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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 30

    | CT, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (I work for a cable services call center where sometimes customers call in thinking they’re talking to their local cable store.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I help you?”

    Customer: “I want my credit card back right now!”

    Me: *confused* “I… I’m sorry ma’am. What do you mean?”

    Customer: “You heard me! I gave you guys my credit card a week ago. I want it back right now or else I’m going to call the police!”

    Me: *still confused* “I’m terribly sorry, ma’am. I have absolutely no idea what you’re talking about. Could you please explain your situation to me so that I can better assist you?”

    (The customer goes on to explain this really bizarre story where she was walking to her local cable store to make a payment, but they were closed by the time she got there. She tore off the bottom portion of her billing statement, the part that you detach and mail along with a check payment, and put that in an envelope along with her credit card and a note that read, “please process payment and mail to forwarding address.” She then dropped that envelope into the drop box near the cable store entrance. This woman actually assumed someone at the store would process her payment and mail her credit card back to her, which didn’t happen. I am sitting in my chair silently dumbfounded for at least 10 seconds at the sheer stupidity of this customer.)

    Customer: “Hello? Are you there, sir?”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am. I apologize for the long pause. I’m sorry but you are actually speaking to the call center and not the store. Have you spoken to your bank yet regarding the issue?”

    Customer: “No! Because you guys have my credit card and I want it back!! Are you going to make me drive all the way to the store just to get my card back?”

    Me: “That’s actually unnecessary as they might not be able to help you anyway. For one thing, there’s a strong possibility your card has been stolen, and—”

    Customer: “What the f***! What am I suppose to do now?”

    Me: “The first thing you want to do is contact your bank to let them know your card has been stolen.”

    Customer: *in a sarcastic tone* “And why should I have to do your dirty work?”

    Me: *in a similar sarcastic tone* “Because we’re not the ones who put a credit card into a drop box intended for check payments only.”

    Customer: “Well, smarta**, how was I suppose to make my payment, then?”

    Me: “Ma’am, you do realize that you could’ve make your payment over the phone, right?”

    Customer: “Pfft, you expect me to trust one of your reps with my credit card information?”

    Me: “Considering you dropped your credit card into a drop box blindly trusting one of the store employees to return it back to you… YES!”

    Customer: “This is f***** ridiculous! Transfer me to the department that will cancel my service. I don’t want to do business with crooks!”

    Me: “Sure. One moment, please.”

    (I transferred the lady to the retention department where I explained to the rep the bizarre story. We had a good laugh at the woman’s expense. I would later receive an e-mail from the same rep stating the notations I left behind were e-mailed to everyone in her department and mine. Everyone was in agreement that I had the craziest customer service story in the entire company.)

    Related:
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 29
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 28
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 27
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 26
    This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 25

    Tech Support’s Biggest Fan

    | Los Angeles, CA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (I work in IT, supporting other employees at my company. I have received a ticket from one user complaining that his computer fan has completely jammed, and has stopped working entirely. As this is a pretty serious problem, I hurry over. When I get to his desk I see that his computer is on and the fan is running, although noisily.)

    Me: “Oh, your computer’s fan isn’t jammed. It’s just running with a little more difficulty than usual. It probably needs to be cleaned.”

    User: “What? How can you know that? You haven’t even opened up the computer to look.”

    Me: “Well, if your computer’s fan had really stopped working entirely, your computer might be on fire.”

    Totally Floored

    | USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I am hanging up clothes as a customer walks up to me.)

    Customer: “Hey, The elevators aren’t working, and the escalators aren’t working. How am I supposed to get down stairs?”

    (I am a little shocked at the question, but before I can answer:)

    Customer: “Never mind.” *walks away*

    (About an hour later, I walk down the non-working escalator to the first floor in order to take a break. I see the same customer making a purchase. I wonder if it took the guy an hour to figure out how to get downstairs.)

    This Is Spyro-ing Out Of Control

    | Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Family & Kids, Technology

    (I am flicking through some pre-owned games, minding my own business when a late 20s age looking woman speaks to me:)

    Customer: “Do you know where the Skylanders discs are?”

    (As much as I would like to work there, I don’t work there. I don’t have a uniform or anything that says I work there. I was most likely in a shirt with a game reference on it.)

    Me: “What, Skylanders discs? I don’t know what you are talking about.”

    Customer: “You’re a boy. You should know what they are. My little [Son] wants me to get him some characters for his game.”

    Me: “Um, Skylanders characters aren’t discs but toy figures, and I don’t work here.”

    Customer: “You are lying. Prove that Skylanders are toys.”

    (I take this woman over to the ‘Skylanders’ toys and give a random one to her.)

    Customer: “This is just a toy, not a disc.”

    Me: “Okay, you must have seen your son play the game. These are what you put on a pad thing to play the character.”

    Customer: “But then how do you explain how the game saves then?”

    Me: “Have you ever used wireless internet?”

    Customer: “Yes, why?”

    Me: “It is like that on a small scale, and only works with the toys. Now are you going buy one of the toys?”

    (The customer’s eyes shoot open.)

    Customer: “I don’t remember what ones he wanted.”

    A Sizeable Problem

    | CA, USA | Bad Behavior, Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a high-end retail store. It is very well known and we carry a lot of high end clothing brands. There are a few different types of sizing. It is incredibly busy and I have a ton of things in my hands. I have an injury so I shouldn’t be carrying this much.)

    Customer: “Hi. Can you help me?”

    Me: “One moment, please. My hands are completely full. I will be back in just one moment, though.”

    (I drop the merchandise in a dressing room and come back out and she blocks my way, speaking just two inches from my face.)

    Customer: “I need to try this on now! You have weird sizes and this is the only one my size!”

    (I look at the size and her and clearly she will not fit in the item.)

    Me: “Oh, this company runs very small. Can I grab another size for you? The four might be a little tight.”

    Customer: “No, I am a four.”

    Me: “If you usually wear a four dress size, you might still want to go up a couple of sizes. This brand runs very small.”

    Customer: “No. A four is extra large and I don’t think they make any bigger!”

    Me: “Oh, no. [Brand] is sized using dress sizes such as two, four, six, eight, ten. A four is the dress size.”

    Customer: “No, it is not.”

    Me: “Yes, ma’am, it is.”

    Customer: “No, you are wrong. It is one, two, three, four.  Four is extra large.”

    Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, I know that some companies do use that sizing and others use the dress size and many jeans are actually in inches. The shirt you have is [Brand] and they use dress sizes.”

    Customer: “No, they don’t. You have no idea what you are talking about! You are wrong! You are too young to know anything! You are wrong. A four is XL!”

    (I am 28 but I have been selling this brand since I was 14.)

    Me: “Okay. Go ahead and try the four.”

    (I walked away. The customer tried it on and then told us it is sized wrong.)

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