like that, sir. Have a good day!”

    Customer: “Ugh, bye.” *storms off muttering something under his breath*

    (Meanwhile, my coworker and I stood there wondering how this man had gotten through 40-something years of his life without stirring in sugar!)

    A Giant Wave Of Ignorance

    | Seward, AK, USA | Extra Stupid, Tourists/Travel

    (We do glacier and whale watching cruises. On this day, there has been a tsunami alert, although it later turned out to be a false alarm. The alarm horns are sounding all over the waterfront.)

    Me: “This is the tsunami warning system. I need everyone to drop what you’re doing and evacuate uphill to the high school. There are evacuation route signs posted under the street signs.”

    Customer: “Can you explain this tour to me?”

    Me: “Sir, we are evacuating.”

    Customer: “Can I just wait by the docks until you all come back?”

    Me: “There is a tsunami alarm sounding. You need to get to high ground.”

    Customer: “But, when the tsunami is over, will you be running more tours?”

    In Hot Soup Now

    | The Netherlands | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Math & Science

    (We serve our soup in big round fancy bowls where the edge is raised on only one side.)

    Customer: “Excuse me! Miss, I have a complaint. I’m afraid I did not receive a full bowl of soup. You see, it’s only half full.”

    (I look at her bowl and see that it is in fact filled for as much as the bowl allows. You could not possibly fill the bowl with more soup, because it would spill over on one side.)

    Me: “Ma’am, it seems that your bowl is completely filled. What exactly do you mean?”

    Customer: “Look! Look at this side of the bowl! There’s no soup here. It’s false advertising. Why would you have a bowl this large and high and not fill it all the way?”

    Me: “I’m sorry, are you asking me to change the law of physics for you?”

    Customer: “Yes!”

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