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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Has Beef With You

    | VA, USA | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Top

    (I own and operate a small ranch in Virginia. We sell all natural grass fed beef, all natural pork, and free range chickens. We also sell cheeses, eggs, and also have a few goats for milk and cheese, etc. A customer calls up wanting information about our operation.)

    Me: “Hello, [Company Name]. This is [My Name], What can I do for you today?”

    Caller: “Yes, are your cows vegetarian?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, they are. We only feed them grass and hay. Hay is a type of grass so, yes, they eat no meat products at all. We use no antibiotics or hormones—”

    Caller: “NO, NO, NO! Are your cows vegetarian!?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I do not understand what you are asking me.”

    Caller: “You farm people are all dumb! My daughter and her friends do not eat meat! They are vegan and we want to have steak for dinner! So now I’m going to ask you: are you cows vegetarian?”

    Me: “Are you asking me if my steaks are not made from meat?”

    Caller: “No, I know steak is made from meat! I want to know if your cows are vegetarian?!”

    Me: “Ma’am, all cows are meat. Everything we take off them during butchering is meat. I am not sure, are you asking me for meat that isn’t meat?”

    Caller: “Well, your advertising on your website says you are all natural. That is false advertising!”

    Me: “I am not sure how. We keep our cows free from additives and—”

    Caller: “Look, I’m not stupid. Before you turn cows into beef, what are they?”

    Me: “Cows.”

    Caller: “Exactly. So why can’t I get all natural cow instead of beef?”

    Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a live cow. I think you need to find another place to get your meat.”

    Caller: “I will not be talked to like this! I want to talk to your manager!”

    Me: “You are talking to the owner. I am sorry you think that an animal is not meat until after it dies, but I will not sell you a live cow to eat! I am also sorry you are too stupid to understand that this is a cattle ranch and we sell our own beef. Beef is meat, meat is not vegan. Please call another company that specializes in vegan food!”

    (I hang up on her. Two weeks go by and she calls me back.)

    Caller: “I talked to you a couple weeks ago and I just want to let you know that we bought steak from the farmer’s market at (location). We had a wonderful dinner!”

    Me: “Oh, you were at the farmer’s market at [location]?”

    Caller: “Yes, and the woman there sold us vegetarian cow! You know, cow for vegans! My daughter said she and her friends always eat steak from the woman that sells cow there.”

    Me: “So your daughter is vegan, huh?”

    Caller: “Well, yeah. She won’t eat chicken!”

    (I gave up and I told her I would look into selling vegetarian ‘COW.’ I did not have the heart to tell her that she bought my meat. I am the only one allowed to sell at that particular market and my neighbor’s daughter works for me selling at that location. I also didn’t bother to go into her daughter not being vegan!)

    Related:
    He Has Beef With You

    Try Not To Sweat The Sweat Shop

    | USA | Bigotry, Comics Single, Extra Stupid

    (I am in a fitting room, and I overhear a conversation.)

    Customer: “I like this top, and this dress, but it doesn’t quite fit well. Do you guys have another one of the same size in the back?”

    Coworker: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I know for a fact that that top is the last one we have, and that dress is the last one we have in that size.”

    Customer: “Oh… That’s okay. I can wait.”

    Coworker: “…”

    Customer: “…”

    Coworker: “Umm… May I ask what you’re waiting for?”

    (The customer leans in to whisper loud enough for everyone in the sixteen fitting room area to hear.)

    Customer: “I don’t mean to sound racist or nothing like that… but… like… don’t you guys have little Asian kids in the back to make these?”

    Coworker: “Umm… I’m sorry, no… We’re not a sweatshop. All our merchandise is legal.”

    Customer: “Oh… Okay…”  *leaves*

    Platinum Member, Bronze Behavior

    , | MN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I work at a concession stand/food court inside a casino. At this casino, we have player cards with different levels depending on the amount of money a customer spends. A regular with the highest level (platinum) card comes at least twice a week to the Asian stand. Every time we see her the conversation is the same.)

    Customer: *very rudely* “I want a chicken fried rice, no carrots or peas, no egg, no bean sprouts, no oil, no salt, with broccoli fried extra soft, to go.”

    (She orders this exact thing every time.)

    Me: “All right, ma’am. That will be [total]. Thank you, and do you have your card for discount?”

    (I swipe her player card for a discount, she pays cash, and then waits for her order. Her order comes up fresh from the wok, and I check the order EXTREMELY well to make sure that everything is in order. The customer is waiting at the counter tapping her foot impatiently. I give her the box and wish her a good day. 10 minutes pass before she comes back, red faced and angry. She’s maybe taken one bite from her food.)

    Customer: “This isn’t what I ordered! I ordered a chicken fried rice, no carrots or peas, no egg, no bean sprouts, no oil, no salt, with broccoli fried EXTRA soft, to go! I want to speak with [Manager] immediately!”

    (The order WAS exactly how she ordered it. That’s why we always check the order for her.)

    Me: “I’m so sorry, ma’am. Let me grab [Manager] and we’ll make you a new one right away!”

    Customer: *smiling smugly* “Thank you, sweetie.”

    (The manager comes out and has a quiet discussion with the upset platinum customer.)

    Customer: “My food was old, and cold, and you put things in the rice that I didn’t order. Everything was just wrong!”

    Manager: “Perhaps you would care to fill out a comment card, and I will take care of the issue.”

    (Meanwhile, I am in the back talking with our chef about the customer. Our chef is obviously a little upset that the customer can do this so consistently because she’s a platinum member, so we cannot turn away her service. We agree that nothing is wrong with the food and throw it in the microwave to warm it up. I go back out and hand the food to the customer, who is handing the comment card to my manager.)

    Me: “I’m so, so sorry that happened. Here. Look it over to make sure it’s right this time.”

    (She looks it over and nods.)

    Customer: *still smug* “This is exactly how I wanted it, honey. Thank you for making another one!”

    (My manager waits a few moments to make sure the customer is well on her way before throwing the comment card in the trash.)

    Manager: “She comes in here every week and does that!”

    The Manager Has To Wake Up And Smell The Coffee

    | West Yorkshire, England, UK | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink, Technology, Theme Of The Month, Top

    (We are having a meeting about how many errors we are making on our tills. When we explain why these are happening, our boss seems to think we are all idiots and decides to spend a few hours watching what we do, starting off by showing us how to use the till properly.)

    Customer #1: “Can I have a medium latte please?”

    (My manager makes the drink and processes it on the till without a problem. I’m the first to go on the till afterwards.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, can I get a medium skinny latte.”

    (I make the drink, process it on the till, and tell the customer the price which is also written on the menu board behind me.)

    Customer #2: “Sorry, I don’t have enough. Can you make me a plain latte?”

    (I make the second drink for the customer and process this on the till, but it goes down as an error which causes my manager to glare at me. I tell the customer the new price.)

    Customer #2: “Yeah, I don’t have enough for that either. Can I have a tea?”

    (I make a third drink and re-process this on the till making another error. The customer finally pays and leaves.)

    Manager: “Yeah. I’ll just tell head office this town is full of idiots…”

    Small Fry Looking For The Big Wig

    | Nashville, TN, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (A customer wants a blender.)

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir. We are sold out of those blenders.”

    Customer: “Well the sign on the shelf says [special price], so I should get this blender for [special price]!”

    Manager: “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t do that. It’s not the same blender as the ones that were on sale, and we are sold out of the blenders that were on sale.”

    Customer: “This is just outrageous! Who can I talk to so that I can file a complaint? What’s your store number? I’m going to report you!”

    Manager: *very professional, but now with sharper tone* “Here is the number for our customer service hotline. They’ll be happy to take your call. Our store number is [number].”

    Customer: “No, I want to talk to your CEO!”

    Manager: “Sir, this is the number that you can call to file complaints.”

    Customer: “All right.” *takes number* “Yes, I want to speak with your CEO.”

    (The customer walks away, talking on the phone.)

    Me: *after a few minutes* “Yeah, my laptop crashed the other day, so I called Bill Gates. That guy knows customer service.”


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