November Theme Of The Month: Black Friday!

Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

A Functional Solution

| Grove, OK, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I manage a lease-to-own business and am listening in on one of my newer employees taking a phone call.)

Employee: “Yes, sir. Let me find out for you. Please hold.”

(The employee turns to me.)

Employee: “This customer says that his number pad or something like that on the laptop he’s leasing from us isn’t working. He was a bit hard to understand. He wants to know if we can fix it. Well, he actually wants us to replace the whole keyboard and give him a loaner laptop until it’s fixed. What should I tell him?”

Me: “This is unfortunately a common request. But, we don’t generally give loaner items for computers due to personal information being put on them. But, often computer issues are a fairly easy fix. Just let him know that he can bring the laptop in, and I’ll see what we can do.”

(I go back to training another of my employees on dealing with accounts. A short time after that the customer comes in and my sales/service manager speaks with him. I eavesdrop on the following:)

Customer: “Here it is. My brother was using it and all of the sudden the mouse thing stopped working. I’d like you to just give me another one.”

Sales Manager: “Well, let’s see what we can do!”

(They start taking the laptop out of the bag and getting all of the cords out. I look at the employee I’ve been training…)

Me: “I’ve got to take part in this.” *I walk out to the front counter*

Customer: “Yeah, the pointer thing works on the login screen. But, it just disappears as soon as the main screen loads. I just don’t understand what happened.”

(The sales manager is attempting to untangle the mess of power cords the customer handed him. I reach across my sales manager and hit the F5 key and then turn to the customer.)

Me: “There. All fixed!”

Customer: “What?”

Me: “It wasn’t broken. Your touch pad was turned off. If you look at the F5 key, you’ll see the touchpad on/off icon. When it’s pushed, it’ll either enable or disable the touchpad.”

Customer: *squints at keyboard keys* “You’re right. I can see it now.”

Me: “Makes it much simpler! Now you won’t need us to replace anything. Heck, you won’t even need a new computer! You have a nice day!”

(I walk back into my office and sit at my desk as quietly as possible until the customer has left. The sales manager comes into the room along with my two other employees. They all look at me as I burst into laughter.)

Employee: “You fixed that faster than he could even explain what the problem was! He was even requesting we give him a new one!”

Me: “He’s probably the third customer to do that very thing in just the last few weeks!!”

(I now plan on offering a simple ‘Computer Basics’ class to all of our customers who get computers from us!)

New Degrees Of Misunderstanding

| Wales, UK | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work for a large UK retailer, who has just released a new tablet computer, providing technical support for the product. We’re encouraged to keep customers on the line during the first time setup. This happens just at the start of the call, when selecting a wireless network to connect to.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am. You’ll now see a screen that says ‘Select WiFi.’ Please find your home network connection and select it for me.”

Customer: “Found it! It’s asking for my password, I’ll just type that in… It says ‘Authenticating.’ Why is it saying that?”

(This always means the password was put in wrong. Usually it’s because the customer’s holding the tablet in landscape, and mistypes it.)

Me: “You might’ve accidentally typed the password in wrong. Forget the network and try again. Might I ask how you’re holding the [Tablet] right now?”

Customer: *sigh* “Landscape.”

Me: “Okay, if you could just hold it in portrait for me, just for this step.”

Customer: *long pause* “…How do I do that?”

Me: “Um… you turn it 90 degrees, ma’am. So that the camera’s on the side, instead of the top.”

Customer: *longer pause* “This is too complicated for me! I give up!” *click*

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 39

| NY, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money

(A woman and her friend come up to my register to pay for her rather large order. She hands me her credit card and continues talking to her friend.)

Me: “I’m sorry, miss, your card was declined.”

(She glares at me before returning to her friend.)

Me: “Let me try it again. Still coming back declined.”

Customer: “How can that be? Are you sure you’re doing it right?”

Me: “It’s hard to do it wrong. I’ll key it in manually. Maybe my reader is broken.”

(I manually key in the card; it gets declined again.)

Me: “I’m sorry miss, your card was declined again. Do you ha—”

Customer: *to friend* “You know? I spend more money in this place than this guy makes in a week.”

Me: “That may be the reason your credit card is maxed out.”

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 38
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 37
This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 36

No Eggo For The Vego

, | Australia | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I am serving on the registers over breakfast, when a female customer approaches.)

Customer: “I’m vego.”

Me: *realising she means she’s a vegetarian* “Umm… okay?”

Customer: “So I’ll have a bacon and egg muffin with no egg.”

Me: “A bacon and egg muffin without egg?”

Customer: “Yep, I’m vego.”

Me: “So you want the bacon on the muffin”?

Customer: “Yep, but no egg. I’m vego.”

Me: “…”

Please Use It Anywhere But Here

| NJ, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid

(I’m working as a cashier when I have a customer who is ready to pay for her order.)

Me: “Your total is [total].”

Customer: “I have this [Other Retail Store] gift card I’d like to use first.”

Me: “Does it say Visa, Mastercard, etc. on the card? Those kinds of gift cards you can use here, otherwise it’s just a card for [Other Retail Store].”

Customer: “Well, this thing says I can use this card anywhere for gas and groceries.”

(The customer has a MasterCard credit card from the other retail store and it looks as though she received the gift card as a reward for getting enough points on it.)

Me: “That gift card is only useable at [Other Retail Store].”

Customer: “It says right here I can use this anywhere.”

(I look at the holder that the gift card was in. While it says you can use your card anywhere, it obviously applies to the credit card, not the gift card.)

Me: “No, it’s saying you can use your [Other Retail Store] credit card anywhere. I’m guessing you got this gift card as a reward from getting enough points on your credit card.”

Customer: “No, I can use this anywhere. Get me your manager.”

Me: “Okay, but I’m telling you right now she’s going to say the same thing I’m telling you.”

(I call my manager and ask her to come over immediately. The customer explains what her issue is.)

Manager: “Ma’am, my cashier is right. You can’t use this gift card here. It says here you can use your MasterCard anywhere and you got this gift card as reward to use at [Other Retail Store].”

(They go back and forth for a minute and for a brief second I think maybe the customer gets it… I was wrong.)

Customer: “You don’t know what you’re talking about. I’ll call [Other Retail Store] and prove that I can use this gift card here!”