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  • August Theme Of The Month: Best. Customer. Ever!

    Category: Extra Stupid

    This site is full of Customers; their stupid and moronic exploits that make us laugh. But these gems contained within are for those special cases, the extra stupid, the ones that make you wonder how they have survived this long!

    Not So Closed Minded, Part 8

    | Sacramento, CA, USA | Crazy Requests, Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

    (I am the opening manager. Every morning my duties include powering on the lights, setting up the dining room, and putting our A-frame sign out on the sidewalk. Due to customers attempting to get in before we open, I always reserve these tasks for last. My boss could never understand why, until today…)

    Boss: “If you just get it done first thing, you don’t have to worry about it and you can get started on preparing the fresh food!”

    Me: “I’d advise against it… Can we at least leave the lights off to help discourage people from coming in?”

    (My boss agrees, but it’s clear he doesn’t see why I’m so hesitant to set up the dining area. He takes all the chairs down, and goes to put the sign out on the sidewalk despite the fact that we aren’t open for another hour and a half… and a customer immediately walks in behind him. It’s about 9:30 am.)

    Customer: “I want [hot meatball sandwich]!”

    Boss: “Unfortunately, we aren’t open yet, sir. You came in right behind me as I was putting our sign out.”

    Customer: “Then make me a [pizza]!”

    Boss: “Sir, we aren’t open yet. Our ovens aren’t even on. They take time to heat up, so right now I can’t cook you anything! Even if I could, I don’t have most of the ingredients prepared. If you want a salad, I can make an exception. Those aren’t hot and they don’t take long. But I can’t cook anything.”

    Customer: “What!? Why won’t you sell me a god-d*** pizza?! Your sign is out! Your lights are on! I demand you sell me a pizza!”

    (My boss and the customer went back and forth a few minutes longer, and eventually the customer leaves in a huff.)

    Me: “And THAT is EXACTLY why I don’t set up the dining room until just before we open!”

    (I was never again scolded for doing those tasks last!)

    Related:
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 7
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 6
    Not Very Closed Minded, Part 5

    Vacationing At The School Of Repetition

    , | UK | Extra Stupid, Hotels & Lodging, Money

    (The phone rings.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine, how may I help you.”

    Caller: “Yes, my credit card number is 574…”

    Me: “Excuse me, why are you giving me your credit card number?”

    Caller: “I’m paying my room bill.”

    Me: “Your… room bill? We don’t take any outside bookings for our teaching rooms…”

    Caller: “No, no, no, the room I was staying in.”

    Me: *realisation hitting* “Oh. I think you might have the wrong number, sir. This is the School of Medicine, part of [University].”

    Caller: “… you’re not the Hilton Hotel?”

    Me: “No, sir.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    (He hangs up. I put the receiver down, and I’m just about to turn to my colleagues and comment on the strange call I just received when the phone goes again.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine. How may I help you?”

    Caller: “Good afternoon. My credit card number is 574…”

    Me: “Um, sorry, sir, but you’ve dialled the wrong number again; you’re through to the School of Medicine.”

    Caller: “What? Are you sure?”

    Me: “Yes, sir, I’m sure.”

    Caller: “Oh.”

    (He hangs up again. I turn to my colleagues and manage to say ‘that was weird,’ when the phone goes again.)

    Me: “Good afternoon, School of Medicine.”

    Caller: “Oh, you’re joking!”

    Me: “Hello again, sir. No, you’re definitely ringing the wrong number.”

    Caller: “But it can’t be. I put the number in right the first time!”

    Me: “The first time? The first time you got through to me?”

    Caller: “Yes!”

    Me: “And did you try putting the number in again the other times?”

    Caller: “Well, of course not. That’s why I have redial on my phone!”

    (At this point, I have to look up, remove the phone from my ear and breathe deeply through my nose in order not to break into convulsions of laughter.)

    Me: “Sir, do you have something with the Hilton Hotel’s number on it?”

    Caller: “Yes, I have their booking confirmation.”

    Me: “Can you tell me the number?”

    Caller: “Yes, it’s 9079 XXXX.”

    Me: “I see the problem. Our number is 9097 XXXX. You need to hang up again and dial the correct number this time.”

    Caller: “Oh.” *click*

    (It took me nearly a minute after he hung up the final time before I managed to start telling my colleagues what had just happened.)

    Related:

    Laziness Is The Father Of Repetition

    The Sign Of A Bad Week

    | Winnipeg, MB, Canada | Extra Stupid, Health & Body

    (Two of the three doctors in our clinic are going on vacation for a week in the middle of summer. We have signs up for a month informing people when they will be away and make sure we tell everyone who calls the dates they will be away for. During the time they are away, there is a huge sign on the door stating the walk-in is closed, as well as a huge sign on the desk that we purposely place directly in the way so people will see it. I am also off for the week while my coworker remains at the office to do paperwork. The next week I return:)

    Me: “So, how many people pushed the sign on the desk out of the way to ask you to get in to see the doctor?”

    Coworker: “I lost count after 12.”

    Me: “When did you hit 12?”

    Coworker: *sigh* “Tuesday.”

    Sunday Funday

    | London, England, UK | Extra Stupid, Family & Kids

    Customer: “It’s a Sunday! You all shouldn’t be working; I feel so sorry for you.”

    Me: “I’d rather be home, but the shops stay open so we have to work.”

    Customer:  “Why don’t they just stay closed?”

    Me: “Well if people didn’t shop on Sundays, there would be no need for us to open.”

    Customer: “They should cancel all Sunday shopping so that you can be home with your family.”

    Me: “I’d sure love that! Maybe you should be home with yours, too?”

    Customer: “But my family is here! We’re all shopping together!”

    No ID, No Idea, Part 18

    | MN, USA | Extra Stupid, Money

    (We ask for ID when the credit or debit card purchase is over 15 dollars. This customer’s total is $97.94.)

    Me: “Perfect, red for credit or type in the pin if it’s a debit card.”

    (The customer selects credit.)

    Me: “All right. Can I see your ID, please?”

    Customer: “Why the h*** do you need to see that?”

    Me: “To verify that the card matches the purchaser, sir.”

    Customer: “That’s why credit cards exist,boy! So that I can purchase whatever I want without ID! That’s how the world works son, isn’t it?”

    Me: “Well, sir, how do I know it’s you and not somebody stealing your card?”

    Customer: “Because it’s me! Nobody stole my card, did they?! I’m the one buying this right now with this card!”

    Me: “I would have no idea of knowing that unless I saw your Identification…”

    (He then gave me his ID and was very pleasant for the rest of the transaction. But I guess I learned how the world worked?)

    Related:
    No ID, No Idea, Part 17
    No ID, No Idea, Part 16
    No ID, No Idea, Part 15

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