Category: Extra Stupid

This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

If It Ain’t Broke, Book It!

| New Zealand | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Money

(This conversation takes place over the messaging system on my website.)

Customer: “Hi. Are you available to come out to [Place approx 50 minutes from where I am located] to take some photos of my car club’s meet up?”

Me: “Hi, there. What date are you having the meet up?”

Customer: “The 18th of this month. How much will it cost?”

Me: “Yes, I am free then. Cost will depend on how many hours you require me to be there, All your photos are included in the price and will be edited and placed on either USB or disk for you.”

Customer: “Um, I don’t know. A couple of hours or so.”

Me: “Okay, well, the best deal I can give you is $[total] for the first hour and $[other amount] for every half hour after that. The travel costs are included in the first hour.”

Customer: “Oh, I can’t afford that; I’m a bit broke at the moment.”

Me: That’s fine. Unfortunately, I cannot lower the price anymore. However, if you do change your mind let me know and I would be happy to schedule you in.

Customer: “Bummer, Do you have a camera I could just borrow for the day? I won’t wreck it or anything.”

Me: “I am sorry, but I cannot lend my equipment out.”

Customer: “I will be real careful; I could even give you a $20 bond.”

Me: “No, sorry. I am unable to do that, maybe you could ask a friend to borrow their camera.”

Customer: “Nah, they are broke, too.”

Me: “Okay, then. If you change your mind about scheduling in with me let me know. Have a nice day.” *bangs head on desk*

Thoughts Are Mega-lite

| Augusta, GA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I am working at a call center that handles cell phone services. One of our plans offers to let you add extra data for a certain amount of money.)

Me: *confirming* “So, you wanted to pay five dollars for 500 megabytes, right?”

Customer: “Right. And how many megabytes is that?”

Freely Bathing In Stupidity

| Hiram, GA, USA | At The Checkout, Extra Stupid, Money, Pets & Animals

(The pet store I work at sells coupon books for $20 that are meant for people who are planning to buy puppies or have just bought them. They greatly help with a lot of the up-front cost and include a sign-up for the customer to continue receiving coupons through their email. A customer comes up with a grooming slip to pay for her dog’s grooming. She is holding a puppy kit and reading it over.)

Me: “Hey, how are you today? Find everything okay?”

Customer: “Yeah. Hey, am I allowed to take this book thing home with me and decide later if I want to come back and buy it?”

Me: “Um, no, ma’am. You have to purchase merchandise before you are allowed to leave the store with it.”

Customer:” Oh… Well, I guess I don’t want it then. Maybe I’ll get it some other time.”

(She puts the puppy kit back with the ones at the register and places the grooming slip and a coupon on the counter. I notice the coupon is for $5 off the grooming. In the puppy kit, there is a coupon for a free puppy bath which is what is listed on the grooming slip. To try and save her some money, I decide to explain that to her.)

Customer: “Hmm… sounds good. I’ll take it.”

Me: “So you do want to get a puppy kit?”

Customer: “No.”

Me: *confused look* “Then what are you wanting to get, ma’am?”

Customer: “Just the free bath.”

Me: “Ma’am, the coupon for the free bath is in the puppy kit.”

Customer: “So, I’ll take the coupon. But I don’t think I want the kit today.”

Me: “Ma’am, unless you purchase the book I can’t just give you a free bath. It’s a coupon included in the puppy kit and you can’t use the coupons without buying it first.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, I don’t want the kit thing tonight.”

Me: “Okay. I’ll just run it through with the $5 coupon, then.”

Customer: “Yeah, that would be good. Since I can’t get the bath for free without the book, I’ll at least save something that way…”

Dairy Drama Queen

| Germany | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(I work part-time in the kitchen of a small bistro, where we sell homemade sandwiches amongst other things. We have lots of vegan options since it’s become very popular in our college town, and my boss makes sure all kitchen staff knows exactly what’s in the vegan foods if customers ask. This happens as I spend my day off sitting in the bistro next to the counter doing homework.)

Customer: “You rang up my veggie sandwich as 4€! It says 3.80€ on the tag.”

Server: “I’m sorry, ma’am, you said you wanted the vegan sandwich, not the veggie sandwich. The vegan is 4€. I can change it if you want.”

Customer: “No, I want vegan! Why is vegan more expensive? It has the same vegetables on it!”

Server: *being a new worker, she doesn’t know the entire selection yet* “[My Name]? Do you know why the vegan is more expensive?”

Me: *to the customer* “The vegetarian sandwich has a cream cheese spread from [Local Producer]. The vegan spread is actually made by our kitchen, with tofu instead of cream cheese, and different ingredients than the veggie one.”

Customer: “Hmpf! Well, you should make all your spreads yourself if you want to make sure they’re vegetarian!”

Me: “Ma’am, [Local Producer] ONLY makes vegetarian food. They’re well known for it. Also, if we made all the spreads ourselves, all of the sandwiches would be more expensive.”

Customer: “Whatever. I’ll take the vegan one. Wait! Is it lactose-free?! I’m lactose-intolerant.”

Me: “Vegan always means lactose-free. There’s absolutely no dairy in vegan food.”

Customer: “How would you know?!”

Me: “I work in the kitchen. I made the spread on the sandwich you’re buying. I know exactly what I put into it, and there was no dairy involved.”

Customer: “Well, you’re not at work now! How am I supposed to trust that?!”

No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 7

| Southampton, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Geography

(The shop is just about to close for the day when a customer comes in with a very minor issue, and while I am sorting the problem my colleague has closed the doors. The fix doesn’t take long, and I have just escorted the customer to the door to let him out when he appears to remember a separate issue:)

Customer: “Oh, yes, while I’m here I was wondering if you could take a look at this weird line that keeps showing up when I use my maps app. Now, where was it..?”

(He zooms right out on the maps so the whole world map is virtually visible.)

Customer: “Here we are, you see? Straight through Africa there”

Me: “Uh.. That’s the equator, sir. There’s not much I or anyone else can do about that, I’m afraid.”

Customer: “Well, it definitely wasn’t there before.”

Me: “I think it probably was…”

Related:
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 6
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 5
No Fortitude For Longitude, Part 4

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