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    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Wireless, Clueless And Hopeless, Part 15

    | Sweden | Extra Stupid, Technology

    (The ISP I work for recently made a drive about their new modem. It is marketed as being the easiest wireless system on the market. Unfortunately, the system isn’t that great and I have received 27 calls that day alone about malfunctioning modems.)

    Me: “Hi, and welcome to [Company]. My name is [My Name]. How may I be of service?”

    Caller: “The s*** you guys sold to me a while back isn’t working.”

    Me: “That is very unfortunate, but thankfully I am here to help you. Name and address, please?

    (She tells me her name and address and I check her history.)

    Me: “It seems you have had our system for at least a month. Did it stop working just now?”

    Caller: “That’s right. I’ve had it for a month, but I only started using it this morning and it doesn’t work at all.”

    Me: “Then could you please tell me which lights are shining on the front of your modem?”

    (The most common mistake is that the customer hasn’t switched on the wifi on the modem.)

    Caller: “None, of course.”

    Me: “Not even the power light at the top?”

    Caller: “Should it?”

    Me: “Yes. Please verify that the power cable is plugged into the modem.”

    Caller: “What cable? Isn’t this supposed to be wireless?”

    Me: *awkward silence* “Well…”

    Caller: “What the f***? Are you telling me that your ads are straight-up lying to me?”

    Me: “What is meant by wireless is that you don’t need to connect your computer to the modem. Can you please attach your modem to the wall socket by the cable provided?”

    Caller: “Are you a f****** idiot? I threw away all cables! I mean, I thought you sent them by mistake!”

    Me: *somewhat taken aback* “And it didn’t occur to you that electronics run on electricity?”

    Caller: “I WANT A REFUND! YOU PEOPLE LIED TO ME!”

    Me: “You are on a contract that will last for another three years and since more than two weeks has passed since it was bought, you can’t.”

    Caller: “YOU F****** LYING PIECE OF GODD*** C***-S***!”

    Me: “But since you obviously are quite upset I will transfer you to the cancellation department so you may sort it out with them. Have a nice day.”

    (I transfer her call to our cancellation department. The last thing I hear is the queue voice going: ‘You are on place… one-hundred and… eighty… seven. Estimated waiting time is… two-hundred and… fifty… five minutes…’)

    Related:
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 14
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 13
    Wireless, Clueless, And Hopeless, Part 12

    You Have To Question Their Reasons

    | MI, USA | Bizarre, Extra Stupid

    (I work in a call center taking calls from subscribers to our web-based program.)

    Subscriber: “Hi. I was told to call.”

    Me: *thinking that he got an email or a voice mail* “Was the message from anyone in particular?”

    Subscriber: “It’s on the invoice. It told me to call.”

    (I pull up his account but there aren’t any notes from our administration/billing department or any other representatives, so I’m a little confused by this.)

    Me: “You received a note on your invoice to call us?”

    Subscriber: “Yes. It said to call if I had any questions.”

    Me: “And do you have any questions?”

    Subscriber: “No.”

    Me: “Okay, then… Have a great day!”

    Town Isn’t Big Enough For The Both Of Them

    | Sydney, NSW, Australia | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid

    (I have the same first name as another employee who works in another store in another location. The location names both start with B and end with ‘town.’)

    Me: “Hi. Can I help you?”

    Customer: “I am here to pick up my order. My name is [Customer].”

    Me: “Sorry, I don’t have anything to be picked up under that name. When did you order it?”

    Customer: “I rang on Thursday and spoke to you.”

    Me: “I’m sorry, but I wasn’t working on Thursday.”

    Customer: “Yes, you were. You gave me your name.”

    Me: “No, I wasn’t here.”

    Customer: “WELL, SOMEONE USED YOUR NAME, THEN! I KNOW I SPOKE TO YOU. YOU ARE LYING TO ME!”

    Me: *twigging* “Hold on. Just let me make a phone call to see if I can find your order.”

    Customer: “About time, too!”

    Me: *on phone, loudly* “Hi, this is [My Name] from [B***town] Store. Can I speak to [My Name], please?” *she answers* “Hi, this is [My Name]. By any chance do you have an order put aside for [Customer]? You do? Well she’s here at my store to pick it up.” *to the customer* “You placed your order with [My Name] at [Other B***town] store.”

    Customer: “No, I got the number from the catalogue.”

    (I show her the catalogue, pointing out the two locations and numbers, right next to each other. There’s no apology, just a demand for it to be sent to us because she needs it today.)

    Me: “Sorry, not possible. It can take two weeks to get to us. If you need it you have to go there to pick it up.”

    (The customer stomped away.)

    Get In Line Or Get Out

    | Duluth, MN, USA | Bad Behavior, Extra Stupid, Theme Of The Month

    (It is the Christmas season, when our store closes at midnight. A shopper is still shopping in toys at 12:15 when we approach her.)

    Me: “Ma’am, can I help you find something? We are closed now and need you to check out so we can go home.”

    Customer: “No, I’m just looking.”

    Me: “Well, then, we need you to check out. The store has been closed for 15 minutes.”

    Customer: “Well, there was a line up there!”

    Me: “So… uh… get in it?”

    Just Not Feeling Those Fees

    | The Philippines | Extra Stupid, Money, Wild & Unruly

    (I work in a call center industry in Manila, Philippines. We cater to customers in Europe; most likely in the United Kingdom. We handle an online site where they buy and sell some of their items. Normally, customers are being charged for advertising their items on the site depending on for how much they sold their item.)

    Me: “Thank you for calling [Online Site] customer support. You’re speaking with [My Name]. How can I help you today?

    Customer: *mad and loud voice* “Why the f*** am I being charged for listing my car on your website, when it says you have free listings today?”

    Me: “I do apologise for the inconvenience and misunderstanding regarding on the information you saw. Let me check what happened.”

    (I place the customer’s call on hold, and check on his listing.)

    Me: “Thank you for patiently waiting, [Customer]. Upon checking on your ad, you placed your car on sale in our site, and if you tried reading our notification before you place your advertisement online, it will show you how much you’ll be charged once the car was sold.”

    Customer: “What the f*** are you talking about? You said it was free listing day, I don’t understand. You f***ing mislead customers!”

    Me: “[Customer], let me walk you through in listing your items and I’ll show you the note at the bottom before you list your item online.”

    Customer: “Sure! I bet you’re f****** stupid and don’t know what you’re talking about. Go on and walk me through.”

    (As I walk him through, I show him where he can see the fees.)

    Me: “Now look at the bottom part of the page before clicking the button ‘save’ to advertise your item online; you’ll see that [Our Site] is excluded during Free Listing Days.”

    Customer: “Oh!” *seems ashamed, but still keeps shouting* “You should make that note larger! And you should know that the reason why I’m selling my car is that I don’t have any money! You stupid piece of s***! How can I have money if you’re going to charge me for this, huh?”

    Me: *still calm* “[Customer], I understand that you’d like to have the money in a whole amount. However, like what you saw when I walked you through, you will be charged no matter what happens.”

    Customer: *still shouting* “I won’t pay your d*** fees! I want to speak with your manager! You’re an idiot and I don’t wanna talk to you!”

    Me: “All right. Let me place your call on hold for a couple of minutes while I transfer you to my manager.”

    (I talk to my manager/supervisor and tell him what has happened. Then he takes the call)

    Manager: “Thank you for patiently waiting, [Customer]. My representative told me that you’re having concerns with your listing fees and he already explained what had happened. Is that correct? Can you explain more what happened?”

    Customer: *explains his issues for more than 10 minutes, over and over again*

    Manager: “I do apologise [Customer], but we only follow protocols that were given to us. And everything was clear that you will be charged for listing your call no matter what happens.”

    Customer: “Well, f*** you! F*** your rules! I will not pay you!”

    Manager: “If that’s the case, our collections department will be the one who’ll get in touch with you.”

    Customer: “F*** you! I’ll sue you! I’ll go to your place and kill you!” *click*

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